Undeniable Attraction
by LixiLovesWhitlock
Summary: Edward’s whole perspective changes after an impulsive kiss of his best friend. He’s not gay. So why does he keep picturing his best friend in compromising situations? JxE Slash AH
1. Open the Door

**Undeniable Attraction**

**Summary: Edward's whole perspective changes after an impulsive kiss of his best friend. He's not gay. So why does he keep picturing his best friend in compromising situations?****  
****JxE Slash AH**

So this is my first attempt at fanfiction, thank you for reading!  
All suggestions, help and comments are welcome. Hope you enjoy it!

(Thank you so much CajunMomma for editing this chapter!)

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 1  
**Open the Door**

**JPOV**

Oh, God, I can't believe I kissed him!

What the hell was I thinking?

_Fuck._

I'm now standing behind my closed door, almost panting, my heart beating wildly, and my eyes are now watery… Fuck! I NEVER cry! What the hell is wrong with me? How could I be so reckless, so impulsive?

I mean, I'm always the impulsive, tough, cocky bastard kind of guy, but not about him, NEVER about _him_. I slowly let my body slide along the door until I'm sitting on the floor, with my knees held tightly to my chest, silently sobbing.

I can hear him now, approaching the door, pacing in the hallway. I can almost see his hand running through his beautiful hair, his eyes closed, his breathing labored, desperately trying to figure out what happened.

He's been my best friend since Junior High; we've grown up together, always together. Best of friends, partners, accomplices, and we've been sharing an apartment for about 5 years from College to now in the real world.

I'm a detective here in New York at the young age of 23. Yeah, my charismatic skills and southern charm proved to be really good career boosters. Detective Jasper Whitlock. I'm a profiler, I just _know_ how these bastards minds work, what makes them tick. I'm a strategist, and yeah, I like to take part in the action too, and I'm damn good at it. Well, not that good lately.

Edward, my best friend, is a theater director. He started his company two years ago with some of his grandmother inheritance, and recently he's been having a lot of attention from the media, much to his dislike. He loves the fact that his company is doing so well, it's his passion; he's just more the quiet "working behind the lights" kind of guy.

I'm not gay. And I've really been thinking about this A LOT for the past year. I just fell in love with Edward. I've always had this theory, about everybody having this sort of bisexual part deep inside, stronger in some, weaker in others, but there nonetheless. Maybe that's why I didn't freak out that much when I found out I was in love with Edward. Yeah, not THAT much. I've felt attracted to a lot of girls, and few, but to some guys too. But I've never felt this way before about anyone.

I can't exactly place how or when it happened. We've known each other for so long, that we developed these subtle details in our close friendship. They just became natural. Like the back massages we would give each other every other weekend, me making breakfast Sunday mornings, him fixing my tie before work, they just became routine. I never read anything in them. It was just how we were, the bonds and trust between us.

One day, I noticed them.

How my neck tingles when he would push back a lock of hair behind my ear, how graceful he is pacing through the stage in the company rehearsals, how badly I looked forward to those back massages, how bad I wanted to touch him. Until I realized how deep I feel for him. I wanted to cry, I wanted to jump, I wanted to scream, but most of all, I just wanted to kiss him, the day I realized I love him.

I remember well one of those transitional days, from best friend to best friend _in love_.

_We just finished having dinner. Edward took the bottle of wine and our wineglasses to the living room and set the music while I cleaned up the table. I fell heavily into the couch with a big sigh while he filled our glasses. It had been a long week._

_"Hey, you seem so tired. Is everything OK at work?" He asked giving me my wineglass, his brow furrowed in concern. _

_"Yeah, it's just been a long week, you know? I feel like I could sleep the whole weekend!"_

_"Come here, I have a better idea." He smiled softly and extended his hand to me._

_I quickly complied because, really, I was dying for a massage, but was just too shy to actually ask for it. So I moved the center table and just laid face down on the soft carpet. I swear Edward is obsessed with interior design!!! Not that I'm complaining, really. I love what he's done with the apartment; it has this feel of intellectual, classic, home feeling. The small details are what really make it special, like that damn table he loves so much, his books, my old armchair by the window where I can read all day and this deliciously soft white carpet._

_The moment Edward's fingers touched my back, my eyes immediately closed. He's just so fucking good at it! But while Edward was working on my neck, I had this tingling sensation that ran through my whole body making me shiver._

_"Are you cold?" whispered Edward._

_Am I? "Just a little."_

_He continued down my back kneading all the knots with his slender fingers. When he arrived to my lower back though, suddenly everything seemed so hot! I felt his warm hands spreading the heat to both poles: first I felt it reaching my cheeks in what I assume was a very obvious and unusual blush, and then I felt it reaching my South Pole, in what was an unmistakable and very disturbing erection. _

_What the hell is happening to me?_

_Edward continued, completely oblivious to all these disturbing facts, and my breathing started to accelerate. His hands reached a little lower, to where the back ends and the buttocks begins - and this was not unusual in our massages, I mean, we trust each other, we're friends, and there's nothing to be afraid of- but I moaned! I actually moaned!_

_"What was that?" He asked amused. "Am I that good?" He asked teasing._

_I awkwardly laughed, while desperately trying to figure in my mind what the hell all these reactions mean. And suddenly, I was hyperaware of his scent, musky and sweet all around me, and his slow and deep breathing and the warmth of his hands against my body. And I wanted to feel those hands on other parts of my body as well, and I wanted to feel his breath over my face, and everything turned so confusing, because really, it was not the first time Edward was giving me a massage, but I have never had these responses and sudden urges before!_

_So I ran. I just stood up claiming I was too relaxed and wanted to jump in bed before I fell asleep. And with hurried thanks I left him there, in the floor, with a shocked and confused expression on his gorgeous face._

That was over a year ago. And I kept my mouth shut, because really, he's never treated me like more than his best friend. Yes, he would do all these gestures, but it really was just the way we were with each other. He's had some girlfriends in all these years together, and so did I, until the day I realized my feelings for him. He is sweet and caring and just great towards me, but just because he loves me as his best friend. I KNOW he's not gay, and I would NEVER compromise our friendship. Well, that's what I thought.

God! I really fucked this up.

I smash my head back into the door, one, two, tree times. How can this be undone? Can I turn time backwards, just a few minutes? Maybe five years? A lifetime? NO. I wouldn't change anything about my life, and Edward least of all. The best friendship anyone could ask for. He's such a great, caring, passionate soul. I could never find a better love. And I can't fucking believe all this is happening now, as if I haven't enough in my life right now!

Love. How completely those four letters change everything. One day I'm this clueless, happy guy, and the next one I'm hopeless and heartbroken. But the thing that makes me angry is that I WAS ok.

I decided a year ago to just be the hopelessly in love best friend. And I was content with my life. Accepting the little gifts of life in the shape of Edward's fingers kneading my back, the subtle brushes of our fingers when passing the salt, the glorious view of a shirtless Edward Sunday mornings, and the delicious cock hardening sound of Edward's moans over my food. Yeah, I was happy receiving anything life could give me. But I'm greedy, and I knew someday my body would shut down my mind and just try to get something more.

Well, _congratulations asshole_!

I've been denying myself for the last year. Never easy, but I made it ok, focusing on work: a great cover as to why I don't date anymore. I know Edward worries about me, thinking that I work too much, and that I don't take good care of myself. It's true. But the thing is, is better to distract myself with a lot of work, than spending my days moping around the house. And the last month has been crazy, trying to catch this James bastard.

So how do I fix this? I need to think straight, I need to focus. _Focus Jasper, fucking focus!_

"Jasper?" he softly knocks the door.

"Jasper, please, open the door. We need to talk."

_Fuck._

* * *

So that was the first taste. Did you like it? I have a lot of plans for these two. Hope you enjoyed it and please review!


	2. Think Rational

**Undeniable Attraction**

So this is my first attempt at fanfiction, thank you for reading!  
All suggestions, help and comments are welcome. Hope you enjoy it!

(Thank you **CajunMomma** for editing this chapter!)

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 2  
**Think Rational**

**EPOV**

Another day. The same routine as always: wake up at 7, running with Jasper, shower, breakfast (consisting of black coffee and hazelnuts), rehearsal from 10 to 5 or 7 in the afternoon, depending on how good it goes, dinner and goodnight. Always the same, with just small changes that makes each day different from the other, of course. Sometimes I have dinner with Jasper at home, or some date, or during play seasons I'm almost at the theater the whole day.

Lately, though, Jasper's been so involved in the James Case that I've been having dinner alone almost every night. I can't sleep so easily lately, I don't know exactly why. These have been stressful days, worrying about Jasper not coming home. He's been so tired, stressed and irritated with all his work, bringing the case home. Not an easy thing for anyone.

Jasper has been my best friend for almost 10 years. We've been living together for 5 years now. We're very different, but work well together, and we share a deep friendship. I really care about him. He's the tough cocky detective on the outside. No one messes with Jasper Whitlock. He took care of me from the beginning, protecting me from the school bullies and I helped him with his classes in exchange. He's very smart, but never really interested in school. But I know his other side, one that I'm almost certain no one else knows, and let me tell you, it's _beautiful_. I know it's strange for a man to say that another man is beautiful, but really, I just can't find a better word to describe it.

He makes breakfast on Sundays, my favorite day of the week, when we're again just Jasper and Edward, like in the old times. No work, no stress, no rehearsals and no James, just us, enjoying a movie, a good massage, or just a good chat after dinner, about everything, from politics to the latest book. And he can be so different with me. I like it; it means he trusts me enough to be just himself around me, no tough exterior.

He makes me laugh, takes care of me when I'm sick, gives a hell of a delicious back massage, and does these great details sometimes. Like surprising me with lunch at the rehearsals every other day, making dinner when he arrives home early, rescuing me from unwanted press conferences, or covering me with a blanket when I fall asleep on the couch.

He is the Best.

Lately though, he's been so immersed in this James case, it worries me so much. About 6 months ago, a girl was found dead in terrible conditions: marks of torture, blood play and rape. One of the most disturbing cases in years. Since then, two more girls had appeared, all in the same conditions. But last month, a girl named Alice was found barely alive, with the same marks, and in the same shameful state. They've been working with her, but she doesn't remember anything. She blocked it out. The only thing she remembers is his name: James. She's the only real clue to the case, but it's a struggle everyday now that she is conscious again. And Jasper, well, he's been a mess: trying to figure this out, desperately working to catch this guy before another girl is murdered, and now trying to protect Alice too.

I wish I could do something for him…

****

It's been a long day. It's 2 pm and I'm about to just drop the rehearsal; this isn't exactly a good day for my actors either. Gosh! I need to relax… Today is Thursday, maybe I can get reservations to that new bar downtown for Jasper and I, God knows he needs a good time too! I heard that the band there is good. Yeah, that's all we need: a good band, some beers and each other. We could really use a break from all the stress of the week.

"Whitlock."

"Hey, it's Edward. How're you doing?"

"Hey Ed, I'm fine. Tired as hell, but you know how it is."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Listen, I made reservations for this bar downtown, I know you need a break. Do you think you can get out early?"

"Ehh really? Sure, I think I can get it settled. Thanks Ed!"

"Great, so what about I pick you up from the station at 8?"

"Sounds great! So see you later?"

"Yeah! And don't stress too much, I wanna have a good time!"

"Sure, see ya!"

Great, so one more hour and I have enough time to eat and take a nap. Maybe I can finally rest a little!

***

I picked him up at 8 o'clock. What can I say? I like punctuality. I actually had to wait a little, about half an hour, but whatever, I know how seriously Jasper takes his work. He probably didn't notice the clock until I called him to tell him I was outside.

So now we're sitting in a red booth at the bar, the third round of beers, and really great music at the background. I like the bar. It has this relaxed-rock halo around it. Red booths, wooden tables, red and yellow lights and neon beer signs all over the walls. The band plays covers, and the singer is really good. So with a sip from my beer and _The Last High_ from The Dandy Warhols at the background, I turn to look at my friend.

He's resting his head in the backrest, his eyes closed, beer in hand and a lazy smile on his face. I love seeing him so relaxed. I reach out to put back a lock of blond hair that's falling over his eyes –as usual- and he opens his blue eyes.

"Hey, are you enjoying it?" I ask.

His smile widens until it reaches his eyes. "Yeah, thank you. You always seem to know exactly what I need."

He reaches out and puts his hand over my forearm. It spreads a warm sensation over my body. Jasper's always so warm. "I'm worried about you. You're working too much, is not healthy. You need to take care of yourself. I can't take care of you all the time." I smile.

He softly laughs. "I know, but you do a great job!" His expression suddenly changes to one of concern. "But this is a difficult case, you know. The things this guy does, it's evil. And I need to catch him Edward, it's my job, my responsibility. I don't want to ever find another girl in those conditions."

"Hey, I know you'll catch him. You're Detective Whitlock. You're the best! If anyone can do this job, it's you. It's just a matter of time. But if you get sick, then you wouldn't do a lot for those girls, would you?"

He smiles again. "Yeah, I know. I promise to back off a little. Is just, you know me. I get obsessed until I catch the bad guy. That's why you love me!" He winks.

I laugh at his teasing; he's back to himself again. I don't like seeing him stressed and tired. "Don't start that Jasper!" I playfully punch his arm. We both laugh at that.

So we continue talking about anything, my rehearsals, the new play season starting in August, and have a few more rounds of beers. And I love seeing that a little of the weight on his shoulders was lifted. It's almost 11 now, and we need to work tomorrow, so we pay the check and call a taxi to drive us home.

We step into the dark apartment, everything as usual. The empty hallway, with the small table for the keys, the living room at the right with my books spread everywhere, the dinning room with that table I love and the clean steel kitchen with its granite tops. I have to smile at that, we actually fought for that table…

See, I love antiques, and Jasper likes them too, to some degree. So we found it in a street antique market and I immediately loved it. But he had his doubts. When he saw the price, he just said "Absolutely not", but I loved it, and honestly, I've never been worried about money, so I bought it. He kept saying it was such a waste of money to buy something so old, just for snobs like me. And maybe it's true, but I don't care, I love it and it looks great in the apartment, specially combined with the modern chandelier above it. What can I say? My mother is an interior designer, I grew up with that, and have a deep love for beautiful things.

So we stay in the dark; just the city lights coming through the windows lighting the apartment. Jasper just drops himself on the couch, the beers starting to go to his head, I can tell. I go to the kitchen for a bottle of water that I'm sure I'll need in the morning. "Do you want anything? Water, coffee…" I ask from the kitchen, the refrigerator's light in my face.

"No, I'm ok. I think I'll just go to sleep." He said slowly standing up from the couch.

I go over to him, with the bottle of water in my hand. "Well, I had a great time, thanks for coming with me Jazz, I needed it too."

He softly smiles. "Yeah, I really liked it. Thank you so much Edward, for you, for your friendship, just for being there for me."

"I'm always here Jazz" and I just reach out and hug him. I don't know why, it just feels right at the moment. We stay there for a while, just enjoying each other's warmth, until I feel Jasper slightly turn his head, and now I can feel his hot breath on my neck. I stay still, my breath hitching a little when I feel him tightening almost imperceptibly his arms around me. He lifts his head until his mouth is almost at my ear, and I can feel his heartbeat accelerate. Mine is too, I think. He turns his head slightly, until his forehead is pressed against mine, and I feel his hot breath all over my face with slight traces of beer and my eyes close on their own volition. That is until I feel his lips against mine.

I abruptly open my eyes, and see his closed; his lips slowly moving against mine. And I can't move, I can't think. I just stay there, completely immobile, a million thoughts running through my mind: _What the hell is happening? Is he actually kissing me? He's so warm. He's my best friend, Jazz, I've known him forever. His lips are so soft. Is he gay and I never noticed? I want to feel his tongue._

_Really?????_

He abruptly opens his eyes, as if he were in a trance and suddenly wakes up. He looks at me with frightened eyes and slowly takes a step back, dropping his arms at his sides. I stupidly blink, still too lost in my own thoughts and sensations to just say something. I can see his hands curling and uncurling, and I just want to reach out and give him some comfort, to try and erase that frightened look from his face. But when I reach out for him, he jumps startled and now with a frantic look, looking everywhere but at me, he murmurs something along the lines of "I'm so sorry, I don't-" and he runs to his room with a loud bang from the door.

I just stay there, still immobile. _Well, great at reacting to stressful moments Edward!_ I slowly lift my hand and touch my lips, still tingly and warm from Jasper's. So what does this mean? Is he gay? Was it just the beers and the heart to heart moment? But aside from him, what does this means to me?

Did I like it? Well, I definitely didn't dislike it. It was weird and abrupt, but it didn't make me really uncomfortable. Would I like a repeat? Well, that's a whole different story, I mean; he's my best friend, Jazz. Everything is just so weird because I felt a lot of things that you're not supposed to feel when another man kisses you. I'm not gay; I like girls, I LOVE girls! Maybe is just the automatic response of the body, just something physical, yeah.

But the pressing matter is Jasper. I need to talk to him. We need to figure this out. He is my best friend, we live together! I won't let a stupid thing like this ruin that for us. I don't want this friendship to suddenly get awkward and uncomfortable. No. I like the way things are between us: familiar, trustful, relaxed, _loving_. Shit. Now that I think about it, we have a lot of things in our routine that could get really awkward if we don't work this out, like our massages, Sunday breakfasts, dinners… We NEED to talk; I don't want anything to change.

I walk into the hallway, reaching his door; I can hear him quietly sobbing. Fuck! I don't want to ever hear that again. It breaks my heart. Of course I love him, he's my friend. I hate to see him hurt. I start pacing through the hallway, absently running my hand through my hair. How can I fix this? What can I say? I need to think about it first, I don't want to fuck this up.

So, what if he says he's gay? Would that change anything? Well, it would take some time to get used to the idea. If he kissed me it means that at least he's attracted to me. But he's still Jazz, it doesn't change his person, his nature, the things I like and dislike about him. Can I keep my close friendship to him knowing he's somewhat attracted to me? Of course I can. What would be the difference? I'm sure if I explain to him that I'm not attracted to him that way, he'll respect that. And we can get back to our routine, yes. What about the physical contact? Well, if we've been having it and I never noticed anything, it means he can control himself around me and be the perfect gentleman, he's always been. Yeah, maybe it really was just the beers and the sentimental moment, the stress of his work. Maybe we're just worrying over nothing!

Yes, I'm ready. No matter what he says, I won't let our friendship be lost or changed. I won't let us grow apart over something stupid. We'll figure this out, as we always do, together. So before I lose my mind thinking everything again, I stop pacing and softly knock his door. "Jasper?" I hear him suddenly get silent. "Jasper, please, open the door. We need to talk."

I leave my hand supported on the wall beside the door slightly curled, my other hand still messing with my hair, praying that he opens his door and we can talk this out tonight instead of let the snowball grow bigger. I hear him shuffle inside his room, and then the lock click.

He opens the door, and I have a perfect view of his red puffy eyes still not looking at me and his perfect face contorted in what I think is shame and pain. And my heart constricts in my chest. I don't want to see him like this ever again.

* * *

It's good to have both sides of the spectrum. Edward is a lot more rational than Jasper, but he's feeling things too… I think.


	3. Don't be Delusional

**Undeniable Attraction**

**Summary: Edward's whole perspective changes after an impulsive kiss of his best friend. He's not gay. So why does he keep picturing his best friend in compromising situations?  
JxE Slash AH**

Thank you so much to all of you who took the time to review. And all of you who added me to your Favorites and Alerts, just wow! I feel great knowing that you're enjoying this as much as I am!

So yes. I couldn't resist, and here's chapter three. I won't complain. Ideas are swirling around my head and I can't wait to put them on paper, so I'll keep it up as long as it lasts.

**A very special mention to ****dannie7786 for being my first reviewer!  
**And special thanks too to **XCullenloveX** and **sunystone** for being in the first three!  
Thank you!!! I hope you like this chapter!

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 3

**Don't Be Delusional **

**JPOV**

I stay there in my bedroom's doorway, looking everywhere but Edward. I can feel his intense gaze, probably scrutinizing my puffy eyes, and I start to squirm under it. The silence between us is deafening. Why he isn't talking? What will he say? Will he gently ask me to get the fuck out of his life? Will he HIT me??? I don't think Edward is capable of doing something like that, but what do I know? This is definitely not a comfortable situation.

So when he reaches out and gently wipes a tear from my cheek with his thumb, it completely takes me aback. I slowly lift my eyes, and I'm met with his beautiful face, his brow furrowed in deep concern, and his green eyes suddenly seem so pained. I don't like it. And I hate myself a little more, because I put that expression in his face. Everything was perfect between us two hours ago, laughing, teasing, talking, just having a good time, hanging out together. Yeah, I fucked this up big time, and I don't have the slightest clue as how to fix it.

Again he reaches out for me, and silently takes my hand, pulling me across the hallway. I'm so surprised at his actions, I mean, this is absolutely nothing as I imagined any straight man reacting to a kiss from another guy. So I silently and more than a little dumbfounded, comply. He leads me to the couch, and sits me down. He turns the light on in his way to the kitchen, and I absently hear him searching trough the cupboards. He comes back with a bottle of wine and two wineglasses and set them on the small table in front of the couch. I arch an eyebrow to him.

"I thought we need to be relaxed so we can really talk this out." He mumbles while filling the glasses knelt on the floor.

"Uh…" My voice is so rough from crying, I need to clear my throat. "Yeah, yeah, sounds good…"

So he wants to talk about this. _Really?_ What can I say? "I'm sorry Edward, I know we're just friends, but I've been in love with you for almost a year"? I don't fucking think so. He startles me nudging my arm with his outstretched hand offering me my glass. I slowly take it, watching him warily. What does he expect from me? The moment the glass is in my hand though, I immediately drink it to the bottom in one long gulp. Yeah, I'll really need it if we're really going to talk about this.

He smiles a little and stretches his hand again asking me for my glass to refill it. With all settled, he stands from the floor and perches himself in the other edge of the couch with his right leg underneath him, facing me. He stares at the filled wineglass in his left hand and with a quick look at me through his lashes he suddenly blunts "So, are you gay?"

_What the fuck!_

I think this is just too much for the gentleman I've always known him to be. What happened with beating around the bushes? I just blink, trying to come up with an accurate answer.

"Uh, not exactly…" breathe Jasper, just breathe and say it.

"I think I might be bisexual?" I look at him, and somehow managed to make my last statement a question. Fucking great Jasper!

"Hmm…" that's all he says, and seems to ponder this piece of information over his head… I might as well, say everything already. He seems to be taking everything really well, and what's the worst that could happen? I was already anticipating him punching me in the face and yelling at me to fucking get out of his place. Nothing can be worse than that, and the time for that is long passed now… I think. But what true should I say? Tell him just everything, let it all out there, my heart there over the table for him to be able to squash it a little easier? It doesn't seem like the smartest thing to do. Maybe I can tell him like a shorter version. No one wants to hear the other's people suffering over them. Yeah, I could tell him the true, but not say to what extend I'm obsessed over him, I could make it lighter.

So I take a particularly deep breath, running my fingers though my hair a few times –something I picked up from him, of course- and with a big sigh, I prepare myself to give the most important speech of my fucking life.

"I always thought that everyone has this bisexual part deep inside us, even when we try to deny it. I've never been particularly interested in guys, but I've felt the attraction to one or two over my life, not really a big deal, and I've always felt more comfortable with girls." Yeah, all true. He's now looking at me almost with greedy interest, trying to figure me out, I suppose. "You might be asking yourself how you missed this in all our years together, well, there you go. It was never that big deal for me. I've never dated any guy and pretty much kept it just like a platonic thing." I shrug. Well, here comes nothing. Just be careful and cool Jasper.

"A few months ago" Yeah, the word _year_ might freak him out. "I think, I started to feel somewhat… attracted to you." Ja! The understatement of the YEAR!!! "You know, I suppose the daily interaction and our deep friendship having a lot to do with that." I shyly risk a look over him to find him with this almost cute expression over his face; I fight back the urge to smile, is really not the moment for that. He has his head slightly to the side, his eyebrow furrowed, his lips pursed and his eyes slightly narrowed. He seems to be lost in thought. Not that I blame him. This is A LOT to think about.

"Are you uncomfortable around me?" He accurately asks. How can he keep his mind cool enough to think everything rationally, I'll never know, but am really thankful for it.

"Not really. In fact, I never said anything because I didn't want our friendship to change. I like the way we are around each other, and I thought that if I said something, things could get awkward between us." That is perfectly true.

He smiles softly, the concerned look on his face slowly melting down. "That's exactly why I wanted to talk about it now. I don't want anything to change either. You're my best friend, and you know how I need the comfort and familiarity around me. You're an essential part of my life Jasper, and I don't want this to get awkward." He lightly reaches out and ruffles my hair, smiling. I softly laugh, breathing a sigh of relief, this is much better than I could ever ask for.

But I need to ask "So, aren't you uncomfortable with this information?"

He sighs. "Well, it definitely takes me by surprise, I won't lie to you." I'll save that pang of guilt for later… "But I had a little time to think about this back there, and I thought, well, you're still Jasper, my best friend. Nothing there has changed, really. I'm discovering a new part of yourself, and I like that I know you better than any other person." We both smile at that. "I don't know exactly how long you've been feeling this way about me," _please don't go there, please don't go there_ "but you've never made me feel uncomfortable or anything like that, so if you're not uncomfortable with this situation either, I don't want anything to change between us." He chuckles a little. "I have to say, you even boost my ego a little" he says almost laughing now.

This is a fucking joke right???

I throw him a cushion while my unusual blush makes a revengeful appearance over my face. "Fuck off!"

But he just laughs harder throwing his head back. "What? Can't I feel complimented?" And I really have to laugh at that. Fucking Edward, figures! But just like that, we're ok. Everything's back to normal. We're Edward and Jasper, best friends. But this time, I feel like a whole weight was lifted from my shoulders. He actually _knows_ I like him, he knows I feel for him more than friendship. Maybe he doesn't exactly know the depth of those feelings, but he has a very accurate idea, and he's still here. He didn't run, he didn't yell at me, he didn't kick me out of his life. He's still here, _I'm_ still here, with him. And I don't have to hide myself anymore, worrying about him discovering my attraction for him, the way I look at him, the conspicuous way I smell him whenever he's near me, the way I just want to make him happy. This might sound so stupid, but maybe that impulsive kiss is the best thing that could ever happen to me! And with that thought a real, relaxed and honest smile breaks through my face, the first one in a very long time.

***

Sleep didn't come as easy as I thought. I have a lot to think about. I still can't believe everything went so well. I imagined that in my head a thousand times through this year, the moment Edward found out my feelings for him. And it never went so well in my head. My versions went from a sudden angry punch in the face, to a yelling Edward telling me how I lied to him, to my stuff been thrown out of the apartment. I never, in my wildest dreams, thought we could keep our routine intact after an impulsive kiss on my part.

I have to smile at that. I would've never done that in my five senses, but God! I kissed him! It was not as I've imagined that either. He never really responded it. But I can't help my fingers to keep touching my lips over and over again. Now that we're passed the drama, I can finally reconcile the fact that for an instant, my lips where on him. I can still feel his breath on my face, his strong arms around me, his warm hands on my back. I felt his heartbeat suddenly increase its speed, I felt the shivers running through his spine. I'm almost sure all those were signs of shock and surprise to my actions, but I can dream…

I hope everything really stays the same. I know he has the best intentions, but I don't want to hope too much. Things might still prove to be too much for him. He still might react badly to some of my daily actions now that he knows the reasons behind them. What if he doesn't want to be shirtless around the house anymore? What if he doesn't want to have lunch with me? What if he doesn't like me to keep giving him massages, or to watch over him while he's sick? Not only would he been taking my favorite things about us away from me, but he wouldn't be really comfortable around me anymore. He would start to keep things from me, and we would start to grow apart until suddenly one day, we're strangers that used to be friends!

Stop that Jasper, right there!!!

God! I can't believe how much of an apprehensive jackass I can be sometimes! I have to trust him. We will work this together. Yeah, maybe it gets a little weird at the beginning, but we have to work together and find our routine again. If he wants it, I won't let our friendship be damned either. I can be cool.

This is an opportunity to be really honest with him. I still feel a little guilty for keeping things from him. But I really think it was for the best. No need to worry him about my love sufferings. And at least he knows now that I feel more than friendship towards him. I'll have to relax a little and let things happen. Back off. Not my speciality, but I'll have to work on that. I'll give him space, let him set the pace and, as usual, accept anything he'll give me.

I go back to our conversation in my head. I really have the best friend anyone could ask for. He was so understanding, so open. I never saw a flicker of disgust or rejection. And after his smartass comment about my attraction to him, the tension immediately left the room. We even talked about my theory about sexual preferences after that. And later, we stayed laughing and talking for about an hour.

Thinking about that, I turn to watch my alarmclock on the nightstand. Shit! It's 3:25 in the morning, and I still have to work tomorrow! Definitely not the best day for all of this! So with a last touch to my lips, I go to sleep with a soft smile over my face.

***

7:00 am. Another day. I must say the first one. We'll see how everything goes with Edward. I reluctantly get out of my comfy bed; I'll really have to catch up some sleep tomorrow. I take my shorts, my t-shirt, boxers, socks and tennis and make my way to the bathroom. 10 Minutes later I'm ready to get on the track. I stop at Edward's door and knock.

No response. Won't he come with me? We always run in the mornings. Maybe he just overslept. I knock again. _Silence_. Is it starting? With a disappointed heart I turn around and leave the hallway. I need to get the fuck out of here and get my frustrations out on the track. The apartment is suddenly suffocating.

I open the door and close it with a loud bang. How could I be so IDIOT! Of course he wouldn't be so understanding! After a good sleep he suddenly realizes what really happened and he doesn't want anything to do with me! I start to run downstairs. My chest is constricting, my breathing hitches, my eyes are blurring. What will I do without him??? Not only was I already condemned to a hopeless unreturned love, but now he wants nothing to do with me. I lost my best friend.

I feel my cellphone vibrating in my pocket and I have to stop at the second floor. "Whitlock." I say forcefully.

"Hey! Why didn't you wait for me?"

"Edward?"

"Yeah! I just heard the door closed and you were out, why didn't you wait for me?" he repeats again.

"Uh" Great moment for my brain to stop working! "I knocked your door, and you didn't answered, so I assumed-"

"What? That I didn't want to come? You can be so silly sometimes Jazz, I was in the kitchen making you a coffee," his voice gets softer. "I assumed you would need it, after the late night yesterday."

I'm so stupid, but this time I smile. "Yeah, really stupid. I'm sorry Ed, I'm coming back."

"'Kay, don't take too long." I can hear his smile over the phone too.

A really apprehensive jackass. I can't keep doubting him, if he said everything's fine between us, then everything is fine. Making me a coffee! With a smile that threatens to break my face in two, I take two steps at a time and in an instant am in front of our door. _Our_ door, _our_ home, nothing's gonna change that.

He's waiting me in the kitchen, mug in hand and a dazzling smile over his face. God, he is so beautiful! I take an instant to take in all of him. Fair skin, soft bronze hair, sparkling green eyes, dazzling smile, broad shoulders, built but lean physic… God, I love him! I hope he didn't notice my quick assessment. I smile back at him a small shameful blush over my face… _I was so stupid_. He gives me my mug and hugs me. It completely takes me by surprise. I mean, yeah, we're comfortable around each other, but a hug? Really? I relax in his arms and hug him back, enjoying his warmth, his delicious smell. He softly whispers in my ear "I told you we were fine." I just smile and give him a squeeze. Yeah, we're ok.

We come back from our running, and after a quick shower I go to the kitchen to get little more coffee, I'll definitely need a lot of it today.

"Jazz, did you see my car keys? I can't find them any…"

Well, now I'm just fucking delusional. One thing is the FRIENDLY hug and reassurances, but I sure as hell didn't see his eyes darken when he looked at me without my shirt on.

* * *

Jajaja, let's the fun begin! I'll have a great time messing up with Edward's head… and I think Jasper will enjoy it too!

So, teaser for reviewers! Thank you for reading!


	4. Keep Quiet

**Undeniable Attraction**

**Summary: Edward's whole perspective changes after an impulsive kiss of his best friend. He's not gay. So why does he keep picturing his best friend in compromising situations?  
JxE Slash AH**

Well, I'm really exited and nervous about this chapter, please tell me what you think!

Remember this story is rated **M**,  
so if you're underage or are uncomfortable with this themes, please stop reading…  
this is just the beginning.  
Hope you enjoy it!

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 4

**Keep quiet**

**EPOV**

Wow. The conversation with Jasper proved to be really interesting. For one thing, our friendship got out intact after all that happened tonight. And some of the things Jasper told me really got into my mind.

His theory, for example. He sounded completely convinced about it, and after getting the tension out of the way, we could really discuss it more deeply. Was I ever attracted to someone of the same sex before? Not that I can remember. I have to say though, that I never really paid close attention to males in the past. Really, why would I? So I couldn't be completely sure if I could be attracted to a guy. What about Jasper? I can tell he is attractive. I'm not blind. His white skin with that light tan he always has, his deep blue eyes with small darker sparkles, his soft slightly plump lips, his honey blond curls, his great body… I shake my head a little… that's beside the point.

Maybe I've never let myself think about men too. Could it be possible that if I open my mind and my eyes a little, I might like them too? Could Jasper's theory be true? I'm definitely not gay, but again, Jasper isn't either. I've never had a narrow mind, I'm perfectly capable of accepting new things. I deeply respect everyone's way of life, and I deeply respect Jasper's judgment. He's really smart and has a very particular way of seeing life. That's one of the things I like better about him; he always gives me a different perspective of things.

So could it be possible? Could we all have a bisexual part inside us? It really makes sense the more I think about it. Women seem to be more in contact with this part of them. They can easily accept the beauty of another woman, most of them have close contact friendships, and a lot of them don't seem to mind to experiment a little between them. Maybe the whole one sex preference is more a cultural than a biological thing. I sure as hell reacted physically to Jasper's kiss, does that make me gay? I don't think so.

Well, I think I'll open my eyes from now on. I'm not sure if I want his theory to be real, I think I'm a little scared of what I can find out, but I'm definitely a lot more curious about it. _Curiosity killed the cat_ my mind whispers while I fall into a deep sleep…

***

I woke up early after an interesting dream. I dreamt about the kiss. Just that this time, I kissed him back. He moved his head slightly to the side, and his closed lips made contact with my neck, right at my pulsepoint. This time my arms were the ones that hold on tighter around him while I closed my eyes. He made a slow path from my neck up to my left ear, sending shivers all through my body. He spoke with a low husky whisper something I didn't understand, and moving my head until we were face to face, I answered against his lips. The moment he crashed his lips to mine, my fingers intertwined with his hair and his fingers dug in my lower back, pulling me closer. I could feel his hot breath over my face, while my hands traveled to his neck and his broad shoulders with a mind of their own. I had a sudden urge to feel all of him. I felt his hot wet tongue tracing my lips… and woke up with a loud gasp and a very painful morning wood. My mind is playing me tricks.

It's perfectly normal for a healthy young man to wake up with a morning wood. It has nothing to do with the dream. _Yeah, right._ And of course I dreamt about Jasper because of all that happened last night. My brain needed to cope with that. That's all.

I went to the bathroom ant took care of business. It was still early, but almost time to our morning running anyway, so I decided to make coffee, it had been a very long night. I didn't want to think too much of my dream and my body reactions to it. I decided yesterday I would let myself be, and have what my body _wants_. I won't think too much about it. I've always been the rational one, for the first time in my life I want to let myself be free.

I suddenly heard the door close with a loud bang, waking me up from my muses and making me almost spill my coffee all over my t-shirt. _What the hell?_ "Jasper?" I call out loud.

After been greeted with silence and looking for him in his bedroom, I see that he's gone. _He fucking left me_. I reach for the phone and dial his number.

"Whitlock." He answers roughly.

"Hey! Why didn't you wait for me?" I said a little annoyed.

"Edward?" Who were you expecting?

"Yeah! I just heard the door closed and you were out, why didn't you wait for me?"

"Uh…I knocked your door, and you didn't answered, so I assumed-"

"What? That I didn't want to come? You can be so silly sometimes Jazz," did I said that out loud? "I was in the kitchen making you a coffee; I assumed you would need it, after the late night yesterday..." Now I'm rambling…

"Yeah, really stupid. I'm sorry Ed, I'm coming back." I can hear he's smiling now, so my smile appears on its own.

"'Kay, don't take too long."

He thought I didn't want to run with him. That I slept it and regretted everything I said last night. I need him to believe me. Nothing will change between us, not if I can help it. I can hear him at the door and in an instant he appears in the kitchen. I can't help my smile at the look of him. His eyes are so shinny… was he crying? I hope not. Great! I made him cry two times in less than twenty four hours, what a best friend! Well, not that any of them were really my fault…

I offer him the mug I had in my hand and without thinking, I reach out and engulf him in a hug. Suddenly it seems like the natural thing to do, to be so near him… He tenses a little at the gesture, and suddenly I reconsider if maybe it is too much for him, to be so near me. I don't want to stop our close relationship, but if it seemed too difficult for him I would. I'm about to step back until I feel him relaxing in my arms hugging me back, taking a deep breathe of me. I like it. It makes me feel… _wanted_. And I discover I like his smell too. I get near his ear, my lips almost brushing against him "I told you we were fine." I want to reassure him, to tell him over and over again that nothing has changed, that I want to be with him just as I wanted before… _maybe more_.

I shake those thoughts and just let myself enjoy his warmth…

After a needed bath, I dress myself casually. I'll have rehearsal all day _as usual_, so I pick some khakis, a black t-shirt and my favorite denim jacket. I'm about to leave, but I check my pockets and no keys, _as usual_. Is stupid to be so rational and meticulous about almost everything in my life, and always be losing my keys. I check the pockets of yesterday's pants, under the bed, under the couch… nothing. I hear Jasper moving around the kitchen, probably refilling his mug, I swear he drinks too much coffee…

"Jazz, did you see my car keys? I can't find them any…"

Oh. My. God. I NEVER saw him like this before. I mean, yes, I've seen him shirtless plenty of times but, I don't know, maybe I've never noticed before…

Suddenly is so hot in here! I can feel a warm tingling sensation in the pit of my stomach that I never felt before looking at him. I clear my throat and make a herculean effort to look everywhere else but the soft blond curls that start on his hard and _very_ well defined lower abdomen. "I can't find them anywhere." I return my gaze to his face, to see a very amused Jasper looking at me. "Where are you looking?" He asks looking at his own abdomen. Oh my god, did he catch me looking at him _like that_? "…for the keys, I mean." He finishes with a bright smile, looking directly at me. Of course he did! I turn my back to him and make the move of keep lifting cushions and moving the center table… anything just to keep him from seeing the blush that surely is all over my face. I can't believe I ogled him like that!

"Never mind, I'll find them." And make a run for my bedroom, just that when I turn around Jasper is there, in all his shirtless glory, covering my path. "It's ok…" It's ok to ogle him? That's what he's talking about?" "Look, here they are!" I lift my gaze and see him looking somewhere to my right. Turning around I see them under a chair. "Oh…" I make my way over them, cursing under my breath. Fucking keys, you're the only ones to blame for the most embarrassing moment of my life.

"Well, see you tonight Ed!" He happily says while making his way to his room.

I take a moment sitting there on the floor to think about what just happened. I never, EVER, in all our years together reacted like that to a shirtless Jasper. Five years living together, of course we'd seen each other seminaked plenty of times. But I think I've never _really saw_ him before. His perfectly defined chest, the small buds of his nipples, his broad muscular shoulders, and those perfectly chiseled abs… Being a cop really has its benefits… Oh my God! What am I talking about! He's Jasper, my best friend, my best MALE friend! I can't believe I've just ogled his nipples!!!

This is too much right now. I stand up, grab my keys, my portfolio and make a run to my car. I need to get the hell out of here.

***

It's almost 8 already, and I'm still at the theater. I don't really have that much work, I think I'm just a little scared of going to the apartment. I don't know what my next body response will be when I see Jasper, I don't know how to talk to him after what happened this morning, and I don't know why I have this almost painful urge of going to the apartment and see him. Yeah, I can admit it, I'm scared.

I think I'll have dinner outside. It'll give me a distraction and a little time for myself. And yeah, it'll keep me out of the apartment for a few more hours as well. I grab my phone and make a reservation to my favorite Italian restaurant. Yeah, food indulgence, now I'm acting like a girl. What's next, a manicure? Whatever, I think, rolling my eyes at myself.

I arrive at the restaurant and order my food. Sipping on my wine my mind wanders one more time on everything that's happened. I decided I was going to accept whatever would happen, I was going to let myself be free. So why am I suddenly THAT scared?

What if I really like guys? I look around the restaurant, _really looking_ at everyone. I find two beautiful girls sitting together and I can tell I'm attracted. The guys… not really. I can see a man about two tables to my right who seems to be good looking. High cheeks, strong jaw, deep black eyes under incredibly well designed brows, straight nose, his black hair in perfect contrast to his slightly tanned skin, and a perfectly tailored suit, an air of aristocratic arrogance all around him. I can see three of the women sitting at the tables near him eyeing him conspicuously from time to time, but for me, absolutely nothing. Maybe I _don't_ like guys. But what about Jasper?

My vibrating pocket disturbs my musings. _Saved by the bell_. It's a text from Jasper.

_Aren't you coming home? –J_

A sudden rush of guilt permeates my body. He's waiting for me, and I'm hidden in a restaurant thinking about him, anyway.

_Later, I'm having dinner, too much work. –E_

LIAR.

_Oh. Sorry to hear that. I'm heading to sleep. Good night. –J_

I can almost feel his disappointment through the text. Stop being such a pussy Edward, you're hurting him!

_Yeah. Dinner tomorrow? –E_

I anxiously wait for his response. The waiter arrives with my dinner; lasagna, how original, I know, but I don't care, is one of my favorites.

_Sounds perfect. See you tomorrow. –J_

I smile, _perfect_.

_Sweet dreams, Jazz. –E_

I eat the rest of my dinner with a stupid smile on my face. It's silly how a word or a tone of voice can change our mood in an instant. We're so synchronized, we have this deep connection that just gets stronger with each passing day, it's comforting, beautiful…and scary. What if we ever grow apart? What if I scare him away with my swinging moods and my fears? I would never be the same. I would never find anyone like him. He knows me so well. He knows exactly when to come and talk to me and when to leave me alone with my swirling thoughts. He knows when to comfort me and when to hit me in the back of the head. He knows what to say to make me laugh and what to say to make me cry. He's perfect for me… God! Why does this kind of thoughts keep popping into my head? I have to admit though, that the uncomfortable part of them doesn't make them any less true.

After my deliciously orgasmic tiramisu for dessert, I pay the check and head home. I swear that must be the best tiramisu of the city. Definitely my favorite dessert. The taste, the soft feel, it's almost erotic against my tongue… Am I horny?

Suddenly I can't wait to arrive home. I almost hope Jasper's still awake. Maybe we'll have at least a little time to make small talk, I just want to see him and hear his voice. If I'm lucky, he'll be in the living room, sitting in his beloved armchair reading his latest book with a glass of wine or a coffee. I'll serve myself a glass and we will talk about his book and every other thing that cross our minds, I decide with a smile.

But when I arrive at the building, I can see from the parking lot our apartment in perfect darkness, and my face fell. I really wanted to see him… But then, it was ME the one who wanted dinner outside, _alone_. Whatever, I'll see him tomorrow.

I slowly make my way over the stairs to our fifth floor apartment and silently open the door. I don't want to disturb him, he's had so little sleep lately. So I keep the keys on my pocket instead of leaving them on the small table and very carefully, I close the door. I walk through the hallway directly to my room, until something stops me death in my tracks. A loud noise.

More specifically, a loud throaty _moan_. A moan that goes straight to my lower half.

I turn around with wide ayes and see that Jasper's door is cracked open. My heart starts to beat forcefully, and I take one step towards it. I really shouldn't do this, _I know_, but my body seems to take complete control over my mind. I take another step, and my breathing is accelerating too. Step three and I'm directly in front of his door, my pants straining uncomfortably in response to the loud noises coming from Jasper's room. What if he's not alone? An unknown uncomfortably feeling tightens in my stomach. But I _know_ he's alone. I only hear one voice, one breathing, one husky tone in the pants and groans. My trembling hand lifts slowly to his door and softly pushes opening it a little more, so now I have a better view of his bedroom. My eyes need to adjust a little, but now I can distinguish every part of his bedroom. I see the moonlight coming from his opened windows at my right, lighting everything with its silver glow. I can't see the doors of his closet or his bathroom to the left, where I know they are, but I don't care about it when my eyes stop right in front of me, to the perfect sight of a completely naked Jasper with his legs slightly bend at the knees and wide opened. A gasp catches in my throat at the sight of his glistening member tightly surrounded by his hand, and I'm thankful for his loud noises, or I would have A LOT to explain right now.

I close my eyes for a second taking very deep breaths, in a desperate attempt to clear my mind enough to make my way to my room, _this is wrong in so many levels_, but I open them again to find that I'm completely immobile.

I watch in morbid fascination the way his hard trimmed muscles all over his abdomen and legs relax and contract rhythmically, moving his hips towards his hand, the way his hand moves masterfully in different rhythms over his hard member, faster and slower, periodically. I watch his cock, so hard and thick and so _big_ glistening, almost sparkling in the moonlight, and my mouth waters. I watch his hand stroking his hard shaft painfully slowly, as if showing it to me, running from the base up, constricting his fingers just below the tip and running his palm and thumb over the head. I see his left hand sneaking lower to grab his sack, softly pulling and caressing it, and I bite my lip trying to keep at bay the loud groan trying to make its way out.

I find my own hand making its way down over my covered cock, I palm it through my clothes, closing my eyes for an instant, and have to hold onto the doorframe to keep standing.

"Oh, Edward!"

I jerk my head to look at Jasper, dread like a cold shower, wondering if he discovered my hiding place, only to be met with a sight that almost made me cum right at that moment, the hotness and urge of relief back tenfold. His left hand reached lower and slipped a finger inside him, a loud cry leaving Jasper's mouth, while his back arched. His right hand picked up pace along his shaft, and I can't fight myself anymore.

With trembling hands I reach below and quickly undo my pants that easily slide to the floor along with my boxers. I take my painfully hard, thick cock with my left hand, the right one holding tighter to the doorframe, and start stroking myself while still watching him. "Yes Edward, right there baby." Oh God! How bad I want to hear that whispered to my ear. _Baby_. Yes, he's dreaming of me. He's seeing my face, my hands and my body while touching his cock, pleasuring himself. The thought of Jasper jacking off to the fantasy of _me_, makes me impossible harder.

My hand keeps stroking urgently, and I can start to feel the tightening in my stomach. My eyes close, the pleasure too much to keep them open, and I start imagining being _his_ hand stroking me, all his pants and groans and whispers being said against my skin. I imagine being _my_ cock the one inside him, and that's all it takes. I barely have time to direct my cock to my stomach when it twitch in my hand with my load, straining my shirt, and I taste blood in my lip with the force of my bite to keep from screaming. I stay there, barely hanging on the doorframe, trying to catch my breath and return my gaze to Jasper just in time to see him arch his back in ecstasy, a loud long groan out of his mouth, and his beautiful cock twitching with the force of his orgasm. He stays there exhausted, beautiful with his glowing sweaty skin, and I quickly make my tired, quiet way to my own room, before he discovers me. I've tempted luck enough for one night.

I fall over my bed, my breathing still troubled, my eyes wide open, suddenly realizing what just happened.

Oh. My. God.

* * *

Sorry guys, you'll have to wait at least another chapter to know what Edward's thinking after this... any ideas?

So tell me what you think…  
be kind, it was my first one, and it's just the beginning for our boys!


	5. Turn Around

**Undeniable Attraction**

**Summary: Edward's whole perspective changes after an impulsive kiss of his best friend. He's not gay. So why does he keep picturing his best friend in compromising situations?  
JxE Slash AH**

I APOLOGIZE TO THOSE OF YOU THAT ALREADY READ THIS CHAPTER, JUST A MINOR CORRECTION.  
THANK YOU **joblackero**

Well, I was going to post tomorrow, but I thought that maybe I wouldn't have time, so I decided to hurry up and upload today. I don't think you mind!

A lot happens in this chapter. I'm trying to make my chapters longer, so maybe I won't be able to update every two days, but I think the wait will be worth it. I'm trying to make the plot stronger, so bear it with me and tell me what you think, ok?

There's another mini-lemmon here, so if that's not of your taste, you can skip the italics.

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 5

**Turn Around**

**EPOV**

What the hell just happened?

I masturbated watching Jasper. I watched him with hungry eyes, as I've never had before. I imagined being _my_ hands all over his sweaty body, my mouth pressed against his neck, panting, moaning his name over and over again… _Jasper_.

I _wanted_ it to be his hands stroking my cock, whispering all those things in my hair. What was that about? For those minutes, in that instant, I _wanted_ him, Jasper, my best friend. Everything else disappeared. I didn't care about him being a man, him being my best friend, me being not gay, or anything else. All that mattered in that instant was him; his beautiful body, his hard member glistening in the moonlight, his unashamed pants, his moans, and my name said through those plump lips in his husky whisper over and over again.

God, my own cock is slowly coming back to attention just thinking about it.

This is SO confusing. 24 hours ago, we were just best friends, as the last 10 years. But with one awkward, impulsive kiss, everything changed. 24 hours ago I knew who I was. I knew I was Edward Cullen, theater director, straight men. I just don't know that anymore.

Am I attracted to him? God Yes! I want him, I want to feel all of him against my body. Tonight, suddenly I felt the urge, the _need_ to feel his lips against my own, to discover what his mouth taste like, what his skin taste like, to discover all his reactions to my different touches, to discover this new part of him, of _ourselves_, that I never knew existed.

But I can't do that! Just 24 hours ago I said I didn't want him like that, I said I wasn't interested. Is stupid, IMPOSSIBLE, to change so completely in one day. What if all of this is just the product of too much thinking about it? What if this is just me, trying to have another thing in common with him as I always had? What if I say something tomorrow to lead him on, and the moment he is about to kiss me, I discover everything was just a farce, that I don't really want him? I would hurt him, more than I ever hurt him in the past. I would be leading him to think something that's not true. Worse even, I would be _using_ him to prove something about myself. I can't do that; I WON'T do that to him, especially him, the most important person in my life. My best friend, the one that's always been there for me. No, I won't hurt him.

So what to do? I can't hurt him… but I can't deny myself either. I considered the negative _what if's_, but what if everything is real? What if I truly want him? I would be losing the chance of being truly happy if I stay immobile, if I _don't_ do anything to lead him on. He's sure I'm not gay, or bisexual for that matter, he respects me. He won't do ANYTHING to approach me if don't give him some sort of signal. He's been attracted to me for months and I never noticed! He proved he can be the perfect gentleman, the perfect best friend and never make a move on me. I could be losing my only chance to be truly happy. I know he could make me happy…

If I give myself the chance to think about him _that_ way, I know he could be everything I ever wanted. He knows me so well, he knows everything I need and is willing to do anything to make me happy. He always has these beautiful details, that now that I think about them, they all make sense… Could I be losing the chance I always dreamed about?

What to do? What to do? WHAT TO DO??? It's been like an hour since I entered my room, maybe more, and I'm still in my working clothes lying in bed awake, trying to consider every possibility to make the right decision. Edward Cullen, always afraid of being wrong, always afraid of being impulsive, always afraid…

Will I be able to sleep tonight, with all this confusing, chaotic thoughts swirling around my head? My body definitely feels relaxed and tired, after _everything_, but my mind keeps trying to make sense of all of this. I sigh, exasperated with myself for being so _fucking_ rational, and run a hand _one more time_ through my hair, that I'm sure now looks like a nest for all the times I've done this in the last hour.

This is just too much… if I _do_ something, I might hurt him. If I _don't_ do something, I might hurt _myself_. I can't believe everything that's happened in one day… So what would be the smart thing to do? The best thing to do, for both of us?

I could let time decide… I can open myself to whatever happens.

If I keep feeling things, I'll let Jasper see my reactions and decide for himself. If I don't, if after today I see that everything was just the product of a very confused mind, I'll let everything be back to the way it's always been. Yeah, that's the wise thing to do… whatever happens, I'll be open, and above all, I'll keep my promise of never hurting Jasper and never lose our friendship…

***

**JPOV**

Today's been weird. After my embarrassing panic attack in the morning, and the weird way Edward acted towards me at seeing me shirtless, my day went back to the ordinary. I chuckle remembering Edward's flushed cheeks trying to conceal the fact that he was almost _ogling_ me. _If I didn't know better_… I couldn't help myself from teasing him a little. The past 12 hours I'd been the one flushing in embarrassment, I couldn't resist turning the game a little.

I arrived at the station and made my day struggling with the burocratic assholes working in the Witness Protection Program. I need to keep Alice save. She's the key to this case, my only clue. She's still at the hospital, fluttering through conscious and unconsciousness, wounds healing and frightened shitless. The assholes from WitSec can't take her under protection until her value to the case is proved, and with her currently fragile state of mind… I need to figure out a way to keep her safe until she's able to remember. Its funny how she doesn't really remember anything but somehow _knows_ the danger that awaits her outside. I've been working hard to earn her trust, and now I'm the only one besides the doctors that she lets anywhere near her. I like her, she has this unique way of talking, like she _knows_ something you don't… it creeps me out sometimes, but most of the time, she's funny to talk to. She trusts me, and I won't let myself fail her.

My day passed in a blur, in an infinite parade of bad cops, blackboards, and black coffee, passing and repassing every clue of the case. Edward's right, I need to back off a little.

Running a hand over my face in a tired gesture, I hear Peter knocking at the opened door of my office. I don't know how I know is Peter… he just has this peaceful aura around him that engulfs me every time he's near. I swear he's like a fucking Tibet monk or something.

"Staying late again Whitlock? I thought you would retake your usual schedule. You left early yesterday!"

"Yeah, I had something to do yesterday. But you're right, I'll go home. I'm so fucking tired." I can feel all the emotions of the last day suddenly draining me.

"Don't stress too much Jasper. We'll catch him." He says seriously. I smile at Peter, he's a good friend.

"Yeah, I know. Now get the hell out of here, before I have Charlotte yelling at me on the phone for keeping you here so late."

He chuckles and leaves the office. "Yeah, yeah, yeah…"

I take my jacket and prepare to leave. God! I would kill for a massage and a hot bath! I make the short drive to the apartment in my beautiful, beautiful baby: a classic mustang. Clear leather interiors, black unscratched paint, machine, power, everything you would ever want, my baby has it… God, how much I love this car! Worthy every penny…

I arrive to the apartment building expecting to see its lights peeking from the windows in the warm night. But I'm just met with darkness. I frown to myself, it's weird Edward isn't home yet. I enter my dark home and make my tired way to the couch. I stay there a little while in the darkness, trying to leave the stress of work out of this peaceful place. I shouldn't bring the work home, but sometimes is so difficult to keep apart the two parts of my life. At least when Edward's at home is easier to lift up my mood and leave everything unwanted outside the door.

Well, speaking of the devil, where the hell is him? It's almost 9, is so unusual of him to stay outside so late. _Except when he dates_. A chilly uncomfortable current runs through my whole body.

Is he in a date right now? But why didn't he tell me? Maybe he didn't want to make me feel bad, now that he knows how I feel about him… God, I should stop thinking about this. He'll continue going on with his life, and I should do the same. Except that I don't really have a life outside this… _Whatever_. I just want to know if he's ok, so I text him.

_Aren't you coming home? –J_

I wait anxiously for his answer, tapping my fingers on the armrest of the couch…

_Later, I'm having dinner, too much work. –E_

I narrow my eyes at the phone. LIAR. Did he think I would buy that??? I know him better than that. Why doesn't he want to come home? Is he really in a date? Is he still embarrassed from this morning? WHAT IS IT?!

If he doesn't want me to know, fine. I'll try to sleep. I can't stay awake all night trying to figure him out. Fuck that! I've been completely honest with him, _almost_, I deserve some honest too.

_Oh. Sorry to hear that. I'm heading to sleep. Good night. –J_

I'm lifting from the couch when my phone vibrates again.

_Yeah. Dinner tomorrow? –E_

What?

God, this is so confusing! So now he _does _want to see me? Why are you playing with me Edward??? As if I could EVER say no to him…

_Sounds perfect. See you tomorrow. –J_

Yeah, Jasper the lapdog, go ahead!

_Sweet dreams, Jazz. –E_

I smile against my will. He shouldn't have that much power over me… is unhealthy. But I won't think too much about that, and enjoy the fact that he wants to have dinner with me, and wished me _sweet dreams_… I might have them. God! I'm such a girl!

I stay lying in my bed a little while. I can't sleep, the stress of the week keeping me awake. I really hate this, to be so fucking tired and unable to sleep. I change my position _again _trying to find a comfortable one. I need to release some tension. I smile a little thinking of my favorite way to release the tension. I'm completely alone in the house; I can be as loud as I want, _perfect_.

I stand up quickly and strip completely from my clothes. I like being naked. I feel _free_, and yeah, I didn't spend all those hours in the academy gym to be self-conscious about my body. I lay back on my bed and revisit my favorite fantasy, so far from reality, but at least in _my_ mind, I can have him anyway I want. I read once "Everyone is slave of the desires of others." Absolutely true.

_Edward comes in the middle of the night, wearing only his pyjama pants and peaks through the door. "Jazz, are you asleep?" I can feel my body__ responding to the perfect sight of his body. His perfect muscular chest, strong arms, his defined abs, his broad shoulders and that deliciously narrow hips, his hipbones peeking from his low pants. God! How much I love his hipbones! "No Edward, what's wrong?"_

"_Nothing, I just couldn't sleep. May I come in?"_

"_Of course, come here." I make him space in my bed, and he immediately complies dipping under the covers._

_We're on our sides, facing each other, and I lift my left hand to his hair, running my fingers along the side of his face, lingering at his strong jaw. His eyes are smoldering, and his lips part a little, his delicious breath all over my face. "What kept you awake Edward?" I whisper._

"_You…" he says getting closer to me, until our breaths mix together, our even breathing accelerating, and I can feel him hesitantly sneaking his arm around my waist. I can't wait anymore, one sign was all I needed, and he's given me plenty now. Urgently, passionately, I crash my lips to his and grab his neck with my left hand, the other one running along his deliciously naked chest. I grab his nipple between my middle and index fingers, and he moans into my mouth getting closer to me. I take advantage of his parted lips to dip my tongue into his hot, wet mouth and all coherent thought leaves me._

_I feel his hand on my waist sneaking lower, until he reaches my ass and rubs it roughly, pulling my hips closer to his. I can feel his cock straining against his pants, and I dip my hand into them to grab his already wet cock leaking with precum. He gasps breaking our kiss, unable to contain his pleasure, and I lick my way down to his jaw and neck to his collarbone, where I greedily start sucking. "Jazz" he pants my name, pulling my hair between his fingers. And I take that as a signal to start stroking him in my closed fist. His moans are like music to my ears._

_Suddenly though, he takes my hand and slowly pulls it away from his pants. I lift my head to look at him confused by his actions, and I feel myself harden even more when I see his wicked smile and darkened eyes. He pushes me on my back, and starts to lick my neck up to my left ear, where he sucks on the lobe making me shiver. With one hand mercilessly stroking my nipple, he whispers low and seductive "I want to taste you…"_

_Oh, my fucking God! Is it possible to get harder? My cock is almost painfully so. He starts to make his way to my chest, taking his time at my nipples, licking and sucking on each one. He licks my abdomen, and dips the tip of his tongue in my navel, making slow teasing circles around it, making me moan loudly. When he reaches the hem of my pants, I grab a handful of his soft beautiful hair, unable to stop myself. "Please." I beg him._

_He continues his way down over my clothes. He licks and moves his mouth over my hardened cock with just the thin fabric of my pyjamas between us. He traps the head between his lips, making me mad with pleasure and need. I can feel the wetness in the fabric, part from his saliva, and part from my precum that I can feel leaking from the tip. "Edward, please" I pant with the need evident in my voice._

_I feel him smile against me, and I'm about to cry in frustration, until I feel his fingers dip in the hem of my pants, pulling them up and down my body. I lift my hips to help him, but he just leave them around my knees and in a swift motion, engulfs my whole member into his hot, wet, delicious mouth. I cry out loud, "Oh, Edward!" feeling completely out of control. He bobs his head up and down my cock, sliding his tongue across the head, and I can't help my hips from moving, fucking his mouth. I greet my teeth in an effort to hold on a little more, trying to make this last just a little longer… I feel him slip a finger inside me, and my back arches in pleasure. "Yes Edward, right there baby." The feeling of his hot mouth around my cock, and his long finger stroking me from the inside is just too much. I know I won't hold too long. I can fell my stomach tighten, my muscles contracting, and suddenly, my world explodes against his throat in long, powerful streams of cum. _

I lay panting there in my bed. Completely spend, a lazy smile on my face. Thank you God for my vivid imagination…

***

I wake up not so early. Edward is already awake, I can hear him moving around the house. Jesus! Yesterday's relaxing activities really made their part, I didn't even hear him coming home last night. I feel rested, full of energy, and generally happy. I can feel it's a new day, and I'm willing to move on with my life. I'll enjoy this new freedom around Edward, I have nothing to hide anymore… maybe now that he's not that forbidden, unattainable love anymore, I'll actually be able to move on, find someone else…

Yeah, blissful thinking… too much for a Saturday morning. I'll just enjoy myself today.

I quickly put on my pyjama pants and make my way to the kitchen. There he is, my best friend, my love, beautifully surrounded by the morning sun entering through the kitchen windows. I can barely see his profile from this angle, his brow slightly furrowed, his lips moving almost imperceptively, completely lost in his thoughts. I wonder what is in that beautiful head of yours, Edward… And I know in that moment all my thoughts from this morning were indeed blissful. How can I ever move on from him?

He turns around and our eyes meet. And I can't help myself, as I never can, from the wide, joyful smile at seeing him looking at me first thing in the morning. He hesitates a little, but almost immediately responds with a dazzling smile of his own, his whole face suddenly lighting, as if he just decided to _let go_.

"Good morning, Edward." I softly say walking to the coffeepot. I smile seeing that he brewed some coffee early this morning, the liquid still hot and the delicious smell suddenly invading my senses. I take a deep breath. NOTHING like a delicious hot coffee first thing in the morning.

"Morning sleepy head, did you sleep well?" He asks with a smirk.

"Well yes, thank you. I slept like a baby." I answer smugly while filling my mug.

"Yeah, I can imagine…" he mutters chuckling, before taking a sip of his coffee. I furrow my brow in confusion, I think I didn't get the funny part, and I definitely don't like being left out. I'm about to ask, when I see him grimace with his mouth still into his mug, and I see him taking his lower lip into his mouth. The moment he stops sucking into his lip, I can see it's swollen, and has an angry wound in it.

I immediately find myself in front of him with my thumb touching his lip. Too late I discover this might make him uncomfortable, but now that I'm here, I can't stop myself from touching his soft swollen lip. "What happened?" I ask softly lifting my gaze from his lip to his eyes. He's looking back at me, an unfathomable look in his face, but he doesn't do any gesture to move. He ever so slowly parts his lips just barely enough that I can now feel his hot breath over my thumb. I shift my gaze again to his mouth, and I can see the wet, pink slit of his tongue peeking from his parted lips. I return my gaze to his eyes, and he keeps looking intently me, as if studying every reaction I might have. I slowly, ever so softly, run my finger along his lip in a ghostly caress, and he closes his eyes holding his breath.

I drop my hand from his face and turn around. What was that about? What were you fucking thinking in doing that Jasper? Of course you made him feel uncomfortable! I move around the kitchen looking for napkins, trying to break the tension and regain control. I WON'T make him feel uncomfortable, he can trust me. I want him to feel comfortable and safe with me.

"I think I bite my lip while sleeping." I hear him answer from the same spot I just left him.

"Huh, that sucks man, vivid dreams?" I smirk. Yeah, nothing like cocky Jasper to come back to my comfort zone.

He blushes a little and looks to the mug in his hand. "Something like that…"

"Hmm." While making him squirm definitely lifts the tension from early, I really don't want to know about his wet heterosexual dreams… even when the image of a horny Edward is very appealing…

"So," Edward seems to regain his composure and is back to his good mood from earlier. "What are your plans for today?"

"I don't really know. Maybe I'll just stay here and read a little… I could use some rest…" Yeah, even with the repairing sleep from last night, I still fell really tired, and next week is going to be hell at the station, just as every week of the last months.

"Well, I need to go shopping with the costume designer for fabric for the next season's costumes. Do you want to come?" It might not sound great, but I really do enjoy shopping with Edward for things for his plays. It's really funny to see serious, rational Edward deciding between polka dots and fucsia sparkles.

"Sure. Let me take a quick shower and I'll be ready."

***

Morning was like a blur. It had to, considering I woke up almost at 10. So after a day full of yellow chiffon, green velvet and yeah, golden sparkles, we were currently having lunch in a downtown café. We are sitting in a peaceful booth under a window looking at the avenue.

"So, are you enjoying your day making fun of me?" He asked while cutting his fillet looking at me through his eyelashes and lifting an eyebrow.

I smirk. "Yes, actually. It's pretty funny to watch you taking this so seriously." I answer playfully taking a sip of my beer.

"Well I'm sorry, but this IS serious Jasper! You know how a big part of a play is the costume and scenographic design. And I'm characterized for the meticulous care I take in these aspects of a play."

"Hey now! You know I'm just kidding!" I squeeze his forearm in a comforting gesture, a smile lighting my whole face, I presume. I love seeing him so focused into his work. "You know I love your work. You make beautiful things out of nothing, Edward."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so unreasonable. I know you're just kidding. I know you always support me…"

"Yes I do, Edward. Always." I say seriously.

He smiles, taking my hand. "I guess I'm just stressed. The season begins in less than two months, and there's still so much to do… I think it's starting to get to me."

"It's ok, I can take it…" I squeeze his hand, looking into his eyes. I can't stop smiling at him, _he's so beautiful_…

A loud noise breaks the moment. Was this a _moment_? I take out the cellphone from my pocket, and check de ID. Weird, is from the hospital Alice is in. I frown.

"Whitlock."

Edward looks at me curiously, lifting his chin in the worldwide gesture of _Who is it?_

I shrug.

"Jazz?"

A bell like voice asks on the other line. Now I'm concerned.

"Alice?"

Edward frowns.

"Yes, I'm so sorry for interrupting your weekend Jazz, but I didn't know who else to call."

"What happened? Are you ok?"

"I know this might sound stupid Jazz, believe me, I know. It's just that, I have this feeling, and I can't shake it off…" she starts with a desperate tone in her beautiful voice.

"Shhh, it's ok darling. Calm down, and tell me exactly what is happening."

"All day I've been having this feeling that something bad is gonna happen. First I tried to just shake it off, you know, because I know it's stupid. But it just increases with the passing hours, and now I'm just about to have a panic attack, Jasper. I KNOW, something bad is going to happen."

"It's ok, just calm down, darling. Everything is fine. You're protected there in the hospital. No one can harm you there, ok?"

"But Jazz, I'm scared…" she whispers. I know she's crying. I can't stand hearing a woman so stressed and frightened.

"Look, why don't you try to calm down and sleep a little? I'll be right by your side when you wake up, I'm on my way darling. Do you think you can do that? For me?"

"I –I'll try…" She whispers.

"Ok, darling. Everything's gonna be fine. Wait for me ok?"

"Ok… thank you Jazz."

"Bye, Alice."

I shut my phone and ask for the check.

"What happened?" Edward asks very concerned.

"Nothing, really. Is just Alice that has this bad feeling about something, so I'll go and check on her. I'm so sorry, Edward…"

"Wait. You're going to run there just because she has a _bad feeling_?" He asks with disbelieve and what seems like annoyance in his voice.

"Well, yeah. She's very scared Edward. And you know how important she's to me, to the case. I believe her. Besides, if everything is fine, I'll just go and say hello to her, try to calm her down."

"What about dinner? Remember? We were supposed to have dinner tonight."

"I don't know Edward. I'll try to be quick, but if there's a complication, maybe I'll just stay there all night."

He frowns and turns his face to the side. I don't see why he's so _angry_, this is my work! And he knows better than anyone how important this is to me. Well, I don't have time for this right now. I leave my bill on the table and pick up my jacket.

"Well, see you later, Ed. I'm sorry I had to finish our shopping early, I was really having fun…" I don't fucking know what I'm apologizing for…

"Yeah, I'm sorry too… I hope you can make it to dinner…" He says with this suddenly sad expression across his face.

"I'll try my best… well, I really have to go." Go now Jasper, Alice needs you, and if you stay here longer, you won't be able to leave him later. Remember Alice is the most important thing right now.

"See you later." And I turn around quickly before my stupid heart stops me.

* * *

First of all, the phrase "Todos somos esclavos de los deseos de otros." is from the book of Alberto Ruy Sánchez "Los Nombres del Aire". Excellent book, I absolutely recomend it, beautifully written, and I think there are english traductions.

So… there's a lot in here for you to think about, did you like it? What do you prefer, larger or shorter chapters? And I almost forget! I'm updating my profile with pics for the fic. I just uploaded a pic of Jasper's car and a pic from their apartment. I'm searching for more, so keep checking!

Please review and tell me what you think!

Love you guys! Thank you for reading!


	6. Are you Listening?

**Undeniable Attraction**

**Summary: Edward's whole perspective changes after an impulsive kiss of his best friend. He's not gay. So why does he keep picturing his best friend in compromising situations?  
JxE Slash AH**

I'm not completely happy with this chapter, but I was already late and if I didn't upload it now, I would've spent another week trying to make it better!

So, here it is… I hope you like it.

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 6

**Are You Listening?**

**JPOV**

"Hey Felix, what's up?" I say to the almost slept officer posted at the entrance of Alice's room.

"Fucking boring Detective, ya know? I entered the police to have some action, not to become a nanny in a damn police uniform!" He says bitterly.

I chuckle. "Hey man! Don't take that on me, I just asked for a guard for her, I didn't ask for you specifically!"

"Whatever… I hope those fucking morons from WitSec take her soon." He mutters still with that resentful tone.

"Yeah, me too… just not for the same reasons…" I mutter the last part. "Hey, why don't you take some time off to stretch your legs or something? I'll be with her." I offer him. He's instantly out of his chair and walking down the hall. "Thanks Detective!" He waves with his back facing me. I smile shaking my head, while quietly entering her room. Maybe he needed to pee or something…

She's there, lying on her hospital bed, the fluorescent lights over her head giving her skin a pale glow while she's asleep. I stay there, with the doorknob still in my hand, behind me, watching her. I can still see the striking marks all over her beautiful face. The angry bruise swallowing her eye, the deep cut along her left cheek with a few stitches on it, her swollen, hurt lip. A sick feeling tightens in my stomach, because I _know_ her face is some of the best parts of her body right know. I can't believe anyone would want to hurt someone so beautiful, so…_childlike_.… fucking BASTARD!

The anger arises in me and I can feel it spreading in waves from me to the room around me; and I want to fucking hurt something… _someone_… Calm down Jasper! Jesus! That's why I need to keep Edward apart from my work, at ALL times, otherwise, I would've asked him to come with me… I frown remembering the hurt look on his face when he asked me about dinner… I'll call him later tonight.

I slowly make my way to the chair next to her bed. She stirs a little in her sleep, looking uncomfortable, frightened. Is she having a nightmare? If she is or not, I won't take chances. Not now that she is already frightened enough. I quietly call her name while softly grabbing her upper arms… "Alice? Alice wake up!" I shake her a little more forcefully. "Alice?"

She wakes up with wide eyes and a forceful gasp looking wildly all around her. I hear the wild frequency of the beeps form her heart's monitor and see her chest frantically pulling air into her lungs.

"Shhh, shhhhh. It's ok darling. It's Jasper, remember? It's me Alice, you're safe."

She stops her eyes on me, but she isn't looking _at me_, is like I wasn't even there. She's looking somewhere far away, and I start to panic. Have she finally lost it? Did all that happen to her in that hell finally shut her mind down? Suddenly though, before I have the opportunity to do _something_ she focus her eyes on me, "Can you hear her?"

"What? Hear what Alice? I don't-"

"Shhh…" she turns her head slightly to her right side and narrows her eyes, like trying to hear better. "Can you hear? She's crying… she's hurt, she's so hurt…" she starts crying, painfully holding my forearms, her eyes dancing frantically around the room. "Please someone help her. PLEASE!"

"Alice darling, there's no one here! You need to calm down. You're safe, Alice. You're safe with me… it's Jazz!"

She focus her eyes on my hands, holding her arms, and slowly runs them along my arms, my chest, finally reaching my face, where she stares directly at my eyes. Recognition crosses her face, and I hear the wild beep start to slow a little.

"Jazz?" She tentatively whispers.

"Yes Alice, it's Jazz. I'm here with you, you're safe." I repeat softly drying her sweaty forehead with the back of my hand, trying to reassure her. She closes her eyes, relief rolling from her in waves and a small smile spreading over her face.

"I'm so glad you're here Jazz…" She says almost sleepy already.

"Yes I am, darling." I whisper. "Will you sleep while I watch over you? I'm not going anywhere."

"Ok… thank you Jazz… you're a good man."

"Sweet dreams, darling." I whisper, steadying myself in the chair next to her bed.

Please God, help this child… I silently pray. I've seen a few episodes like this, mostly after a nightmare, like today. Thankfully, they're decreasing their frequency. I remember the nightmare of her first few weeks at the hospital… it was almost impossible to get near her unless she was heavily medicated… it was so painful to see. I softly smile remembering the first approaches I had to her. I needed to stay sitting by the door, so she wouldn't feel threatened. Slowly she started to trust me, until one day I was able to talk to her, to sit by her bed, to caress her cheeks… I think maybe I'm getting too attached to her, but I don't care… this girl is in great need of love. She's so young, almost a child, and something terrible happened to her… the very thing nightmares are made of… I'll give her everything I can…

Besides, she doesn't have any family left. She told me her mom passed away a few months before she was kidnapped, and she never knew her father. No aunts, uncles or grandparents. No one. She was living alone in her house, trying to put her life back together, starting a new routine, going to school, some dance classes and basically taking care of herself. Thank God she was already 18 when her mother passed away, so she didn't have to deal with Child Services… I know how that would've worked... but what happened to her was really any better?

I stay there watching her as she slowly drifts off to a peaceful sleep. Her soft breathing and the steady beep from the monitors are the only sounds of the room. They slowly bring me to a slumber, and my mind starts to wander to its favorite place of the last year: Edward.

Would it be possible that Edward loves me someday? That's my deepest desire. I wouldn't need anything else. I can imagine him looking at me with those sparkling green eyes full of love, joy, longing and lust. I can see _us_ sprawled in the couch in the lazy hours of the afternoon on Sundays, completely content just with being in each other's arms. I can see me, being able to hold him the way I've wanted for more than a year, able to touch him, able to kiss him, just by impulse, by the pure command of my body.

God! How many times I've imagined this? But I always need to stop myself before getting too carried away. Why do I need to make this more painful than it already is? I need to accept and be grateful for the small things I have. For the opportunity to see him everyday, for the small touches I can steal from him, for knowing him better than anyone else, and for the amazing gift of just being able to be part of his life. That's all I will ever have from him. And that should be enough.

I've wondered many times in the past, what will happen when he finally meets _her_. Every single time he's out on a date, I pace through the apartment terrified, wondering if she is going to be the one who will finally steal him away from me. His love. Because as painful as it is, I need to be prepared. He will find _her_, eventually. He's too perfect to stay single forever. And even when I know I won't EVER be the one, I do want him to find _her_. I want him to live a beautiful, happy life, even when it's not with me. He deserves to be loved with all the heart, he deserves to be the center of someone's life, he deserves _everything_. And if I can't give it to him, even if I'm dying to, I want him to have it, all of it.

I bitterly smile at my clenching heart, swallowing hard. Is incredible how I've learned to live with this awful, ever present pain in my heart. Knowing every minute I spend with him is burrowed, knowing someday I'll be alone, away from him. Knowing someday I'll have to watch him getting married, his face full of all the love and devotion I've always wanted for myself. Someday I'll have to smile warmly at the woman that took him from me, and I'll have to thank her for making him as happy as I've always wanted to make him myself. Someday I'll play with his kids, and I'll love them because they'll look so much like him. Someday, I'll have to let him go, and just be thankful he won't ever know the pain of not being loved back…

I see a tear fall into my hand. I've moved forward in the chair, my elbows over my knees, my hands clasped together and my head hung low. I wipe my tears away with my fingers and take a deep breath. _I need to get out of here_. This is why I hate to have too much free time, why I always busy myself up with work. I always end up moping over something stupid. It's useless to cry over something that has no solution. It's stupid to cry over him. Nothing will change him, I don't even want to. He is just as he is, and I love him that way, END OF THE STORY. When the time comes, I'll HAVE to let him go.

I stand up abruptly, needing a coffee, or a doughnut or just some fucking pretext to leave this quiet room and these deafening thoughts.

I walk down the hall to the elevator, almost trotting, trying to get away from that room, from my mind and from myself... I impatiently wait for the elevator to arrive tapping my foot on the floor. How many damn levels does this hospital have? Finally the bell sounds –its steady, innocent, common sound unnerves me- and the doors open.

Out comes a man about my height, dirty blond hair tied in a ponytail at his neck and heavy military boots. Nothing remarkably, really, except for the thick cigarette smell that assaults my senses the moment he passes me by. I swallow disgustedly and get into the elevator, making my way down to the cafeteria.

***

**EPOV**

Am I angry? Really? Because he needed to work???

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I am just staring at the space he just vacated a few seconds ago in the restaurant, wondering, searching for one single good reason to be mad at him. Of course I find none.

The feelings that stirred in me just a few minutes ago are so disconcerting. How can I justify the sudden, unexplainable _rage_ that invaded me when I heard him call her _darling_?

DARLING? REALLY? That's so not fucking professional! _And there it is again…_ the rage, the sudden boiling blood in my veins, the… _despair_. What is she to him? He called her _darling_. He cancelled our plans just to go and calm her fucking _bad feeling_. His plans with ME, the one he claims to have a crush on! He said "…how important she is _to me_." Oh God! Is he in love? Did she captivated him with that hurt victim façade? I know my Jazz, he loves to play hero…

And what the fuck am I talking about???

She IS a hurt victim! That monster James did unspeakable things to her. To that young, beautiful, broken little girl. GIRL! How old did Jasper say she was? 17, maybe 18. For God's sakes Edward, give him a break!

I ask for the check, slipping out from my daze. How many thoughts, how many feelings in such little time… I'm going nuts in here!

I make my way to finish my shopping. I dismissed the costumer designer because I thought I would be spending my day with Jasper, so now I'll have to do it on my own. Yes, work is always a good distraction. In no time at all, I'm submerged in my theatrical world looking for the perfect fabric for that Othello costume.

***

I arrive to the apartment around seven, and make my alone, tired and depressed way to the dark building. Dark. He isn't here yet. Yeah, I guess I can forget about dinner…

I drop all my bags in the couch and make a beeline to the kitchen. I am in desperate need of a glass of wine and a hot bath, something that makes me relax and forget, and keeps my mind away from confusing, unwanted thoughts. I start the bath and pour some bubbles and salts. Yeah, I know… I'm such a girl… _whatever_. While I wait for the bath to be ready I start to classify the fabrics from each costume so that everything is perfect for Monday, when I take them to the designer. I go to the kitchen for the wine bottle, my glass and make my way to the bathroom.

I get myself out of my clothes and stretch some of my limbs. I move my head from one side to the other, hearing and feeling my bones crack… Would Jasper want to give me a massage tomorrow? And how would that end…? A shiver runs through my body at the thought of having him so near me, touching me…

I get into the water and sipping on my wine, I relax…. Hmmmm… _perfect_.

***

After an hour or so, I'm standing outside the living room, already in my pyjamas, in the small balcony that oversees the street. I close my eyes, the sounds of the city invading my senses, and take a deep breath of the warm night air. It's wonderful to feel the city beating alive below me.

Are you coming home Jasper?

As much as I want to keep those thoughts at bay, postponing the inevitable, I KNOW I need to think about it… What is this? What is this that I'm feeling for him? Because I know I'm feeling something, something beyond the friendship I've always felt for him.

I make my way inside the apartment to grab the wineglass over the center table in the living room. I pour myself some more wine and get outside again… I actually wanted this apartment because of the balconies. I need the air, the night and faint city sounds to think clearly. I take a sip of my wine and let all my body weight to rest over my elbows on the black iron railing… I need to be honest with myself.

Somewhere between his kiss and today's lunch, I started to see Jasper differently. I remember him, glowing in the moonlight, his parted lips, his sweaty skin and his glistening member; his face completely lost in ecstasy… I close my eyes. God, I want him!

Yes, I need to say it: I WANT JASPER. I want his body, my body needs it, craves it. Today, all day I wanted to touch him, and I placated myself with just holding his hand when the opportunity came. But I want more, so much more of him… But at the same time, I know there is _more_ than the need of my body to it…

I've started to see him differently. It's like I can suddenly see the beautiful human being he is. I've always know how a wonderful person he is, that's why I highly treasure his friendship, but this is so different… his smiles make me smile, his laughs make me laugh, and I just have this constant _need_ to see him happy, to _make_ him happy.

And what about today? I was almost… _jealous. _Yes, that was it! I was fucking jealous of that faceless girl that attracted his attention and stealth away his time with me._ Would_ it be possible, COULD it be possible that…

A smile appears across my face and my breathing accelerates. Could it be possible?

A loud ring from my phone disturbs my epiphany. But my smile gets impossibly bigger when I see the ID that flashes the name that occupies mi whole mind.

"Hey Jazz..." I softly say to the phone. God! I know you discovered something HUGE today Edward, but would you _please_ stop being so OBVIOUS?

"Hey!" He sounds surprised, maybe he thought I was still mad at him. I silently chuckle, finally making some sense of my own confused feelings.

Even though, I try to make my voice normal and to sound more casual. "What's up?"

"I'm sorry Ed, I don't think I'll make it to dinner. Alice is asleep now. But I'll try to arrange another guard to stay with her tonight and maybe I can get home in a few hours, so I won't have to sleep here."

As much as I'm disappointed about dinner, I try to make my tone casual… at least he'll get home tonight. "It's ok, I understand Jasper… Look, I'm sorry for being such an ass this afternoon; I don't know what got me." Well, yes I know now, but I won't say it over the phone… wait, will I say it to him?

"It's ok Ed, no harm done. So… I'll go now to start making the arrangements. See you tomorrow, ok?"

"Yeah, good night Jazz… "

I hang up but keep the phone attached to my cheek.

Holly fuck! This is real right? What I'm feeling right now? Is this how it feels? To be… _in love_?

Suddenly I can't stay still. I just want to get out of the house and run… anywhere… maybe to him. I want to shout into the city that I finally know how it feels like! I want to laugh, and I want to cry, and I want to just… disappear for a minute and be able to wrap my mind around the idea of being in love with him. Jasper, my best friend, the most beautiful human being in the face of the earth…. Jasper, _my_ Jasper.

So what to do now? Am I willing to jump head first into this… whatever this is? Suddenly the fear makes its presence known. Will I be able to do this? I'm in love with another man. Will I be able to hold his hand in public without being self-conscious? Will I be able to kiss him? Because God knows I want nothing more! Will I be able to introduce him as my _boyfriend_? …Maybe I'm getting a little ahead of things.

I don't even really know how he feels about me. He said he was _attracted_ to me. Does he mean just physically? That's not bad, I mean, I want him too. If that's it, I can leave with that. In fact, I'll live with whatever he wants to give me. If I'm just able to kiss him everyday while this crush of him lasts, I'll be the happiest man on earth! I'll worry about the end when the moment comes. Because somehow, deep down, I know THIS is what I was waiting for all my life. I know he won't be just a man crush I had… no. I know I love him; really, absolutely _love him_. Jasper, the boy I spend 10 years with, and I never noticed before…

Will I tell him? Or maybe I'll just let him notice somehow… A mischievous smile spreads across my face… Maybe I can surprise him, seduce him. I laugh out loud imagining him squirming, his face totally confused by my actions…

All's settled then, I'll make dinner, and I'll wait for him, it doesn't matter how late he comes home… I've already wasted the last ten years.

I'm frying the peppers and onions on the pan for the pasta, while waiting for him to pick up his phone. I hope he hadn't grabbed some hospital fast food already!

"Whitlock."

"Hey Jazz,"

"Hello?"

"Jasper? Can you hear me?"

"Edward? I can't hear you… let me get out of the elevator, I'm almost there."

"Sure…"

"WHAT THE FUCK?! HEY!"

"Jasper? What-"

The sound I heard next froze my blood completely; froze my world. I was barely aware of the pan touching the ground at my feet with a loud clatter, the peppers and onions sprawled all over the floor… Please God, no…

"Jasper? Was that a shot? Jasper? JASPER?"

* * *

I know it was not the best, but next one will be better.  
Even though, review please and tell me what you liked and what you didn't!

Love you guys!


	7. Stay with Me

**Undeniable Attraction**

**Summary: Edward's whole perspective changes after an impulsive kiss of his best friend. He's not gay. So why does he keep picturing his best friend in compromising situations?  
JxE Slash AH**

The awaited continuation to the mean cliff I left you with at the end of the last chapter!  
Ok, I understand, you don't like cliffies, and I apologize! But really, it was the best part to cut it.  
You didn't have to wait too long, though.

Thank you SO much to all of you who added me to their Favorites, Authors and Story Alert lists! I am SO happy that you're liking my story!  
And special thanks to all of you who have reviewed! Thank you for taking a few seconds to share your thoughts with me, I really appreciate it.  
You really make my day!

So I leave you with Chapter 7, I hope you enjoy it!

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 7

**Stay with Me**

**EPOV**

I'm barely aware of what happened the next few minutes after that call.

I remember turning off the stove but leaving everything else where it was. The pasta in the casserole, the pan on the floor, the mess of peppers and onions sprawled all over the floor, the dishtowel carelessly thrown on the dishpan and the lights of the apartment on.

I had the mind enough to take a jacket with me and put my shoes on. But otherwise, I just grabbed my car keys and closed the door behind me. Thank God I didn't choose this moment to lose my keys. I'm sure I would've gone crazy looking for them…

My eyes are blurring while I speed down the streets towards the hospital. 60, 70, 80 miles…

_Jasper got shot. _

_Jasper got shot._

_Jasper got shot._

My breath is hitching, and I need to make a strong effort to pull air in my lungs.

_Jasper got shot_.

Please God, PLEASE, let him be ok. Please don't take him away from me now. Not now that I just found I love him. Not, now, not never…

My fucked up mind decides this is the best time to prove my creativity and wanders through a hell of different scenarios. Jasper hurt in a hospital hallway. Jasper fighting with a faceless, merciless man. Jasper acting as a shield to protect someone else. Jasper alone on the floor of a hospital hallway, his beautiful blue eyes opened, his gorgeous lips parted… _dead_.

I make a sudden stop on a red light, the tires gnashing against the pavement, my knuckles white form the force I'm holding the wheel with. I close my eyes, breathing hard.

"Fucking STOP IT!"

STOP IT EDWARD, right now. Now is not the fucking time to be thinking like that. He is going to be ok. Everything is going to be ok. The last thing we need right now is you being killed in a car accident!

I barely hear the honks from the cars behind me… I let the green light pass. I need to calm the fuck down. I need to be rational Edward right now. I need to be cool, for the both of us. No matter what happens, I'll be there with you Jasper, no matter what.

Wait for me, Jazz. Wait for me.

I'm coming…

***

**JPOV**

The fucking silly song from the elevator speakers is getting on my nerves.

I'm like an emotional rollercoaster all the time and I don't even know why! This can't be normal. I just passed from being angry to concerned to hopeful to heartbroken and back to this fucking rage. The worst thing is that I've always been this way. I'm such an emotional wreck most of the time… thankfully I've managed to master my façade through the years, so I don't really show too much of what's happening on the inside. I managed to hide my feelings from Edward just fine the last year. But it just can't be normal to… _feel_ so much.

I make my tired way to the joke of a cafeteria that this hospital has. I can't believe they couldn't get anything better for Alice to stay in. With barely three tables and two spending machines, this should hardly be called a cafeteria. At least they have a coffee machine; I would've seriously damaged something if they didn't. I'm sure it'll taste like shit, but whatever, I just need some space and coffee.

I exhale a deep sigh and run my hands across my face. I have to call Edward to tell him I won't make it to dinner… and I don't want to! I don't want to hear his disappointed voice over the phone and be unable to do anything to comfort him… or even worse… I REALLY don't want to hear him if he is still mad at me. I don't even know what was that about!

I impatiently wait for him to pick up the phone.

"Hey Jazz..." My eyes close on their own volition hearing his soft voice, and suddenly all the rage I felt a few minutes ago disappears.

"Hey!" I'm so glad he isn't still mad.

"What's up?"

"I'm sorry Ed, I don't think I'll make it to dinner. Alice is asleep now. But I'll try to arrange another guard to stay with her tonight and maybe I can get home in a few hours, so I won't have to sleep here."

"It's ok, I understand Jasper… Look, I'm sorry for being such an ass this afternoon; I don't know what got me." I smile. Maybe he is just as stressed as I am over what's happened in the last days and he just snapped or something.

"It's ok Ed, no harm done. So… I'll go now to start making the arrangements. See you tomorrow, ok?"

"Yeah, good night Jazz… "

I'm suddenly so _happy_… the way he said my name when he picked up the phone, and in his good bye… It was like a soft caress. It was the way I've always imagined him saying my name if we were lovers…

So, coming back to the real world, I'll have to call to the station now and see if another guard can come over here. I know maybe I'm paranoid, putting two guards to watch for Alice, but I do believe her. Now I just have to think of a good excuse, because there's no way in hell they're going to let me have another guard just on a _bad feeling_ of her.

"Rodriguez."

"Hey Maria! It's Jasper."

"Oh, hey Whitlock, what's up?"

"Well, I know this was supposed to be a free weekend for me, but Alice called and I came over here. Listen, can you arrange for another guard to come and watch over her?"

"Is anything wrong? Did she finally give you information or something?" I smile to myself. Always with the mind on the game.

"No, not at all. It's just a hunch, you know? I don't want to leave her unprotected and I really need to rest."

"A hunch." Silence. "Well, I don't know if the boss will accept_ a hunch_ as a reasonable argument Whitlock." She stressed the word with that mock tone of hers and I can almost see her smirk.

"I know Maria. Listen, you know I don't ever make a fuss over nothing. I think-"

"Don't worry Jasper! You know I'm just fucking with you! I trust your judgment with blind eyes; I'll make the arrangements."

I snicker. That's my girl. "Ok Maria, thank you. You know how much I love ya, right?"

She loudly laughs. "Fuck off Whitlock! Stop licking my balls or I'll have to tell Victoria to show you a lesson or two!"

"NO that's ok! Besides you not having _balls_, I've learnt a long time ago not to fuck with Victoria!" I say with a chuckle.

"You're such a pussy behind your hard cop mask, Whitlock! But getting back to business, don't worry Jasper, I'll send an officer in a few."

"Ok, thank you again and see ya on Monday partner."

"Yeah, yeah. See ya."

She always gets to put me on a good mood, I think with a smile on my face. I remember the first time I met her. It was two years ago –when I was still into women- and Oh my God! What a woman!

I remember to unashamedly ogle her in her tight black pants, short jacket, white shirt tucked in her black belt and black boots. With her badge showing on her belt and her beautiful black long hair in contrast with her chocolate skin, she's just every man's wet dream. I can laugh now, but I remember being seriously wounded on my ego by the contemptuous look on her face and the first words she ever spoke to me.

She reached to shake my hand with a devious smile, pulled me towards her and brushed her lips to my ear. "Look at me like a peace of meat again, and I'll kick your balls off. Asshole!"

I remember to be too ashamed and wounded to make any advance on her later, so I apologized the next day and tried to start from scratch, introducing myself like the gentleman I was raised to be and promising her I would never do that again.

Eventually we became really good friends, and she introduced me to Victoria, her girlfriend. Who happen to be just as hot, and a bitchy smartass like Maria, they're the perfect match… and they were the stars of a lot of my fantasies back then… when everything was easier…

She's my partner and my friend. She always puts me in a good mood, she is strong enough to put on with my shit when I'm in a bad one… and knows exactly how to put me in my place when my mood reaches the top, being the emotional asshole I can be.

So having everything cleared up, I'll have to go back to Alice's room and wait for the second guard. I take my coffee and make my way to the elevator. My phone vibrates and I pick it up as quickly as I can with a hot coffee in one hand. Shit! I hope Maria didn't have trouble with the boss.

"Whitlock."

I just hear a faint murmur.

"Hello?"

"Jasper? Ca- ear…"

"Edward? I can't hear you… let me get out of the elevator, I'm almost there."

But the moment the elevator doors slide open, a nightmarish image flood before my eyes.

The blonde man I saw getting out from the elevator before, is there in the hallway, pushing a wheelchair towards me. Alice is asleep in the wheelchair, severely drugged, it seems. A small drop of blood is falling over the side of one of her cheeks from her temple, and she seems to be struggling hard to open her eyes, barely supporting the weight of her head, but I can only see white slits from between her eyelids. A raspy, painful sound is coming out from her mouth, and I can barely react.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" I yell taking a step forward, and am confronted by the intense and hateful steel gaze from the blond man.

James.

He reacts instantly. In less than a second he turned the wheelchair around and is speeding towards the other end of the hallway.

"HEY!" I yell taking out my revolver, making a late shot towards James, while he disappears in another hallway to the right.

I immediately run for him. My coffee and the cellphone are left forgotten somewhere on the floor, while I make a forced turn towards the hallway where James disappeared. If something happens to Alice, I will never forgive myself. The rage is increasing tenfold. How the hell did he have the guts to come in here to retrieve her? Under my very nose???

You're a dead fucking man, James!

I make another turn, and I see them at the end of the long hallway. I need to react, to choose. If I keep running I might lose them, and if I stop to shoot, James might have an easy way out given by my revolver. I don't want to kill him, I need him to suffer as much as he made suffer all those girls, but Alice comes first. I would never forgive myself if she gets hurt again because of my pride or my revengeful needs.

So in my less than a second decision I stop short and steady myself to shoot.

"FREEZE!" And I shoot to his left, just to warn him.

He stops at the end of the hallway, their backs to me. And I can see the sharp movements of his shoulders matching his hard breathing.

"Stay where you are motherfucker! The next shot will be right to your heart!"

I start to make my wary way to approach them. The revolver on my right hand, my left one under it to steady it, I take long steps to get near them without loosing my wariness. I can feel the adrenaline running through my veins, making me alert, sharpening my senses. I hear my sharp breathing, my heart wildly pumping blood through my body, and I can feel the drops of sweat falling over my temples and neck.

I see the minuscule movement of his left hand and make myself ready to shoot again and for the last time.

"I wouldn't do anything stupid James. I've already called for backup. You won't leave this building the fuck alive." I'm almost there. Hold on Alice.

He suddenly turns around, turning Alice with him, and has taken Alice's neck through his bent left arm, the right one holding a small gun to her bleeding temple. Alice's eyes where open, trying to focus on something, and I could _feel_ her panic and pain.

"I wouldn't do anything stupid, detective." He smirks with a smug tone.

"Isn't she beautiful detective? I couldn't resist her. She's almost a child…" He says turning his head to lick at the blood on her cheek while looking directly at my eyes. I could barely hear Alice's whimper.

I take another step and he tightens his hold on her neck, steadying his gun to her temple, and turning his full attention to me. "Stay where you are! I'm sure you don't want to hurt her." He warns. Alice has her eyes shut hard and is breathing heavily.

Fuck!

I should've never let him get this far. I should've shot him when I had the opportunity!

I calm myself. I need to think straight. I'm the fucking king of strategy! And that's exactly what I need right now.

Felix should've already noticed Alice is not in her room, and the other guard shouldn't be that far. Yes, they're coming. I just need to keep him talking until someone gets here and make a distracting appearance. All I need is a second in which he isn't looking at me.

As if on call, a loud noise comes from the end of the hallway, at James back, and he moves his eyes to the side, trying to make a decision, I assume. But that was all I needed, and I don't think it twice. I take the opportunity and shoot at his right shoulder, the one is peeking from behind Alice, and with a frustrated groan he falls onto his back, echoed by Alice's panicked scream.

I run towards Alice, knowing he is still armed and a danger to her. I take the arms of the wheelchair and pull her to me, trying to get her out of his path as soon as possible. But the moment I pull her and his path is clear to me, I see him lifting his arm and a loud shot reverberates against the hallway's walls.

My first immediate thought was "Did he shot her? Was I unable to protect her?" But then I felt this warm wetness spreading through my clothes from my left ribs, and I knew it wasn't her. And then, the _pain_. The fucking unbearable pain running through my whole body as if my side was burning. I touch my left side, the pain intensifying, and I can feel my warm blood flooding through my fingers.

Everything turns confusing. I can barely discern the image of Peter pinning James to the floor. I see Felix crouched in front of Alice, checking on her. And then I feel another sharp pain on the back of my head when suddenly everything turns white and then just darkness…

Pure, uninterrupted darkness.

"_Jasper?"_

"_Jasper, stay with us."_

"_The doctors are coming."_

"_Jasper."_

"_Jasper……"_

And I couldn't feel anything anymore.

***

**I was about to leave it there, **

**so show me how much you love me for continuing this chapter with a review, **

**ok?**

I am barely aware of what happened next.

I was still in the darkness, but I had small flashes of things happening to me. I felt myself being carried in someone's arms. I saw the blinding lights of what seemed to be a lot of powerful spots right in front of me. _Am I dead?_ I felt a sharp pain in my arm and a lot of voices calling my name, talking to me, but I never figured out what they were saying. Finally, I felt warmth spreading from my left hand that warmed my whole body and flooded me with calmness; I felt _safe_.

I woke up with a sharp pain on my side and with the unnerving, constant noise of a heart monitor. But as I was slowly regaining consciousness, other pains where making themselves known. My whole body was in pain. My head, my ribs, my stomach, my arms…

I feel like shit.

With a loud groan I open my eyes. Why did I have to come back from the numbing darkness? But the first thing I see is the blinding light of the fluorescent lamp above my head. I scream and shut my eyes immediately cursing under my breath. Fuck! I hate the sharp pain on the eyes when you see something too brilliant!

"Jasper? Are you in pain? Jasper what's wrong?!"

I hear the frantic voice of Edward somewhere at my left.

I open my eyes again, slowly this time, and search for him where I heard his voice. I find him standing up beside my bed and I immediately frown at what I see. His beautiful eyes are puffy and red, he has deep dark shadows under his eyes, his beautiful hair is even more disheveled than usual, and he just have this painfully worried expression all over him.

"I-"

I cough. My voice is so rough and my throat and mouth feel completely dry. I try to swallow, but it hurts too much and I whimper.

"Here, let me bring you some water, it's been a long time since you last talked."

He runs to somewhere at my feet, and I feel my hand being pulled a little before he drops it on the bed. That's when I realize he's been holding my hand. That was the warmth I felt, and now that his hand is far away from me, my whole body starts to feel so cold…

He comes back at my side in just a few seconds with a water papercup in his hand. He very carefully gets his right arm behind my neck and helps me support my body in an awkward sitting position while he approaches the papercup to my lips with his free hand. I greedily drink the water offered to me, while secretly relishing in the feel of his body around me. When I'm done drinking, I take a deep breath filling my lungs of his delicious scent and suddenly the pain and the discomfort seem so stupid compared to the knowledge that my Edward is here, with me.

I mutter a raspy "Thanks" while Edward carefully puts me back in my original position.

"I'm so glad you woke up, Jasper." He softly says looking at me with such an intense gaze, it makes my heart swell.

"I thought, I thought…" and he release a shaky breath while a few tears fall from his eyes. Suddenly my heart brakes for him, and I want nothing more than to reach him and comfort him. I lift my hand to his gorgeous, pained face, and gently wipe his tears with my fingers while he closes his eyes.

"It's ok, Edward. I'm ok. I'm so sorry I scared you."

A small smile breaks through his face, and he takes my hand in his.

"I'm such a girl. I know. But I was so scared, Jazz. I thought I had lost you…" he barely whispers, a few more tears falling from his eyes.

A thousand emotions run through my heart. I am angry at myself for being the cause of his pain. I am thrilled that he is so worried about me. I am heartbroken at seeing him like this. But most of all, I am fucking exhausted.

My eyelids start to close without my permission, because I really don't want to leave him like this. I want to keep hearing his voice, I want to keep seeing his beautiful face, and I want to keep feeling his warmth enveloping my hand. But I just can't fight it.

"Shhh. It's ok Jazz, you need to rest."

I want to tell him how much I appreciate his concern, and how much I love that he is here by my side. But I just can't make my lips move. I feel my body becoming heavier and my mind being engulfed by that numbing darkness I just escaped. And just before I am completely out, I feel the softest caress over my temple, that enveloping warmth all over my face and his delicious scent around me.

My Edward is here, with me.

* * *

Did you like it? Leave me some love.

Love you guys!!!


	8. Reach Out

**Undeniable Attraction**

Hey guys! Just let me tell you I was overwhelmed with the response I got to last chapter. I love your reviews, thank you SO MUCH. I'm always grinning like an idiot while reading them!

SO, the longest chapter so far! I hope you enjoy it!

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 8

**Reach Out**

**JPOV**

I can start to see the light through my eyelids while I wake up… and shit! There's that pain again! And that fucking monitor is driving me nuts!

Hospital. I'm in a fucking hospital.

Slowly everything that happened with Alice comes rushing through my mind. I hope she's ok. And that James bastard, where we able to catch him? Is he behind bars already?

And how much time have I been here, anyway? My whole body aches for too much time in the same position. I need to get up, I'm sick of this bed.

I slowly open my eyes and try to get up.

"And where do you think you're going, Mister?"

His voice. His smooth, deep voice… I immediately turn to my left and sure enough, there he is, my beautiful Edward. He is still here. As always, I can't help myself and a huge smile brakes through my face.

"You're here."

He smiles too, while pressing a button on the side of my bed that slowly moves to a half sitting position. "Of course I am. We're supposed to be roommates, aren't we?" He teases, flashing at me that sinful crooked smile of his.

My heart beats wildly when I lower my eyes and turn to look at my hand that's still tightly wrapped in his. And a stupid blush covers my cheeks, when I _hear_ the heart monitor pick up.

Fuck! I scowl a little, turning my face to my right, trying to control my natural reactions. I always react the same way to him, but I've never had a tell-tale fucking machine making it so obvious before!

He squeezes my hand a little, trying to get my attention.

"How do you feel?" He seriously asks.

"Like shit." I smile again. "My whole body is aching, some places worse than others… How long have I been here?"

He scowls a little at that, lowering his gaze. "About two days. You woke up for a few minutes last night, but were out again almost immediately."

"Yeah, I remember..." I frown too. "Two days? How bad was it?"

I take my time to look at him closely this time. He still looks tired and concerned, but at least he's no longer under that desperation veil anymore. Was he here by my side the whole time?

"Well, it seems that the bullet got out clean from your body, and it didn't touch any organs, but you lost a lot of blood and had a severe concussion from where you faint on the hallway. Thank God you were already on a hospital, so the medical attention was quick enough, but we were especially concerned about the concussion and the fact that you couldn't regain consciousness…" He trails off with a lost look on his face, as if he was remembering everything that happened in these two days.

I squeeze his hand to regain his attention. "I'm sorry I worried you."

He softly smiles. "It's ok. You're ok now. Just don't fucking do it again ok?"

I smile again. "I'll try my best. So, have you been here the whole time?" I ask, maybe a little too hopefully. But he seems oblivious to my reaction, as a shadow crosses along his eyes again, remembering.

"Yeah. I heard a shot when we were talking on the phone and I completely lost it. I thought it was you. I just grabbed my car keys and made my way to the hospital. When I walked in, they were carrying you to the emergency room…"

***

**EPOV**

I will never forget that moment. Even considering I had just found that I was in love with Jasper, it was the worst day of my life.

I can perfectly recall the way I just walked in through the automatic doors of the emergency hall and ran to the nurse station. I frantically asked for Alice's room, but no one could give me information since I didn't even know her last name. Just in time, where I was about to cry or scream or hit someone, a tall man crossed the doors to the left, behind the nurse station, carrying Jasper in his arms and I thought I was going to pass out.

He was there, worse than I could've ever imagined. His eyes closed with the little white slits between his eyelids, his lips parted, his skin sickly white, no traces of his natural blush, and his body completely limp. And then I noticed the worse. Not even my worst nightmares could've evoked such a sight. His beautiful curls were no longer golden but red, and his always impeccable white shirt was completely drenched in blood, tainting half his body in its sickening color and dripping over the floor leaving a trail of desperation and fear.

I watched in absolute horror at the man yelling for help, and I wanted nothing more than to reach him and have Jasper in my arms. _What if I never get the chance of holding him again?_ But it was the whole nightmare deal, as I couldn't move from my spot, I couldn't scream for him, I couldn't do _anything_ but watch helpless at his limp body.

Soon a bunch of doctors and nurses made their way to him from somewhere at my right, some of them bumping against me on their way and finally making me wake up from my trance. I followed them screaming for Jasper, the tears stroking down my face, and I couldn't scream loud enough, couldn't reach him fast enough, as I was being restrained by someone while they were taking my Jasper far away from me…

I feel a warm hand cradling my face and a soft thumb over my right cheek, wiping the tears I didn't even know I had.

"That bad, huh?" Jasper softly asks trying to joke about it, and not even getting close.

_You have no idea_. "Not that bad really, you just know me." I try to smile at him, playing nonchalant. What's the good in making him know everything I went through, thinking I'd lost him? No one should ever go through that.

A soft knock on the door saves me from losing it.

"Come in." I say out loud and taking a deep needed breathe. Stay cool Edward, now is not the time. You'll be able to deal with it later, when you're alone. Jasper has already had enough.

Lillian peeks her head through the opened door, smiling warmly when she sees us. "Hey, can I have my turn with my boy already?" She asks with a slight pout on her face.

I smile and look up at Jasper, whose eyes are opened wide looking from her mom to me. "Mom?" He smiles. "When did you get here?"

Lillian closes the door behind her and walks towards us with a hot cup on her hand. I stand up from the chair, leaving it to her, and reluctantly pulling out from Jasper's hand to step aside. She smiles at me before turning her full attention to her son.

"I just arrived. Edward called me in the morning to let me know what happened and I drove here immediately, how are you feeling?"

"I'm ok mom, just sore, ya know?"

"I can imagine. I'm so glad it was just a scratch, I can't imagine what I would've done if anything bad happened to you!"

Jasper turns to look at me with a puzzled look on his face, and I just move my head minutely trying to tell him that now is not the time for questions and explanations.

The thing is I suffered enough for everyone that loves Jasper, having to look at him like that. So the moment the doctor said he was in no more danger and that we could just wait for him to regain consciousness and recover, I decided I would call her mom the moment he woke up. No need for her to see her son like that, unconscious and in pain while the hours drag, trying to know if you'll ever see his sparkling eyes again…

I think Jasper understood, because he smiled and made a small grateful head movement in response.

"Well, I'll leave you two alone. I'll be just outside if you need anything."

I make a move to leave the room, but Lillian's small hand grabs my arm stopping me. She turns to look at me and envelopes me in a tight, almost desperate hug.

"Thank you." Is all she whispers. And that's all I needed because I can feel my chest constricting and my sight start blurring. I know I have to get the hell out of here.

I pull back, give her a smile and lunge for the door.

I run through the almost empty hallways, desperately trying to reach the restroom because I can already feel the hot tears streaming down my face. I reach it and make my way to an empty stall, shutting the door behind me.

I can't hold it anymore. Now that I know he's ok, all the feelings and the stress and the fears from the past two days seem to overwhelm me. And I cry, and scream, and empty myself from the constricting emotions that were swallowing me. I thought I had lost him. I thought I would never get to see his eyes sparkle when I finally confessed my feelings. I thought I was going to go back to a dark empty apartment. I was terrified of going back there alone. I couldn't leave his side.

I'll have those images forever tattooed to my brain. His limp body, his drenched shirt, his blank eyes. I was so scared, so very scared. All those hours by his side thinking the worse, clinging at his hand as my only float board. Every fucking time I tried to close my eyes, those images would hunt my dreams, so I just stayed there, repeating my mantra like a constant prayer, pleading… _Please don't leave me_.

He's ok. He's ok. He woke up. He's ok.

I feel so tired now. I'm exhausted. As if I was suddenly carrying all the tiredness of the world. But I know it's useless. I won't be able to sleep until my Jasper is with me, at home.

I take a last deep breath and I think I'm ready now. I feel calm now, drained. I make my way out of the stall and stop to wash my face on the sinks. I loudly sigh, looking at my reflection.

Fuck, I look like shit.

I find my mother sitting on a corner in the waiting room, devouring the design magazine she bought yesterday. I called my parents as soon as I was able to get up from the floor and pull myself together that day on the emergency hall. I knew I wouldn't be able to transfer Jasper to a better hospital in his delicate state, so I did the best second thing. I called my father. Of course, in a few hours they where flying here, having arranged his shifts in the hospital he works back there in Forks, so he could be clear to come and fix my Jasper.

I barely left his side these past days, but the moment I knew my parents had arrived, I went to find them and threw myself to my mother's warm arms. I cried for God knows how long, my mother just making soft soothing noises and caressing my back, waiting for me to be drained of the tears and despair that engulfed me.

My father checked on his case and took over, so he was the responsible of him. I knew he couldn't be in more capable hands. I'd done everything I could; now I just had to wait. And such a long wait it was. The longest hours of my existence…

I sit beside my mom and tilt my head so it's resting on her shoulder. I feel her arm wrapping around my shoulder squeezing me a little, and feel a soft warm kiss on my forehead. She turns her head again and keeps up reading. That's what I love the most about my mother. She doesn't hover, she doesn't pry. She's just there, every time I need her, and seems to somehow know exactly what I need.

I lose myself in the world of the latest tendencies in design, reading with her, welcoming the change of scenery, the change of thinking and finally the lack of that unnerving heart monitor. It was actually my only connection to Jasper for a long while, letting me know he was still in this world, with me… but I swear I have a buzz on my ear for two days of that sound as my only company.

***

I wake up to the sound of hushed conversation. I blink with the fluorescent lights slightly stinging my eyes and my body sore for sleeping across the hard plastic chairs of the waiting room. I can't start to imagine how much Jasper's body must ache. I sit up abruptly thinking of Jasper. How long ago did I fall asleep? I didn't even notice the moment my eyes closed.

I feel a warm hand on my arm and turn to look at Lillian warmly smiling at me.

"It was time, sleepyhead!" My amused mother says at the other side of Lillian. I'm still somewhat sleepy, so I just stare dumbfounded at the woman in front of me. It is so easy to see Jasper in her. Lillian Whitlock. The woman I will forever be grateful for giving me my Jasper. Her golden hair, slightly less curly than Jasper's, her fair skin, her warm smile, and those beautiful blue eyes… And suddenly the _need_ to see Jasper is almost unbearable.

"How long have I been asleep?" I ask rubbing my face with my hands, trying to get rid of the last traces of sleepiness left.

"All day. It's almost 11."

"What?" I sharply turn my head to face them. How could I sleep?

"You looked so tired, Edward. You needed to rest." My mother says.

"But what about Jazz? Who's with him?"

"I just left him an hour ago, he's sound asleep too." Llilian answers this time.

"I'll go 'n stay with him." I say already up and walking down the hallway.

Fucking unbelievable! He just woke up today and I spent all my day sleeping on a bench. Too much for being concerned sick of not seeing him again. _Great, Edward!_

I enter his room and quietly close the door behind me. He is there lying on the bed, as the last nightmarish days, but I can see him now in a new light. Now I'm certain he won't leave me.

I perch myself on the chair beside his bed and my hand immediately reaches for his. It feels like such a natural thing to do, as if we've been doing this all of our lives. I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself from reaching for his hand once he leaves this hospital. I loudly sigh looking at his face.

Now that he's finally out of all danger I can finally look at him, like _really look_ at him. I haven't seen him sleep since when we were kids, and things have definitely changed since then. His face is so different now, absolutely beautiful as always, but completely relaxed, as I've never seen him before. I slowly run my eyes across his features, trying to memorize each and every single detail.

The almost imperceptibly highlights of so many shades of gold in his hair, the softness of it and the way every curl has such a perfect shape. I can't help myself from reaching it and softly running my fingers trough it, _lovingly_. I trace the unusual smoothness of his forehead and the perfect natural shape of his eyebrows, slightly darker than his hair. I carefully trace his closed eyelids, like the whisper of a butterfly, trying not to disturb this beautiful creature. I trace the high bones of his cheeks and down to where the most beautiful laugh lines form every time he smiles at me. I trace the straight bone of his nose with that slight bump from when he was hit the first day he was protecting me from the school bullies; the only time he was ever hit. I trace his strong square jaw, feeling the delicious roughness of two days without shaving. Finally, my fingers reach the place I've fantasized about from that faithful day. The day he opened the door to a new life between us. I watch each detail of his plump, pink lips; he seems to have regained some color in the last hours. I smile at the small pout he has now that he's sleeping. My fingers softly slide along his warm soft lips and he softly sighs, parting them a little and spreading his hot breath all over my flesh.

I close my eyes taking a deep breath myself, and trying to ignore the warmth that made its way to somewhere below my waist. Now is not the time… But I smile thinking about what will happen when it finally is.

***

Two more weeks had to pass before Jasper was finally dismissed from the hospital. Miraculously enough, I was being able to sleep ok at nights, sometimes thanks to the soothing presence of my mother, and others to the soft lullaby of Jasper's soft breathing and the warmth of his hand.

We found out that James was denied freedom, was going to trial in about two months and that Alice was required to testify against him. So with Jasper's health quickly improving, the only concern left was Alice's safety, _again_.

Something weird happened with Alice, though. Weird in a good way, I think. When my father came here to attend Jasper, he was also very curious and concerned for Alice, knowing of her case from phone calls over the last few weeks. So he also took her case and became her head physician.

Strangely enough, Alice and my father _clicked_ somehow, starting a friendship that only got stronger when my mother made her appearance. My mother was… well, she was _ecstatic_ to be able to gain her trust so easily after everything that Alice went through. Alice said that Esme reminded her a lot of her own mother, and that only served to encourage my mother even more. Between her compassionate spirit, her motherly nature and the fact that Alice is indeed a girl, well, she's almost adopting her already.

I'm glad for them, really. Between my parents, Jasper and Maria, they were able to arrange that Alice could spend these two months before the trial with my parents in Forks, under the cover of physical care and witness protection. I'm happy because my parents get to have someone to take care of with them in Forks, where I know they feel lonely sometimes, and Alice get to have a new loving family that will take good care of her. It's supposed to be just for these two months…

Well, I don't have Alice's supernatural skills, but I can tell that these living arrangements will last much longer.

So now we're finally walking through the sliding doors out of the hospital, Jasper being able to walk by himself just with the help of a cane. I really hope we don't see a hospital in a very long time.

We say our good byes in the parking lot. My parents and Alice are flying back to Forks tomorrow morning, so they will head to their hotel to get some rest, while Jasper's mom is staying with us for another week to take care of her baby. I smirk remembering the passion with which Jasper tried to convince her it was not necessary. As if he didn't know her. Jasper's stubbornness comes from _her_ side.

I tightly hug my mother, thanking her for everything and promising to take good care of me and Jasper. I hug my father too, telling him how much it meant for me that he could come and look for Jazz. Finally I reach for Alice.

We haven't really bonded over the past weeks, as I've mostly been at Jazz' side, but I do feel some kind of connection with her. I ruffle her hair a little and tentatively reach out to hug her, not really knowing if it's ok with her.

She slowly hugs me back, and I whisper smiling to her. "Take care of yourself, little sis."

She pulls back with a radiant smile on her face and a twinkle in her eyes, and enthusiastically nods her head.

She reaches out for Jasper, and they envelope each other in a tight hug. I smile at them. All the traces of the jealousy I once felt are nowhere to be found, thank God! They too are like brothers, and I'm so happy for Jasper knowing that he was able to protect her, and so very happy for her, because once again something touched by my Jasper was turned to gold.

After waiting for them to catch a cab, we make our way to my car.

***

**JPOV**

I'm so fucking sick of being on a bed! So I spend my time now at home walking through the living room around the couch, Edward's bed for the time being. The ever gentlemanly Edward Cullen left his bedroom for my mother and, as I'm the convalescent, he wouldn't let me be the one staying on the couch. He's so sweet, I know, but he also makes me feel so useless at times like this.

He's always been a little on the overprotective side. Every time I was sick or had some kind of minor accident, he would get overboard trying to take care of me. I can't really deny that I love his attention and cares, but after more than two weeks of being the center of everyone's concern and attention, all I want is a little peace at my own home.

Too much to ask with Edward _and_ my mother here to take care of me. At least I could convince Edward to go to the theater for a few hours, he's been neglecting his work too much and his play season is getting near. My mother, well… at least she'll stay with us for just one week.

Of course I love my mother, I _adore_ her, but I'm kind of out of shape at being her constant attention.

When my father died, ten years ago, we left Texas to the small town of Forks, where I met Edward. My mother had a sister there, and we took refugee there after our loss. But when we finished High School and Edward and I decided we wanted to come here to New York, my mother wanted to be near me, so she found a shared house in New Jersey.

My mom found a great friend in her roommate, and I don't know how, but they decided to start a small coffee shop, basically with just a coffee machine and my mother's delicious desert creations. I will be forever grateful to Ann, her roommate, because after my father's death and me going to the Academy, I was worried about my mother getting lonely and depressed. But their coffee shop turned up to be everything she needed and she's now an independent, strong woman.

We see each other fairly often, being near and all, but mostly I go and visit her there. So every time I visit her, I mostly sit around the coffee shop and take the time to read and talk to her or just stay in the house and watch TV. It's been a long time since she was all motherly on me, and it feels kind of weird… aside from the fact that she's been like that enough for the past weeks.

I finally sit down on the couch and turn the TV on. I roll up my t-shirt to take a look at my stomach. Thank God I heal fast; I have now just the pink mark of the wound. I trace the edges softly, because it still feels tender, but it's not even the size of a coin… well, another scar to the collection. I feel my mother sitting down beside me and a slap in my hand, which honestly sounded worse than it felt, but…

"OUCH! What was that for?"

"Stop touching it!"

I open my mouth to argue further when I see what's in her left hand, and shut it loudly. She smiles at me and gives me the mouthwatering chocolate cheesecake she brought with her.

"You're going to make me so fat! I've been lying in a bed for two weeks and you're giving me sin on a plate!"

"Well, if you don't want it-" she reaches out for the plate and I quickly move my whole torso to her opposite side, a sharp pain coming from my wound.

"Agghhh! I didn't say I didn't…" I say already spooning a mouthful into my mouth. God I'm such a pig sometimes but honestly, with two and a half weeks with just hospital food, I was fucking starving.

***

We've felt into some kind of routine after a couple of days. Edward would go to the theater for a few hours and return home to "take care of me", which basically consists in making me stay on the couch while asking me every few minutes if I needed anything and running at full speed to grab whatever it was if I did. My mother would cook for us, making breakfast just for her and me and lunch and dinner for the three of us.

I was seriously just a step behind from losing it and yelling at them to leave me the hell alone… if it wasn't for the small little things that told me that actually, they were just trying to make me feel better.

Somehow in the past weeks Edward and I became even closer than before. Well, of course a near death experience would change that, but he was so attentive now, it freaked me out sometimes.

He would always have an eye on me, from whatever spot he was at. If I made some move to get out of the couch he would be by my side in an instant to ask me what was that I needed. He would sit by my side a lot nearer than before, and there'd been times that I could swear I felt his fingers touch my hand when looking at the TV. Of course when that happens, I have to clench my teeth to stop myself from reaching out for his hand and holding it. The past weeks it has just been such a natural thing for us, he holding my hand when sitting by my bed, that now that I don't have it, I almost feel cold. But I can't figure out a way to ask for it or doing it myself without feeling I'm pushing the lines between us. It was just because I was sick.

So we're sitting on the couch _again_, watching a movie. My mom went to sleep a few minutes ago and my eyes too are starting to get heavy. Just a few more minutes and I'll call it a night.

I feel Edward slowly scoot a little closer to me and the tiredness I felt an instant ago is nowhere to be found. I keep my eyes on the screen while my senses get sharper with awareness. I can smell his delicious scent all around me, as if I was somehow engulfed in his presence. I can feel his body warmth enveloping me, and some kind of magnetic force pulling me to him, calling at me. Regardless of my efforts to control my body, I have to start taking deeper breaths to try to keep my breathing somewhat normal, and I feel that warm prickling sensation in my cheeks and my lower stomach.

I feel his fingers brush ever so softly at the back of my hand and I close my eyes trying not to scoot that almost inexistent space between us to hold his hand. What the hell is he doing? Does he know what he's doing to me? Doesn't he know how I feel about him? He must really enjoy making me squirm.

Between my confusion, I am suddenly aware that he is heavily breathing too. Is he testing me?

But what if he misses my touch as much as I do? What if he'd been thinking the same I had, trying to get near me and he doesn't know how, either? What the hell! I've already made the most impulsive thing I could've done and everything was fine. Can this really be worse?

I take a deep breath and, without thinking further about it, I reach for his hand.

I wait for him to make a sudden movement, to get away or something, but all I feel is his warm hand turning in mine and intertwining our fingers, squeezing me lightly. Everything is better now. With his warmth enveloping my hand I can feel myself relax completely, and I exhale the breath I was holding. I keep my eyes fixed on the screen, even when I honestly have no fucking idea of what we were supposed to be watching, and Edward is doing the same. Even when I really want to turn and look at him, to see his eyes and read his face, I am afraid to do so. I don't want to make this awkward, not now that I have what I wanted.

I have no fucking idea what this mean for us, this new closeness between us. I am no expert, but I'm sure as hell straight friends don't fucking hold hands. So what the hell is happening here? I really want to know, I really _need_ to know, but I won't ask; I don't want to scare him. I don't want to lose the little things I'd gained. This is definitely weird, but I'm not the one who's going to call on it. I'll enjoy every single thing Edward is willing to give me, and I'll be happy with it. And I am sure as hell happy with holding his hand.

So we stay there, 'watching' the TV, holding hands, and I'm not in the least on the mood of going to sleep tonight. I want to make this last as long as I can. I don't know if this will ever happen again.

Unfortunately, my luck is short as always, and the ring of the telephone breaks the moment.

Edward drops my hand, but reaches across me for the phone placing his hand dangerously close to my thigh. I hold my breath watching him almost sprawled face down across my lap; his shoulder touching my chest, his hand touching my thigh, and his warmth and scent hanging heavily around me and waking my whole body with awareness. I barely hear him talking on the phone, while I'm desperately trying to will down my stiffening cock and stay still on my place.

He turns to look at me, and with that sinful crooked smile on his face, he places the phone on my ear, touching my earlobe and neck with the backside of his fingers, making me shiver.

"It's Alice." He says with a deep voice while taking his place at my side again.

I swallow loudly. "H-Hello?" Is all I manage to say.

I hear his fucking low chuckle and I scold myself for being so predictable and stupid and unable to control myself around him. So harshly taking the phone from his hand, I turn myself a little to my other side, trying to put some space between us.

"Jasper? Hi! I'm sorry I called so late, but I couldn't wait to talk to you!"

Her chirpy mood makes me immediately smile. I can almost feel her excitement trough the phone.

"What is it Alice?"

"Well, I suddenly had this awesome idea, and I just know you'll love it! See, when my mom died, she left me everything to me, of course. So in addition to the house and a bank account, she also left me her parent's house."

"Ok…" I have no idea where this is going, but at least I'm distracted from Edward now.

"Well, it's a small house in a little beach in Mexico, and I had this idea for you to be able to recover faster and to rest a little. Why don't you go there and take a little vacation? I know you're out from work for at least another week, and it would be great for your health and your peace of mind.

You need to see it, is so beautiful! And it's in a small colorful town that I just know you'll love. Besides, it's the only way I have to do something for you in return for everything you've done for me."

"Darlin', you don't need to do anything for me-"

"I know! But I really want to, and I know you'll enjoy it. Please Jazz, just say yes. I'll send you the keys by mail tomorrow along with the address and directions. Please?"

I know this is important to her, to be able to give me something in return, but what am I supposed to do alone for a week on a Mexican beach? Although I have to admit that at this moment the whole _alone_ thing sounds very appealing… and thinking it better, I would definitely enjoy to spend all day lazily sprawled on the beach, hearing the sea and feeling the warm air running through my hair.

God yes!

"Ok Alice, I accept. Thank you."

She squeals loudly and I have to pull the phone from my ear. "You're gonna love it Jazz, I know it!"

"Yeah, I really hope so! So thank you again and I'll call you later ok?"

"Ok Jazz, good night!"

With that I toss the phone on the couch and return my attention to the TV. Of course, I feel the intense stare of Edward at my side, and I turn my head to see him with a questioning look.

"Well…?"

"Alice." Duh!

He rolls his eyes at me. "What did she want?"

"She offered me her parent's house to take a vacation on a Mexican beach."

"Oh!" He frowns a little, turning to look at the TV. "Really?"

"Yeah, and I accepted." I say slowly trying to read his emotions and his weird reactions.

"Hmm."

"Do you wanna come?"

WHAT?

Didn't I want the ALONE time? What will I do with Edward on a small Mexican beach? Me and my big mouth! Whatever, he'll surely refuse, having to prepare his play season and all.

But as always, faith proves me wrong when he turns to look at me with that fucking smile and a single word rolls from his lips. "Sure."

* * *

So how many of you love Alice??? As always, please let me know what you think!

Love you, and thank you for reading!


	9. Take a Look

**Undeniable Attraction**

The day we've all been waiting is near… next chapter maybe?  
This is kind of a prelude. Annoying, I know, but necessary.

Thanks to all of you that's been following this story.  
I have a juicy surprise to all of my lovely reviewers.

Enjoy!

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 9  
**Take a Look**

**JPOV**

I can't fucking believe Edward said yes! I mean, what about his job? What about his actors, his stage, his fabrics and his fucking sparkles?

This just isn't something Edward would do. He's not impulsive like this, EVER. I always have to drag him to the bars, hell, I practically had to force him to skip some classes back in High School! Why the change in him? And even more so, why his change in THIS?

But as always, I'm the only one to blame, as I was the fucking moron that opened my big mouth in the first place!

It's not that I don't _want_ him to come with me. In fact, it actually sounds heavenly. Edward on the beach, the sun making his wet skin sparkle, his wet hair darker than usual, his skin with a deliciously light tan, his cheeks flushed, his trunks hanging low on his hips, showing off that mouthwatering V that I love so much…

But THAT is the fucking problem, as just imagining it has me already hard! I won't be able to conceal my stares, my shivers at his nearness, my stiffness at his half naked form. He'll feel embarrassed after a few minutes with me, and it will be so fucking horrendous when he finally sees what me being "attracted" to him really means. He'll think it twice before getting near me and I could never live with his rejection.

What the fuck was I thinking when I opened my mouth? Oh yeah, NOTHING! My brain was completely melted while I was just staring at him.

Thinking about tonight makes me even more confused. What about him holding my hand? God! Everything was so awkward, both of us trying to get near, but when we finally closed the distance, it was just _perfect_.

I lie on my bed over the covers, still fully dressed thinking about everything that happened tonight. I can still feel his warmth, his electrical current along my fingers. I roll up my t-shirt and a shiver runs through my whole body as I catch his scent around me. Somehow, in the small contact we had, his scent clung to my tee, that now smells just like him.

I fucking love it.

As the freak love-sick that I am, I tightly hold the shirt over my nose, while my right hand makes its way to the waistband of my shorts, basking in his heavy musky scent. I conjure those images again in my mind. The perspiration layer on his skin mixed with the salty water of the ocean, making his flesh all salty. His reddish strands of soft hair getting a little lighter and golden from too much sun. His beautiful chiseled face, the color of honey, with flushed cheeks and red lips. And that sinful torso with his sleek muscles enhanced by the hard light of the sun…

I hold my breath as my fingers make contact with my hard throbbing cock. The fingers of the hand Edward touched. I try to imagine what that light electrical current of his touch would feel like over my shaft if he ever touched it. I bit my lip trying to muffle my moans, remembering that my mother is in the next bedroom and Edward is sleeping on the couch.

God! What would I give to have the balls to go to him, catching him asleep, and waking him up with a searing, passionate kiss and a hand inside his pants! I'm going to hell, jacking off with my mother on the other side. But all I can think of is Edward and his warm hand, and his sinful smile and his sinful body.

Unghhh!

***

Another morning and I was sitting at _the_ table, in front of my mother, having breakfast. She was looking oddly at me, miserably trying to be sneaky about it. Every time I look up at her, she would lower or just avert her gaze. I knew she was gathering the courage to say something, or simply looking for the best way to say it. She's a lot like me but not in this, I should think better what usually comes out of my mouth, the way she or Edward do but, what can I say? I'm reckless, impulsive and most of the time plain stupid trying to control my mouth. Too much to be the 'King of strategy'.

Anyway, I know what she's trying to do but this is getting really annoying.

"What?" I ask annoyed, dropping my fork over my half-eaten omelet.

She smiles apologetically and averting her blue eyes one last time trying to find the words, she bluntly asks. "So you asked Edward to the beach with you?"

I let out a long breath. "It's not like _that_ mom, believe me." I mutter.

"Hm, then how is it?" She looks expectantly at me.

I know what she's thinking. She's worried about me, and with a good reason I must say. It's been a long time ago since I told my mother about my feelings for Edward. It was great and so freeing at the time because I thought I was going nuts trying to cope with my feelings and trying to hide them from everyone at the same time. But I couldn't leave my mom out of it. It's always been the two of us since my father died, I've always been for her and viceversa.

I've always been able to talk freely with my mother. From a young age I told her my thoughts, my doubts and my conclusions about being bisexual. She was not sure about _everyone_ being bisexual as I thought (and still think), but she was sure _I_ was. She had the time to come to terms with that and I have to thank the good education she received even in a small Texan town, because she was always more curious than judgmental. She was always open to my theories and reasons, so I've always had her support if not always her agreement.

She knew I was bisexual most of our lives, so that day that I needed a safe refugee to think clearly and come to terms with my growing feelings, she was my natural option. Talking to her made me realize I was really in love with Edward, so we kind of found out at the same time. She's always been supportive and loving, she's seen me at my love-highs and at my most depressing days, so I really can understand her concern. I'm her only son, after all.

"Well, how is it then?" She repeats the question, getting me out of my musings.

"I don't really know mom! It just… happened. One minute Alice is pleading me to take her offer and I'm thinking how great being alone for a week would be, and the next one I'm opening my fucking mouth asking Edward if he wants to come! I didn't even think he would accept! I mean, you know how he is, always busy with his work and all that, but he just said 'sure'" I make a miserable mocking version of his beautiful deep voice, childishly trying to let out some of my confusion and anger at him for accepting.

"So you didn't want him to go?" She asks annoyingly skeptically.

"Why would I want him to go with me to a _beach_? As if the torture of seeing him everyday getting out of the shower wasn't enough! Of course! I can't wait to see him on his wet bathing suit with his tanned skin; I can't wait to embarrass myself right in front of him because I'm a hungry bitch for torture and humiliation!"

Oh. My. God.

See what I said about being stupid most of the time? This emotional rollercoaster I've been in lately definitely doesn't help with my shut-your-fucking-mouth-for-once problems. I can't fucking believe I said _I'm a hungry bitch_ to my mother. Just seeing her wide eyes slowly blinking in shock is enough to make me die in embarrassment. God, kill me fucking NOW!

"Mom-" I hesitantly start, but am abruptly stopped by her hand in the air.

"DON'T!

"I won't make any comment about it; I'll pretend I didn't hear anything. Just, if you somewhat value the mental health of your mother, please never EVER do that again, ok?"

"Ok…"

After a few minutes of awkward silence she finally asks. "So what're you going to do about this?"

I sigh, trying hard to get rid of the embarrassing moment and concentrate on the conversation at hand.

"Pff… I don't even know if I can make a choice here. Really, I can't just _desinvite_ him, mom. He would wonder if something is wrong, and I'd have a lot to explain that I really don't want to… I guess I'll just go with him and pray for him to stay as far away from me as possible…"

I feel her small hand over mine, and I can feel her sympathy and concern flowing to me.

"Just take care of yourself, ok? I don't want you to get hurt…"

A defeated smile breaks through my face. "Don't worry mom, I'll be fine. Really, what's the worse that could happen?"

***

As always, when I wanted time to slow down, dreading the day we would part to Mexico, time passed in a blur and I found myself Saturday morning asking myself 'Were the hell did the week go?'

My mother was going to drop us at the airport before going back to NJ. So in no time at all I was outside La Guardia, kissing my mom goodbye and following an eager Edward. Was he really not nervous at all about being alone with me on a heavenly Mexican beach? Didn't he hear me when I said I was attracted to him?

I swear Edward confuses me more every day. We've been following our little couch routine, holding hands in front of the TV after my mother is gone to bed. I anxiously wait all day for that time. I feel like a sneaky teenager, waiting for his parents to go upstairs just to start groping his girlfriend on the couch.

I've never made any comment about it and I know is wrong, but I just don't want him to stop. I don't know how much time we'll be able to do this without having to address it, but I just want to make the most of the time given.

***

After about 8 long hours of flight we finally arrived to the small airport. Well, not all of them were flying; we'd actually been able to grab lunch in Houston while waiting for our second flight. So after checking our passports in the immigration stand Edward grabbed our bags, making me feel as useless as ever, and made our short way out of the airport.

It's so different from loud fast NY, you can almost smell their slow rhythm of life in the air. Ixtapa Zihuatanejo is a small town on the Mexican Pacific Coast, not as known as the most famous beaches like Acapulco or Cancun, but I find it just perfect.

The moment the airport doors slide open, I'm hit with the warm salty air of the coast. I close my eyes reveling in the clean ocean-scented air. God, please make this week a long one! Edward squeezes my waist making me jump and I open my eyes to see him dangerously close to me.

"It's time to go, Jazz." He whispers.

Yup, this'll definitely be a long week.

He turns around to the taxi site and grabs a cab urging me to get inside. I hand the driver Alice's directions and we make our way through the humble streets. It's definitely not luxurious Cancun. I'd been there a few years back on our Senior Year's spring break. I had a lot of fun, but that's not really my cup of tea. I prefer quiet colorful towns where you can actually relax and see the real life of the people.

The moment we leave the small city, I know I'm in heaven. The sea is just gorgeous, most of it surrounded by small hills. The sky is blue and clean, only a few clouds in the horizon. We start to get up one of the hills, the small road surrounded by giant trees and palms and tropical flowers. We can see a few houses to our right, not really big or luxurious, but really, what else could you ask for living in a place like this?

We stop in front of a small entrance over the right side of the road and the driver helps us get our luggage out of the trunk. I fumble for a few minutes with the keys, trying to remember which one was the front door one. After a few failed tries I'm finally able to open the door.

It's a not so small house, really colorful and full of paths and terraces and surrounded by the natural vegetation of the place. Everything is just so colorful, so different from the cities I've lived in. The blue sky, the green vegetation, the magenta flowers, the red tiles of the floor, the striking yellow paint of the walls… I smile. I absolutely love it.

I turn around to see Edward smiling at me. "What?" I asked confused.

"Nothing. I think I've just never see you this happy before…" He muses. "So you like it?"

I smile too. "I love it. This would definitely be my own personal heaven."

We leave the suitcases on the living room and start exploring the house. There are a lot of paths made of the same red tiles surrounding the house. As it is set on a hill, we have a perfect beautiful sight of the ocean, spreading endlessly over the horizon. The whole house is built surrounding a patio with a small swimming pool and terraces in different levels. It's like a main house and a small apartment on one side. The main house is just gorgeous, it has so much space and light entering everywhere. It just has one bedroom but is huge, even having a small living room in it.

I remember Alice telling me about her grand parents. It seems that his grandpa was a teacher from Chicago that came here on vacation, he fell in love with a local artist and he never came back to the States, they just send Alice's mom to Chicago for college. They built this house for themselves, to be able to spend their lives together and they did so. I can almost see Alice's grandmother, sitting over the bedroom terrace painting the beach.

I drop myself on the comfy bed, staring at the cracked ceiling.

"So, how are we going to sleep?" Half of me wanted to have Edward near, while the other half wanted him to say that one of us should go and stay on the other apartment.

Please say we can both sleep here.

Please say you're going to sleep in the apartment.

"Well, I think you should have the bed, as you're still kind of recovering and… well, I think…" is Edward stuttering?

"I think, if you don't mind, I can have the couch in here." He finally says gesturing at the big couch on the bedroom.

I don't know what to say. Do I really want him that near? On the same bedroom? On a tropical weather, where we'll surely be sleeping wrapped just in a thin blanket sweating and tossing around?

Fuck YES!

But maybe that's why I should say no…

Of course my mouth is a lot faster than my brain and I didn't even noticed the moment I said "Sure!"

I'll fucking search on the internet for one of those gag balls they use in BDSM… I sigh loudly shutting my eyes. Definitely NOT COOL to think about that with Edward so near me.

"I'll take a shower." I say hopping out of the bed and almost running to the bathroom, leaving a very confused looking Edward standing in the middle of the bedroom.

***

**EPOV**

Well, the first step is done. I'm sleeping here.

I can't believe how things are taking their place. Everything's just been so perfect.

First that faithful call from Alice. At first I was just so mad at her for interrupting all the work I've done just to be able to hold his hand again. Then when he told me he was leaving to Mexico, I was just looking for some reason to convince him to stay with me. I'd been dying to tell him about my feelings, but the hospital was not the right place, and with her mother on the other side of the wall was definitely not how I wanted to do it. So I was desperately looking forward to the next week, when we would finally be alone and he would be almost healed. I didn't know how it was going to work, but I'd certainly imagined a lot of things that would require his absolute recovery…

So when he asked me if I wanted to come with him, I saw the perfect chance. It was as if destiny or God or the fucking number 23 was throwing at my face the perfect opportunity. I just couldn't say no. I made the necessary arrangements with the company and I was free for another week.

I was now sitting at one of the bunks on the bedroom terrace waiting for Jasper to finish his shower. Yes this place is really beautiful, and my Jasper really loved it. I make a silent promise to the ocean. _If this is the place where everything happens between us, I'll buy him a house here._ I will never forget his face while looking at this place, and I'll make my goddamn best to put that look there over and over again.

I go back in my mind to the last few days. Closing my eyes I lie back over the bunk and let the sun caress the smile on my face. I can't believe I've been able to hold his hand outside the hospital.

The first few days at home I was itching to touch him, to be able to feel any part of his skin in constant contact with mine. I was sneaking little touches here and then, brushing pass him, sitting close to him, ruffling his hair, but it was not nearly enough. Lillian was starting to get suspicious, I think. She started to look weird at me, sometimes staring intently at us while sitting on the couch. I wonder if she knows about Jasper's feelings for me. If she knows, then maybe it wasn't that hard for her to recognize mine.

But even with those concerns, I was unable to be away from him for a long time. I arranged the dates with the company the moment I had mind enough to think about my work, after Jasper was shot. So we agreed to delay the season a couple of months. I was in no rush to go back to work, but I understood his need for a little time of peace, knowing his constant need for space. I just humored him and went to the theater for a few hours. But I couldn't wait to be back home, home to my Jasper. I know I was annoying him with my constant hovering, but I couldn't bring myself to let him alone. So I finally gathered my courage and made a move to have that constant contact between us again.

I knew he was not going to reject me, but I was worried about him starting to ask questions. That was definitely not the best moment to talk things out, but I just couldn't stand one more day without touching him.

We've been doing it the last couple of days, delaying our bedtime as long as possible trying to stay like that. And now that I have that constant contact with him, I don't want to let it go. I don't want to take step behind, not in a place like this.

I know this is the time, this is the place. I'll let him know. I have to have him soon.

I'm dying to get into the pool. I can see it form here. Its cool inviting water is calling to me, wanting to get me rid of the sweat that's started to pour from my body. Well, let's start our vacations! I pull my trunks from my suitcase and make my way to the patio. Taking a quick shower on the sprays outside, I jump in.

***

He's watching me. I know he's watching me. I can feel the prickling sensation all over my body telling me that his eyes are on me from the bedroom terrace above me. I swim a couple of laps more and then I get outside.

I make a show just for him, walking slowly to the shower sprays, flexing my arms over my head and running my fingers though my damped hair to get rid of the water there. I turn on the shower and slowly stroke my face with my hands. I touch my neck, my collarbone, my chest, wishing that soon it'll be his hands all over me. I briefly consider about taking off my trunks, but I can't be _that_ mean to my poor Jasper, so I just settle with the light touching.

Finally, I reach my lower abdomen and with just the tip of my middle finger inside the waistband of my shorts, I turn to look directly at him.

He's frozen there, like a deer in headlights, and I can't fight the twitch of my lips that really want to smile at his cute embarrassed face. He turns on his heels and gets in the house.

I finally let a broad smile breaks through my mouth. This is going to be so easy.

* * *

I know this was kind of a big teaser for you guys, but what do you think will happen next? To those of you that review this chapter, I'll send you a juicy sneak peek to the next one!

Pics from this beautiful place on my profile.

Thanks for reading!


	10. Find your Place

**Undeniable Attraction**

I'm really sorry for the delay, but my classes started and I'll only be able to update once a week from now on. Sunday mornings.

Anyway, I really hope you all enjoy this chapter. It was a challenge to me, and I hope it's as good as you imagined it. Special thanks to Lyana Drake, WithoutTheDark, totally manic, kathrynew30, and hannahmaycullen for your feedback. And thanks to all of you that reviewed and added me to your lists. Thank you so much!

I don't think it's still necessary to place a warning here, as all of you are specifically reading an M slashy fic, but just in case, this is mostly a very long lemmon. If you're somehow offended by very decriptive sexual content, please stop reading.

So I'll leave you with Chapter 10, enjoy it!

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 10

**Find your Place**

**JPOV**

After a few laps in the pool we decide to have an early dinner and call it a night. We both are tired from the flight and we still have a whole week to enjoy the beach and the small town. So when Edward goes to take a quick shower I enter the big kitchen to look for something to eat.

I am pleasantly surprised to find that Alice had left instructions to the clean service that took care of the house once a week, to fill the kitchen with snacks and the basics for our stay: eggs, milk, coffee, bacon, cheese, beers and some cans. Alice told me that the lady from the clean service was called Conchita and that she would come on Thursday to clean the house. I make a mental note to thank her for all the attentions she took with us.

I decide to stick with a basic cheese omelet; not exactly the best dinner, but it would work. While waiting for the pan to heat, I turn around to look at the kitchen.

It's beautiful. It's really big, yellow and full of colorful tiles along the tops. It has the same red floor tiles that fill the rest of the house, with a big wooden table at the center with place for six. Everything about this house scream "home", everything is so… _traditional_. I guess that's why I love this house. I've always wanted a big family; a house alive with noise and laughs and running children. I never had that; we were just my mom and me for the most part of my life. And sadly, thinking about it, I guess I'll never have that either, being hopelessly in love with a _man_.

Thankfully, before I'm too deep into my suddenly miserable thoughts, Edward enters the kitchen with a broad smile that enlightens the whole room. I smile at him. If only I could have _him_, I know I wouldn't need anything else.

"What are you cooking Jazz?"

"Just an omelet, I really wasn't in the mood to go food hunting tonight. I'm tired."

"Yeah, me too." He plops himself into a chair with one hand still towel drying his wet hair. "But I was really hungry. Thanks Jazz, I absolutely love everything you cook." I turn my attention to the stove again, turning my back to him and trying to hide the blush ignited by his compliment.

"Why don't you look into the living room for a movie we can watch?" I ask him.

"Sure."

***

We spent the afternoon eating and laughing at the first Terminator movie. It's a classic, but come on!

I really enjoyed it, though. It was just like the old times. It had been a long time since Edward and I had been able to just chill out for a while talking and joking about nonsense. I had missed it a lot.

The afternoon pass and I grow even more tired, but I just can't make myself get up from the couch and say good night. I just don't want it to end.

But the next thing I know, I wake up to the soft voice of Edward calling my name. Somehow I ended with my head in his lap, and discover that the peaceful warmth surrounding me was not just his body, but his warm hands caressing my hair.

"You really should go to sleep Jazz. You need to rest, it was a long flight." He says softly, with his hands still running softly through my hair.

As comfortable and just plain happy as I am at being surrounded by him, I know he's right, and I know that maybe he really isn't as comfortable in this position as I am.

"M-hhmm." I answer still sleepy and make a clumsy effort to get up, tripping over the center table in my way to the bedroom.

He catches me just in time, and softly chuckling beside me, he leans my body weight into him, holding me by the waist. I contently sigh, feeling him so near me. Could we just stay like this? But in no time at all, he's sitting me in the bed and asking me if I'm ok.

"Yeah, I'll just… undress and get under the covers, don't worry about me." I say sleepily, I had no idea I was this tired!

"Well, ok..." He says with a small amount of uncertainty. "I'll stay in the living room for little while longer. Good night Jazz." He says turning around and leaving the room.

In no time at all, I'm sound asleep in my boxers.

***

**EPOV**

I NEED to tell him. The waiting is driving me mad. This is just our first night in here and all I can do while lying on the couch is think about him. Think that he's just a few steps from me, in nothing but his boxers and a thin blanket over him, tossing around the bed. Is he awake?

After a few more minutes (or had it been hours?), I finally get out from the couch and walk to the terrace. We decided to leave the balcony opened, so we could hear the constant lullaby of the sea. And as beautiful and calm as it is, I still can't sleep.

Leaning with my elbows over the iron railing, I watch the night lights of the bay, barely able to discern the sky from the sea in the pale moonlight. I smile. I was in a similar position when I finally realized my feelings for Jasper, just in a very different scenery. It seems that this house has a special place for me too.

I can't believe how hard it is to sleep with Jasper so near me. It makes me reconsider if the sleeping arrangements were actually a good idea. I thought I was pushing him, but maybe I was pushing myself too. I hear a soft murmuring noise from the bedroom and turn my head to look inside.

From here I can see the couch I've been trying to sleep in exactly in front of me, and I can barely make out Jasper's sleeping form on the bed. He's tossing around again, and the white blanket has pooled around his hips.

I sneak back into the bedroom and, very quiet and slowly, I make my way to his side. This night stocker thing is annoyingly becoming a habit to me.

I'm standing on the right side of his bed. When my eyes finally adjust to the darkness inside the bedroom, I'm able to see his perfect profile. My eyes rake again along his beautiful features, those that I'd already memorized from hours of seeing him asleep in the hospital. The need to touch him is almost unbearable; my hands are itching to trace his features, to run my fingers through his hair, to trace invisible patterns over his smooth chest.

Ever so softly, I take a sit on his bed, trying not to wake him up. I can feel his warmth, as much as that magnetic pull always present between us. Placing my right hand on his other side, I hover over him.

I get near him, as near as I can get without touching him, and I can feel his hot breath all over my face. His scent suddenly hits me like a ton of butterflies, flooding all my senses and fogging my brain. I can't control my breathing anymore. I can't control my heart, beating wildly in my chest. And God helps me, I can control my actions.

I lean forward, his lips inches from mine, when he suddenly opens his wide eyes and stares directly at me. I can see the confusion, the surprise and the undeniable desire on his eyes. He averts his gaze to look at my lips and I part them slowly in a silent invitation.

With a loud swallow and shallow breaths over my lips, he's barely able to whisper a shaky "Edward?"

But the last fucking thing I want to do right now is talk. And before my mind gets clear from his musky intoxication, I close the remaining distance and close my mouth over his lips.

_Heaven_.

I can't believe I let that very first chance escape me. I was too shocked to register the smooth sensation of his lips over mine, his warmth and his softness. I was too confused to let myself get drown in the intensity of his scent and the pull of his body. But not this time.

The feel of his lips over mine, his scent all around me and his warm breath over my face is enough to send me in overdrive. But the moment I feel his shocked lips start to move against mine, it's just too much. I'm barely able to contain the moan that is gathering in my throat. This is what I've been looking for all of my life. It was here all the time, right under my nose, and thankfully, is now right under my body.

I lift my right hand to hold onto his neck, and I'm able to feel the shiver that runs along his body. He gasps for air, and I pull away from his lips to tuck my head into his shoulder.

I can't contain the smile that breaks through my face while trying to even my breathing. With my hand over his chest, I can feel the deep heaving of his ribs, fighting hard to pull air into his lungs.

"I just wanted to give you a goodnight kiss." I whisper almost inaudibly against his neck with my lips barely brushing his skin.

As much as my body aches for him, I find that I really like this game. How long will I be able to keep this up before he takes charge? The mere thought of a dominating Jasper makes me so fucking hard!

Before I'm too lost into him, I pull away and hover over him again. He wants to say something, but I hush him with a finger over his lips and my most seductive smile.

"Shhh." I whisper getting closer to him.

"Good night, Jazz."

And with a small peck over the corner of his beautifully pouty mouth, I get up and turn to leave.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" Jasper calls behind me with a deep tone that makes me shiver and makes my cock throb in desire. A wide smile covers my face as I hear him getting up from his bed.

I don't turn around. I just wait for him right between his bed and my couch, with my back facing him. I close my eyes, sharpening my senses to the night. This is it. This is the moment I've been aching for.

I inhale deeply, and the still frail trace of his scent reaches my nose. He's coming.

I hear attentively, and am able to discern his quiet steps getting near.

I open my senses, and I can feel his warmth and electricity enveloping me.

He's here.

"Did you think you could just kiss me and get away from me, Edward?" He roughly growls in my ear from behind me. I can feel my knees getting weak. My whole body is humming in awareness, waiting for his next move. And his voice. I've never heard that voice before in my life. His rough, deep chords bewitch me like an ancient call, awakening the most primal desires deep inside me.

His left hand sneaks around my waist resting in my abdomen, and his right hand pulls my shoulder to his body, pressing against me. I moan. I can feel his tight muscles behind me, his strong arms holding me tight, enveloping me in his alive electric current. He nuzzles his face in my neck, spreading his hot breath over my flushed skin.

"Have you any idea how long I've wanted to do this?" He softly whispers against my skin.

"Turn around, Edward. Turn around and look at me."

I can't deny him anything at this moment, I don't even want to. His voice, his scent, his body, they're all like a drug to me. If he told me to jump out of the window right now, I would happily do it without second thoughts. I slowly turn around in his arms, not wanting to lose any inch of contact between our bodies.

I place my hands in his arms, not really knowing what to do with them. Now that I'm face to face with him, I just don't know what to do.

I look at him for a long time. Watching his dark eyes, his parted lips. A small drop of sweat running from his jaw to his neck holds my attention, and I can't help myself as I dip in to take it with my tongue. I lick it all the way up to his chin, and watch Jasper as he rolls his eyes with a loud, almost feral growl coming deep from his chest. It makes me painfully hard.

He takes my face between his hands and pulls me away from him, curling my hair in his fingers. He looks at me with a mix of emotions in his eyes. I can see his confusion, his hope, his happiness, his wariness and a lust so deep and strong, it almost makes me whimper.

"I don't want to play anymore." He whispers with an almost desperate intensity. And I watch in fascination as his features suddenly change from a desperate confusion to the determination of a predator stocking his prey. And I feel suddenly small and scared and so fucking turned on!

"Kiss me." He orders with that fucking sex voice that suddenly turned into my weakness. And as much as I liked my little game, I discover that I don't want to play either. So with no other option, I let myself get drown in his spell, the spell of his voice, and his scent and his luscious body. I don't want to fight it anymore.

I close the remaining distance and dip forcefully into his plump lips, holding onto his broad shoulders for dear life. I moan into his mouth at the feel of his soft, pouty lips moving against mine. His hot breath is numbing my senses, and in no time at all, I feel almost dizzy.

This is just too much. The happiness of this moment, the fear crawling into me at the finality of our actions, the desire and lust almost unbearable, and finally and above everything else, the powerful feeling of love between us. I feel loved, and I love him more with every passing second, and the mixture of all these intense emotions make me gasp.

He plunges his hot, wet tongue inside my mouth, effectively obliterating every thought and fear swirling around my head. It's just the two of us right now. Just the feeling of our bodies pressed against each other, the intoxicating mix of our scents together, the amazing miraculous feel of his tongue against mine, and the sounds of our raged breaths and our moans and whimpers.

I lace my fingers into his soft golden curls and pull hard to expose his beautiful neck to me. I nip into his chin and his jaw, making a slow wet path to his neck, and being urged by his breathy moans of my name. God! So many voices he has that I never knew before. They drive me crazy. I want to discover every one of them, to know them all, to get into the deepest corners of his being and elicit every little sound I can get out of him.

"God Edward, I've wanted you so fucking much… almost to the point of insanity." He whispers breathily in my ear. I can't help the sounds coming from deep inside me, sounds I've never emitted before.

"I've wanted you too Jazz, from the moment you kissed me," I stop to suck roughly on his pulse point, madly wanting to take something from him, something of him to carry deep inside me forever. "I didn't know it at first, but I wanted you from that very moment…"

We're a mix of sweat, and flushed skin and sexual sounds, exploring each other's skins and turning back again to our greedy mouths. I wouldn't let his lips leave mine if it wasn't for the fact that I want to explore his whole angel body and to feel his lips all over me. I can't believe I am this hard just because of a kiss. And while thinking about how this is the best fucking kiss of my whole miserable life, I feel his butterfly hands caressing my back, slick with sweat, and reaching to the waistband of my boxers.

I let out a deep rough growl at the feel of his warm hands needy squeezing my buttocks, and my hips press against his on their own accord. The feel of his hardness against mine makes me whimper and I feel embarrassed of myself for just an instant; Jasper pressing his hips back into me, making me forget even my own name.

"God Jasper! I want you so fucking bad!" I'm barely able to murmur against his swollen lips.

He looks at me for just a moment, and with a broad smile that makes my heart swell, he takes out his hands from my boxers and takes my hands in his. He pulls me and I comply, still absolutely hypnotized by this gorgeous creature in front of me. He stops me in front of the bed, and with hesitant hands, reach again for my boxers. Without breaking our locked gazes, he softly pulls down the only clothe keeping me away from him, and when I don't stop him, he kneels in front of me to help me get them out, almost reverently lifting one of my legs and then the other one.

I'm completely naked, and as exposed as I feel right now, I can't even feel self-conscious when Jasper is looking at me this way. His eyes are filled with wonder and love and a lust so fierce, that I feel I can cum in any moment even without him touching me. No one has ever looked at me the way he is now.

I feel the slow drop of precum leaking from my cock, and turn to look at it just in time to see Jasper's flat tongue reach out to lick it away. Can you die from ecstasy? My eyes roll back, the same as my head, and I let out an embarrassing squeal when I suddenly lose my balance and limply fall into the bed.

Jasper laughs a full carefree laugh, and as much as I want to be mad at him for laughing at me and being the responsible for my little mishap in the first place, I can't help myself from laughing with him and feel my chest and my stomach fill with electricity at the sound of such a free sound from him. He is happy. _I_ make him happy.

The laughter subsiding, I feel myself breathing heavily watching Jasper getting up from the floor hooking his thumbs into his own boxers.

I sit up a little, resting my weight over my elbows to have a better sight of his beautiful body. He slowly lowers his underwear and I thickly swallow, suddenly nervous of what is about to come. What do I want to happen tonight?

I had a lot of time to fantasize about him, and I have to confess that great number of my fantasies are anything but innocent, but am I really prepared for this?

I'm back to this moment when I suddenly notice his hands folded protectively over his torso and an uncertain look on his face. I frown. Wasn't I able to convey the adoration I have for him as he did for me before? Why would he feel so insecure suddenly?

"Jazz?" I whisper, but he doesn't make a move to come near me and I'm aching for him.

I straighten up, sitting on the edge of the bed and reach out to touch him. I suddenly _need_ the constant contact between us.

"Baby what's wrong?" He sharply turns to look at me at that, and I can see the fear crawling into his eyes. Is he scared of me?

I look into his face, trying to understand his fear and insecurities, and when I can't find a fucking clue about it, I move my eyes over his body, desperately looking for _something_. And then I notice it. His right hand is covering the scar of his wound, and I momentarily wonder if he's in some kind of pain, until I finally notice that his arms and hands are covering the small scars collected through his years at the police. Was this all about them? He's never had a problem with me seeing him shirtless before.

I lift my hand to cover his own, over his most recent scar, and lace my fingers through his, pulling it away from his body. He resists a little until I look at his eyes and smile tenderly at his sudden self-consciousness.

"Let me see you Jasper… I need to see you." I softly plead with him, trying to convince him with my eyes that I truly want him. With a defeated sigh he lets his arms fall at his sides and I'm rewarded with the most perfect sight I could have ever imagined.

I'd saw him naked once before, that only time I watched him masturbating in the moonlight. But seeing him like this, completely exposed to _me_, willingly showing me his most vulnerable state leaves me breathless. My hungry eyes try to swallow him all, try to commit this perfect sight into my memory for as long as I live. I watch the perfect hard muscles of his abdomen and his chest, the small buds of his nipples, his perfect contours so formidably manly, and the incredible hardness of his manhood. I look into his eyes again, softly tracing with my thumb the edges of his last scar, the one that took him away from me for such a long time, the one that made me realize the deepness of my feelings for him.

"You're so fucking beautiful." I whisper, pulling him against me by the hips and softly kissing each one of the faint scars that clutter his body. He sighs at the contact and I can feel the movement of his abdomen against my lips. He laces his fingers through my hair, filling me with a renewed desire, and my soft kisses become more passionate, transforming into full open mouth kisses along his abdomen. I can feel his erection pressing against my collarbone, leaving a trail of wet slickness along my skin, and I lift my left hand to softly caress his length just with my fingertips. The moan that escapes him makes me bite him over his hipbone, and he tightens his hold onto my hair.

This whole thing is so erotic. Every little thing I make elicits such a passionate response that in turn makes me want more and push my own limits, wanting more of his sounds, his voices and his caresses. An infinite cycle of eroticism.

Encouraged by his wanton sounds and his tight hold, I finally take his cock into my hand, curling my fist around him. His stomach recoil at the sudden sensation of my hand around him, and a soft _purr_ sounds deep into his chest. I fucking love it.

With the direction of my hand, I run his cock along my neck and cheek, finally tracing the tip along my parted lips, letting my warm breath fall over him. I tenderly kiss the head of his cock before looking up to see him looking at me through hooded eyes.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to touch you…" I say while firmly moving my fist slowly up and down his hardened length. I tentatively lean in to lick his shaft, my tongue flat against his silky skin, revealing on his taste and his concentrated scent. I lift my eyes to see his eyes rolled back and a soft smile tug at the corners of my lips. I'm making him feel good. I _love_ making him feel good.

With his slicked cock glistening with my saliva, I continue to stroke him, greedily watching every gesture he makes at the pleasure I'm giving him. His face is even more beautiful contorting in pleasure and ecstasy. His eyebrows furrowed, his lips parted, his face surrounded with a small layer of sweat, his cheeks flushed, and his delicious mouth shifting between silent 'o's and 'ah's and gritting his teeth with his sudden groans.

I turn my attention back to his beautiful member, and also watch it closely in fascination. This whole thing is such an experience to me. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought about being with a man like this, to watch an erect member that wasn't mine, to feel it, and specially, to feel the sudden _need_ to taste it. Not before the kiss, anyway.

The fear at my own feelings crawls again into my skin, trying to sound the alarm in my head to wake me up from my lusty haze. But I turn to look again at the man before me, and I remember that this is not _a_ _man_; this is Jasper, _my_ Jasper. And with all the love I have for him returning into me tenfold, I push my fears back into the farthest corner of my head, and give myself the opportunity to enjoy this experience without judging me.

I watch closely his member that seems to harden even more with every stroke. I watch the skin sliding a little over the muscle of his length. I watch the small liquid pearls dripping from his slit and my mouth waters. I lean in and lick them, thrilled at the deep sexual sound coming from Jasper: something between a moan and a groan. Pure Jasper essence, better than anything I've ever tasted, and I want more. Jasper gets a hold onto my shoulders, and I smile around his member knowing that I am the one doing this to him.

As much as I imagined this during the last month, I know I'm not prepared to give a full blow job, so no wanting to ruin this moment with a sudden panic attack, I decide to play it safe, just stroking him and licking his head. Anyway he seems to be enjoying it.

I close my mouth around his head and run my tongue softly around it. I can feel Jasper's hot breath moving my hair over me, swiftly getting out from his panting parted lips. He's digging his fingers into my shoulders, holding almost painfully tightly and I love it. I moan against him, gripping him harder and picking up the pace of my hand.

I start to suck on his head, desperately wanting to feel his climax between my fingers, and I reach down between his legs to softly pull at his balls. My hand is moving fast up and down his shaft, and he's following each downward movement with a push of his hips and a groan through his teeth. I keep sucking harder each time and I know he's close, feeling his balls start to tighten into my hand.

"Fuck… Edward… I'm… I'm…" He stammers breathless, digging his nails into my shoulders.

I suck hard, tightening my grip and move my tongue to flick the underside of his head. He throbs in my hand, cumming into my mouth with hot spurts of liquid. I keep sucking and stroking him more slowly than before, wanting to ride his orgasm a little longer, and am rewarded by a few more spurts of his precious essence with my name breathlessly leaving his mouth. I swallow it all, not even thinking about it, and finally free his softening member from my mouth and my hand just to lean in and kiss the soft firm skin of his abdomen, nuzzling against him.

He finally kneels in front of me, and I don't know if it was a premeditated action or just his legs failing to hold his body after his climax. He immediately locks his fingers into my hair and pushes his mouth against mine, kissing me hard. His tongue demands entrance into my mouth, and I'm too needy to deny him anything. I want him. I want him so fucking bad that my whole body seems to pull him into me, wanting to swallow him all.

"My God, Edward. That was so… fucking… perfect…" He roughly whispers against my lips, between his hot all-consuming kisses.

I moan, I groan, I pant against him, feeling my throbbing cock begging for attention, now painfully hard. He lets his hands fall from my hair to place them in each one of my thighs and after a few strokes over my skin, he pulls them apart to place himself in the middle of my legs, still knelt in front of me.

He surrounds my torso with his strong arms, holing me tightly against his body, and my breath catches at the feel of my cock pressed against the soft skin of his stomach.

He leaves my hungry mouth to make a path of hot kisses over my jaw and neck, sucking and licking my sensitive skin. I hold him tightly too, heavily panting against his golden angel curls and pushing my hips into his stomach, pathetically trying to get some friction.

"Please… please, Jasper…" I mumble incoherently, pleading for some release.

He licks my neck all the way up to my ear, and takes my lobe between his teeth, licking at it. I fucking love this torture. I can't decide if I want this to continue or just to get release.

"Do you wanna cum Edward?" He asks against my ear.

"Yes!" Fucking YES!

"Tell me, Edward. Beg me for release." He commands in a deep whisper and I feel my cock twitch between our bodies, fucking loving my rough Jasper. I like it rough.

"Please Jasper! Please make me cum!" I breathily murmur against his ear, before sticking out my tongue and licking at it. He growls into my neck, nipping at my skin and driving me mad with desire and need. He arches his back, pressing against me and squeezing my cock between us. Sliding up and down a few times, he erotically rubs my shaft with his torso.

He pulls his body completely away from me and I pathetically whimper at the loss of contact. Never in my life had I felt so needy.

He smiles at me, mischief shinning into his eyes and I shiver, anxiously waiting for his next move; but I'm mostly overwhelmed by the undercurrent tenderness and adoration that I can discern into his features, it makes my chest constrict.

"Lie back into the middle of the bed." He commands. "We have a lot of bed, Edward, and I want to use every inch of it." He crawls over me, following my backward movements to get into the middle.

When I finally stop, he leans over me, pressing his lips into my ear. "When we finish with the bed, I'm gonna follow with the couch, and the stairs, and the kitchen table, even the terraces." He lustfully whispers. "Would you like that, Edward? Would you like me to ravage your gorgeous naked body in the terrace, with the hot sun licking your skin?" He seductively purrs and I whimper again, more turned on than never in my whole fucking life.

"Yes, Jasper. Please yes!" I beg with breathy whispers and frantic kisses all over the skin I can reach. He dives one more time into my mouth, reaching every hot corner of me with his delicious tongue, and pressing his whole body against mine. He nudges my legs with his knee, and I immediately comply opening them wide to let him place his body between them. I groan into his mouth at the feel of his cock, standing completely erect again, pressing against mine, between our bodies. It's almost too much.

"Oh my God, Jasper! It feels so fucking good!" I call out loud arching my back and thrusting my hips against his.

He takes advantage to suck into the exposed skin of my neck, while I grab handfuls of his precious hair and roughly pull at them. He growls against my skin, thrusting his hips back into me and biting at the jointure of my neck and shoulder. I fucking love it.

We keep moving our hips together, rubbing our cocks between our bodies and making louder and louder sounds, and screams, and grunts and incoherent mumbles.

When I think I can't take it any more, Jasper reaches down between our bodies to trap our members into his hand, pressing them firmer together and making faster thrusts. I reach down too, and interlacing our fingers, I move our joint hands faster and faster along our members, squeezing them hard and I bend my knees for leverage to thrust my hips harder.

Oh, my fucking God. I'm almost there.

"Edward, I'm gonna cum." Jasper pants in a constricted voice, pressing his face into my shoulder.

With two more thrusts and a firm stroke of our hands, I finally cum all over our hands and stomachs, followed swiftly by Jasper screaming my name. I can feel our cocks twitching, our muscles tightening and the hot spurts of semen over our bodies, mixing together with our sweat.

He thrusts a few more times, ridding the last of our orgasm, before collapsing over me. I fucking love the feeling of his weight above me.

Still heavily breathing, I caress his back and buttocks with one hand, and his neck and hair with the other one, deeply inhaling his scent. I kiss his temple and his hair and his cheek, not wanting to ever be away from him anymore, and I feel him smile against my neck, also kissing every inch of skin there.

This is where we belong.

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So was it any good? Please tell me what you think, what you liked and what you didn't. I really appreciate all your comments!

Thank you for reading!


	11. Wake Up

**Undeniable Attraction**

Thank you for all the beautiful reviews you send me, I love each one of them and I appreciate your thoughts and the time taken to leave one. You all make my week so much happier! Special thanks to **trustme83, TwistedforTwilight **and **C-Me-Smile **for your thoughtful reviews.

We continue now with the morning after, hope you enjoy it!

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

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Chapter 11

**Wake Up**

**JPOV**

I've been awake for about half an hour.

I saw the room slowly light up with the rising sun and heard the birds start their day outside, all of it with the uninterrupted rhythmic sound of the sea at the background. But all of this magical first morning in this beautiful place was just like background noise to me, because I just can't seem to rip my eyes away from the most perfect man lying beside me.

I have half an hour just looking at him. Watching his perfect skin glowing in the sunrise, his beautiful iridescent hair shining in the sun, his closed purplish eyelids framed by the largest, darkest eyelashes, and his perfect lips tuned up slightly in an unconscious content smile. I love him.

The warmth of his right hand spreads all through my body from where it's lying over my waist, holding me possessively. As if I ever could, or even want to, leave him. I haven't moved from the moment I woke up. I've been lying here, almost holding my breath, just watching him; committing this, my most perfect morning, to my eternal memory. I am still not sure what last night really was, and it frightens me. I'm afraid that the moment he wakes up, he'll deject me, or accuse me of taking advantage. I know I should've cleared things last night, before anything went further. But waking up to the feeling of his breath over my face completely erased my rationality.

I've dreamt about him for so fucking long, that the moment I saw no hesitation on his part I just couldn't stop. The feeling of him, of his sweaty skin sliding against mine, his wet tongue in my mouth (and fucking God, on my dick!), and his deep smoldering eyes were just too much to keep a cool head.

Last night was just magical. I know I sound like a corny girl, but I just can't describe it better. Everything was fucking perfect, and it was so hot! Just remembering the way Edward trembled in my arms the moment I took control, makes my cock stir to life. Who would've imagined Edward was that naughty! I remember with a smile.

…I'm just frightened that maybe everything was just an illusion.

We need to talk. I know we need to talk. I need to know what that was. Was he just playing with me? Did he want to explore? Did he just have a moment of vulnerability and I took advantage of it? God, I don't even want to think what would happen with us if that was the case!

That's why I've just been staring at him for a long time, afraid to wake him up and break the spell. I don't want to lose him.

Pease God! Whatever it happens, don't let me lose him.

Completely immersed in my thoughts, my fears and his perfect sight, I'm startled the moment I feel his hand in my waist gripping me harder and pulling me to him.

"Won't you give me a good morning kiss?" He mutters still too sleepy through a lazy smile and eyes still closed.

I can't really help my body from getting closer to him, an uncontrollable smile taking my face hostage and my heart suddenly going nuts. He still wants me.

I crash my lips to his, pouring all my passion into the kiss and letting go all my fears and insecurities into the warm wind coming from the terrace. He still wants me. I have no fucking idea what changed last night. I have no fucking idea how this gorgeous man ended up here, waking up beside me this morning. All I know right now is that his warm tongue inside my mouth is the best fucking thing EVER.

I know we need to talk. I know I still need to know what is this thing between us, how this is going to change our friendship and why the sudden change in him. But all I want to do right now is kiss him senseless and never leave this bed.

I press my body against him, needing to feel his warm smooth skin against mine, needing all the contact I can have like a homeless soul looking for a shelter. And that's exactly what we are. He's my shelter, my man, my home; he's everything I'll ever need. My needy hands roam through his body, feeling his hard trimmed muscles under his smooth skin, getting his silky hair even messier that before.

"Am I dreaming?" I ask him through my kisses landing just about every inch of his face and neck.

His hands get a tighter grip around my waist, reaching lower for my buttocks and pulling me impossibly closer to him. I gasp loudly at the feel of his erection pressed against my hip through the layers of blanket pooled at our waists.

"I don't think so." He whispers against my neck, sucking and licking and making me mad with desire and lust.

I shut my eyes closed, reveling at the feeling of his lips and hands and body covering my own. I don't really want to ask this, I don't want to ruin this perfect moment, but I HAVE to know. I have to know if this perfect morning, waking up beside the man I love, having his lips and perfect body for breakfast is just an illusion, a dream or a very fucked up and cruel lie.

"Please, please Edward… Tell me this is real… tell me you're really here… tell me…" I murmur against his skin between kisses and nuzzles. _Please tell me this is real, tell me you won't change your mind because you would surely break me completely if that happened._ I silently plead with him.

As I feared, his needy caresses and nips and kisses stop clean in Edward's still body, no longer writhing against me. He slowly pulls back and I feel my heart clench and my body rapidly losing its warmth through the deep breaths I'm taking just trying to keep the tears at bay. I fucking knew it, didn't I? I KNEW it was too good to be true.

How could I even think that this gorgeous perfect man would want to have something more with me?

He must be just experimenting or some shit like that. And I'm again torn, between being angry at myself for letting the hope swell inside me, being angry at him for playing such a cruel fucking joke on me, and wanting to be true to my stupid heart and keep my promise of happily accept _anything_ he would give me. But could I really be able to be his boy toy? Am I able to let him play with me until he figures his shit out and simply throws me aside when he finally decides he really does want the American Dream with a wife, kids and a dog? Will I take the happiness and pleasure he'll give me for a few days, weeks, maybe even months and accept the heartache and complete devastation that will surely come after?

He gently takes my face between his warm hands and my breathing accelerates for completely and unfortunately different reasons than before. I really don't want to fucking hear this, at all.

"I'm so sorry Jazz, I'm being so unfair with you-" That's really all I needed to hear from him. I fucking know what comes next, and I don't need it. I silence him with my fingers over his mouth and shut my eyes tightly closed, pulling deep breaths through my mouth and praying to that mighty Fucker that's cruelly playing with me from above to at least let me keep some dignity and don't let my tears spill from between my eyelids.

With a renewed hole over my chest and a painfully wounded heart, I manage to open my eyes a little to see a concerned Edward looking at me, and I finally make up my fucking mind. With a silent apology to my clenching heart for all the pain I'll subject it in the very near future I open my mouth to seal my destiny. _I will give you everything Edward, I already have. I give you my heart, my body, my soul, any fucking part of me that you want. Everything about me is yours to do as you want, to use as you need. You can fucking rip my heart apart if that makes you happy. I'm yours, I always had._

I manage a small smile through my thick swallow. I swallow back my pride, my dignity and any self-esteem I could have. I will do this.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, Edward." I softly say running my free hand through his hair. "I'm the one who's sorry for asking anything from you. You can give me anything you want and I'll happily accept any little thing you want to give me. I won't ever ask for anything again."

Through my pain haze I watch his confused stare turn into a panicked one, his eyes open wide and his face frantically moving to the sides trying to get rid of my fingers over his mouth. GREAT! I just managed to scare him with something I said. Now I won't have anything at all.

"No Jazz! You don't understand!" Fucking great, now he'll make me actually say it, won't he?

"I understand Edward!" I raise my voice with the anger bubbling inside of me. I hate him now for making me say it, I hate myself for being so weak and stupid, and I fucking hate the world for being so utterly unfair.

"I fucking get it, ok? You don't have to humiliate me more! I understand that you don't have anything more to do with me, I understa-"

But I'm abruptly interrupted by Edward launching at me, imprisoning me below his powerful body and crashing his lips against mine once again. I kiss him back with all the passion, and the fear, and the love, and even the hate I feel for him right now. I pull at his hair hard with both my hands, stupidly trying to hurt him too, for him to feel a little of the pain inside me. I bite his lower lip and he moans against my mouth, making the lust fight against the hate.

I hold him tight again against me, scratching his back a little and biting on his jaw. And I don't fucking now if I'm trying to hurt him or to mark him as mine or I just need him as close to me as possible. He roughly presses against me, and the feel of his cock just below my navel sends me into frenzy. My needy hands pull the blanket wrapped around his hips to the side, so I can feel his naked dammed body. I reach for his buttocks and grope them roughly, squeezing and shoving his hips against mine. I fucking need him, and I hate it.

"Don't you know, Jazz?" He pants against my ear, mocking at me.

_Oh I fucking know Edward, believe me! I know I'll never be enough for you, I know you'll never want me as much as I do, and I know you'll never be able to love me as I love you. I know._ I think bitterly while digging my short nails into his delicious cheeks, making him jerk startled and loudly moan in my neck.

"Do you like that, Edward?" I roughly ask.

"Yes, I fucking love it!" He pants, biting my collarbone in return, making my cock twitch and instantly erasing my hatred and my aching heart. I have him now, and that's all that matters to me.

I reach between us to grab his cock into my hand and he moans the most beautiful sound I've heard so far, arching his back and closing his eyes. I watch him closely, wanting to keep this beautiful sight into my mind forever; his brows knitted together, his head thrown back and his lips parted in a mouthwatering angle. I wonder how his lips would feel around my cock and a whimper makes its way through my throat.

I swiftly move against him, throwing him to the side and changing our places. He's now below me, and I'm straddling his hips, with my hand still tightly wrapped around his cock. I start to stroke him slowly, something in the air suddenly changing. The urge from a few instants ago has changed into something unrecognizable for me, but definitely enjoyable. It's almost _intimate_.

He opens his eyes a little, looking at me through his hooded eyelids, and I admire this perfect creature panting heavily below me and looking at me with so much desire and… something else. He reaches below and takes my hard forgotten cock into his hands too, and I moan loudly, reveling on the feeling of his perfect hands around me. I'd always loved his hands; they're one of my favorite parts of his body.

I brace myself with a hand over his stomach, loving the waving movement of it that is caused by his hard breathing. I start a soft movement of my hips, thrusting forward into his hand and getting into a slow erotic rhythm between our bodies, followed swift by the strokes of my hand over his cock.

I turn to look at him and see him still watching me through those perfect smoldering eyes hooded by his heavy eyelids. I extend my palm over his stomach, softly caressing him and even holding him possessively. He's mine. Even if he's not aware of it yet. I'll make sure to place such a deep print on him through these days, that he'll never be able to forget me, he'll never be able to _leave _me.

I moan his name when I feel his thumb pressing the underside of my head, stroking a few slow times over it. This is torture, torture of the very best kind. Such a slow pace between so needed guys. I want nothing more than to bury myself deep inside him, to reach the most secret corners of him and fill him completely. And I will, if I have my way. We will have time for that.

We continue to stroke each other slowly, worshiping every inch of our cocks with caresses and squeezes, not letting any small inch stay without attention. I think back to all the times I've jacked off to his very image, to my wild fantasies of blowjobs and fucks, and I can't fucking believe we're here right now: naked, sweaty, panting and moaning each other names while jerking off each others cocks in the most erotic moment of my life.

It feels so intimate, watching his perfect face change in the most beautiful forms dictated solely by his pleasure. We're just Edward and Jasper, bare, not just naked from our clothes, but naked into our most primal and true selves, and Edward had never been more beautiful.

I try to concentrate through my own pleasure to make this the best for him, I want him to be happy, to feel the pleasure I can bring him. I tighten my grip a little, and with my thumb running across his slit, I spread the clear liquid over his silken skin. I take the time to watch closely his cock, it's even more beautiful than I'd imagined. It's huge, maybe even like my own size, and so thick, covered up into his beautiful cream skin and with the most mouthwatering pink head, swelling at my attentions, begging for more.

I can't fucking help myself from lowering myself and take a much needed taste from his hot cock. I whimper a little at the loss of contact from Edwards hand but moan at the same time at the feeling of his cock against my tongue. So hot and sticky and hard… it's the most delicious thing I've ever tasted, Edward's pure flavor. I fucking love the musky flavor in my tongue, and I run the tip of it into his slit, drawing a few more precious drops of his essence. The way Edward's back arches, lifting a little from the bed only spurs my desire of making him come into my mouth. I've never waned anything more in my life.

I suck his head into my mouth, my lips wrapping around his cock, while my hand is still securely wrapped around the base. I lift my gaze to look at him, and the blissful expression in Edward's face makes me moan loudly around him. He fights against his own pleasure to keep watching me, his eyes almost closed in ecstasy. I close my own eyes to concentrate in the feeling of his hard thick cock inside my mouth. I make a fist attempt to pull all of him into my mouth, and discover that I am merely able to reach like three quarters of him. I bob my head, stroking the rest of him with my hand and furrow my brows in concentration. I fucking want all of him inside me.

I feel his hands curling around my locks, not really pushing me, but softly caressing my scalp and I moan in appreciation. I am happily aware that every time I pull him into my mouth, I'm able to cover a little more of him, and redouble my efforts. I try to remember what chicks have done to me in the past and it's difficult, it has been such a long time, and neither of them had been really able to cover my entire length. I swirl my tongue around his head, looking at him, and he groans loudly trashing his head back and tightening his muscles. I watch mesmerized the perfect pattern of muscles over his abdomen, relaxing and tightening with the effort of his breathing and the pleasure I'm giving him.

_I_.

I reach for his perfect stomach with both of my hands, caressing and holding him tightly with my spread fingers. I relax my throat and try to swallow him all, and I almost make it before managing to gag a little. I come back to his head, sucking hard and flicking my tongue against his underside. The hold on my hair tightens, pulling slightly and I love it. I purr around him, making him lift his knees, flattening his feet over the mattress for leverage and opening his legs even wider to me. I try a second time and gag again, only a little less this time.

With the determination of the stubborn child I'm most of the time I tighten my hold on his hips and dive in for a third attempt, smiling around him the moment I feel my nose being tickled by the soft curls of his pelvis.

"FUCKING GOD JASPER!" He loudly swears, writhing below me and trashing his head back and forth, closing his eyes shut. I suck hard in my way up and smile smugly at him, giving him a long lick from the base to the tip. I go for another dive in, loving the way his head hits the back of my throat, and I'm pretty fucking proud of myself for being able to swallow him all. I just fucking want every precious inch of him inside me.

I continue my rhythm, this time being gently guided by Edward's hand laced into my hair, and I feel his other one caressing my shoulder and back, and everything it can reach. I'm painfully hard, my cock neglected for far too much time, and I reach below me and stroke myself while still swallowing every inch of Edward's precious cock. He catches my movement and lifts himself a little to watch me better, groaning loudly at my actions. Jerking off while giving him head? I can get the mental image.

He pulls my hair roughly to lift my face from his pelvis and making me look at him.

"Fucking God, Jazz." He pants with those smoldering eyes full of desire. "I want to touch you too… please."

Edward begging for my cock is just too much. I must be in the Twilight Zone or some crazy shit like that, but I don't really fucking care. I adjust my body so I can still suck him off while my cock is at his hands reach. I put him into my mouth again, missing the lost contact even for that small frame of time, and now my nose reaches the soft curls on his sack, filling my nose with his pure unadulterated scent. I fucking love this position better. And I love it more the moment I feel his warm slick hand wrap around my needy shaft. I growl around him, I won't fucking last long.

I suck him harder every time on my way up, loving the way I'm almost effortless swallowing his whole length now. I swallow around him, eliciting the most perfect sounds from him, and moaning in return at his efforts around my own cock. I reach out for his balls and softly play with them with my fingers, pulling and caressing gently. I have a wild idea with this perfect sight in front of me, and I silently pray I'm not pushing him too far.

I wrap his cock with my hand and coat my middle finger with my saliva and his spilled precum, swirling my tongue between his cock and my finger. I pull him completely into my mouth again, while venturing my slick finger to the flesh between his balls and his opening. He gasps loudly, his moans almost turning into screams and I'm encouraged by them, as he doesn't seem to be frightened or uncomfortable by my touches. I caress him there a little, and moan loudly too at the feeling of his tongue against my own cock. Oh my fucking God, I'm gonna cum.

I pick up my pace, bobbing my head up and down his shaft and sucking hard, I feel his tightening muscles contracting and I know he's very close too. His hips have started to thrust forward into my face and in spite of my hard efforts I think I'm doing the same. He doesn't seem to mind, though, he's still sucking my head and stroking my shaft with his hand as he'd done last night. And the sounds coming from him don't sound uncomfortable, at all.

I suck him hard and with a few swirls of my finger around his opening I finally push it slowly into him. He jumps a little and opens his mouth from around me in a breathless scream. I pull him into my mouth again and with a few more slow thrusts of my finger inside him, I feel him twitch into my mouth and finally spill his precious essence into my throat. I greedily swallow the streams of cum he gives me, enjoying the scream of my name from Edward's lips and the tightening of his grip around my cock. I keep licking him clean, wanting to draw his orgasm as long as possible, and jump a little when I feel him closing his mouth around me again.

I'm too far gone now, and I just need a few more strokes from his hand and his sharp sucking to finally spill myself into his mouth too. I fucking love the way his tongue flicks around my slit, still gaining a few more spurts from me, and finally crash completely spent against his hard thigh.

I stay there, trying to regain a little composure and control my heavy breathing. I just want to stay here forever, but Edward has other ideas. He crawls to the edge of the bed, still heavily breathing, and offers me his hand when I turn to look at him confused. I take it, of course. I don't really fucking care where we're going as long as he's with me, even when I really would've liked to stay in bed and enjoy the blissful moment.

He takes me to the bathroom without a word and starts the shower, waiting for the water to warm up. While we're waiting outside the shower, he looks at me again with that unfathomable look that honestly scares me a little with its intensity. He leans forward and gives me a soft kiss on my forehead, lingering a little. I close my eyes, sighing into his chin and treasuring every one of these small caresses and proofs of affection. It could be too easy, too easy to believe he loves me back…

He pulls back and looks at me again, leaning back and kissing my temples, first one and the other. He pulls away again, before leaning and kissing my nose, when he leans back to kiss each one of my cheeks, I wrap my hands around his neck, caressing the soft curls of silken hair at his nape, much more soft there than any other place. He leans forward one last time to trap my lips into his and I sigh contently into his mouth. I can do this; this is all I really need. I don't care if there's heartache and pain at the end of our days together, I don't care if this is just an illusion or my very pleaded miracle come true. I know this is worth it.

I deepen the kiss a little, only enough to feel his tongue against mine in a slow, intimate caress. I let my hands caress his back and shoulders and chest, trying my hardest to convey the feelings I have for him. All my love, my passion and adoration for him. No matter what this is, I will take whatever I can, but his soft caresses and smoldering eyes tell me that maybe it's not that bad to hope. That maybe, just maybe, it is really my miracle come true.

He takes my hand and pulls me into the shower, placing me below the stream of warm water. Between kisses and caresses he washes my body with so much tenderness, it makes my heart swell. I think he do have feelings for me. He wouldn't be doing anything of this if he was just experimenting or playing with me. Besides, this is Edward. He would be incapable of such a selfish and cruel act. My own realization makes me smile in wonder at him. I don't know what exactly it is that he feels for me, but he does feel something, I know it!

With my heart swelled in hope and happiness, I wash him in return, being careful and tender and loving, and unable to part my hands or lips away from his skin for too long.

When we're finished we dry each other slowly, taking each opportunity to caress our bodies and land kisses here and there. We've been silent for so long, but somehow, our touches scream loudly against our ears that there's more, so much more than attraction or curiosity between us. We look deeply into each other eyes, trying to figure out what is it that the other one is feeling, softly smiling and gently touching each other.

Edward pulls me back into the bedroom with his hand wrapped around mine and gets into the bed, pulling me to him. We stay there, facing each other, me caressing his hip, him caressing my back. There's so much I want to say to him, but I'm afraid to crush this perfect moment between us. _I love you, Edward, so, so much…_

He gets closer to me, resting his forehead against mine and letting me feel his warm minty breath all over my face. His hand sneaks up, running it softly through my hair and I want to close my eyes to better enjoy the contact, but I just don't want to miss one second of his eyes looking so intensely at me.

"Don't you know, Jazz?" He softly whispers against my lips, like a ghostly caress from the warm wind.

"Don't you know I love you?"

* * *

Poor Jasper and his insecurities…

So tell me, would you like another smutty fluffy chapter of man-lovin' or would you prefer to go on with the story?

Thank you for reading!


	12. Walk with Me

**Undeniable Attraction**

I apologize for all the trouble with this chapter, I don't know what happened, my account just went nuts! Anyway, here's the chapter again and I hope you'll all be able to read it this time.

Thank you so, so much to all of you that had reviewed. I can't explain how happy each one of your words make me feel. Thank you too to all of you who had added me to your lists, I'm glad that you're enjoying the story.

And thank you to my superfast Beta **CajunMomma **for keeping up with my lateness and deliver this chapter on time (even when my accout decided something else). Thanks babe!

On with the story, I hope you enjoy it!

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 12  
**Walk with Me**

**JPOV**

His warm breath and the heat of his body pressed against mine make my brain fuzzy.

What was that?

_I love you._

"What?" I ask in breathless whisper, my heart pounding in my chest.

Please don't let this be a delusion, please don't let this be a cruel joke of my imagination. _Please._

But the most beautiful smile I've seen so far makes an appearance over his face. I watch him; mesmerized by the soft laugh lines around his perfect lips. They weren't there a few years ago. We're aging, and as much as that thought frightens me, I can't help but think that every line around his mouth and his eyes makes him even more handsome each passing day. Will I be lucky enough to watch his face and body transform into a gorgeous middle aged man? Into an attractive old man? I want nothing more than to have a whole life beside him and these three little words suddenly changed my whole perspective.

I've never dared to dream about a future with him. Every image of the future involving him, would be him with a faceless wife and laughing bronze-haired kids on his shoulders. I've never allowed myself futile dreams of a 40 year old Edward, still beautiful and attractive… and all _mine_. Never before. But it's incredible how three little words change _everything_. The moment I registered those words, images of the future came crashing into my mind; a future with him, a future involving the two of us. Could I really be that lucky?

"I said…" He purrs against my cheek, running his nose along my jaw and making me shiver in excitement and anticipation.

"I love you." He whispers into my ear.

Can my smile get any bigger? Can my heart beat faster? I have just enough sense to wrap my arms around him even tighter, pressing his whole body along mine, never wanting to let him go.

"I love you too." I whisper against his neck. "So fucking much it hurts…"

I want to laugh, I want to cry, it's just like that first moment I discovered my true feelings for him. So many thoughts swirling in my head, too many emotions to be able to contain them, and I start laughing with my face pressed against his shoulder, and I feel my eyes water and all I can really do is stay there, holding on to him for dear life.

He curls his body around me, softly running his hands over my hair and body just as he did last night before I drifted off to sleep, and suddenly all of his earlier actions make sense. I feel safe, I feel protected, _loved_, and pretty fucking stupid for not realizing it sooner. He's been showing me his love for a long time now and I was just too blind in my own love and hopelessness to see it!

"I've been so fucking stupid." I murmur between chuckles into his skin and feel him shaking with his soft laughter tickling my neck.

***

I don't know exactly how long we stayed there just touching and kissing and murmuring soft loving words and reassurances. I lost track of time in his shining eyes (shinier than I've ever seen them) and in his warm skin and in his soft electrifying touches. It wasn't a sexual time any more as much as loving, _intimate_, and those little minutes or hours made up for a whole damn year of heartache and misery.

I feel my heart flutter now, looking at him. We fell asleep again sometime between our confessions and I woke up just a few moments ago. My fingers are itching to bury themselves into his hair, but he looks so peaceful and beautiful and _happy_ with that soft smile grazing his features… I don't want to wake him up.

I sneak out of bed, careful not to wake him up, and quietly exit the bedroom.

I go on to one of the terraces along the hallway and lean against the rail looking out at the bay. I can feel the hot humid wind caressing my naked torso and my smile widens remembering Edward's sweaty skin flushed against mine. This stupid smile that seems plastered on my face from a few hours ago, it just doesn't go away.

I close my eyes inhaling the humid, salty smell of the ocean. If I could pick a moment to carry along for the rest of my life, it would be this. Now that I've heard those three words coming from Edward's perfect mouth directed at me, now that I've felt what it is like to wake up beside the man I love, now that I've ravished that perfect creature lying just a few feet from me. _This_ is happiness…

But at the same time, there's still so much to do (with him and _to_ him)… this is just the beginning of _something more_. A slight feeling of fear creeps into my body thinking of the unknown, thankfully quickly replaced by anticipation and more than a little bit of lust… let's just take this one step at a time, Jasper.

**EPOV**

I wake up again sometime later. The sun shining through the window is high in the sky, telling me it must be sometime around midday. I smile, there aren't a lot of days that I allow myself to sleep in, but well, it was a busy night _and_ early morning.

I rolled onto my back looking for Jasper, frowning when all I find is his cold side of the bed and his twisted sheets. I wanted to watch him beside me, maybe still asleep or just there watching me like earlier this morning.

I still can't believe what he said earlier. What the fuck was he thinking? That I somehow started an intimate relationship with another _man_, with my best fucking friend nonetheless, without any kind of feeling? Just driven out of lust and curiosity? As much as the lust indeed was a big part of my actions, I just could have done it because I love him.

But I do understand him. Just a little more than a month ago I told him I wasn't remotely interested. Besides, I do know Jasper and his apprehensive ways… it's kind of funny because he's impulsive most of the time and passionate, but sometimes he just gets too gone inside that head of his, and once he believes something, it's pretty difficult to make him change his mind. I hope my actions and reassurances are good enough to make him understand that this is not just an experiment for me, not even just a vacation romance, I'm here for the long run… I hope he knows that.

I get out of bed and search for some jeans. Where the hell is he anyway? With just my jeans on, I open the door and I'm suddenly assaulted by the wonderful sweet scent of French toast… I fucking love him! With a smile on my face I make my way to the kitchen, remembering his earlier words.

_I love you too… so much it hurts._

Does that mean that he too has been in love with me for a long time? I wonder how long… before he kissed me? After? We really have been stupid, wasting precious time just being afraid of each other's reaction to our feelings. But I do understand him and am thankful for his actions… I think I would've pretty much freaked out if he had told me he loved me back when he kissed me. It seems like a lifetime ago, now.

I silently enter the kitchen to watch his glorious back facing me. I'm so glad that I can freely ogle him as much as I want now. Jasper cooking is just a sight to behold. The perfect golden muscles of his back and shoulders working, teasing me with every small movement he makes. His beautiful backside inside the thin fabric of his kakis is stirring a feeling inside me with just remembering how his soft skin felt in my hands…

"Are you gonna stay there all day, or you're actually gonna help me here?" He asks with amusement evident in his voice and my heart swells, he is _happy_.

I go to him and trap him in my arms from behind, holding him tightly against my body and exploring his chest with my hands. He sighs, leaning back against me and lacing his fingers through mine. As much as I enjoy watching and ogling him, I rather have him like this, in any position with enough nearness to be able to touch him and kiss him. I place soft kisses along his neck, pressing myself into his back, eliciting a low moan.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to _not_ touch him, to _not_ be desperate for some kind of contact between us, and how the hell am I going to be able to keep a normal life when all I want is to be naked with him, panting and writhing every fucking second of the rest of my life.

"I can't fucking keep my hands to myself." I growl into his ear, earning a hearty laugh from him.

I smile into his neck, playfully biting and being rewarded with one of those beautiful moans from him. I trap his right nipple between my thumb and index finger slightly pulling at it, and making Jasper press his buttocks into my groin, making me growl.

"Oh Fuck!" Jasper pants thrashing his head back onto my shoulder.

A weird smell wakes me up from my lusty intoxication of Jasper's heavenly scent, making me open my eyes. Just fucking right on time to watch the grey smoke rising from the burnt toast in front of us and making me stop all my ministrations.

"Oh Fuck, Edward!" Jasper swears annoyed (with the amusement still present in his voice) and grabs the pan to take it to the trash bin and get rid of the burnt toast.

"Get the hell out of here and let me finish breakfast." He scolds with a smile and sends me to sit at the table with a playful smack on my ass. I liked it.

I turn on the TV and proceed to look for something to watch while Jasper finishes his cooking.

We had a peaceful breakfast free of any more nasty incidents or lust induced contacts, much to my cock's dismay, that's still hard from our earlier moment. We were actually able to discuss some of the news on the TV. I'm glad that as much as we're new to whatever this is, we can still be able to do normal things, like have a peaceful breakfast or a true discussion over the newest law on the Congress. I'm glad we're not like other couples (are we a _couple_?) that are always in need to be all over each other. Well, the need _is_ there at least on my part, and judging by the bulge in Jazz's pants on his part too, but we're able to push it aside to share other things.

I like how we're finding our place almost naturally, as if we've being doing it for a long time, and maybe we have. We know each other, we know how to be around each other, how to respect our space… we're just adding a new aspect to the relationship we already had.

We finally made it to the beach. We spent most of the afternoon switching between swimming in the fresh salty water of the ocean and lazily laying on the beach, stealing soft touches and kisses every now and then.

We finished the day with a delicious bath, delicious in the fresh water washing away the salt and sand from the beach and in Jazz's hands all over my body, and finally crashed in bed thoroughly exhausted from the long day.

***

The next few days passed on a similar pattern. We went to the small town to buy small gifts for our friends and parents and we were even able to hold hands all through the craft market. It made me think about a lot of things. How will this progress when we're back home? We haven't even really talked about what _this_ is. Not that I need to put a name on it, but we're still somewhat in the dark. How are we going to act around our friends? Are we going to "come out" and tell our friends? Our parents? I know I won't be able to keep this from them, and I don't even want to. I want them to know how happy I am, but am I ready to accept that I'm _gay_?

All of these thoughts have been swirling around my head, mostly when we're apart. Somehow he keeps me calm. Whenever we're together I feel, I _know_ that everything is going to be fine, that _we_ can make this work and affront whatever is necessary. But the moment I find myself alone and without anything better to do, my mind starts to wander again over the disturbing thoughts.

Thankfully this time I'm mercifully interrupted by Jasper's hands over my chest, holding me from behind the couch where I'm sitting. He runs his nose along my jaw, bathing my neck in his hot breath.

"You look so fucking beautiful with your face furrowed in worry, in nothing but your shorts looking out of the window." He whispers.

"Don't worry so much baby, we're going to figure this out…" He says and I turn my head to kiss him hard because I fucking love the way he knows me so well and how he cares about me.

He runs his hand through my hair, and when I do the same I notice that his locks are wet. Why didn't he invite me to the shower? A moment later though, I've completely forgotten that fact, the moment his hand sneaks lower to grab my swelling cock through my shorts and I moan shamelessly asking for more. I need him so fucking much!

I pull him hard to me, and he stumbles with the back of the couch still between us. We laugh a little at our predicament because him rounding the couch to be able to press his body against me seems like a fucking torture when neither of us wants to lose the contact between us. He finally lifts a leg over the backrest and straddles it for a moment before pulling his other leg up, effectively crashing on my side of the couch and landing on top of me.

I gladly lay back over the armrest, pulling him flush against me, and moaning at the rough groping of my member with his hand still there all through our clumsy maneuvers. We writhe against each other, aching for more contact and friction. Our hands flying like crazy birds all over our bodies, needing each other, wanting more, so much more. I wonder how and when we'll make love for the first time, who will be inside who… the thought frightens me as much as it makes my cock impossibly harder. I moan again when he sneaks his hand inside my shorts and his long perfect fingers finally make contact with my swelling head. I groan when I feel that he only has a towel wrapped around his hips that now is barely covering half his buttocks.

I lower it all the way down, groping the soft skin of his cheeks and pulling him even closer to me. A foreign force possesses me and before I can really take control of my actions, my right hand lifts itself before smacking his cheek with a loud noise. We froze instantly, and I'm wondering if I went a little too far when he pulls back to look at me. I try to read his eyes looking for a sign of anger or disdain, or even mockery, only to find a lusty filled gaze before crashing his lips to mine with renewed passion and need.

He works the fly of my shorts and pulls my cock out, finally wrapping his hand around it and pressing his hips into mine. I tentatively smack him again twice and my cock twitches when I hear him whimper against my collarbone.

"Naughty, naughty Jasper." I whisper into his neck, earning another moan from him.

He pulls back to take my shorts completely out of the way, and I'm rewarded with the mouthwatering sight of his hard cock. I've been getting better at my blowjobs, at least I'm not frightened anymore of them, and I actually enjoy the feeling of his hot silky cock inside my mouth. I'm still not able to deep throat him, but I'll get there eventually, I want to make Jasper feel as good as he makes me feel.

With that in mind, I sit again resting on the backrest, and pulled Jasper over to straddle me. We engage again in a passionate kiss and the rocking movement of his hips drives me crazy with need. I want to be buried deep inside him, and I imagine the feeling of his hot tight ass around my cock. I moan again.

I pull away from his frantic kisses and lift his hips so that he's kneeling in front of me. His confused gaze shut tightly closed the moment my tongue makes contact with his swelling glistening cock. A throaty moan reverberates all though his body and he grabs the backrest at both sides of my head for leverage.

I greedily open my mouth to take him in, enveloping him in my wet warmth and sucking hard. His moans get louder and I love hearing him losing control. He bucks his hips into my face and I try to stay still and relaxed to let him fuck my mouth as he wants. I keep sucking and teasing him with my tongue while his moans get louder and his thrusts erratic.

Suddenly though, he pulls out from my mouth and stays still, panting hard over my head. I could've sworn that he was close to cumming inside my mouth, and I lift my gaze to look at him confused and suddenly worried if maybe I hurt him or something. He just smirks at me through his heavy pants and close his eyes again.

"I just wanted to cum with you." Is his breathy explanation and it makes me smile.

He stays there a few more minutes trying to control himself, I suppose, and I wonder if he could cum with just a touch of my fingers.

He finally settles over my legs again and grabs my cock into his hand. God, I love his hands… and his mouth, and his tongue, and his wicked fingers… I reach to take his cock too, but he stops my hand and takes my wrist to wrap my hand into his hair.

"Wait just a little baby; I don't wanna cum before you…" He murmurs between his wet kisses along my jaw and neck. I shivered at the feeling of his warm hand pumping my cock. He twists his wrist, making the friction even sweeter and delicious and I can't stop the moans and groans that are coming out of my mouth.

I grab his hips, pulling him to me and groaning when he starts again his rocking movement. This is such a tease of the real thing that I'm practically aching to be inside him. I will have to address it soon, I wonder when we'll be able to do it. A sudden painful bite on my neck makes me forget my prior thoughts and I discover myself groaning and bucking my hips up into his hand. The pain mixed with the pleasure of his movements is almost too much, and I smile at his husky teasing whisper. "It seems I'm not the only naughty one here, am I Edward?"

He bites on my earlobe eliciting more moans and pants and I'm too close to my release. I finally reach between us to grab his throbbing cock in my hand. We're panting and moaning, bucking our hips into our hands in a frantic, almost desperate need of each other's bodies. I want him closer, I want to be inside him and surprisingly, I find myself wondering how would it feel like if it was _him_ inside _me_.

Jasper reaches with his other hand to grab my hand around his cock, directing it to mine. Pulling away from my lips he looks directly at me with the lustiest eyes I've ever seen and I lean again to trap his lower lip between my teeth. He runs the head of his cock all along the underside of mine making me twitch and moan at the new sensation. I lowered my gaze between us to look at his swelling head caressing my shaft from base to tip a few times and it's the hottest sight I've ever seen. He squeezes my cock just below the head and I'm gone. With a few tight pumps he rides my orgasm like a fucking master making me cum all over our stomachs and hands.

Grabbing a little of my cum over his stomach, I lubricate his own cock to pump him faster.

"Oh my God!" He loudly pants at the sight, burying his face into my neck and holding my shoulders almost painfully. He bucks his hips into my hand, making the tip of his cock hit against my stomach. With a few more strokes and thrusts of his hips, a throaty moan of my name leaves his lips and warm spurts of cum hits against me.

He stays there, holding me and kissing my neck and face while we both regain our composure and catch our breath. I fucking love the afterglow of our passion, when I feel even closer to him, here wrapped around each other and whispering sweet words of love and devotion.

After a while he stands up and with a soft kiss he tells me to stay here. I lay back over the couch resting my head on the armrest completely spent and happy. He comes back with his stomach clean and a wet cloth in one hand, still gloriously naked. I scoot a little to make room for him and he sits at the edge beside me to clean my stomach and soft cock with the cloth, looking at me with a warm smile.

I can't stand the distance between us and reach up to pull him against me, kissing him softly while he's still cleaning my body. Not wanting to part again, he just drops the cloth on the floor and cuddle against me on the couch, enjoying the small space that let us be even closer.

We looked at each other for a long time, softly caressing and kissing as we always do after a blowing orgasm. It makes me feel _complete_, at home, knowing that we do share a lot more than the all consuming passion that makes us need to be wrapped around each other. I love him, and I know he loves me back. He'd said it once, even when I repeat it most of the time, but I know how he is. He's not one for words, that's me. He's an action man, and hell if he doesn't show me his love with every touch, every kiss and even every look he directs at me. I love it when he calls me _baby_, even when I'd always thought the terms of endearment between couples to be ridiculous. _Couple_, there's that word again.

"Jazz?"

"Hmmm?" He answers while softly running his fingers through my hair.

"What is this?" I whisper hesitantly, not really knowing how to address my feelings and thoughts and not wanting to step over any line he might have over _this_.

He furrows his brow looking intently at me, maybe looking for some kind of clue as to what am I trying to say.

"What do you mean?"

"Well," I lower my gaze, suddenly self conscious. "I was wondering if we're a couple…" I whisper almost inaudibly.

He raises my chin to make me look at him, and I lift my gaze to watch an almost concerned look on his gorgeous face. "Do you want that? Edward, we can be whatever you want, if you're still not comfortable-"

"Is not that!" I interrupt. "I'm certainly nervous about what all of this will imply later when we go back to our normal lives, but I don't regret anything that's happened between us, not for one second, you know that right?"

He nods.

"I was just wondering what do you think about us, how do you see me, what do you want from this… what do you want from me…" I whisper the last part.

"Edward, I haven't been completely honest with you." He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes making me nervous. "I… God I didn't think it would be necessary to tell you this, but I guess you deserve to know the truth…" It's my turn to furrow my brow in concern now, what could possibly be so embarrassing or _bad_?

"What?" I prompt him.

"Well, when I first kissed you and told you that I was attracted to you, I wasn't completely honest. God!" He swallows again and breathes. "Edward, I've been in love with you for over a year now. And I mean, completely, hopelessly, head over heels in love with you. I've always thought that this would be impossible, that I would have to watch you someday getting married and having kids, and that I would be left alone and heartbroken.

"What do I want from this? From you? I want everything Edward. I want to be able to hold you whenever I feel like, I want to love you freely, to make love to you, I want to build a life with you and watch you gracefully age every miraculous day beside you. That's what I want Edward. But what do you want? Because I meant it when I said I was willing to accept any little thing you could give me.

"If you want us to stay behind closed doors I can do that, if you want us to keep just our friendship I can do that too, hell, if you wake up one morning and decide this is not for you I can-"

But I can't bear to hear the continuation of his speech because it is ruining the beautiful things he said before, making my heart clench. I kiss him slowly and sensually, reveling in the words he just said. He wants a life with me. He loves me as much as I do him, really, enough to sacrifice his needs and desires to accommodate mine. But that's not necessary this time, because I want every little thing he just said. I want to hold him whenever I feel like, I want to love him and make love to him and I want a life with him.

"I want it too Jasper." I whisper against his lips. "I'm here for the long run, love, don't doubt it for a single second please." I feel him smiling between our kisses and we said everything else with our soft caresses before we fell asleep on the couch.

***

I remember last night with a smile. I'm finally free of fears and doubts about our relationship. I know that there's still a long way to go, but I'll think about that when the time comes, I don't want to ruin our escapade with my brooding thoughts and unfounded fears. Besides I'm sure now that we're in this together, that we're actually on the same page about where we want to go. We can face the world if we need to, _together_.

I'm watching him from my bunk. He's swimming along in the pool, showing off his perfect muscled torso to my greedy eyes. I can't seem to get enough of him, I love to watch him, I love to touch him, I love to kiss him, I love to lick him…

He interrupts my thoughts, as he always loves to, with a sight that completely obliterates every small thought from my mind. He leans over the edge of the pool, pushing himself up and over it to get out of the water. I watch in wonder the water cascading along his sinfully tanned torso and the power of his muscles in the effort of supporting his whole weight. His golden locks are wet and his cheeks are flushed from the effort of his exercise. He's like a semi-god walking between mortals, completely out of place amongst the rest of us, it's almost painful to watch.

He lifts his gaze to look at me, and that fucking smirk appears over his features making me a pathetic puddle of goo. He sensually walks to me, with that mischievous look on his face and I swallow loudly anticipating what's sure to come (yes, pun intended). He lowers his gaze and his smile widens at the bulge in my trunks that he can surely see. I can't believe I'm hard from just looking at him, but again, I'm hard most of the time just thinking about him and all our different _interactions_.

He finally reaches me and crawls over the bunk to rest on top of me. I welcome him with a passionate kiss, grabbing his hair in my fists and pulling it lightly. He moans and thrusts his hips to mine, making me groan at the feeling of his hardened member. I bury my hands inside his wet trunks, roughly groping his cheeks and getting more friction from his hard body.

"I still have a promise to keep Edward, don't think I've forgotten it." He huskily purrs against my jaw.

I remember his promise of that first night and laugh, the excitement running through my whole body. Will he really do this _here_?

As if he could hear my thoughts he smirks at me with heavy-lidded eyes and bucks his hips again into mine. "I'm a man of my word, baby."

He stands up to pull my trunks away from me and then takes his own too. I won't ever get tired of his naked sinful body. He comes back to me and I sigh contently at the renewed contact, reveling on the feeling of his weight over me. We keep touching and kissing, groping and biting. Our writhing bodies slick with sweat sliding against each other, trying to get closer, trying to take every little thing the other is willing to give.

When the unreleased passion is almost too much to bear Jasper finally pulls away, panting heavily and pressing his forehead against mine.

"I want to suck your cock." I boldly whisper, wondering where the hell I got the courage to say something like that… not that it isn't absolutely fucking true though. His smile widens and his breathing seems to pick up again.

"Get on top of me baby." He tells me while laying back along the bunk.

I happily comply. Accommodating my body so that I'm straddling his face and I'm facing his gorgeous cock. I groan when he takes me into his mouth, immediately deep throating me and I contract all my muscles at the sensation. I lean in to lick his head, tasting the salty nectar that is all Jasper and moaning wantonly. I envelop him in my warm hungry mouth, pulling him inside me as far as I can take him. I bob my head up and down his cock, sucking and licking and swirling my tongue around the head when I reach the tip. I sneak my hands to his soft balls, caressing and pulling gently at them.

I almost scream at the sensation when I feel Jasper's lithe finger pushing into my asshole. I've come to ache for his touch there. As frightening as that seemed at the beginning, it's just too pleasurable to let my judgment get in the way.

I proceed to lick my own middle finger to return the favor, the friction that his finger makes pushing in and out of me is almost too much combined with his warm mouth sucking my cock. I'm almost there and I need to bring him with me.

I push against him slowly and earn a throaty moan the moment my fingertip enters him. I revel in his warmth and wonder for the seventieth time what will it feel like when it is my cock the one inside him._Soon_, I promise myself. I push and pull my finger inside him and suck harder on his cock eliciting the most delicious sounds that reverberates into my own skin. I'm soon rewarded with a violent buck of his hips making me finally swallow him all in surprise. I feel him twitching inside me, flooding my mouth in his cum and making me cum in return. I feel him swallowing around me and I moan in ecstasy.

After the sweet recovery in each other's arms filled with soft whispers and reassurances of love, Jasper gets up and takes his trunks and mine from the floor. I'm always amazed at the recovering abilities of this wonderful creature, one more proof that he's indeed something more than human.

He offers me a hand and pulls me up from the bunk we were laying on. He pulls me tightly against him once more, holding me and enveloping me in his intoxicating warmth. He pulls away again, looking at me with a brilliant smile and sparkling blue eyes.

"Walk with me?" He asks holding my face between his hands.

I smile at him.

_Always_.

* * *

So how was that? They finally got the conversation out of the way! I hope I didn't disappoint with the sexy times, remember I'm still new to all of this! Review and let me know if you liked it.

Thank you for reading!


	13. Just Feel

**Undeniable Attraction**

WOW! I really have to thank a lot of people in this chapter.

First thanks to all my reviewers, as you take the time to send me your love through a few words. It really means a lot to me! Thanks to all of you who added me to your lists, I really appreciate it.

I wan to specially thank trustme83, mountainstomove, WithoutTheDark, and Ce-Me-Smile for your unconditional support and love for this story. It means the world to me, girls! And big thanks to Touchstone67 for your rec on TwiSlash Unveiled. That felt amazing, thank you!

Finally I want to thank my Betas for this story, **CajunMomma **and **drtammy1511** for saving all of you from my spelling and grammatical mistakes. They really made this a better chapter. You're the best, girls!

Finally, on with the story. This might seem fluffy, so enjoy it because things are going to get different soon!

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 13

**Just Feel**

**JPOV**

Today is our last day here, in this house, in this place, my very own heaven. A slight pang of longing reaches me even now that I'm still here. I don't want to go. The fear of the unknown stirs inside me, like a monster asleep, waiting for the right moment to wake up and leap and consume me… So many things we haven't considered, so many things that could change between us…

I know my mom will be thrilled when I tell her about us, but what about Edward's parents? Will they hate me for making their son gay? Did I make him gay? And what about my job?

I can surely imagine my conversation with my buddies from the Station at the bar, a few streets from the office. "Well, yeah, I had a great vacation! My best friend and I finally confessed our love for each other and spent the whole week kissing and touching each other on the bed and several other parts of the house." Everyone would congratulate me and tell me how happy they are for me, even asking me if they can meet him someday. "Yes," I would say, "his name is Edward, and he is a great guy; you would get along so well."

Yeah, that would go really fucking smooth, I can imagine.

Maybe I should talk with Maria. Nobody at the Station seems to have problems with her sexuality. We all know about Victoria and I've never seen her being subjected to snide remarks. Well, that might be due to her lovely don't-fuck-with-me character, true, but if that is the case indeed, then I shouldn't have a problem either. NO ONE messes with me. But again, she's a girl and I'm a guy. People don't treat a lesbian the same as a gay man. Jesus! I've never even thought about that before!

I suppose I've always felt kind of safe knowing that my love was one sided. I've never thought about having to defend my sexuality, my identity against insensitive, ignorant jerks. And God knows the Station is fucking full of them! Will I be able to keep my chin up or will I keep Edward well hidden in the house? Can I even do something like that? Can I keep our relationship secret just for the sake of my work? I love my work, but I've been in love with Edward for so long. Can I risk hurting him, just so that I'm not the one hurt?

And what if _he is_ the one not willing to accept our relationship in public? Could I stand being beside him in one of his company parties, so near him and unable to touch him? Could I watch in silence at the actresses and stupid wannabes cling shamelessly to his arm, offering themselves to him? Fucking NO!

GOD, this is getting so difficult and it just started! There's so much I have no fucking clue how to solve; how to _live_ as a gay man; how to work on an everyday basis. And yeah, I'm fucking scared too. I'm scared to mess things up. This is not some random chic. This is Edward, my best friend, my love. I can't mess things up with him.

But all the fear and anxiety slowly dissipates at the feeling of Edward's soft lips slowly kissing the back of my neck. His strong arm tightening its hold on my waist makes me feel safe, and his body pressed behind me, warm and powerful, helps me remember that he _is_ here. He is here with me; he loves me; he wants the same thing I want… we can do this.

"Good morning, love," he whispers against the skin of my neck with that beautiful voice of his, warm and velvety and full of love and happiness.

_Love_. He loves me. I'm his love as much as he is mine. Shouldn't that be enough? Shouldn't that be all that matters to me? It should, and feeling his warmth surrounding me, his scent intoxicating me and his soft lips kissing me and whispering soft, loving words, I find that it is. It _is_ enough. I love him, and what I never thought possible a few days ago, finally happened. He is here with me, right now, loving me as much as I do him, holding me, surrounding me with his body and his warmth and his love. I don't know what happens tomorrow, or in two weeks, or in twenty years, but I promise myself right now to remember this moment. Every time my apprehensive fucking self threatens to shatter my world, I must remember that he loves me; Edward loves me, and I can do this with him.

I smile feeling his morning wood pressed at my lower back. Waking up at the feeling of THAT is my own personal fucking heaven. I wiggle my backside, pressing against his cock, making him groan and pull away from me a little. But I can't have that. In fact, I WON'T have that. This is our last day here, and as much as I love the beach and the clean air and the sea, we won't leave the bedroom all day if I can have my way.

I turn around in his arms, sneaking my arms around his waist to hold him against me. _Make me forget, Edward; make me forget my fears on your lips; make me lose myself into your body and your scent and your love. Make me forget my own name, Edward._

With a brilliant smile, I press my lips against his, kissing them softly, gently, basking in his love and his warmth, enjoying the feeling of his soft, pouty lips. He purrs into the soft kiss, making me smile wider and pressing him tighter against me, enjoying this moment, his happiness and mine. This is all I need, he and I, together, alone, living in our own perfect world, safe from the cruelty of the world outside. I open my mouth tasting the warmth of his breath, and dart my tongue over his lips, teasing him, tasting him, persuading his tongue to come out and play with mine. He complies, as he now does every time, and caresses my tongue with his, eliciting a moan from me and making me all warm inside. He seems to need me as much as I need him, sometimes even more…

I'm still afraid that I'll wake up suddenly, sad and alone on my bed, or that I'll scare him away with my overwhelming love and need for him. So as much as I hate it, I hold back a little, still not giving myself completely to him, still stubbornly clinging to the last remnants of my cool unattached self to protect me from the pain the loss of his love would surely inflict on me.

I don't wanna hold back. I want to love him freely, as completely as he loves me. I can see it in his green sparkling eyes, the love, the devotion, the happiness and the freedom. How much I wish I could be like that, and I don't even know why I'm not.

Thinking back, I've never really loved anyone before. Not in a romantic way, anyway. I surely love my mother, I love Edward's parents who are like a second family to me, and I've loved Edward for a long time, even before I was in love with him. But _love_, in the all-consuming need of the body, mind, heart and soul of another human being? Never in my life. I'm scared. This is overwhelming. I wonder how someone can _feel_ so much. Is it natural? Does it comes with the being-loved-back pack or some shit like that? Does Edward feel like this about me? And if he does, how can he stay so calm about it? How isn't he running like hell away from this? Telling me to stop it?

But I don't want to stop this either. Not when I wake up every morning enveloped in his warmth. Not when his lips are completely at my disposal. Not when his body and his mind and his heart and his soul are completely bare for me to explore and take at my will… Never before had I admired him more. His ability to love, his blind trust. He is jumping right from a cliff with a smile on his face. And what a smile he has. I'd never seen him smiling like that before, not with any date or girlfriend before.

"I love you" I whisper into his damp salty skin, because I do. And I don't say it nearly as often as I should. I've been holding back all these days, all the time, while he's giving himself completely to me, even when he's scared, because I know he is. I've seen him looking far away in the distance while sitting on the couch or the terrace, thinking, thinking as always. My beautiful, rational Edward. I know he's having the same doubts I have about the future, but somehow, he's able to push them away to love me completely. I know he's not holding back, and I shouldn't either.

He soothes my fears away with the soft caresses of his hands on my back, holding me in the weirdest and most perfect mixture of tightness and tenderness. He kisses me reverently as if I was a porcelain figure, precious and breakable, and I feel like one. I feel like my soul is about to break, gasping for air, or maybe it is not my soul, but the wall I have around it that I've never even noticed before. And my breath hitches, and my chest hurts and constricts, knowing I've been left bare before him, absolutely open and vulnerable, and that with the simplest word or look or touch, I could be completely, hopelessly broken.

But he looks at me, he looks deeply inside me as if somehow he knows what's happening to me, and smiles a warm, tender smile, and whispers in his velvety, beautiful voice that he loves me, that nothing will ever change that, that I don't need to be afraid, and I close my eyes and lean my forehead against his, trying hard to control the racing emotions that threaten to drown me.

He stays there, just holding me and whispering his love to me and enveloping me in his warm breath and intoxicating scent, waiting for me to come back to him. And I love him even more because he knows me, and he knows what I need; when I need to talk and when I just need to be alone with my thoughts and emotions.

When I finally get out from my haze, I open my eyes to the startling brilliance of his green ones, and I smile at him because even when I'm still afraid of the future and the rejection and the fights we'll surely need to endure when we come back to our lives. I love him. Completely, absolutely, with all my heart and my soul and every pore of my skin, I love him. I ache for him, and I won't ever let him go. I know now that I'm ready, finally I am ready to give myself to him, completely, absolutely, mind, heart, soul, and _body_.

***

We took a long, lazy bath in the rudimentary clawed bathtub by one of the windows. Washing each other softly, lovingly, splashing all around us with our clumsy movements, trying to get closer, impossibly closer. I traced his beautiful features with my damp, wrinkled fingertips, committing his peaceful, relaxed details to my memory.

What wouldn't I give to stay in this place forever! Forever in this alien world, so far away from our works, and friends and hypocritical colleagues and our families, just the two of us in this perfect moment.

***

It's such an alien world indeed, that Edward is making dinner. I smile looking at him, watching him moving around the kitchen. He's not as an experienced cook as I am, as he cooks like once or twice per year, but when he does, it's a cause for celebration. I don't know why he doesn't cook that much when everytime he does, it is delicious, and I mean, orgasmic-delicious. But he says he takes too much time doing it (which is SO very true) and that he prefers to save his cooking skills for special occasions. He wants to celebrate our last day here too.

Watching Edward cook is such a beautiful, magnificent sight. He's like an ancient sorcerer, mixing secret ingredients with patience and reverence. I can almost see him, deep in a magical, ancient forest, calling at the gods and goddesses for their blessing.

He takes all his ingredients out over the table, smelling and tasting them, carefully measuring them in his hands and mixing with a slow, respectful pace. I don't even know what he's doing, not that I really care, as everything he does is luscious. So I stay there, sitting at the table at the other side of his improvised altar to the gods, watching him in wonder, asking myself how I got lucky enough to behold the heart of this perfect creature.

He lifts his gaze to me, smiling his crooked, sinful smile at me, dipping his index finger into the unknown mixture and raising it up to his lips, darting his tongue out and sucking it into his mouth. My restless cock stirs again in my pants, aching for him as it does every fucking second since we started this.

"Hungry?" He asks arching one perfect eyebrow and making me want to lick it.

I stand up like a hypnotized man, walking straight to him and making him smile all the wider. I reach him and envelope him in a tight embrace, crashing my mouth to his and tasting a delicious flavor mixed with his own the moment our tongues intertwine. He tastes like a delicious mixture of sweetness and spice and his own Edwardly flavor, and I wonder if it could be possible to add his own delicious, perfect flavor to our food. I wanna taste him; I wanna suck him; I wanna eat him. But he stops my sneaky hand inside his waistband with a strong hand around my wrist, smiling into the kiss and shaking his head a little.

"Tsk, tsk, Jasper… You're not going to ruin my dinner with your naughty ways," he huskily murmurs against my lips, making my need for him all the stronger. I pathetically whimper at him, tightening my hold around him, stubbornly not letting him go.

"Later, love. I promise I will make it up to you later," he says. "Besides, we need to eat. We can't stay alive just feeding off love and sex." He winks at me, and I wonder if we can't indeed.

Defeated, I finally let him go, and he dismisses me with a playful smack on my buttocks, one of the things I've come to love and enjoy… who would've known?

I'm finally able to stay away from him, and we enjoy our time in the kitchen playfully teasing each other and talking about stupid things. Me watching him cook, him watching me while cooking.

We sit at the dinner table for the first time since we arrived here, enjoying a special dinner dressed in jeans and t-shirts. We accompany our dinner with _Indio_, a tasty Mexican beer we've become big fans of, and dive into one of the most delicious meals I've ever tasted.

"Mm, hmmmm, Edward, this is fucking delicious!"

"Tsk, tsk, Jasper. You kiss your momma with that mouth?" he asks with a smirk.

I look at him long and hard for a few instants. He's happy and playful and kind of alien to me. This is a side of him I've never seen before, and I love it. Of course I've seen him being funny before (sometimes involuntary funny), and I'd had great times beside him, but I've never seen him in this playfully flirty mood before. It's sexy as hell, I must say.

Adjusting my own mood to his, I smirk too. "Well yes, Edward. I kiss my momma with this mouth, the same mouth I kiss and suck my boyfriend off with."

He chuckles, blushing a little while he takes a big pull of his beer, and I go back to my food, pretty satisfied with myself for making him shut the fuck up.

"So, our little getaway finally ends tomorrow…" He comments attempting nonchalance… if I just didn't know him so well. I know he's nervous about it, maybe as much as I am, but he definitely isn't as frightened as I was just a few hours ago.

"Yeah," I say before taking a big needed pull from my beer. "as much as I hate it, we're going back to our lives…"

"But, well… not exactly, right?" He asks hopefully, and I can't do anything else but smile at him and his own personal demons. I realize then that I'm not the only one in this relationship. That he might be as scared as I am. That is possible that yes, he feels just the same way I do. That he loves me with the same intensity. That he's haunted by the same demons of insecurity and rejection, and that he might need the same security and reassurance I need.

I reach out to take his hand and wrap it tightly into mine. I look into his beautiful sparkling eyes, clouded a little by his own insecurities, and I smile at him, trying to convey all the love I have for him deep inside me.

"No, Edward, not exactly. You're my boyfriend now, aren't you? You now know how much I love you, how much I need you… there's no possible way we could go back to our lives the way they were before," I say stroking the back of his hand with my thumb.

We smile at each other and my heart swells, looking how the clouds in his eyes dissipate into nothingness. How can we fail? How indeed? When we calm each other. When we are able to keep the other one loved and peaceful. When we are able to draw the other one out of his cloud of fears and insecurities, how?

"We're together in this Edward. I need you as much as you need me, and we'll need each other if we want this to work. I know you're afraid of what might happen when we go back, fuck! I am too. But I know that if I have you by my side, we can make this work." I lean into him, lowering my voice. "And I fucking want this to work Edward… I've never wanted anything more in my whole fucking life." I whisper with my forehead pressed against his, the need evident in my voice, and I appreciate it, because I want him to _know_ how much I need him.

I feel his warm free hand surrounding the nape of my neck, caressing me with his thumb, and I sigh my own warm breath around his face. He kisses me softly, reverently, like the slow kiss of this morning, and I enjoy it with all my senses. As much as I adore the passion and physical need between us, I relish the soft kisses and caresses that convey all the love we have for each other. And this is a moment of love. Love through words, love through actions, love through soft touches and caresses, and love through this boiling kiss that is being morphed by need and passion and all-consuming love.

I stand up from my chair, needing to be closer, and lean into him, deepening the kiss and basking in his taste and his warmth and his soft wetness. He pulls me by the hips until I'm straddling him, and I moan with all my might at the contact of our bodies. I've missed it so much! Even when we've been apart for just a few hours. I fist my hands around his shirt, pulling him closer and growling all my need into his mouth.

We stay there God knows how long, pressing our bodies together, running our hands through hair and clothes and warm, sweaty flesh until we're both panting; disheveled and sweaty. We're pressing our hips flush together, in a torturous, delicious rocking movement against each other that is giving us just enough friction to have blue balls from the unreleased need. He squeezes my buttocks roughly into his hands, pulling me closer, and I'm panting into his neck with my mouth wide open and both my arms around him, my fingers lacing through his bronzed silky hair. He bites into my collarbone and I cry out loud wantonly and unashamed, while pulling roughly at his hair. This is the primal need of each other, the need to translate the all-consuming love we share into its physical, basic form.

"I love you Jasper. God, how much I want you!" he pants into my bare chest, and I pull roughly at his hair to trap his mouth back into my own.

"I love you too, Edward," I pant against his swollen lips. "I want you too, so very much." And without further thinking, knowing exactly what I want, I leave a trail of hot wet kisses from his mouth to his left ear. I trap his earlobe between my teeth, licking at the tip and eliciting a wanton moan from him.

"Take me, Edward." I whisper into his ear. "Take me, Edward. _Please._"

If anyone have told me a few years ago that someday I would be begging another man to fuck me, I would have surely punched said person into a bloody pulp. I've always been Jasper Whitlock, the strong motherfucker no one messes with… The man whose cock twitches at the mere thought of Edward's cock inside him. I want him; I need him to be inside me. I want to give myself to him, now that I'd finally let my walls down. I want to love him completely, with all I have to give to him.

But I must have taken him completely by surprise, because he froze in that instant and turned his head to look at me with wide, sparkling eyes.

I smirk at him, darting my tongue out of my mouth to trace his parted lips as he exhales a quivering breath. "Don't you want me, Edward?" I whisper against his lips. "Don't you want to _fuck_ me?"

He moved so fucking fast, I don't even know how I didn't land on the floor. With both of his hands under my ass, he lifted us up from the chair and started clumsily and almost desperately walking us to the bedroom. We couldn't get there fast enough.

I find myself wondering how the hell he's able to lift me into his arms as if I were some tiny chic, and it makes me squirm, thinking that even with as much exercise as I do, he might not be any weaker than me. _Will he fuck me hard?_ Thinking about that, I remembered that I need to get to my suitcase before we go any further.

He drops me on the floor the moment we enter the bedroom, and I hold on to him for dear life, kissing him hard. _I must get to my suitcase._ He sneaks his hands inside my t-shirt, making me shiver at the contact, and pulls it up and above my head, tossing it somewhere on the floor. _I must get to my suitcase._ I repeat the process with his own t-shirt and start working on his fly. Suddenly my need for him is almost unbearable, and we can't be close enough, with our sweaty skin flushed against each other and his intoxicating aroma surrounding me.

With his fly opened, I reach into his pants to grab that precious piece of hard silky flesh, and I relish this kind of contact between us. How many times did I fantasize about having him like this! So many times, that this moment still has a surreal aura all around us, wondering how the hell things between us changed so much in just a week. I relish every little detail of this perfect moment in time: his salty sweaty skin, his warm hands caressing my back and hair and buttocks, his pants and moans and grunts near my ear, his needy face that shows me I'm not the only needy one here, the feeling of his cock in my one hand and the soft flesh of his cheek in the other… so many details, and I want to keep them all, to commit every single smell and sound and feeling to memory, to revisit this very moment all through my future life.

I slowly sink onto my knees, kissing the hard, superb muscles of his abdomen with need and abandon, tracing each one of them with my hot tongue and lips. I love the feeling of Edward's warm hands caressing my hair and shoulders, needing every little contact as much as I do. I keep pumping him into my hand, but the frenzy of just a few minutes ago is slowly replaced by a slow, loving pace. This is important to us, and I want to take my sweet time, marveling at every little thing that happens tonight.

I keep kissing the soft skin of his abdomen, smiling at the need with which Edward presses my face flush to his skin, moaning shamelessly above me and thrusting his hips into my hand. I finally lower my head a little at the same time my hand directs his cock to my mouth. I place a soft, lingering kiss at his tip and feel him shudder in front of me. I dart my tongue out and give him a long lick from base to head, hearing him moan. Swirling my tongue around his head, I can taste the clear liquid of his pre-cum and moan around him at his delicious flavor.

I close my lips around the head and suck him hard, moving the tip of my tongue along his slit. I feel his knees give out a little, before he places both of his hands on my shoulders to keep himself steady. I finally take him all into my hot, starving mouth, burying my nose into the soft curls of his pelvis and inhaling deeply his heavy musky scent. It should be illegal to smell so fucking good even in your nether regions, but I can't really complain as I enjoy it all the best.

Bobbing my head up and down around him, I suck him, lick him, caress him and taste him, and I fucking love it all. I love the way his hips keep coming forward, even with the evident effort he is making to keep himself still, and I want to tell him to let go and be free, and to just fuck my waiting mouth if that's what he wants, but I can't make my mouth let his cock out enough to be able to speak, so I content myself with making him lose control.

But after just a few more sucks and licks, I feel his hands under my arms, pulling me up. He rests his weight in me, surrounding me with his strong arms and tucking his head in the crook of my neck. I feel his hot breath tickling my skin with his unsteady pants, trying hard to slow his breathing.

"Don't make me cum yet, love," he whispers through shallow breaths. "I want to be buried deep inside you, next time I cum." He licks my neck, and this time, I feel _my_ knees buckle under my weight.

_I must get to my suitcase, NOW!_

"Just wait a second." I ask him, and leave him with a confused look on his face while I make my way to the closet.

I find what I was looking for fast enough, so he won't have time to worry about stupid things as me not wanting him or something. I know our apprehensive ways now, enough to try to calm them down fast before they can get out of control.

With my small bottle of lube in one hand, I reach out my free hand to take his, smiling softly at him. I'm so glad for the mysterious force that made me take my bottle of lube on this trip with me. Of course, by the time, I thought it would be to appease the constant erection I would have at the sight of semi naked Edward, but our activities of the past few days have proved the lube really unnecessary… until now, that is.

We make our way to the bed and lay there facing each other, wanting, needing a moment to connect with each other through soft, loving caresses and sparkling, happy eyes and soft murmured words. I'm nervous about this, but I am sure as well, and the magnitude of this moment and the loving, sure look in Edward's eyes scares me. Is a love like this possible? So huge and passionate and sure. Won't I wake up some day, wondering where the hell did all this go? How it all ended?

But looking at the sure look in his eyes calms me once again. I trust him. I know this will be difficult, I know this might not be forever, but I want this, I want him. I'll take whatever he or God or life want to give me, and I'll treasure it. I can't ruin it thinking about the end when we are just starting this journey, and I won't. I'll treasure every passing second at his side for as long as it lasts.

With that promise in my head and my heart, I finally lean in to capture his lips in a passionate, loving kiss. I want to convey all my love for him and the strong emotions I have in this moment, and he responds in kind, holding me tightly to him and swirling his tongue around mine. I make a trail of hot, wet kisses all along his jaw and neck. "I love you, I love you, I love you" I repeat with every kiss and lick of his skin, marveling at the strong connection and meaning of this perfect moment.

I push him, so that his back is completely on the bed and I hover over him, kissing his neck and going down his chest, relishing the strong, fast beating of his heart. _I love you, Edward, so very much…_ I keep going down, needing to show him how much I love him with every touch and kiss, until his arms stop me again, pulling me up to his lips and switching our places in one swift motion, so now he is over me.

"Tonight is all about you, Jasper," he whispers against my lips. "I love you, my beautiful Jasper…" and my heart swells and threatens to escape my body. I want to rip my chest open and offer him my heart, like those Aztec rituals to ancient, unknown gods. What wouldn't I give to be able to express the love I feel for him! But words don't seem enough, and even the kisses and the touches don't seem enough to express all I feel. But I know this is the most I can do, the ultimate act of love and devotion and giving. And I'm giving myself to him, in all I'm worthy; mind, heart, soul, and ultimately, body.

I feel him touching and kissing my whole body, and I can't get enough of him. Suddenly I feel like somehow he multiplied into a thousand lovers, feeling his hot mouth around my nipple, one hand on my hair, and one on my thigh, and in the next second I feel him around my cock, one hand holding mine and one hand over my abdomen, then his fingers caressing my calf, and I don't know if I might be hallucinating or I'm just too lost on the sensations and his all-surrounding love.

He finally takes my throbbing cock into his mouth, and I arch my back, crying out loud at the sudden, delicious sensation. He bobs his head, and I feel my cock getting deeper into his mouth with every downward movement, until I feel my tip hitting the back of his throat repeatedly, making me groan and bend my knees for leverage.

He takes the chance I'm giving him and softly caresses my entrance with a wet finger, making me squirm and shut my eyes in pleasure. I know this will hurt, but right now I'm fucking enjoying it a lot. He makes a wet trail from my balls to my entrance, caressing the soft, sensitive flesh there and making me make the weirdest sounds I've ever made. In another situation I would surely be embarrassed; right now, though, controlling the sounds escaping my mouth is the last fucking thing on my mind.

He licks my balls, pulling one gently into his mouth and sucking it, and I groan loudly at the sensation. Then he does something that surprises the shit out of me, almost making me cum right at that moment. He licks lower and lower, following the previous trail of his fingers, until he reaches my entrance and licks me there. I was unprepared for the intense sensation, gasping and bucking my hips upward. I feel the hot breath of his low laughter, until he licks me again, and I cry loudly, fisting the sheets in my hands.

"Please Edward, please!" I pant. "I can't take this anymore!"

I hear the soft click of the lube cap, and the next second I'm bucking my hips again with Edward's finger inside me. Oh my fucking God, can this get any better? After a few minutes of Edward pushing his finger in and out of me, I feel his hot mouth surrounding my cock again, while a second finger pushes gently inside me. I feel the discomfort passing quickly with Edward's mouth doing wonders to my cock, and I wonder if it will be as quick with his cock inside me. After another few minutes, Edward finally inserts a third finger, and this time I have to make a conscious effort to relax myself and accept the intruding sensation, but with more soft stroking motions, I'm soon bucking my hips into his mouth again, enjoying the powerful feeling of him inside me.

He keeps his steady pace for a few more minutes, soon making me squirm with my need for him. "I'm ready, please" I whisper breathily, deep down into my lusty, needy haze.

I feel him adjusting himself below me, and I open my eyes when I feel his fingers gently slipping out of me. He comes up again to my lips, and I kiss him hard, enjoying the sensation of his hot mouth against mine. As much as I enjoy our other activities, I will never stop enjoying the feeling of his hot kisses. I feel it reaffirming our connection, physically and emotionally and I just love feeling him so close to me.

He pulls back again, supporting his backside over his heels and reaches for the lube again. I lean on my elbows to look at him, and watch him pour a generous amount of lube over his fingers, I reach my hand out to him, and with a soft smile he pours lube over my palm too. I reach out to envelope his cock into my slick, warm hand, while he inserts his fingers back inside me, and we stroke each other for a few moments, moaning and panting at the sensation and coating each other in lube, preparing us for what's about to come.

Finally, he pulls his fingers out and hovers over me, making me lay back over the bed again, opening my legs wide for him. I pull in deep breaths, looking into his eyes. I'm suddenly so nervous, about the pain, about the huge meaning of this moment, about not lasting too long as tuned on as I am right now… He stops his movements and preparations to watch me for a moment. He looks into my eyes with his thumb softly stroking my cheek, watching me, maybe looking for something inside my eyes. I don't know exactly what it is, but all I have inside me is my love for him; my constant, huge, devastating love for him. He smiles at me, a soft, candid, heart warming smile, and reaches down with one hand to place the tip of his cock at my entrance.

I take a final, particularly deep breath and nod my head in encouragement to him. If I keep thinking about this, I'll go insane. He mouths the words of his love to me, before pushing gently into my entrance. I fight back the natural reflex of contracting my muscles against the foreign object; I don't need this to be any more painful that it will be. I take shallow breaths, trying to ease back the small pain that is setting inside me, and concentrate in my breathing and Edward's loving gaze. He keeps pushing in until I feel him passing the first and tightest ring of muscles, and gasp at the powerful sensation. He kisses away the few tears I hadn't even noticed before, murmuring loving, reassuring words into my skin. I hold onto his back for dear life, until I feel his hips against mine, telling me that he's finally all the way inside me. I keep breathing, trying to relax and adjust to this foreign sensation while he stays there, still and breathing as fast and deep as I am.

"Jasper, you feel so fucking good!" He moans into my neck, and makes me smile in spite of my discomfort, because I'm actually making him feel good by just staying here. I turn my head to trap his lips again, needing the connection and reassurance while my body finishes adjusting. He moves a little, adjusting his body over mine, and the sudden, powerful sensation makes me gasp and thrust my hips against him, making him moan in return. I think I'm finally ready for him.

He pulls back a little to watch me closely as he pulls out slowly, just to push inside me again.

"Oh my God, Edward!" I gasp, closing my eyes.

The feeling of him inside me is so powerful I can barely stay coherent. He tucks his face in my neck again, starting a steady rhythm with his hips and I arch my back, holding him closer. This is so fucking surreal! I never imagined this could be so incredible. I knew it would hurt, but I knew it would be pleasurable as well, once the pain subsided, but the connection I feel with him, having him inside me, feeling and hearing his groans on my neck, and stroking my most sensitive spots from the _inside_, it's almost too much!

Soon I'm meeting each of his thrusts with one of mine, needing him closer, deeper, wanting to swallow him all and have him living inside me. I can feel our heartbeats mingled in one on our chests, and I reclaim his lips on mine, wanting to feel every little part of him.

He whimpers into my mouth the most beautiful sound I've ever heard, and thrusts his hips harder into me, making my eyes roll back in my head. I'm so close, so fucking close, and I don't want this to end, _ever_.

"I'm gonna cum Jasper" he pants into my mouth. "Cum with me, Jazz. Cum with me, love." And I'm unable to tell him that I'm there too, that it's not even necessary to ask.

He reaches down between us and takes my hard, throbbing cock into his warm hand, still slick with the lube he applied into me. The slippery warm feeling is just heavenly, and combined with the firm squeeze of his hand around my cock, the friction of the up and down movement, and his hot, hard cock hitting a sensitive spot inside me over and over again, I'm soon too far gone.

I grunt into his mouth, pulling back and gasping for air at the warm clenching in my stomach, until I'm screaming out his name, feeling the warm spurts of my cum all over my stomach and chest, shutting my eyes at the now slow squeezing movements of Edward's hand. He squeezes my cock for the last drop, until I feel him grunting against my lips and throwing his head back. He arches his back to push himself deeper inside me with his last forceful thrusts. I feel him throbbing inside me, until I finally feel him stilling himself in his last hard, deepest thrust and filling me with warmth, making me release some last drops of cum from my own cock.

He drops his body over me, and I love the feeling of his bodyweight on mine. I embrace him with my arms and legs, still breathing heavily into his hair, and stroke his sweaty back and neck with my trembling hands, needing to tell him how wonderful and intense this was. I've never felt something like that before; I've never came that hard before.

I purr into his ear, nuzzling my nose into his damp neck, still holding him, not wanting him to move an inch, wanting to stay just like this forever, into this post-orgasmic glow of loving caresses and cuddling.

Much too soon, though, he is the one who pulls back and looks at me with that dazzling, tired and content smile over his gorgeous face. He's never been more beautiful. I watch in wonder his flushed cheeks, his parted lips, his dampened, sweaty hair and heavy eyelids. My heart seems to have grown suddenly, and I can feel myself flooding everything around me. My love has no limits as I feel it pooling all around us, filling every corner of our hearts and bodies, over flowing to the whole room, even further over the sand and the ocean. I can feel myself enveloping Edward into my warm, loving blanket, and I don't know if he's feeling it too, but he widens his eyes, looking at me in wonder and love.

Reluctantly, he gets out of bed and comes back in a few minutes with a warm, wet cloth in his hand, just as I'd done other times before. With soft, tender kisses here and there, sparkling, happy eyes and loving strokes, he cleans my stomach, my chest, my cock and my entrance. Placing a kiss over my softening cock, he finally drops the cloth on the floor and comes back to my side, pushing the covers aside to get into bed.

He tucks my head into his shoulder, holding me tight into his side and softly caressing my skin. I'm finally exhausted, exhausted and content, and just _happy_. I hold onto him and close my eyes, hearing the soft lullaby of his breathing and his heartbeat and the sea outside, drifting off to sleep. I'm barely conscious when I hear his whisper.

"Thank you, my love. It was perfect."

* * *

SO, was that somewhat near to what you had imagined?

I had a really hard time deciding what POV I would use in this chapter, and as I know how much you enjoy EPOV, I have a little treat for you.

I'm making an outtake for this chapter (as I really couldn't resist) to tell Edward's side. I'll post it in a couple of weeks on a separate story, so stay tuned. AND I'll send a preview to the reviewers of this chapter!

Thank you for reading, see ya next week!


	14. Don't Growl

**Undeniable Attraction**

Thanks to all of you who reviewed the last chapter. Your words were so beautiful and full of love! I loved them, thank you!

Thanks to my SuperBetas **drtammy1511** and **CajunMomma** for their quick and wonderful job. You're the best Betas I could ever ask for!

So, not quite as long as the last few chapters, but I hope you enjoy it!

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 14

**Don't Growl**

**EPOV**

The last day, the last morning, the last hours, the last minutes… How fucking pathetic is this? But having Jasper in my arms after everything that happened last night, I really don't care if I'm pathetic; I just don't wanna go back.

But of course after a lazy, perfect vacation, Jasper is back to his usual self and wakes up early, knowing we have a flight to catch. He stirs in my arms, nuzzling into my chest and tickling my nipples, making me laugh. Too bad we decided to book such an early flight… we really don't have time for a repeat performance from last night.

"Mornin'," he mumbles with a shy smile on his beautiful, perfect face, looking at me through his thick, brown eyelashes. Is he even more gorgeous than yesterday, or am I just a hopeless corny idiot?

Either way, I lean into him to trap his lips with mine.

How will I bear an eight hour flight without touching or kissing him? Well, our time to face the world will start sooner than I thought. I was hoping we could defer it until Monday, when we would be returning to our jobs but, of course, that's not the case.

Without further complaining I get out of bed, holding out my hand for Jasper. I take him to the bathroom and start the water, smiling at him.

We stay there, looking at each other. I smile at him. OK… this is kind of awkward… neither of us seem to know exactly how to proceed. This is our first morning after being together last night, and something definitely changed in these last few hours… I can't exactly place it.

I reach out my hand to softly stroke his cheek, and he closes his eyes, leaning into my hand. I step closer, feeling his whole body humming with his electrifying current, and envelope him into my arms, cradling my face into his neck, one of my favorite spots (along with his mouth, his chest, the golden, soft curls of his pelvis, and inside him, of course…). I place soft kisses along his neck, climbing to his ear.

"I love you, Jazz," I softly whisper.

I feel him smiling into my own neck and feel his warm body shaking with his silent laughter.

"I love you too, Edward," he whispers back, before adding in a more amused tone "but tell me we won't transform into two corny idiots, please!" And I have to laugh at that, because I was afraid of the very same thing.

I mean, I love him, of course I do, and last night was definitely the best and most important night of my life, but I was really frightened that after that, all of our past relationship could be forgotten and replaced with corny words and endless loving moments. I WANT endless loving moments with him, forever, just in our very own way; like talking after dinner, or just lounging on the couch on a lazy weekend, or having a beer at some bar, we don't have to be sucking face 24/7… as tempting as that sounds, it will tire us out at some point, and knowing Jasper as I do, it will be rather sooner than later.

So with that out of the way, the sudden awkwardness between us dissipates with our loud laughter, and we're finally able to do our everyday things, like brushing our teeth and shaving before jumping into the shower. Of course we steal loving glances and soft kisses here and there, but we manage our everyday routine just as well in each other's company. We have to learn to do things on our own, now that we're going back to our everyday lives, and I have to learn to control my compulsive itching to touch him every moment he's somewhat near me… Well, now that he's in my arms under the shower spray, I decide that I'll work on that particular issue on Monday.

There's no need to rush unpleasant things!

***

The long flight was spent in our first class seats, talking in hushed voices about different themes; from the corny ones like how much we love each other, the embarrassing ones like our confessions of the times when we loved each other from afar, and the more serious ones, like how our lives are going to change now that our relationship has changed.

We had a quick lunch in Chicago, where our flights connected, and in no time at all we were arriving again in New York.

Home, sweet home.

As neither of us really wanted to rush the separation that would surely come on Monday, we took a Taxi directly to our apartment and ordered pizza.

We spent the rest of the weekend resting from our vacations in each other arms and enjoying our new found pleasurable activities. What a nice weekend, indeed.

***

Monday morning found me in my bed, with Jasper's chest pressed against my back and his arms surrounding me. I really didn't want to wake up.

We decided on Saturday night that neither of us was willing to sleep alone after everything that had happened between us, and we chose my bedroom, as it was the larger. We spent Sunday arranging the bedroom for the two of us, so Jasper wouldn't have to come and go to his bedroom for the everyday activities such as changing into his pajamas, shaving, and taking a shower. We were planning on having a real makeover on the apartment over the next few weekends, so we could live like a real couple… wow! I'm still getting used to that word.

So after a few minutes of internal whining about how unfair life is, that rushed Monday on us, I feel Jasper tightening his hold on me, and nuzzling his face on the back of my neck.

"I don't wanna go," he grumbles with his beautiful voice thick with sleep, making me smile.

I turn around in his arms, and I'm welcomed with the perfect sight of a sleepy Jasper curled in front of me, with the still soft light of dawn lighting the contours of his skin. So beautiful. I get closer to him, and softly kiss his closed eyelids, caressing his arm and chest with my hands.

"I know, love. I know," I whisper between kisses, pressing myself even closer to him. He opens his eyes and smiles at me, a beautiful, miraculous smile, and he presses those perfect pouty lips to mine. How much have I missed them! There are too many hours between last night and this morning.

We kiss softly for a few moments, until I feel him sneaking his arm around my waist to my lower back, pulling me closer to him. I moan at the feel of his naked body flush with mine. There's no sweat layer on our skins in this New York weather, but I'm sure that if we continue our current activities, there will surely be some in a few more minutes.

Our morning plans swirl into my head like an echo, dissipating into our smoldering kiss: morning run, shower, breakfast, part ways to our own jobs…

Morning run… His tongue sneaks into my mouth.

Morning run… His hot, wet tongue is caressing every corner of my mouth.

We're going to be late for our morning run… His hand sneaks between us, caressing my abdomen, too damn close to the head of my throbbing morning wood. He softly brushes his fingertips to the tip of my cock…

OK, fuck our morning run, I can think of more pleasant ways to burn some calories!

I growl into the kiss and push him back into the bed, making him break the kiss to laugh at me, that deep, musical laugh of his. But I shut him up quickly by pressing my erection into his own, transforming that laugh into a throaty, cock-twitching moan.

"Fuck, Edward, I thought you would never get the idea!" He pants while pushing his hips upwards into me and pulling me by my buttocks.

I suck his neck, panting and moaning at our rough dry humping, needing his body, wanting more of him, always more.

"Come on, baby," He huskily whispers. "Don't you wanna fuck me? Don't you wanna get that hard throbbing cock into my hot, sweet ass before going to work?"

I moan. Oh, my fucking God! Dirty talking Jasper is just too much to take, especially when I'm as needy as I am right now!

I reach for the bedside table and open the drawer to get out the lube. I coat my fingers before sliding two into that sweet ass of his. I suck into his nipple, making him squirm underneath me, and he laces his fingers through my hair, pulling at it and pressing my face closer to him at the same time. I moan at the feeling of his hard hot cock sliding wantonly against my chest with each of his thrusting movements, and not for the first time, I imagine how it would feel if it was his cock inside me. Am I able to give myself as completely as he has given himself to me?

He interrupts my muses with a rough pull of my hair, making me lift my face to look at him, to watch those blue eyes filled with lust and desire for me. I come back to his mouth, as always, famished of the soft flesh of his lips, of the humid warmth of his tongue, of the manly scent of his breath. I kiss him roughly while still working my fingers in and out of him, swallowing his whimpers, until I feel his strong hand holding my wrist to a stop and pulling my fingers out of him.

I pull back to look at him, confused by his actions, and find a smiling Jasper with a mischievous glint in his wantonly eyes.

"As much as I love to make love to you, baby, I need you too much right now, and we don't have that much time. I'm ready," he whispers before trapping my lips with his one more time and pulling my hips to him, showing me just how much he needs me. _Well, my love, the feeling is mutual._

I reach down to place the tip of my cock right at his entrance and stroke myself a few times, spreading the rest of the lube from my fingers onto my shaft. Just the feeling of Jasper's entrance so near my cock has me throbbing in desire; I just know the heaven that awaits me behind that precious flesh.

I push in little by little, watching closely Jasper's face for any sign of pain, before my own pleasure overwhelms me, forcing me to close my eyes. This is where I'm meant to be, always. This is where my cock was made to be, surrounded by Jasper's sweet warmth and hot, pulsing flesh.

I feel him kissing my neck, lifting his hips to tell me that he's ok and ready for me, and I silently thank God, because I don't know if I could hold still anymore. I pull back torturously slow and press back deeply into him, relishing his warmth and tightness. I want to fuck him so hard, I want to get so deep into him, that holding back is making me insane. But I don't want to hurt him, this is still so new to him, and I would never forgive myself if I was to hurt him. But I have to ask, I have to ask because what if I'm just whining over nothing, and he wants it just as much as I do?

"Do you want me to fuck you, Jazz?" I whisper huskily into his ear, licking at the soft skin just below it. "Do you want me to fuck you _hard_?" I ask, emphasizing my last word with a deep thrust of my hips, making him whimper.

He takes a few moments to answer, moaning and biting into my shoulder. "Yes Edward! Please fuck me!" He manages between pants, making me shiver.

I pull back from him, leaning back to rest my buttocks over my heels, and grabbing him by the hips I pull him closer. He opens his legs even wider to leave no space between us, and I feel him surrounding me with them, pressing his heels into my buttocks to press me flush to him. With more room to move now, I'm able to thrust deeper into him, pulling him to me with my hands with every thrust. He fists the sheets into his hands, moaning louder and louder with every thrust and mumbling dirty incoherencies. I can feel the effort of my abdominal muscles with every forceful thrust and the slight pain in my thighs, and I watch mesmerized the perfectly trimmed muscles of Jasper's abdomen, beautifully displayed in front of me, relaxing and contracting with the effort of our lovemaking… ok, our _fucking_. I wouldn't mind changing our morning exercise routine to this, AT ALL.

Under the slight pain in my abdomen, I feel the warm tingling sensation of my approaching orgasm. _Fuck, I'm so close_. I increase my pace, holding Jasper tighter into my hands and grunting loudly.

"Touch yourself, Jasper," I pant. "I wanna watch you touching yourself,"

He complies immediately and the sight overwhelms me. I remember that first time, when I watched him while I hid in the shadows, touching himself, stroking that beautiful cock with such masterfulness. I watch him now, completely open to me, shamelessly stroking himself with his beautiful, strong hand, and it's just too much. With my last forceful thrusts, I feel my cock throb before cumming inside him. I throw my head back, almost screaming my pleasure, completely forgetting about scaring or waking up the neighbors. I don't fucking care about anything except my beautiful, perfect love below me. I smile when I feel Jasper's cum hitting my chest, and whimper a little at the overwhelming sensation of Jasper's spasms around my sensitive cock.

I close my eyes, breathing heavily, trying to come back to Earth after being in heaven with my love. Fuck, I definitely won't be able to concentrate at work after this. I pull out of him, immediately missing his warmth surrounding me, and lay back beside him with my eyes still closed, enjoying this post orgasmic happiness with a stupid smile.

I feel him curling around me, tucking his face into my neck and caressing my chest. I hold him tightly to me, deeply inhaling his scent and nuzzling his golden hair. I love him, I love him so much! How could I spend so much time living with him and never notice before?

We stay in bed for a few more minutes, enjoying each other's warmth and scent and love. But the relentless time keeps passing and as much as we want to stay here, we need to go to work.

We get up and take a quick shower, washing each other with soft caresses and enjoying the warm water running over our skin. After, I leave Jasper to get dressed while I go to brew some coffee. I just love the way we can mix our past daily routine with the new details.

Morning run, shower, coffee…

Morning fuck, shower for two, coffee… it's just _perfect_.

***

After a steamy farewell over the small table by the doorway, I finally arrive at the theater with a goofy grin on my face. What a morning I had!

"Edward, my boy!" I'm greeted by Connie at the doorway.

I'm enveloped in a tight hug by the woman and I loudly kiss her on her cheek. She's always the first one to arrive at the theater and I'm so happy to see her! I've missed her. She's such a beautiful woman, with her large frame, and her dimples adorning her still girlish face, and her graying curly hair, and her ready arms waiting for anyone who wants a hug. She's become almost like a second mother to me. That's why I left the company in her capable hands. Being such an experienced actress and having such a commanding tone under that girlish façade, she was the best option. I hope everything worked out well during my absence.

"Come on, Connie, let's order some cappuccino and tell me everything that happened this week."

An hour later, the other actors start arriving one by one, greeting me and asking me about my vacation. A few more minutes and we finally start the rehearsals; we have so much work to do.

Between the small breaks we have, I find myself watching Jacob closely. He's the leading actor of the company, a really talented man with an impressive physique and milk chocolate skin that makes him stand out from the rest; really useful for our plays. Oh, and yeah, he's gay.

I watch him interact with the rest of the cast. He is so _manly_. I would never have thought him gay, if it weren't for the couple of times he tried to hit on me. He is so _natural_. It might sound stupid, but I find myself wondering if a gay man really stands out from the rest, as if somehow you suddenly have a neon sign above your head alerting every soul around about your sexuality. I'm scared I changed somehow.

But I watch him moving so naturally, talking with everybody, male or female, in such a natural way, that I just _know_ I'm being stupid. I have to convince myself that no one is going to treat me differently. Half of the company, if not all of it, knows about his sexuality. No one treats him any different, and if someone tried, I would be the first to get rid of the fucking intolerant jerk; I would have done it even before I realized I was gay. I have to trust that these are tolerant, open minded people.

I watch around me. We're all so different from each other. Jake, with his powerful Native American physique, Rosalie, with her ice queen demeanor, Connie, with her candid, open character… pink hair, dark skin, skinny complexion, gymnastic flexibility, beer paunch, 20 years old, 60 years old… we're all so different, but we are just one big family. I have to trust them. I have to trust they'll accept me no matter what. Thinking about it, I have the better chance of the two of us of being accepted in my community. We're theater people; we're used to _different_.

I notice I was staring when I find myself with Jacob's black eyes looking intently at me. He smiles at me with a not so subtle flirting smile, and I flush a little before looking away. _Ok, Edward, no more staring at a well known gay man._

It's almost 3 o'clock, and my stomach is embarrassingly grumbling by now, so I decide to finally take a break. The actors don't seem to be able to change their famished gestures from an hour ago, anyway.

I decide to stay in the theater and order some food. After my long absence, first with Jasper's recovery and then with my unexpected vacations, I'm way behind in my work. We start our season next month, and I'm a little worried over the final details.

But of course, every time I try to concentrate on my work, my mind drifts far away, to the amazing, strange color of Jasper's eyes, or the mysterious ingredients of his scent, or the delicious flavor of his skin.

Pfff… this is stupid!

I'm checking the sketches the designer sent of the costumes for the two leading actors while listening to the steady ring of Jasper's phone. I'm about to hang up when I'm finally greeted with his beautiful deep voice.

"Edward?"

"Hey! Yeah Jazz, it's me!"

"Oh, what's up Ed?"

What's up? Hmmm… nothing, really. Great! I just interrupted him over nothing but my stupid need for him. Ok, now I'm embarrassed.

"Edward?" He asks again, and I notice that I stayed quiet too long.

"Um, yeah. Well, nothing really, I just… wanted to say hello?" I finish my statement like a question. How stupid.

I hear his laughter on the other side, and it makes me want to feel him shaking against me, feeling his breath on my neck. "Well, I'm happy you called. I was actually two minutes away from calling you," he laughs again. "How stupid are we, Edward?"

I laugh too. "Yeah, I know! So how is your day?"

"Well, really busy, actually. I spent all morning with Maria, talking about the current cases and examining the files. She knows about us, by the way," he finishes nonchalantly.

"What? What do you mean? Like she knows, _knows?_"

He laughs again. I'm torn between finding it really annoying and incredibly sexy. "Yes, Edward, she knows, _knows_. The moment I walked into my office I had her behind me asking me who fucked me. She said my goofy grin was just too obvious and that denying it was simply useless, so I told her. She said it was _damn fucking time_. I hope you don't mind, 's just that she's known about my feelings for you for a long time, so it was nice to give her the good news."

She knew? Why? So now she's a _friend_ of his? I thought she was just his partner. And what? He's going to tell the whole department? I wish I could have someone to tell the good news too...

"Edward?" I drifted out again. Fuck, Edward, pay attention!

"She knew?" That's the first question that comes out.

"Well, yeah. She's my friend, and she's gay. We spend so much time together, and, I don't know. I guess one day I was a little low, and she was near. Why? Does that bother you?"

Does it bother me? "Not exactly. I was just surprised, that's all. I never thought she knew about your feelings." The thing that bothers me is that while I'm his best friend, there was something he couldn't tell me for a whole year, and yet, he had _other friends_ who were there for him. I don't really have other friends… why is that?

"Yeah, well, it just happened. No big deal. She's happy for me now and told me to tell you that _if you mess with her Whitlock, she's going to castrate you_ or something along those lines." He laughs again, and now I'm pissed. _Her Whitlock_? How the hell did that happen?

"Hmmm." Ha-ha-ha.

"Anyway, how is your day?"

I told him a little about my day before agreeing on having dinner together at the apartment and hanging up.

Now I'm really confused. Where did all the jealousy and animosity towards a faceless woman come from? A _lesbian_ faceless woman, nonetheless! I don't even know her; I've never felt the need even with all the things Jasper had said about her. This is just weird; I've never felt this possessive over anybody. I was almost fighting back a growl when I heard about _her Whitlock_. What is wrong with me?

And what the fuck is wrong with her, calling him _that_? Jasper Whitlock is MINE.

* * *

So we're witnesses of a new, unknown side of Edward. Do you like it? What do you think?

Thank you for reading!


	15. Follow your Instincts

**Undeniable Attraction**

I'm really, really sorry for the delay! I had a hellish week full of exams, projects and flu. A killer combination let me tell you, but here it is finally. It might seem a little off, but blame the flu.

Thanks to my beautiful Betas, **CajunMomma** and **drtammy1511 **for hurrying me up and checking this chapter in record time. Love you girls!

The plot thickens. I hope you enjoy it and thanks for your patience!

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 15

**Follow your Instincts **

**JPOV**

Fuck, sitting for 8 hours at work will be uncomfortable. But hell if it wasn't worth it! I'd never seen Edward's dark side, and I think I like it, A LOT. He's always so loving, so soft, showering me in soft loving kisses and ghostly caresses, worshipping me. I love those moments with Edward; I won't deny it, but I certainly enjoy his more animalistic side maybe a little too much. He's always the calm, the centered one of us. Knowing _I'm_ able to call his wild, animalistic side is just such a turn on!

What a perfect morning it is, and I haven't even started working.

I stop at a red light, holding the wheel tighter and resting my head at the seat, closing my eyes. Just imagining the amount of work I'm sure I'll find waiting for me on my desk, makes me groan, definitely not a good groan. With a deep breath, inhaling the delicious scent of leather from my baby, I try to calm myself. There's no need to start worrying so early about it. _Enjoy your last minutes of freedom, man_.

Imagine what a perfect mixture I could make if I could have my way with Edward in my car… my two babies together; mixing both of their sweet, perfect scents and the soft, perfect feeling of Edward's skin and the leather seats… _perfect_. I'll have to do that soon enough.

The elevator doors slide open, welcoming me with the familiar sight of desks, papers, grey walls and running people. I receive them all with a goofy grin, one that I just seem unable to fight back. Whatever. It's not as if everybody is watching me closely, anyway.

Not everybody, but unfortunately the two most annoying people at the station seem to be watching closely enough. I'm greeted with Peter's shit-eating grin and wiggling eyebrows. I roll my eyes at him, making a dismissive gesture with my hand while I keep walking to my office. How the fuck does he know?

I'm just entering my office when I hear Maria's annoying voice from behind.

"Well, well. It must have been a really great fuck, Whitlock!"

I smile a little but immediately compose my face before turning to face her with an annoyed expression.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Maria?"

"Oh! Don't give me that shit, Whitlock!" She says while inviting herself in and plopping into one of the chairs in front of my desk. "Denying it won't do you any good. I can tell by that stupid grin you have all over your asshole face! So tell me."

I smile in spite of myself. She usually has that effect on me.

"You will never believe it," I say while sitting comfortably in my own chair. Oh! I fucking love this leather chair! It's like it holds me into it; it already has my frame carved into it, molded to my body.

"Hmmm. I don't know," she watches me carefully for a moment. "I don't think it's a girl, as it has been a while since your soldier has shown its chivalry towards the female gender… but I can't really imagine you with another man… you hold on oh so tightly to that precious Edward of yours…"

As much as I try to keep my blank façade, I must have made some gesture at the sound of Edward's name, because the next second, Maria has her black eyes wide like plates and a shocked look on her face. It is almost funny.

"No way!" She keeps staring at me when I don't follow her lead.

"No fucking way, Whitlock!" I can't hold it anymore and start laughing at the expression of her face… well, more like giggling like a high school girl that can't keep a big secret to herself. Fucking disgusting, but I can't make myself care at this moment.

"Stop giggling like a girl and tell me already!" She demands when I don't stop laughing, making me stop abruptly and frown at her hitting comment. I fucking hate her smart ass self.

"Well, it was… kind of funny, actually…"

When I finished my story, two hours and two coffees later, she still has that awed look on her face, but she is smiling brightly at me.

"I don't believe it! But you certainly haven't wasted any time have you?" She asks with a knowing smirk that makes me blush.

What the hell is wrong with this picture? Jasper Whitlock doesn't fucking _blush_!

I frown. I notice in that moment, that I'm becoming the girl in this relationship, and we certainly can't have that! We'll have to make some adjustments. I certainly enjoy his cock in my ass, but that doesn't mean anything; I'll have his ass soon enough, judging by the way he stares at my cock with that uncertain expression. I just have to wait for him, but I'm definitely not willing to become the girl!

Maria interrupts my musings with a warm hand over my own. I lift my gaze to look at her and find her with a warm smile over her face. Maria doesn't fucking smile_ warmly_. It seems _weird_.

"I'm happy for you, Jasper; really," she says, before leaning back into her chair.

"Just make sure to tell him that if he messes with my Whitlock, I'll fucking rip his balls off," she calmly says with a sadistic smile on her face.

I laugh with her. I like this Maria better, sweet Maria is… _unnerving_.

***

We spend the rest of the morning going through the files of the new cases; sick stuff, really, but nothing really out of the ordinary. We have one case in particular where we will need to work side by side with the Narcotics Department. I don't really like those guys. They kind of give me a bad feeling, but I'll have to suck it up and work with them, anyway.

Now we are after _La Cantante_, the leader of a sneaky criminal organization involving drugs and political interests in NY, _Los Volturi_. The case goes way back, but now we are facing an alarming raise of political murders and disappearances. In the past months when I was at the hospital, we've had 2 corpses and 4 missing Judges, all of them somehow connected with the current case against them. Too fucking coincidental, if you ask me.

I am thinking about all of this, going through the files in my head while preparing dinner at home. _Home_. So now we're home, not at the apartment…

I've always felt great at the apartment; a certain feeling of belonging when I was here, but not now. Now it is not just a feeling of belonging. Now Edward is _home_; and this, _our_ apartment, is home.

As usual, I let my thoughts drift around in my head. Edward, La Cantante, Edward's lips, home, Edward's hands, Aro's unsettling eyes… I frown thinking about it. There's something about his eyes that unsettle me, in spite of his friendly words and seemingly open demeanor, there's something about him that just doesn't check. I don't trust him. I can't forget the chill that crept through my hand the moment our hands made contact when we were introduced. It was definitely not a good chill…

"Fuck!"

I was so absorbed in my thoughts that somehow, my hand touched the hot pan, and I felt the sudden burn in my fingertips. What an effective way to get rid of unpleasant thoughts… and what a perfect way to get rid of unpleasant sensations when, out of nowhere, Edward lifts my hand to his lips and gently kisses my fingertips.

Slow, gentle, soft kisses over my sensitive fingertips. I can feel the softness of his pink lips, the plump flesh making contact over and over again, and I watch his lips mesmerized for a few moments, until I see him smile, and I lift my gaze to his eyes, sparkling green eyes, my favorites. I smile too.

"I didn't hear you come in," I murmur, still kind of lost in the pleasant surprise and warm sensation. Were my fingertips hurting? I haven't noticed.

His smile widens. "I just came home," and there's that word again, _home_. My heart swells, knowing I'm not the only one feeling the way I do.

I suddenly watch that mischievous glint appear in his eyes, and I feel his hot breath over my fingertips the moment his lips part. I watch his pink tongue slide across his lips until it touches my skin, making my eyes flutter closed with a soft sigh. He closes his lips around my fingers, sliding his hot tongue across and between them inside his mouth, sucking softly and making a quiet, content sound in his throat. I open my eyes again to see his eyes closed. I watch in awe his facial expression, so content and pleasured by just sucking and tasting my fingers. How is that possible?

I sneak my free hand around his waist and step closer to him, enjoying the sensation of his mouth but needing much more contact between us. It's been such a long day without him by my side! I've missed him so much: his eyes, his lips, his smile, his warm skin, his soft hair… I take my fingers out of his mouth and switch them for my lips, needing the contact and his unique taste.

We kiss for a long time, our passion growing with each passing second until we're just tongues and lips and limbs intertwining against a kitchen counter. Edward turns the stove off the moment we smell the first signs of another ruined dinner without even interrupting our make out session. I'll get mad later about that. All I want now is to meet each kiss, each caress of his tongue, each thrust of his hips. I feel like a teenager, unable to control my libido and my need for him.

"I need you, love. I need you so bad," he whispers against my collarbone, leaving small bites along it.

_I need you too_, I want to say, but this time, I'm too far gone in my need for him. He's so passionate, ravishing my body with his hands and his mouth, making my coherence fly out the window. I'm barely able to lift my arms when Edward lifts my wife beater, immediately coming back to caress his back and enjoy the sensation of one less layer between us. I unbutton his shirt with trembling hands, making a frustrated whimper when I can't do it fast enough.

Edward pulls away from me, just enough to take over his shirt buttons and finally, rips it open forcefully, sending the last buttons flying. He's not the patient one today, I think smiling.

"Eager, are we?" I huskily murmur into his neck with a smile, while kissing every part of skin I can reach.

"You have no idea," he answers breathlessly.

He lifts me by the hips in a surprising movement, setting me on the counter, and I round him with my legs, pulling him closer. I fucking love my strong man. Running his mouth and nose along my chest, he makes me moan when he traps my nipple into his mouth, sucking and licking it, while I pull him against me by his broad, muscular shoulders, needing him closer.

"Mine," I hear him murmur against my skin, and it sends an unknown thrill along my spine.

He nuzzles my abdomen, increasing my need for him. My pants are too tight now, almost painfully, and the need to thrust against him, against anything is maddening. I whimper at the feeling of the back of his fingers barely caressing my erection through my pants. Up and down, up and down; a barely-there touch, so soft, so slow, so maddening, it makes me almost want to push him away and jack myself off. If only I didn't know his hot mouth is so much better than my hand…

I feel him smile at my pleas against the sensitive skin of my hips, and I know I should be mad at him, if only I wasn't so needy… So when I finally feel his lithe fingers working on my fly, I want to scream _at last!_ But all I can do is moan when I feel my cock spring free from its confinement, and Edward's hot breath over the tip.

He pulls my pants down, and I lift my hips just enough so he can take them off. The cool feeling of the immaculate marble tops against my ass just enhances my arousal, not so immaculate anymore.

I lace my fingers though his soft hair. "Please, baby, please," I pant; the only coherent phrase that seems to be able to pass through my lips 15 minutes ago. He nips my hips, my belly, my thighs; everywhere but where I need him the most.

"Mine," I hear him murmur against my thigh again, more forcefully this time, and a thrill runs again through my body, and this time I'm able to recognize it. I like it. The thrill of knowing that he needs me, that he needs me to be his, as much as I do. I feel him sucking, biting, and I press his face into my skin. I want him to mark me.

"Yours, Edward. I'm yours, only yours," I breathlessly declare between shallow gasps, needing to reassure him with my words as much as with my body. I can understand him. The need to know you're the only one, the need to mark your territory as the primal fuckers we transform into sometimes, the sick feeling of jealousy creeping through your stomach, blinding your judgment and reason. I have no idea what triggered this in Edward, but I sure as hell won't let it grow more than necessary. I can tell him, because I'm his, anyway.

He pulls away from my skin, watching with satisfaction the red mark that's appearing at the inside of my thigh. He turns then to look at me, watching me with a mixture of confusion and shame and possessiveness and so much lust, that I wonder if he can feel just as passionately as I can. I smile a soft smile at him, letting him know I'm not mad at his possessive tactics, and if something, even more turned on, judging by the constant leaking of pre-cum from the tip of my cock.

"Only yours," I repeat, and I watch in awe how the shame in his face transforms into pure, unadulterated lust. I'm rewarded with his sinful crooked smile, and he dives in to give a long lick from the base to the tip of my cock. I want to scream.

He sucks the head into his hot mouth, and the sigh of his red, pouty lips around my cock is mind-blowing. He swallows me whole, and I feel myself twitching inside his mouth.

"Look what you do to me, baby." I pant, caressing his scalp and pulling at his hair with as much love and need I can pour into the gesture.

"Just you, baby," I moan at the feeling of his tongue stroking the underside of my cock with every upward movement. He certainly has improved at giving head, and I'm so fucking aroused that I don't think I can hold much longer.

"Only you, Edward. I'm so fucking hard for you, can you feel me?"

I scream at the sensation of his moan around my cock. He sucks harder, quickening the pace of his bobbing head, and I tighten my hold in his hair, my right hand reaching further to caress his back and delectable shoulder blades. So close, so close, so fucking close…

I feel my head hitting the back of his throat, and he holds me there, swallowing around my head, causing the most delicious sensation, and making me moan and scream with abandonment. He sucks on his way up, and I feel my orgasm approaching with dizzying speed.

"I'm there baby… just… there…"

I cum with a strangled scream, arching my back at the feeling of Edward's swallows; a powerful orgasm, enhanced by Edward's possessiveness, and need, and his magnificent mouth and his hands holding my hips with his thumbs caressing my skin.

It takes me a while to recover from the blinding explosion, and I open my eyes to the sight of bronze strands of hair and nibbles against my heaving chest. I pull Edward up, and kiss him with all the passion and love and demand I can muster in my weakened state. He surrounds me with his arms, crushing me to his body.

"Only you, my love. Only you can make me feel this good," I murmur into his ear, nibbling his ear and neck, and holding him tighter to me.

I reach down to his fly, needing to make him feel as good as he made me feel, but he pulls away from me with a smile, holding my wrist.

"Not now love. I made my claim," he lowers his voice, "and I'm really hungry," he catches my earlobe between his teeth, and I feel the smile in his voice.

"That's what I was trying to do, Edward," I playfully reach for his fly again, knowing that's not what he was talking about. He pulls away with his perfect, musical laugh reverberating through the kitchen.

"Hungry for food, thank you," he reaches for my hand and pulls me down from the counter. He kneels in front of me and puts my pants back, kissing my soft cock, and nibbling at my lower abdomen. I sigh contently, lacing my fingers into his hair, and he finally tucks me back in my pants and closes my fly.

"So what's for dinner?" He asks while standing up.

"Well, I was making some pasta before _someone_ ruined my sauce. So how about we order some Chinese? I'm no longer in the mood to cook."

"Sure, love," he takes my hand and guides me to the living room. "Let's watch a movie."

I just finished my dinner direct from the cardboard container and look at Edward at the other end of the couch. He's looking at the TV, still eating, and I greedily watch his soft lips closing around the sticks and the tantalizing movement of his Adam's apple at his swallows. I feel myself responding to the beautiful sight. I huff in annoyance, _seriously Jasper?_

Pushing those horny thoughts to the back of my mind, I think about what happened before; his possessiveness, his need to mark me, to claim me. He even said as much when I wanted to reciprocate. I can't deny it really turned me on, but it worries me too. What could possibly be the cause of his insecurity? We both proved to be insecure fools before, but I thought that was in the past. Should I ask him about it?

Obviously, before I can weigh the pros and the cons of such a question, my mouth is already blurting out "Why were you so possessive before?"

Too late I consider that it's an inappropriate question, and that I might make him feel uncomfortable, asking him to explain a moment of weakness. I know him. He doesn't really like to talk about feelings, least of all embarrassing ones, and I'm certain I made him uncomfortable when he chokes on his food, and starts coughing with a panicked expression and wild eyes.

I'm at his side in an instant, kneeled on the couch and patting him.

"Fuck, are you ok?" I ask worriedly, mentally kicking myself for my bluntness and insensibility.

He finally calms down. "Yeah, ok," he chokes out with the last remnants of his coughing.

"I'm sorry, Edward. It was a stupid question," I start to apologize, with my hand rubbing his still naked back.

"It's ok," he says quietly. "Fair question…" he mutters and I watch his cheeks blushing, not from the near-to-death experience, but in shame.

I wait a moment for his answer, and I watch his brow frowning, looking everywhere but me. He must be thinking the best way to answer. In contrast to me, Edward thinks too much before saying something. I really should learn something from him.

After a moment, I decide to bring him out of his misery, and decide that I really don't need to know, as long as he knows that he has no reason to feel that way.

"You don't need to answer," I say softly, running a hand through his hair, and leaning to place a soft, tender kiss over his lips. "But you know it's stupid, right?" I ask smiling.

He finally lifts his gaze to me, and he smiles too; his cheeks still blushing and a childish frown of regret on his eyebrows. _Lovely_.

"Right," he murmurs against my lips with a wide smile and kisses me again, surrounding me with his strong arms and pulling me to him, until we are both sprawled over the couch, kissing and caressing, the food and the TV completely forgotten.

Right.

***

I wake up in his arms, startled by the almost violent ring of my phone interrupting the silent night. I look at the alarm clock, 3 am. Are you fucking kidding me?

"Yeah," I answer sleepily, my voice rough and annoyed.

"Whitlock, sorry to wake you up, baby, but we need you here to join the slumber party," I'm greeted by Maria's sarcastic, cheery voice. Too fucking cheery for 3 am actually.

"What for?"

"Another missing person, a senator this time, and a very clear message left at his office. The whole team has being called, and we're waiting for everyone to arrive."

Fuck.

"Ok, coming," I answer after a small pause to mentally whine.

"Hurry."

I hang up and with a deep sigh I throw back the covers to get up. Edward tightens his hold around my waist, nuzzling into my neck. "Where are you going?" He murmurs sleepily.

I turn around to watch him and caress his cheek softly.

"Sorry, baby, but I need to go; another disappearance."

"But it's Saturday! I wanted to sleep in and enjoy the extra time in the morning…" He complains, making me smile and really want to kick someone at the station for their poor timing.

"Me too, baby, but I need to go. I'll be home as soon as I can ok?" I give him a quick kiss and get up, before we get sidetracked by our kisses and increasing passion… as had happened twice this past week.

I arrive at the office and I'm greeted by a hot cup of coffee in Maria's hands. I fucking love her.

"So what's up?" I ask while sipping at my coffee.

"Senator McKay's wife reported him missing about midnight. He didn't come home the night before and nobody seems to know of his whereabouts. His car was found two hours ago abandoned with the corpse of his murdered driver.

"After a search in his office, we found some threatening letters and a last letter signed by La Cantante herself, well, that's what the letter said anyway, and it had a wax seal with her sign.

"His and his family safety was threatened unless he agreed to change his vote for the new reinforcement law to protect children from drugs. He seemed to increase the security around his house and family, but somehow they fooled his own bodyguards and got him."

We enter the boardroom, almost full now, and my mind is reeling with information. What does it all mean? Why now? What are they after? And my rage increases tenfold. _Children?_

"Jasper." I'm greeted by Aro, and that effectively puts me on my guard. I don't know what exactly it is that unnerves me about him, but I learned a long time ago to trust my instincts.

I don't like him.

* * *

So what do you think?

Leave me some love!


	16. Surprise, Surprise

**Undeniable Attraction**

Here's another chapter! One that I'm sure a lot of you've been waiting for! Thanks to all of you! For reading, reviewing and adding me to your lists. You have no idea how wonderful I feel while reading your reviews!

Thanks to my beautiful, wonderful, magical Betas **drtammy1511** and **CajunMomma**. Love ya BBs!

On with the chapter! I hope you enjoy it!

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 16

**Surprise, Surprise**

**EPOV**

_Don't wanna wake up._

I was having the most beautiful dream of sun and sand and humid air and tanned skin. Sweaty bodies moving in perfect synchrony, ghostly kisses and butterfly caresses. A thin, translucent curtain flying at the wind across the room, sunlight and a yellow old painting. _Perfect._

I definitely don't want to wake up, not to a cold bed for the first time in two weeks. Two weeks, indeed. It seems like another lifetime, so alien to me now. I can't imagine Jasper being _just_ my best friend anymore. It seems stupid now, how much time we wasted hiding from each other.

But not anymore, I remember with a smile. We certainly have not wasted any time since we started our relationship. I remember his sweaty skin over mine in an unknown paradise, the unique taste of his lips and tongue, the intense feeling of his kisses and touches and the soft tickling of his golden hair over my abdomen. Just remembering the carefree, _happy_ way he loudly laughs interrupting our soft whispers in the morning makes my heart swell. How did that happen? I think I'm starting to believe Jasper's crazy theories about past lives, because I cannot find one thing I could have done in _this_ life to have earned this…

_Happ__iness._

So this is the way it feels being really happy. The crazy roller coaster of emotions, the feeling when a grown heart floods your chest and overflows to everything around you, the powerful feeling of knowing that _you_ make _him_ happy too, and the constant need of him, the unbearable ache when he's not around. An ache I'm meeting all too soon, because his work took him away from me on our first weekend at home.

How much I wanted to spend the extra time we finally had on the morning… maybe a peaceful bath, breakfast/lunch outside when we were finally able to get out of the apartment and too famished to keep up with our morning activities... but it all ended with a late (or too early) phone call, and now the last thing I want to do is wake up alone in bed, with this ache in my chest and cold sheets on Jasper's side.

I roll on my back, still in my subconscious state where I'm desperately trying to hold on to the edges of my dream, stubbornly refusing to regain complete consciousness. I feel a soft, warm tickling on my abdomen, and I sigh contently.

Definitely a good dream.

I can feel his hands running over my chest, his lean fingertips making tickling, intricate patterns along my torso. I can feel his curls tickling my abdomen, his nose making soft, teasing circles around my navel and his hot breath washing over my flushed skin. Then I feel his lips. His hot, pouty, soft lips over my lower abdomen, kissing, sucking, biting over my sensitive skin, making me stir and sigh and moan in delight.

"Mhmmmm, I think I like coming home…" He purrs.

Such a beautiful voice he has, and I'm thankful that my memory can recall it so perfectly; the exact deep tone of his arousal, the implicit smile in his voice, the most subtle Southern drawl, almost indiscernible anymore. I moan louder at the feeling of his lips nipping at my lower abdomen, his tongue sneaking every now and then, tracing wet patterns over my skin. I reach down to lace my fingers into his hair, soft, golden curls surrounding my fingers and moans that vibrate over my skin when I pull at them.

My eyes open slowly, the blinding sunlight filtrating through my eyelashes, and I shut them quickly, not wanting to leave this perfect dream so early. But then I notice that the wonderful tickling and the warm breath on my abdomen and the soft curls in my fingers are still, there and I gasp. Opening my eyes and leaning a little over my elbows I watch a warm naked body between my legs and a very familiar blonde head moving onto my abdomen. I shut my eyes again and throw my head back, moaning with a smile on my face and tightening my hold into his hair.

"Ungh Jasper… you're here!" I comment breathlessly and feel him smiling into my hip, playfully opening his mouth and biting lightly.

"Mhmm…" he barely answers without interrupting his ministrations over my needy body. How can you _need_ someone so much? I could live happily forever in his arms, with the feeling of his skin against mine, surrounded by his love and the deep tone of his laugh. I don't need anything else.

"I missed you so much, baby," he murmurs over my hip, tickling me and making me laugh in spite of my best efforts to control my reactions.

He lifts his face to look at me with a wide, amused smile, running his fingers lightly over the same spot. I can see the amusement turn into a mischievous glint in his eyes, and he lifts his eyebrow, challenging me.

"Tickles, Edward?" he asks in his best challenging, deep tone.

But of course, before I have any chance to think of a good answer, he pounces at me, tickling me with his strong fingers and lips and nose, running them along my sides and across my ribs with a mocking, almost maniacal laughter. I laugh loudly, unable to control myself and desperately beg him to stop between gasps and the continuous, almost suffocating laugh, losing all my dignity in the process.

"Stop… please… stop… stomach… hurts…" I'm barely able to manage between gasps. My stomach is really hurting, and the feeling makes me want to laugh even harder. God! I'm about to lose it!

He finally has mercy on me and stops his tickling torture, leaving me breathless, and he collapses on my chest, panting too. We stay there, trying desperately to control our breathing and slow it back to normal, while I caress his hair and his nude back, still laughing lightly from time to time.

"You're fucking nuts, Jasper. I swear!" I laugh again, remembering the suffocating sensation of not being able to laugh anymore but needing to do it nonetheless.

He turns his head to take my nipple into his mouth, and I let out a loud moan, tightening my grip into his hair. Somehow I feel my senses heightened, maybe by his tickling earlier, and the feeling of his hot tongue and soft sucking over my sensitive nipple feels fucking delicious. One hand sneaks lower, tickling again at my sides, and I laugh again, but he turns my laughter into yet another breathless moan when he reaches my softening cock that hardens again immediately at the feeling of his warm, strong hand.

This all feels so fucking good.

I feel his hot mouth again on my navel, one hand stroking slowly up and down on my too sensitive cock and the other holding my hip tightly, with his thumb caressing my skin in slow, circling movements. I am writhing below him, running my hands into his hair and the soft skin of his nape and his back and shoulders. I'm gasping, moaning, panting his name in breathless whispers and urging him to do something else, _anything_ to end this delicious, maddening torture. I want him to tighten his grip on my cock, to increase his pace, to reach lower with his hot, wet kisses and take me into his mouth, I want to feel his fingers stroking me from the inside.

_I want him inside me_.

Finally all the thoughts I've had over the past two weeks converge into one powerful desire, and now that I have it, nothing else seems to be able to get into my mind.

_I want him inside me._

That's all I can think. I feel my cock twitch into his hand, and the ache I have in my belly, it's almost unbearable, an ache for _him_; for him to fill me, for him to be inside me, for him to have every little part of me. He already has my heart, my mind, my soul. This is the final boundary. And thinking about how incredibly good his hands feel over me, how perfect his mouth is, how well he knows my body in so little time, how _right_ this all feels, I wonder why I haven't done it before.

But now that the thought finally formed inside my head, I can't think about anything else.

_I want him inside me._

I feel his hot mouth enveloping my cock, and I arch my back in pleasure moaning out loud, fighting hard to rein control over my body, not wanting this to finish so soon. I want to cum with him inside me.

I reach out for the lube in the drawer while he keeps sucking me off. Fuck, he's just so damn good at it! I nudge the bottle against his shoulder to get his attention, and he lifts his head to look at the bottle in my hand. He turns his attention to my face with an endearing look of pure confusion over his gorgeous features. I smile at him, laughing to myself at the look he's about to have.

"Watch," I whisper, giving him my best flirting smile while pouring some lube into my fingers.

I watch him leaning back to a kneeling position over his heels, looking at me with hungry eyes behind his confusion and amusement, maybe trying to figure out what's what I'm doing.

I coat both of my hands in lube, and finally reach first my left hand down to grab my cock, enveloping myself in warmth and delicious slickness. I wonder why I never though of adding lube to my lonely wanking nights, _this feels so good_. Next, I reach my right hand lower and lower, caressing and tugging my balls gently and watch Jasper watching me with hungry, lustful eyes. I keep my left hand in a steady rhythm up and down my cock, surrounding the head with my thumb while my breathing escalates quicker and quicker. Watching Jasper watching me is such a turn on; I can see his cock twitching and his hips unconsciously moving forward looking for something… looking for _me_.

I let my moans and gasps leave my lips freely, knowing it only spurs him even more. I know he's about to jump me, but not before I make my final move. Watching his face intently, I let my right hand reach lower and lower, caressing my perineum and going further. Jasper gasps when I circle my entrance with my index finger and lifts his gaze to me with wide, lustful eyes. I smile at him and throw my head back with a moan when I let my finger in. I fantasize it's Jasper's slick, long cock while I start moving my finger in and outside me, gasping at the sensation and feeling my cock twitch with every stroke.

"Fuck," I hear him swear, and he groans when I add a second finger.

Out of nowhere I feel his mouth around me, and I groan loudly, working my fingers faster and deeper inside me. I cannot control my gasps and groans any longer, this is too much. He takes my hand and pushes one of his fingers along with the two inside me. I gasp, feeling him stretching me and loving every bit of it. Somehow, knowing that it's the two of us inside me makes it even hotter, and his tongue circling the tip of my cock is about to drive me crazy with pleasure. He directs the movement of our hands, pushing them as deep as they can go and increasing the pace until I'm gasping and thrashing below him.

"Please, please Jazz. Please," I chant over and over again.

My brain is completely out of reach, and I think it might never function again if I keep this going. Can you go insane from pleasure? I'm sure about to.

With a loud, final groan, Jasper lets my cock slip out of his mouth and starts his torturous way up my chest, licking and biting and kissing everywhere he can reach until I have him kissing me with such passion and need I almost stop breathing. He takes our fingers out, and the need to have him inside me is almost unbearable. He reaches for the bottle of lube, and I feel him preparing himself somewhere below while I keep bathing his skin with kisses and licks. He positions himself between my legs and lifts my legs to my chest at both sides of him.

"I need you, baby. So much," I whisper into his skin.

I finally feel him at my entrance, and I take a deep breath, holding him tighter to me. He kisses my temple softly while pushing into me, slowly, gently, and I close my eyes at the powerful, monumental meaning of the moment. I thought I would never have another _first time_, and I was so wrong. Somehow this feels much more important than all the others. The first time I received a sexual favor in the form of a blow job in a party closet, the first time I was inside someone else in the back of a car… this outshines everything else. Nothing compares to the feeling of your _love_ being inside you, of being completely open, vulnerable, with your heart and your body out there in the open for someone else to take it. The complete and utter trust that he will take good care of it, of _you_, that he loves you just as much as you love him. I feel some tears spilling to my sides and my chest tightening with this powerful emotion. I don't know how to bear it, I've never felt this way before; it's dizzying. I'm too amazed by the weight of my emotions to really feel the pain I was supposed to feel, and the moment Jasper starts moving I let out a loud scream of pleasure. This is too much.

"I love you, I love you…" he whispers again and again into my ear, his warm breath bathing my neck and face, relaxing me further.

I love to hear him say it, but I love his actions more than his words, so I turn my head to trap his lips with mine. I fucking love his warm, wet mouth. He swallows my cries of pleasure, and I reciprocate him, I want all of him, even his gasps and moans, and I know I have it all. All of him is mine. _Mine_. But more important, all of me is his, completely, utterly his. There's no one else for me, no place where I would rather be than in his arms, his body, no other voice I want to hear every morning, not one.

I moan again, feeling that delicious feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me I'm close to exploding. I shut my eyes, gasping and screaming wilder, and I have the pleasure of feeling him increasing his pace, pounding into me. I smile at his need of me, and, making a conscious effort, I feel my body tightening the muscles of my anus.

"Oh, fuck! Holy shit, Edward!" He cries in my neck and pounds even deeper into me.

I can't hold it anymore. With a loud scream of his name I arch my back and cum all over our flushed chests, him immediately following with loud screams and the hot spurts of his cum inside me. I've never felt something like that before, and I'm so fucking glad we never thought of using a condom, I love it. I open my eyes in time to see the last remnants of Jasper's orgasm, his face contorted in a cry of pleasure. He has his eyes shut, his brow furrowed at the powerful feeling of his climax, his beautiful curls shining at the soft sunlight of the early morning hours stick around his face with the light layer of sweat of his skin. He has a blissful expression over his face, with his swollen, parted, red lips smiling softly and breathing heavily, washing my face with his coffee-Jasper breath. Beautiful, delicious,_ perfect._

He collapses over me, and I hold him tightly, kissing his hair and his temple and his cheek and every bit of skin I can reach without letting him go.

"Why didn't I do this before?" I murmur into his hair, nuzzling into his neck.

He chuckles, still trying to control his breathing. I fucking love his laughter.

"You're stupid," he answers shrugging, and I smack his ass playfully, before holding him tighter.

***

We're turning at the corner of Lillian's street, and I can see her coffee shop just a few houses further. I move my leg nervously at Jasper's side, suddenly feeling really nervous and anxious. Jasper told me he told his mother about his feelings for me long ago, and that she's always been supportive, showing him his love and acceptance about his sexuality. I can't help my nervousness, though. A platonic feeling is so different from the real thing. What if she doesn't like it now that we're together? What if she has second thoughts the moment she sees our hands holding and the subtle touches we're unable to restrain anymore? I know how important Lillian is in Jasper's life; her rejection would surely crush him. What would I do if the worse happens?

I feel Jasper's warm hand stilling my leg with a soft squeeze.

"We're here, baby," he softly wakes me from my panicked mind.

He lifts his hand to caress my cheek softly, and I lean into his touch, closing my eyes.

"Everything is going to be perfect, Edward. Don't be nervous," he reassures me with a smile on his voice.

"I'm glad my anxiety amuses you, Jasper," I childishly huff with my eyes still closed. Of course, Jasper laughs at my comment, making me frown, trying to hide the smile that always stirs at that perfect sound.

"It's _my_ mother, Edward. Shouldn't _I_ be the one freaking out? Imagine when we tell your parents!"

My eyes fly open at the comment, watching him with wide eyes. I really, really hope he is not planning on doing it anytime soon. I know I'll have to tell them, eventually, but I'm definitely not ready for that, yet.

"Hey," he turns serious. "Hey, we're not doing anything you're not prepared for, ok? I really want to share this with my mom. She's been there for me all through this, and I know this will make her so happy, almost as happy as I am," he smiles. "But if you're not prepared for this, I can hold the news for a while, if you want to."

I can't believe him. Is he really willing to keep this from his mom just for me? Even knowing that it will make her happy and that her knowing it will make Jasper happy as well?

I sheepishly smile at him, ashamed of my insecurities, and loving how time and time again he is able to relax me and reassure me and prove to me how much he loves me. I reach out to caress his cheek too, tracing with my fingers his brow and his closed eyelid and his perfect cheekbone and his plump lower lip. I lean in to kiss him, gently, softly, trying to convey all my feelings for him and my immense gratitude for being so selfless and perfect and for loving me so much. I pull back, looking at him smiling softly and opening his eyes.

"So?" he asks.

"I'm just scared for you. I know how much part of your life she is, and I'm afraid she'll reject you when we confront her with this reality. I just don't want to see you hurt," I explain softly. I'm getting good at this talk-with-your-heart shit.

He smiles that brilliant smile of his and leans in to me to kiss me too.

"You're so beautiful, Edward," he whispers.

I smile at hearing him say I'm beautiful. I've never considered me that before, but of course, I think _he_ is beautiful, too. We're hopeless.

"Ok, let's go."

I kiss him one last time and turn to get out of his car, stepping out into the unusually warm day in NJ. I follow Jasper's swaying hips into the coffee shop. Damn, I fucking love those jeans on him, snugly hugging his perfect, round ass. He turns his head to look at me with a smug smile, reaching down and squeezing his ass to tease me, damn him. I run to him with every intention to give him a slap on that round cheek, but Lillian's thin frame appears in the threshold with her arms wide open to receive her son.

"Jasper! You're back!" She envelopes him into a tight hug, and I watch amused Jasper's childish demeanor at pushing his mom away after a few moments into her hug, as if I didn't know how much he longed to visit his mother.

"Edward! What a nice surprise, darling," She hugs me too, and I hug her back, enjoying the motherly feeling of it, silently missing my mom. I hope I can tell them soon. Will they be as happy as Lillian?

Half through our coffee and a shared cheesecake between Jazz and me, I feel Jasper sneaking his hand to my knee under the table. He squeezes it lightly and clears his throat, straightening a little in his chair; this is it. I straighten myself too, suddenly nervous. Lillian looks at us curiously, smiling softly and switching her eyes from Jasper to me.

"Mom, I want to tell you something," he clears his throat again and turns to look at me with a soft blush over his cheeks. We smile softly at each other, and I'm sure Lillian already knows something is up when I turn to look at her and she has this brilliant smile and shiny blue eyes, so much like Jasper's.

"Edward loves me back, mom. He loves me back,"

I'm surprised by the unusual way of delivering the news, but what makes me turn my head sharply to look at Jasper, is the intensity of his voice, thick with emotion, and the slight breaking of his voice at the end of his statement. I look at him smiling brightly, his eyes shiny with tears, and he reaches to take my hand in his, and I've never wanted to kiss him so badly before. I see a tear falling from his eye while he laughs, and his mother is suddenly all over him, hugging him and kissing him and squealing like a high school girl, and I watch the display laughing happily with them, before I'm enveloped in Lillian's hug too, and I don't know if the wetness on my cheek is hers or mine, and honestly, I don't really fucking care.

_Please God, let my parents be as happy as she is over the news._

***

"It wasn't that bad, was it?" Jasper asks me, holding my hand and turning his head to look at me, smiling.

"Not at all, no," I answer, watching him turn his attention to the road and leaving my hand cold while he changes gears.

We're finally heading home after a long afternoon recalling our _love story_ to Lillian, the parent-rated version, anyway. She basically closed her coffee shop, as the clients of the wealthy establishment kept interrupting us after every few minutes. We had two more pieces of pie, three more cups of coffee and a delicious pepperoni and mushroom pizza though the afternoon, and when the sun finally set we said goodbye with a tight hug and a promise to visit more frequently.

I'm so tired, but I'm so happy too. Jasper keeps his beautiful smile over his face, a relaxed, content halo all around him. I lean my head onto the headrest to rest for just a minute and close my eyes. Just a minute.

"Edward," I hear Jasper calling my name softly, and I open my eyes somewhat confused.

"Mhmmm?" I stir in my seat, stretching my limbs lazily and blinking confused.

I notice we're no longer moving, and that we're in some secluded, dark place. I turn to look around confused, searching into my mind if we sometime agreed to go somewhere but home.

"Where are we?" I ask confused.

I watch his features taking a hungry look, and my body responds instantly even when my mind is still trying to wake up from my sleepy haze. My body is tuned to him, responding to his laughter, to his warmth, to his voice, to his hungry looks. He leans in and kisses me, hungry, forceful, taking all I have, and I respond in kind, waking up completely in the most perfect way.

"We're in the parking lot, far away from the buildings," he huskily explains to me. "I'm going to have my naughty way with you, Edward. Would you like that, baby? I want to take you here in my car. The mixed scent of you and the leather is such a fucking turn on!"

He pulls me to the back seat, sitting down with me straddling him and sneaks his hands into my jeans, squeezing my buttocks.

_Fuck._

* * *

So, as you guys have been wonderful to me, I have a treat for my reviewers. From now on I'll give you some extras in my replies; sneak peeks, different POVs and extra stuff. This week I'll send you the extra scene of J and E in the car, would you like that?

Thank you for reading!


	17. Come Home

**Undeniable Attraction**

WOW! More than a hundred reviews to the last chapter! I can't believe it! Thank you SO much! I see you respond well to bribery as some of you stated LOL, but I'm really thankful to all of you!

Thanks to my beautiful, wonderful, magical Betas **drtammy1511** and **CajunMomma**, for getting this out soon to make up for my lateness. Love ya BBs!

This chapter gets interesting. I hope you like it!

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 17  
**Come ****Home**

**JPOV**

_God, I'm so fucking tired!_

I press the heels of my palms to my eyes, rubbing them and trying to get rid of the stinging sensation that comes with exhaustion. It's been such a long week, well, couple of weeks, actually... I've been staying at the station more than a couple of days, something Edward nor I appreciate. Our morning routine has had to change too and now I'm fucking tired, sexually frustrated and utterly lonely. I hate to reject Edward's advances, but I just _need_ to sleep so much when I'm finally home. I'm in a zombie state most of the time.

Edward's been concerned about me, of course, and that only adds to my stress and guilt. I know he understands, but that doesn't stop his hurt and disappointed look every time I slow his advances. I swear I feel like a fucking prude, limiting our intimate contact to kisses and caresses, but in all honesty, I just don't have the energy to do anything more. At the same time though, I've gotten to know a whole new side of Edward.

He used to take care of me before, when we were just friends, but now, in our new relationship, he's become my support, my comfort, my home. I arrive home, tired as a dog, to the delicious smell of his cooking, and I sleep every day surrounded in his arms and his warmth and his smell and his love. I smile remembering the times I've fallen asleep on the couch, waking up to Edward's soft kisses and nuzzles, and his soft voice telling me it's time to go to bed. He's so much more than I deserve, and I really wish I could have something to give in return apart from my tiredness and my bad mood and my workaholic tendencies.

It's just this is such a huge case. Life at the station is completely nuts: running people, yelling angry voices, phones incessantly ringing, papers flying and a never ending flow of hot, black coffee. I sometimes watch when I'm too fucking tired to concentrate on anything else. I watch the people around me and their deterioration every passing day; the purple shadows under their eyes, their constant yawning, their quick snapping to innocent comments, their clumsy movements… it's happening to all of us. Even Maria is not her usual smart-ass self, taking too long to answer my stupid comments, and I hadn't seen Peter at all this whole week.

The Station is just a few days away from becoming a working coma.

Sighing, I shuffle into the papers on my desk until I find my phone and dial his number.

"Jazz?"

"Hey baby, are you busy?" I speak tiredly into the phone, wishing I could be there with him, in his arms.

"No love, it's ok," Then he adds like an afterthought, "Is everything ok?" I silently curse myself for worrying him.

"Yes, Ed. I just wanted to hear your voice… it soothes me." I confess.

"Well then," he says amused, and then he hesitantly adds, "I really think you should ask your boss for a day off, love. You're going to get sick."

I sigh, closing my eyes. We'd had this conversation too many times.

"I can't Edward, I told you," I snap, immediately regretting it.

"Well, you're going to get sick, and then you'll miss a lot more days recovering," he snaps too, and I smile. At least he doesn't pout and cry about my rudeness. I'd had that with some of my girlfriends before, and it definitely sucks.

"Sorry baby, I know you're right," I try to reconcile. "I'll see ok?"

He grumbles not really believing me, just as he should. He knows I'm just trying to pacify him. "Ok," he says unconvinced. "So how is your day? Anything new?" He slyly changes the subject. God! How much I love this man.

"Nothing new, really. Peter has spent all week on the streets interviewing people around McKay's office and some of his close friends, but it seems like no one knew about the threats. I've been trying to put together the few clues we have about the brain behind the abductions and murders, and we're getting a top graphologist from Chicago to analyze the letter. Thank God these Volturi lot are such snobs that they sent a handwritten letter."

"See how snobbism can be of help sometimes?" He jokes, and I really have to laugh at that.

"I've missed that," he softly adds.

Hearing the pain hidden in his voice is the worst torture I could be subjected to. Pain _I_ put there. I silently wait for some avenging angel to open the roof and rip me apart for hurting such a perfect angel, and I can feel the stinging, salty water in my eyes blurring my vision.

"I'm so sorry baby, I really am," I softly start. "I know I've been something between an asshole and a zombie lately, and I'm really sorry-"

"Shhh, stop that," he interrupts with a pained voice, and I can hear he's about to cry too. It's been such a difficult time for both of us. "I know how important this is to you, and I'm really, _really_ proud of you my love." Hearing him calling me that, warms my heart and I smile a little. "I'm just worried about you. You're my life now. I just want you to be happy,"

"I know Ed, and I'm sorry for worrying you.

"I promise I'll ask my boss ok? I know you're right, I'm just too stubborn to admit it," I add with a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

"Ok. I'll wait for you tonight, ok?"

"Yeah, I love you, Edward."

"See you tonight, my love."

I hang up and shuffle more through my desk.

I can't bear the rollercoaster of emotions that come with exhaustion. As if I need firewood. My switching emotions leave me dizzy and even more exhausted. I can't really figure out how Edward hasn't got tired of me yet.

Fortunately I didn't have to ask my boss for anything as a couple of hours after my call I received a memo telling us that just one of every partnership were going to work every day for the rest of the week, and that we could leave early today. It seems like I'm not the only one who's been watching the quick deterioration of the people here at the station, and I'm thankful for that. So I will be working just a couple of days more this week, and this time, I will make sure to leave my work at work. I don't want to be distracted with pictures of bloody murders, scenes of the crime and crying kids and wives in my head while I'm with Edward. Definitely not.

I promise I'll spend every breathing moment with my Edward, trying to make up to him for all the days he's been taking care of me.

Preparing to leave, a soft knock on the door wakes me up from my reverie.

"Come in,"

And as the words leave my lips I regret them when Aro appears in the threshold with two coffees in hand and that fake smile I hate so much. I just really don't get this guy. Everyone seems ok with him; they even like him, but I can see that his smile and politeness are nothing but a well performed act from a mile away.

I don't want problems. That's why I try to avoid him as much as I can. I even asked Maria to take on everything we have that deals with Narcotics while I'm here at the office just to avoid any nasty contact, but it seems that the more I try to avoid him, the more he's set on befriending me. Fucking Jesus!

"Aro," I greet him politely but coldly, just so there's no doubt about it. _I. Don't. Like. You._

"Jasper, my boy," I barely hold my grimace. _My Boy_. I mean, he's definitely old enough to be my father, but he is NOT. I have too many beautiful memories of my old man to have them tainted by someone I dislike so much and to have so much contempt about someone I don't even really know freaks me out. I've never been the judgmental type. I always try to be polite and give everybody a chance until they prove me wrong, but something inside me just keeps rejecting this guy, and I don't know how to work with that.

"Detective?"

"Huh?" I'm suddenly facing steel blue eyes and surrounded by the weird mixture of smoke and an unknown scent that makes me wrinkle my nose. I jump back in surprise, watching him lean over my desk to get a closer look at me.

"Are you ok, my boy?" he asks concerned, and that just makes my contempt to return tenfold.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry, I just… sorry, what do you need?"

"Um, nothing really. I just thought we could discuss the case with a cup of coffee," he says lifting one of the cups in offering, while accommodating himself into one of the chairs in front of my desk.

"Actually Aro, I was just getting ready to head home," I explain politely, thanking God that I have a real pretext and hoping that he would just give up this time.

"Oh, come on my boy! I'm sure that can wait just a while. No one can reject a cup of coffee," he insists smiling, and I silently curse my Switzerland demeanor at work. I could easily punch his smiling face with just the smallest pretext, and I'm desperately looking for it right now. I've never met someone capable of sending my sixth sense into overdrive and getting me all edgy.

"Sure," I smile the fakest smile I can make.

"Good, then," his smile gets bigger, and he pushes one of the cups towards me.

I get a good look at him for the first time. I watch his too pale hand holding his own cup and disguise a grimace with my own cup when I see his slightly long and yellowish nails. He looks at me from behind his cup while sipping at it. I watch his dark long hair strikingly contrasting with his pale skin and his clear blue eyes, something in the way they glint makes me shudder. He press his thin lips in a firm line while tasting his coffee and sneaks his thin tongue along his lips like relishing it, before setting his lips in a smile once more.

"So," he puts his cup back at the desk. "have you discovered anything new about McKay?"

"Not really Aro," I sigh. "anyway, I tell everything to Maria every morning so she can keep you informed. I have no reason to hide anything from Maria," I state firmly.

"Oh no," he lifts his hands in the air in an innocent gesture while smiling wider. "I was not implying anything Detective. I just though that maybe something came up between your morning talk with Maria and now,"

"Well, nothing came up," I smile at him, gripping tighter the cup in my hand, trying to keep myself in check.

"Why don't you like me Detective?" At my surprised face he adds, "Oh I can tell, my boy. But I don't recall any moment in which I've not been anything but polite to you, even friendly."

I sigh. So the games are over, thank God.

"You see Aro," I relax back in my chair. "I have the career I have by following my instincts, and I must tell you, they're good instincts." I watch him for a moment before stating, "I just don't trust you." I smile while sipping at my coffee.

In spite of his carefully put together façade I catch a sparkle of emotion through his eyes. Fury, perhaps? I smile to myself.

"Oh, my boy, you're awfully young to be so cocky about your _instincts_," he mocks the word. "I was here even before you were born, building my career with hard work and slow steps," the bastard is still smiling, talking in that hypocritical conciliatory voice of his. "I could have been able to _charm_ my way trough the ranks, though…"

I see red at that. I hate it when people imply I hadn't EARNED MY JOB with hard work. I might be young, I might be good looking, but I've earned everything I have. Thankfully, at the sight of danger, the Whitlock Bastard kicks in and takes control. Strategic, cool, smart Whitlock keeps my smile in place and even is able to let a small laugh at his imbecile comment.

"Well Aro, you could have,"

I start gathering my things again, abandoning all attempts at politeness now that our cards are on the table.

"And as interesting as this conversation is, I really want to get home. It's been a stressful week, as I'm sure you know," I look at him conveying how much I want him out of here.

"Sure," that furious glint peeks again though his smiling eyes. "Rest well, _my boy_, I'll see you around," he turns around, and this time I can feel the hair of my arms standing up at the tone of his voice.

"See ya, and thanks for the coffee," I call at him, earning just a curt nod of his backing form.

I take a minute to figure out what just happened and leave the office after throwing the rest of the coffee down the sink. I wonder how things are going to change now that our mutual contempt is in the open.

***

I wake up to Edward nuzzling my neck, and I smile while lacing my fingers through his familiar soft, messy hair.

"Hello, my love," he murmurs onto my skin with his deep bedroom voice. "What a nice surprise coming home to a sleeping angel spread over the couch,"

I sigh, taking a deep breath of his luscious scent and holding him tighter to me.

"I missed you," I whisper in his hair.

I feel him smiling against my neck. "I missed you too my Jazz, I've missed you so much," he holds me tighter too, and I have the suspicion he's not just talking about today. I make a silent vow to take away the pain from his voice and show him just how much I love him as long as I'm with him. I was so grateful at Maria when she told me to take the first day off.

I open my eyes and find myself oddly sprawled along the couch with my head between the back and the armrest. I must have fallen asleep while waiting for him. Edward is on his knees at my side, with his face buried into my neck and his arms around me.

I turn my head to kiss him, lovingly. I kiss his cheek, his eye, his ear, his neck, his jaw and finally reach his lips. I feel like I've finally returned home, and he sighs, enjoying the kiss just as much as me. We languidly explore our mouths, tasting each other, reconnecting by the most innocent and special show of affection, my very favorite. We kiss for a long time before Edward finally shifts to climb the couch and rests his body besides me, holding me and deepening the kiss.

I smile thinking what we must look like, like horny teenagers making out on a couch. It's just that we're two very large, grown men dangerously about to fall.

"What's so funny?" he asks while nipping my jaw, making me moan.

"N-nothing," I stutter breathlessly.

God! How much I've missed his warmth, his scent, his kisses and licks. _This_ is home. How could I reject him before? I must have been really fucking tired.

But while trying to get rid of his contrastingly cold jacket, his stomach grumbles, followed swiftly by my own. We sigh, pressing our foreheads together and try to slow down our breathing. I lift my gaze sheepishly at him, watching that lovely blush over his cheeks, partly from our making out and partly from our rumbling stomachs, I'm sure.

"It seems like one hunger will have to wait, huh?" I nuzzle his cheek with a smile.

"Yeah," he pulls away and gets up from the couch. "Come on, love. I bought Chinese," he offers me a hand to pull me up.

"Why don't you bring the boxes from the kitchen while I change into my pajamas?"

"No need of pajamas baby, I can keep you warm all night long," I drawl in my deep seductive voice, earning a smile and a roll of his eyes.

Finishing dinner, I start yawning and tuck myself between Edward's arm and his side, placing my right hand over his beating, warm heart. He puts his own empty cardboard box on the small table beside the couch and runs his fingers through my hair; in no time at all I'm deeply asleep once more.

I wake up a while later, and stir into his arms, sitting straighter. I crack my neck and rub the sore muscles of my back from sleeping in such an uncomfortable position but not regretting it at all, as I fell asleep in his arms.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty," he teases with an amused smile, and I narrow my eyes at him.

"How long I was out?" I ask, looking around for some clue.

"Not long, just a couple of hours," he answers. I frown.

"You shouldn't have let me fall asleep like that, it must have been tiring for you, having to stay still,"

"Nonsense, I like having you in my arms. Besides, you really needed it," he reaches out for me again, pulling me back to him.

"Yeah, actually I feel like I slept for a whole night. Thanks baby," I nuzzle into his chest.

"I'm glad; you've been really tired these days. Hey! I have an idea," he starts getting up, and I hold him against me, grumbling.

"I don't want anything that includes getting up from this couch and having you apart from me," I stubbornly state, making him laugh.

"Oh, come on Jazz, I promise you'll enjoy it."

Still grumbling I let him drag me along the hallway and into the bedroom.

"Lie down, I'm going to give you the best massage you've ever had,"

Well, that definitely gets my attention. I confess I can do with a massage, and my sore, tired muscles are definitely screaming for it.

I take off my t-shirt and my pajama bottoms, leaving just my boxers on. He lifts an inquisitive eyebrow at me, and I shrug.

"It's more comfortable, and I think we're way passed the strict clothing boundaries," I explain with a small smile. We haven't had a massage since we started our relationship, and this is definitely a change in our past routine.

"Ok, then I'll have a good use for this," he smirks, getting a small bag from his closet floor and placing it on the bed.

I question him with my eyes while rummaging into the bag, taking out two bottles of scented oil.

"I didn't know you had it in you, baby. What a nice surprise," I lean in for a kiss.

"Well, I passed in front of this store one day, and I said what the hell. It's scented, edible massage oil," and he has this glint in his eyes that I love so much.

"I promise not to molest you tonight, though. It will be a perfectly innocent massage now that you're so tired," he smiles softly, and I kind of wish he wasn't' such a beautiful, considerate man, because I sure as hell want to get to the _edible_ part. But I smile back at him and thank him for his thoughtfulness with a soft kiss, before lying on the bed on my stomach.

After a few minutes of hearing him shuffle around the bedroom with my eyes closed, I finally feel the bed dip under his weight and him placing himself at my left side.

"Which do you prefer tonight, green apple and sandalwood or mint chocolate?"

"Mmm, green apple I think,"

I hear the bottle popping open, and a few moments later I feel Edward's warm, strong hands heavenly gliding over my shoulder blades. I moan, and I smile remembering that was actually the first sign that told me I was in love with Edward so long ago. My smile gets all the wider knowing that I can moan all I want now, that I don't have to hide anything from him anymore.

He glides his lithe, strong fingers along my spine, my shoulders, even my neck, and I feel like I'm in an alien world, torn between content exhaustion and warm arousal. The further Edward moves South, though, the more arousing the whole massage gets. And then he starts with my legs.

He starts with my feet, making me moan in pleasure at his ministrations. I suddenly feel his hot mouth enveloping my toe and I moan louder, feeling the warmth of his mouth and his hot tongue lapping cleaning the oil from my skin.

"Hmmm, I must say this is good…" he purrs.

He continues massaging my calves though, and I almost huff in frustration… if it didn't feel so good. I definitely want his massage to be just foreplay, but damn Edward and his fucking gentlemanly manners. He reaches my thighs then, and I'm sure he won't be able to resist feeling me up or something, but he disappoints me completely when he stops after massaging my thighs with frustrating professionalism.

I'm about to yell at him to just fucking touch me or something when he straddles my thighs and I feel his warm hands over my lower back again. My inner Whitlock is making fucking cartwheels inside my chest, and I hide the smile on my face into the pillows. I know how fucking prideful Edward is, if he knows I'm smiling he'll definitely pull away and leave us with our hard-ons to ourselves. I definitely don't want that.

He starts the massage on my back again, and I relax completely under his capable hands, knowing that he'll do something sooner or later.

But sooner, rather than later, he starts going lower and lower with each pass of his hands over my back. I have all my senses sharp, trying to guess what he's going to do next. He gets his thumbs inside my boxers and pushes against the muscles over my buttocks, I moan at the sensation, pressing into the bed. He shifts his weight, still kneading the muscles of my back, and I feel his arousal barely pressing into my buttocks. I moan again, writhing under him, tying to get more contact with that golden prize, until he pulls his hips from me.

"Ah, ah, ah," he chides. "Not so fast, love," he leans in "You're at my mercy now," he whispers in my ear, making me moan again.

He presses his hips back against my backside, completely this time, and I can feel his hardness through the thin material of my boxers.

"Please," I moan, pressing back and making him gasp in return.

I imagine him, throwing his head back in pleasure and arching his back, his eyes closed, his teeth biting his lower lip. I want to watch him so much, but I'm enjoying not knowing what he's going to do next too much, too.

He leans again into me, and sneaks his slick hands around my waist and into my boxers. I gasp at the contact of his hands against the hot, needy skin of my cock. I feel him surrounding me with his warm, slick hand, and I lift my hips to give him room, pressing again into his own cock, hearing him moan into my neck.

He pumps my cock slowly, up and down, up and down, and I start thrusting into his hand, making deep forward movements as much as backwards to give his cock some fun too. He seems to enjoy it, judging by his loud moans and the tightening of his grip around my cock. I lift my weight over my elbows, needing more room to move, and open my legs wide so that Edward is now between them thrusting his hips into me and letting me fuck his hand.

He bites into my neck, and I throw my head back in ecstasy, giving him free reign of my neck and shoulders and increasing the pace of my hips.

"Off," he breathily whispers while tugging my boxers down to take them off.

I lift my hips again, trying to help him to get rid of the offending piece of fabric that keeps me away from him, and I moan again so much louder when I feel his bare skin pressed against mine. I can't recall any pause long enough to take his clothes off, and I wonder if he was naked all the time while giving me a massage. The thought makes my cock twitch into his hand.

He pulls back and pulls my boxers down my legs to throw them somewhere on the floor. With his oily hands he starts kneading my buttocks, making me moan and writhe under his skilled hands. He starts tracing a lazy finger along my slit, and I press my face into the pillows to keep my too loud moans at bay. He enjoys having me writhing here.

I don't even know how many times he traced with his fingers the flesh path from my coccyx to my perineum, but I was too far gone when he finally circled my entrance.

Nothing could prepare me though, to what came next. Suddenly, the whole edible part of the night took a whole different meaning when I felt his tongue making lazy circles at the skin of my coccyx. All my senses sharpened waiting for his next move.

_I don't really think he'll do it._

_Please, God, let him do it._

A sharp gasp leaves my lips when I feel his tongue sneaking along my slit and lapping at my entrance.

"Shh, love, I know you'll like it," he whispers.

_I'm sure as hell liking it_, I want to tell him, but I am too overwhelmed by the intense sensations to utter a single word.

He pulls my hips back, until my ass is up in the air, and he dips again into my buttocks, circling my entrance with his hot tongue, before venturing further and dipping it inside me. I almost cum.

"Oh God, oh, God, oh God," I chant, fisting the sheets into my hands, and pressing my face into the mattress. I thrust my hips back into his face, trying to control them and failing miserably. This is too fucking good! I though that after having him inside me and me being inside him, I'd reached the top pleasurable sensations or some shit like that. I was SO. FUCKING. WRONG!

I groan with every thrust of his tongue, writhing and panting, and trying to get a grip of myself.

After the most delicious torture, Edward finally pulls back and kneels behind me. I'm breathing heavily, not just from the incredible sensation of what Edward just did, but in desperate anticipation of what he's about to do.

I can feel his cock poking at my cheeks, and I thrust my hips back again, seeking him. He holds my hips still with his strong hands and slides his cock along the dip of my cheeks, grunting at the friction my body creates for him. With his right thumb he presses his cock into my skin, and thrusts a few more times, kind of masturbating with my body. I love the sensation of his cock twitching in my skin, his velvety skin sliding along my cheeks and his leaking tip wetting my back even more with his delicious fluid. My mouth waters at the thought.

Finally, he stills his movement, and with an arm around my waist, he pulls me up with my back flush against his chest. He starts kissing my neck and shoulders with soft, lingering kisses.

"I love you," he murmurs into my skin. "I love you so much,"

His grip around my waist tightens, and I'm grateful for his sudden need of intimacy. This is much more than just a fuck. It's the reconnection we needed; we were craving for this. I hold his hand around my waist with one hand, the other lacing into his wild hair, caressing his scalp and his neck with slow strokes.

I start a soft rocking movement with my hips, pressing into his hard cock and tightening my grip of his hand. He reaches down with his free hand and nudges between my legs to bring them further apart. I arch my back a little to offer him my ass, I want him inside me; I _need_ him inside me. He slips one finger into me, followed soon by a second one and starts moving them in and out while still kissing my skin and murmuring loving, beautiful words in my ear. I'm warm. My skin is so hot right now, but at the same time I can feel how every part of myself starts warming again: my cock, my stomach, my chest, my heart, my cheeks.

"You're like sunshine," I murmur, making him smile against my jaw, and griping me even tighter, enveloping me in him.

He removes his fingers now, and steadying my soft rocking, he pushes his slick cock into me, little by little, holding me tight and pressing his free hand over my wildly beating heart. I breathe heavily through my open mouth, turning my head and seeking his mouth like a forgotten man in the desert looking for the smallest drop of water. He swallows my cries into his hot mouth, gripping my hand tighter and pulling his cock out, making me cry at the friction.

We start a slow movement, just like the soft rocking I was making before, I touch him, and he touches me, caressing every single patch of skin we can reach. I kiss his hair, and he kisses my shoulder; I kiss his forehead, and he kisses my jaw; I kiss his neck, and he kisses my temple. I place both of my hands at his buttocks and push him flush to me, deepening every thrust he makes and gasping every time.

I open my legs wider, and he grips my hips for leverage when he increases his pace. Soon we're both moaning and gasping and groaning, trying to hold on our impending orgasms that are already nestling in our stomachs. He reaches around me again to caress my cock with just two fingers, and I jump at the sensation. His barely there touch stroking me while he deepens his thrust is too much.

"I'm cumming Edward, baby… I…"

With a loud groan I cum when his hand finally surrounds my cock, releasing hot spurts of cum along the sheets and my chest and his strong, beautiful hand. With the spasms of my ass at my orgasm, he thrusts even deeper, stilling his movements when I feel his hot cum warming me again from the inside. How much I've missed the sensation.

We collapse tired into the bed, me with Edward's warm weight at my back, and I reach back to caress his beautiful, dampened hair, turning my head to kiss him again. He kisses me back, and then he kisses my neck, and my cheeks and my shoulders all over again. I sigh.

This is what I needed.

* * *

I'm almost sure I won't get so many reviews for this chapter, but for those of you curious about Aro, this week I'll send you APOV over the little confrontation.

And I almost forgot! To my anonymous reviewers: please leave me your e-mail with (dot's) and (at) in your review, so I'm able to send you the reply. Jasmine and Mychael, thanks for your reviews, if you leave me you mails, I'll send you last chapter's reply along with this one ;)

Love you guys, and thank you for reading!


	18. Choose

**Undeniable Attraction**

I'm really sorry for not being able to update last week. Life sucks sometimes, what can I say? Thankfully everything has settled down again, so here I am!

Lots of love, kisses and hugs to my beautiful, wonderful Betas, **drtammy1511** and** CajunMomma** for being the best Betas I could ever ask for!

Chapter 18 at last! Be gentle, though, it was kind of difficult for me to return to my UA mind frame.

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 18  
**Choose**

**JPOV**

It's been a long time since I haven't woken up with Edward nuzzling behind my ear. The most beautiful sound comes out of his lips from deep in his throat, almost like a soft purr, bathing my skin with the warmth of his breath.

_Perfection_.

As I wake up, I can feel the warmth of other of his body parts too. His warm chest, softly rising at the rhythm of his breathing against my back; his warm thighs tangled with my own, wrapping himself around me; his strong arms holding me tight, one around my waist, one below my neck; but most of all, I can feel the tantalizing warmth of his arousal, nestling into my lower back. His hips thrust almost imperceptibly; I can almost tell he's doing it unconsciously, while he keeps nuzzling behind my right ear and placing soft, warm kisses over my shoulder.

_Warmth._

I can feel his warmth all around my body, but I can feel it again in my stomach too, inside my chest. I feel relieved; I was losing it.

I can't believe how much I let my work consume me. _Consume_; there's just no other word to describe it. I just can't seem to let things go. I know I'm hurting myself, I know it's not healthy, but the reasoning behind my actions runs deep inside me and I just can't seem to let go.

_My father._

I have few memories of him, most of them blurry and incomplete, as I was barely 10 years old when he passed away. I remember the pain, the desperation when I was a lost teenager, losing his father a little more day after day when I started to lose the details of his face or when I couldn't recall exactly what his particular scent was. My memories are blurry, confusing. I can't remember the time or the day; I remember something that ends in another different memory, but they all show something priceless: my father was a good, honorable man.

An army man, a general, who believed in his beloved Texas, in his beloved country and in his beloved son. I don't remember him that much anymore, but I will always have voice inside my head, from those endless father-son talks some weekend, talking about his love for our country, his love for our beautiful state, his own responsibility with our nation and our values.

And now that I have the possibility of showing that same love, of committing myself with that responsibility, I just can't let it go. It would feel like a failure to him. His only son turning his back to his people when things start to get a little rough? When I just get to sleep an hour instead of eight? When I have to be at the office instead of lazing around on the couch? I don't fucking think so. So I don't care how rough it gets; I don't care if I don't sleep; I don't care if I become just a shadow of myself with every new case; I just can't fail him.

I frown, though… But now, feeling this gorgeous, perfect man wrapped around me, surrounding me with his warmth and his complete, untainted love, hearing and feeling his concern and pain at seeing me like this, I have to remember that it's not just me anymore. I have to think about him too, it's only fair. He's always taken care of me. I should take care of him too, and I can't do that when I'm his concern in the first place or when my mind is so full of anger towards the cruel, disgusting world outside that I forget about him.

I can't hurt him anymore. I can't bear it, and it pains me to no end, knowing that I will fail one of them, that I will hurt one of them, the most important men in my life. The big question is who is more important to me? The past or the present? The living or the dead? The warm, breathing, purring man that wakes me up every morning, bathing me in his love and devotion, or the blurry, precious memories of a loving, lost father?

I hate to know that I will fail someone.

"Penny for your thoughts?" The soft voice of my beautiful man breaks my unbearable trail of thinking, and I'm so thankful for that. I remember that _this_ is my present, my love, my life.

I reach down to lace my fingers through his hand around my waist, giving him a little squeeze, comforting him as much as myself.

I turn around into his embrace, suddenly needing to see him, to reassure myself that he's indeed here, to see the love shinning in his eyes, to see those full, tasty lips curling into that sinful smile, full of desire, of love for me. I reach out to trace with my fingers the perfect contours of his features. I smile when he closes his eyes, leaning into my touch, nuzzling into my palm, and I try to convey through my soft caresses all the love I have for him.

"_I love you,_" I think, and I'm glad I whispered it too, because God knows how much Edward loves to hear it. I don't know why I don't say it more often.

"You know I love you, right?" I ask. "I don't say it with so many words, but you know I say it every time I open my mouth right?"

He smiles softly, looking at me from below his eyelashes, from where his face is partly buried into my open palm. "Right," he whispers.

But I _need_ him to know.

"I say it every time I say 'Good morning', every time I say 'Good night'," I softly trace his eyebrows with my fingertips, and he sighs. "When I call you 'my love' and when I tell you to fuck off," I smile, and he chuckles. "every time I kiss you," I kiss him, "every time I _fuck you_" I whisper playfully, "every time I say 'let's go home', you know I'm telling you 'I love you'," I finish in a whisper, "right?"

He embraces me tightly, trapping my lips in a delicious, passionate, loving kiss. I feel him pressing his whole body against mine, and I melt into his arms, venturing my hands along his chest, and his powerful back, and his soft bronze tendrils. I moan when he sneaks a hand to my thigh, holding it and urging it up around his waist, and I press myself flush against him, not bearing a single inch between us, needing his breath, his scent, his warmth.

"Right," he murmurs against my lips when we break apart to breathe, but I can't bear the almost inexistent distance, and I move my mouth along his jaw, nuzzling and biting, and licking and sucking, and needing every delicious inch of this man.

He turns slowly, pushing my back to the mattress with the soft pressure of his hand on my shoulder, and I happily comply, needing to be surrounded by his warmth and his body. I love to have him on top, just as much as I love having him below me, with his sweaty body writhing against mine. I would have him anyway he wants, actually, as long as it is him, with me.

I groan at the feeling of his hard erection sliding against my own, and I open my legs eagerly to give him better access. I feel his warm breath into my neck, along with the tell-tale shaking of his body at his soft chuckle.

"Not today, my love," he whispers, stopping his delicious movements and pulling back a little to look into my confused eyes.

"Today I want you inside me," he murmurs against my lips, and I groan loudly at the thought. As much as I love having him inside me, today I just want to be surrounded by him in all ways possible. I need his warmth, his love, his hot, delicious body surrounding mine, holding me, reassuring me, convincing me that the decision I'm about to make is worth it and is the best.

I'd always needed Edward's approval, and I need it now, with one of the most important and painful decisions I've ever made.

I come back to this moment with Edward gently sucking on my collar bone. I love to feel his hands, and his lips, and his tongue all over my body. Edward always seems to know exactly what I need, and he's always so ready to give it to me. Just like today, when I need his warmth and his love and his understanding more than I ever have, and he's completely, selflessly making me feel like the only, most important man of the whole fucking world.

It stirs the guilt inside me again, at not being as considerate to him, to his feelings, to his needs, as he is with mine. I'm a selfish bastard; I can't help it. Because what kind of man, of partner, of lover am I when my hypocritical notions of patriotism and responsibility are more important to me than the well being and happiness of my love? That might be okay for some men, but not for me, I decide. Maybe I'm just not made for the greater good. Maybe I just want to be a simple man, with a simple life and an exhilaratingly happy lover. Yes, that's what I want, a simple life with my love, and the whole fucking world can just go to hell, I don't care as long as I have my Edward secure in my arms.

I gasp at the feeling of his warm, soft lips trailing lower and lower under my navel. My cock is painfully needy of his touch as it twitches with every soft brush of his skin against it, and I call on all my strength to keep me from embarrassing myself by humping on any available surface that I can find, weather it is Edward's neck, or cheek or even the intricate pattern of his outer ear. _For fuck's sake!_

I throw my head back with a rather loud cry when Edward finally gives my cock the needed attention with a long lick from base to tip. I fist his bronze tendrils in my hands, holding him to me and trying to hold my pleasure at bay at the same time. I see his mischievous, self satisfied smirk when I finally look down at him and I have no time to be annoyed with him when he finally opens his mouth to take just my head in, sucking gently and making me close my eyes again to relish the feeling.

I can feel his tongue swirling in what should be an illegal way around my cock, when he starts bobbing his head up and down my shaft. I fucking love that sinful mouth of his. I wonder if I'll ever be able to look at Carlisle and Esme again, remembering every time I had their golden boy's mouth around my cock, humming in pleasure and greedily sucking for everything I have.

Thankfully, Edward erases those disturbing thoughts from my mind with a new swirl of his tongue around the head of my cock, and I moan again, unable to contain myself and thinking that maybe I should call that service I found a few days ago on the internet to get our bedroom soundproofed. Well, now that I think about it, remembering our little house rendezvous, we might as well have the whole apartment soundproofed as well.

Edward pulls away from my cock, and I'm actually thankful because I really don't know if could hold out any longer, but he just keeps softly stroking me with his parted lips up and down my shaft, venturing his tongue out every now and then to stroke too, keeping me at the edge, getting lower to lick my balls and placing warm wet kisses along my pelvis.

When I'm finally about to go insane, I pull him to me by his shoulders, and he eagerly complies, locking our lips together in a searing kiss while he writhes in my arms until he's straddling me. I moan again at the feeling of his hard rock cock grazing mine, and I smile when I feel him nudging my hand with the small bottle of lube. When did he take it out of the drawer? I will never know, but I'm definitely not complaining.

I pour a generous amount of lube in my right hand and proceed to venture it lower and lower until I'm softly running my fingers between his delectable buttocks. I love to feel him writhing in pleasure, applying delicious pressure over my cock every time I graze his entrance.

He straightens himself into a sitting position over me, and I finally slip one finger inside him, watching in wonder at this god-like creature above me, with his angelic face scrunched in pleasure. I watch mesmerized at his mouth; parted lips silently moving in the shapes of 'oh's and 'ah's, his teeth biting on his lower, red lip and his tongue peeking out every now and then to moisten those delicious looking lips in a tantalizing manner.

I gasp when I feel his hand surrounding my cock while I slip two more fingers into him. He opens his eyes to look at me, and I feel him stroking both of our cocks in one hand while the other is over my lower abdomen for support. The look he's giving me while I keep my steady rhythm with my fingers is the most erotic thing I can recall. So much desire, so much love, so much passion, it blazes my stomach and my whole body is aching for him.

I finally retreat my fingers, unable to wait a second longer outside of that promising, heavenly warmth of his. He scoots a little forward with his knees at either side of me, so that he's directly over my hard, pulsing cock, and my eager member twitches and throbs at the feeling of his warmth. I steady my cock with one hand, and he lifts his hips up a little so that I can place the tip at his entrance. Before I enter him, though, I slide my tip along his entrance and perineum a couple of times, teasing both of us and dragging out the sweet, impending moment a little longer.

I finally steady myself, and with his green, blazing eyes on mine, he lowers himself slowly, sheathing me in his delicious warmth. He moans loudly at the feeling of my cock, and I have to breathe deeply to stay still until he can start moving. He's so tight and so warm and so fucking perfect; I can't recall anyone feeling this right, this intense ever before. He finally moves upwards with a moan, and I fucking love his noises, each and every one of them.

He starts a comfortable pace, and I love this position just because I can stare at this god in all his glory all the fucking time. I roam my hands over him, as I can't seem to get enough from him, and I trace his hard chest, and his trim abdominal muscles and his hardened nipples. I pinch at them with my fingers, and I gasp when I feel him spasm around my cock. He opens his eyes to look at me with his mouth open in a silent cry, and I pinch at them again, making us both moan when he spasms again around my cock.

We increase our pace, and I start to meet each one of his downward movements with one deep thrust of my hips. I hold his hip with one hand, even painfully maybe, but I don't see any sign of complaint in his eager face, and with my other hand I finally brush his hard cock. I remember how wonderful it felt last night, with just the softest brush of his knuckles against my shaft, and with just two fingers and my thumb I start stroking with the slightest pressure I can apply.

His legs are tired, and he's close, I can tell by the feeling of his quivering muscles and his now arrhythmic pace, but I won't have any of that. Lifting my torso and pulling my other hand back, I lean my upper body into my elbow while my right hand is still stroking Edward's beautiful cock.

"Hold on, baby," I pant, and Edward braces himself with both hands now over my shoulders and a soft, grateful smile grazing his features.

I smile back and with a husky "I'm gonna fuck you senseless," I thrust my hips upwards fast and hard, and we're suddenly both moaning and groaning loudly, unable to restrain ourselves while I keep fucking him in the most delicious way. _Fuck, I'm close._

Soon, I feel Edward tightening his muscles around my cock, and I feel his hot cum as it spurts all over my chest and even my neck, his loud cries barely registered in my mind with the sudden, blinding pleasure cursing through my whole body. I feel my fucking toes curling with my final trust into his heavenly flesh, emptying myself into him, giving him everything I have, everything I am.

I finally feel him sprawled over my chest when I come back to Earth, with my softening cock still inside him and his raged breathing moistening the skin of my neck.

"Holy fucking shit," he pants, and I chuckle at my beautiful, well spoken Edward.

I just hum in approval, and nuzzle into his sweaty neck and wet, bronze tendrils that now smell even more like him, as if with the exertion and the mind-blowing orgasm he just had, a delicious, super concentrated doses of his scent just spreads from his every pore. I fucking love it.

I feel myself slip out of him, and I whimper a little at the loss of warmth and intimate connection with my Edward. I turn us around so that we're now on our sides on the bed, and I hold him tight to me, tangling our legs together and pulling him flush to me. After a little while, though, I jump out of the bed as quickly as I can just to find a dirty shirt of mine over the floor and come back to bed before Edward has the opportunity to protest. I smile while I proceed to clean ourselves with the upmost care I can show him, of course I'm the only one with dirty clothes sprawled over the floor of our bedroom; Edward is always so careful and even obsessive about the house. I carefully clean his broad magnificent chest, his luscious abdomen, his sweaty back, and carefully, I pass the cloth along his buttocks and his now sensitive entrance to get him clean. I look into his green, sparkling eyes while I clean his now soft, beautiful cock, and I smile at him.

_See? This is how I say I love you all the time_.

After I clean myself, I just throw away the dirty shirt and seal Edward's protesting lips with soft kisses while entangling ourselves again. We stay like that for a while, just breathing each other's scents, kissing, nuzzling each other, and I'm about to fall asleep when I hear his sad, soft murmur.

"I'm glad you came back, my Jazz."

The tightening in my chest is painful, and the guilt overflows me again. How could I hurt him so much with my rejection? But I'm certain that even more painful than my rejection for him, was my slow, unhealthy routine that was consuming me. Of course Edward is selfless like that, and it annoys me and warms my insides at the same time.

"I'm so sorry," I murmur into his skin, and repeat it again and again while kissing every available skin I can find. "I'm such a bastard, I'm so sorry I hurt you," I whisper, looking into his eyes.

"Shh, it's ok, Jazz. I know how important your work is to you," he hesitates, lowering his gaze with a frown. "I-I just wish that you, that you could know that _you_ are more important than everything else.

"I know I'm being selfish, but I really don't care ok?" he speaks with sudden determination. "You are more important to me than any case in the world. Fuck! If you could get the world rid of violence forever, I would just prefer to have you here in my arms, happy and complete, than out there, angry and stressed and slowly consuming yourself to death."

He looks at me, deep into my eyes while surrounding my face with his warm hands, "You're the most important person in my life. You're my love, my life; I don't want to lose you."

After a little while, he sighs and closes his eyes. "Now you can be angry and lash at me for being so fucking selfish."

I don't know if I should laugh, or cry, or how the fuck to react. So I just hold him tighter to calm the increasing ache in my chest for making him feel guilty just for wanting to have me happy and complete.

"You're right, baby, you're right... I'm so sorry," I whisper. "I wish I could be a free man, free of the ghosts I have with me that make me the way I am. I wish I could be the free, happy man you deserve, I-"

"But you ARE the fucking man I deserve and want!" he interrupts me with a scowl, tightening his hold on me. "You're the only man I want," he whispers, burying his face into my neck, "the only one I'll ever want."

I hold him tight to me, feeling my heart breaking at my next words. "I'm sorry, my Edward… I- I promise you will never be hurt like this again," I feel him stiffening in my arms, probably not knowing what I mean.

"This will be my last case, I promise…"

I feel my clenching chest ache at the thought of letting my father go. What would he think? Would he think me weak? Would he turn his back to his gay, weak, selfish son? I feel like the smallest piece of shit, about to disappoint my father and the most precious memories I have of him. But looking into the sparkling, hopeful, green eyes of my Edward, I know I can't do anything else. I could never stand hurting him like this again.

"I promise," I repeat, and I'm happily silenced by the most delicious, searing kiss known to man. I wonder what will come next, and I promise myself to concentrate and put everything I have in this current case to solve it as quickly and as best as I can. I will make my father proud one last time.

We stay in bed a long while, he'll call Connie to take care of everything at the theater so he can spend my free day with me. He chooses me too. And looking into his sparkling eyes, and tasting his delicious flesh and surrounded by his warmth as I am, I know I made the right choice.

That's my decision. I pick my man, my Edward, and I'll pick him over _everything else, always._

***

**EPOV**

I can't believe how fast time comes and goes. The opening show will be in less than a week, and as perfect as everything seems to be I'm nervous as hell. Of course, the only one to notice this is Jasper, with his unnatural sense of empathy. I've been questioned a lot of times about my composed, calm demeanor. How is it possible to be so composed with every show, exposed to the press and the critiques as I am? If they only knew that I'm not. I'm a quivering mass of nerves most of the time, just cleverly concealed by the perfectly calm façade I've been wearing since I started college. I don't really know why or how I developed it, but I'm sure grateful I did.

I feel Jasper's arms sneaking around my waist to hold me to his chest, and I lean into him, sighing and lacing my fingers though his. I'm so thankful that he could be with me tonight, I don't know what would I do without him.

It's funny now that I think about it, how he's always been with me in the most stressful moments of my life, making me calm. Of course he can be open about it now, but I remember when he would just give me a quick hug or a soft, quick massage in my neck, or just squeeze my forearm in reassurance before a major event. He would always be by my side too, weather we both had a date on our arm, or just the two of us, single for the night, but he was always with me when I needed him the most. I relish the feeling of his whole body around mine now, holding me tightly to him, and knowing he'll be by my side is enough guarantee that I'll be ok.

Tonight is the preshow party, a tradition since my early days in the show business, to present the show to the press and give them just a small taste with a small act of the whole play, just enough to intrigue them and start the gossip running. Of course, as we coincided with the Halloween festivities this year, we decided to make it a Masquerade, well, more like I had no other choice but concede to the constant whining of a bunch of old enough actors. I swear they all act like children most of the time, but I have to admit that Jacob's puppy eyes following me all day were almost too much. At least I could make this a tasteful Masquerade and not a wild, vulgar custom party with crazy people dressed in ridiculous clothes. Not that I would mind dressing Jasper like a cowboy, though…

"Everything is going to be great, baby. There's nothing to worry about," he murmurs reassuringly in my ear, and I wish I could be as sure as he is about it. I turn around in his arms to distract my nerves by looking at him. I lick my lips at the sight in front of me.

We both opted for a dress suit and a discreet mask. He is wearing an oxford grey suit with a silver embroidered vest and a white shirt, complete with a deep blue tie that makes his blue eyes look almost unnatural, beautifully unnatural, I must say. His skin looks golden white, in perfect harmony to his clothes, and his golden locks are in his usual disarray, so that I can barely control my itching fingers from running through his hair. Ok, I can't control them, and I let them freely caress his hair and scalp when he tightens his hold around me to lean in for a kiss. I will have to hold on every bit of strength I have not to jump him at the party.

"You look sinfully delicious, Edward," he murmurs in my neck, and I throw my head back, moaning to give him better access to my neck.

Yes, this will definitely be a great night.

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I know, this is not complete and that just sucks, but as I told you before, I wanted to update already. Reviewers will get a sneak peek to chapter 19, where some 'outing' may occur, as well as the rest of the party.

Be kind and give me some love…

If we get to 75 reviews for this chapter by Tuesday, I'll update on Wednesday, would you like that?

Thank you for reading!


	19. I think it's worth it

**Undeniable Attraction**

Ok, so this was a difficult chapter to write. It added that I was little disappointed about the lack of response to the last chapter, but well. Now that the end is coming it's become increasingly difficult to gather all of my thoughts and write down what I need. So that being said, I must warn you that this is definitely not my best chapter.

Thank you to all my beautiful, loyal reviewers that tell me each chapter what you liked and what you didn't. It's really helpful and I appreciate each one of your words.

Special thanks to my beautiful Betas, Susan, for all the hard work in this chapter and the encouraging words, and to Tammy for the honest opinion and help to make this chapter better.

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 19  
**I think ****it's worth it.**

**EPOV**

"Edward!" I chuck a little over my wineglass, looking desperately for someone to save me from Jacob's approaching figure.

Ok, so I won't deny that since my relationship with Jasper started, I've seen Jacob under new eyes. He is really beautiful, who could _not_ see that? But I think Jacob has gotten the wrong impression, being the subject of my staring during the long days at the theater, and now he's even more flirty and forward than before. I know I can't really blame him. I've practically turned him into my study subject, trying to understand how an openly gay man interacts with his environment and his colleagues. I've watched him for these two months, trying to reassure myself that nothing is going to change the moment I come out. And… maybe I've been staring at him while daydreaming about Jasper too.

The fact is, Jacob has the wrong idea now, and he doesn't seem to get it through that thick skull of his that I'm really not interested. Ok, so _thick_ and _Jacob_ should never have gotten together in the same sentence, as now I can't keep myself from glancing at his crotch and thinking that if his size has anything to do with it, his being _thick_ is just something to be expected.

God! It's hot in here!

I send a glare at Jasper's laughing form so far away from me.

He invited his super pals (notice the sarcasm), Peter and Maria, who came with their respective partners and took him away from me. I can't really blame him either. If he weren't at the other side of the lobby, I could definitely not keep my hands to myself. But then again, that's what I get for not coming out to my company yet.

Why is this so fucking difficult?

"Looking for me?" I stiffen at Jacob's warm breath tickling at the back of my neck. Too fucking close for my comfort, if you ask me.

I take a step forward and turn to look at him with my best polite-disinterested smile. "No… not really,"

"Ow, Edward, I'm hurt!" He says with his fake hurt tone and puppy eyes, taking another step towards me.

"So, are you having fun? Did you come alone? You should have invited someone you liked," I babble, looking for some distraction to get away from him. There's just something about Jacob that turns me upside down. Maybe it's his impressive height, about half a head above me, even with my own impressive height, and his wonderful, powerful body. He looks like a warrior, and he definitely has the eyes of a hunter. But it was easier to ignore his advances before, before I knew I was gay, because now all I can think about is that I can't blatantly reject a fellow gay man.

Lame, stupid, childish… I _know_, but I can't make my brain understand that.

"Yeah, well, I said what if tonight is the night? You know? Everything is possible on Halloween night, they say." He smirks.

Maybe, but not this, I can assure you that.

"Hello Jacob."

I immediately relax at his scent and his presence behind me. I feel the softest touch of his warm hand in my lower back, and I lean just a little, needing his touch and his warmth and just _him_.

"Hello, Jasper," Jacob answers back with an almost imperceptible confused frown on his face. He looks from Jasper to me, trying to understand something, and I look around, nervous, wondering if Jacob is going to discover me and out me in an outburst. A part of me, a great part of me, is warring with my cowardly side and wants me to just reach out and take Jasper's hand in mine and put my chin high and stick out my tongue at Jacob. Well, everything except the part about the tongue should be my course of action, but my fear has me paralyzed in my spot. I know Jasper is thinking the same. I can feel his hand fisting in my lower back, trying to hold still and not reach out to comfort me, and I want to kick myself for not being able to take both of us out of this misery and just _come out!_

"Well… I'll see ya later Ed," he says, still kind of confused and turns around to greet someone else.

I turn to look at Jasper with an apologetic smile, and he confronts me with raised eyebrows and lips in a firm line.

"Ed?"

Uh-oh.

"Yeah, well, he's just a_ kid_ wanting to look cool, you know? He's a good _kid_, though," I lamely explain, asking to the skies that Jasper didn't notice Jacob's flirty mode and seductive tone. I really don't need a jealous Jasper now, adding to the whole not-touching-tonight sulking mode.

"Well, it seemed to me that that _kid_ was actually hitting on you," he roughly whispers, and I can see his hands fisting at his sides, probably itching just as badly as mine are to touch him. Fuck! How much I hate this.

"I'll explain it to you later, ok?" I ask pleading. "This is really not the time or the place, Jasper," I add more firmly.

He huffs in annoyance and turns around to go back to his side of the lobby, probably to sulk at Peter and Maria.

I turn around in time to see the reporters and photographers making their appearance. It's their time now, just an hour to watch the small teaser and make quick interviews to the actors and other company members such as myself. I plaster my best smile on my face and make my way to them. _Just an hour_.

Of course, before we all get into the theater to see the small teaser, I look around for Jasper, only to find Maria sending me a deathly glare from the other side of the room, before Victoria pulls her towards the entrance.

What a fucking nightmare!

***

"They're gone, finally!" Connie sits down heavily at the table, and I send her a grateful smile.

"Thank you so much Connie. I don't know what I would do without you!" I reach out to touch her hand briefly, and she gives mine a quick squeeze.

"It's ok, Edward, I know how much you hate having to deal with the media. You did your part; you gave some interviews; you presented the play; it was time for them to leave and let you be, hon," she answers affectionately, making me blush a little and smile even more.

What would I do without her, indeed?

So I find myself alone, yet again. Well, not completely alone, as Jasper is beside me, animatedly talking and laughing with Maria, as Peter is dancing with Charlotte. I'm currently sulking, of course, basking in the only touch I can have, with Jasper's thigh brushing mine every now and then when he shifts a little. I smile a little, noticing that he shifts a lot more than what's natural and I watch Maria rolling her eyes from the corner of my eyes.

I chuckle, this is fucking ridiculous.

With a deep, needed breath, I finally stand up. It is time; it is now or never. If I stay sitting here one more minute I'll lose my courage, and I'll stay here the whole night. We've been together for almost two months now, for God's sake, and I've been behaving like a scared child!

I look down at my beautiful Jasper, and if I wasn't so fucking scared right now, I would've chuckled at the cute, confused expression on his face. _Cute? _Anyway, I'm glad that as tuned as he's to me, I can still surprise and confuse him… and I'm sure as hell going to surprise him right now.

Offering my hand to him, I lean over his sitting form and whisper in his ear, "Dance with me?"

He looks at me with a lost expression, and for the thousandth time I wonder what is going on inside of that beautiful head of his. I wait nervously for a moment, maybe just seconds, maybe a lifetime, until he lights my whole night with his dazzling smile and envelopes my hand in his warmth and stands up with me.

I follow him to the improvised dance floor between the tables and my heart pumps louder with every step we take towards it. Ok, maybe this was not such a good idea.

"_Relax_…" he whispers in my ear when he turns around and holds me tight to his body.

In spite of my drumming heart and my suddenly shallow breaths, I softly sigh and hold him back even tighter. This is what my body was craving the whole night. My man, my lover, my home.

"I missed you," I whisper when he starts a soft swaying movement, dancing with me, and I realize that we'd never danced before, and I hold him tight, wanting to commit yet another _first_ to my memory.

I feel him chuckling in my neck, making me shiver with his warm breath and the luscious scent of his hair in my nose. "What's so funny?" I ask confused, making him chuckle again and louder this time.

"Well, baby," he whispers even lower and seductively in my ear, "I just fucking _love_ your theatrics…"

I'm suddenly hyperaware of the fact that we're indeed in the middle of the dance floor, in the middle of _my_ preshow party, in the middle of _my_ coworkers, and my breathing accelerates again, and I suddenly feel very, very cold and sweaty, and I want to run far, far away, and I want to just bury my face in Jasper's neck and like a scared child, pretend that the world around me doesn't exist.

"Shhhhh, shush my Edward," he whispers, holding me tighter and lightly kissing my neck.

"Everything is ok, it's just you and me, baby… it's just us, shush," and as much as I want to feel even more nervous with the fact that Jasper is kissing my neck in public, I can't, and really don't want to fight the feeling of contentment, and relaxation, and _freedom_.

How much I wanted to touch him, kiss him, hold him freely whenever I want, and this whole night had been a nightmare just because I couldn't be with him. I couldn't show the world how fucking happy I am at having found my love, at having found my home in his arms and his warm, strong body. And suddenly, I find that this feeling is worth everything else, that I don't really care about the rejection or the indifference of the world around me. I couldn't care less about what they think, having Jasper in my arms, feeling me surrounded by his scent and his warmth and his love, and feeling his support and his anxiety for me. My beautiful Jasper, always worried about me.

With renewed determination and courage I pull apart from him, just a little, enough to look at his gorgeous angel face, with his blue, unnaturally glowing eyes and his soft lips and his fair skin, and with a content smile on my face, I finally lean in, to do what I've needed to do the whole night.

I kiss him.

A lazy, loving, delicious kiss, with the aftertaste of the beer he somehow coerced out of a waiter, and the soft, exciting touch of his tongue, and the tingly, warm feeling of his fingers caressing my neck. Nothing else matters.

After I don't really know how long, we pull apart slowly, reluctantly, not wanting to break the beautiful connection between us. He looks at me with wondered, sparkling eyes, and I smile at him, softly caressing his cheek, the love between us shining brightly, undeniable.

Someone clears his throat somewhere at my right, and I blink a little, coming back to Earth.

"So, is this part of the preshow?" I hear the playful voice of Peter, and I exhale my breath and turn to look at him, with Charlotte tucked at his side and amused, proud smiles on both of their faces.

"See? I told you these parties where great!"

Of course, Jasper is the first to recover, with his quick, witty answer, turning to face him and holding me to his side by the waist. I smile at him too, blushing slightly and placing my hand over Jasper's chest, basking in the slightly accelerated rhythm of his strong heart. I wonder which part is from nerves and which is from our kiss.

And in a second the four of us are laughing loudly, laughing at the ridiculous hours we've spent apart from each other, laughing at my theatrics, as Jasper so accurately calls them, and on my part, laughing from nerves, anxiously waiting the reaction of my coworkers. At least my theatrics waited until the reporters were dismissed. I really wouldn't want my parents finding out about my sexuality by a large picture of our kiss in tomorrow's papers.

I hold onto Jasper's hand tightly and finally have the courage to look around. I blink a little in surprise when I actually find that most of the people are dancing without a single glance at us. Some of my closest friends, like Connie, are smiling softly at me, and with a little encouraging nod, go back to their own conversations and dances. But what amuses me the most, actually, is Jacob. He's looking at me from one of the tables, and when he catches my eyes, he smiles softly, shakes his head and rolls his eyes at me, before taking a sip of his wine and turning around to, I'm almost sure, hit on someone else.

I chuckle. I'm sure our relationship will be different now that I'm openly _gay_ and that he knows I have a boyfriend. I actually can't wait to see how. I might be able to question him directly with some of my doubts and simply talk to him instead of staring at him like some creepy stalker, now that I'm out of the closet.

I turn to Jasper again, when he calls my attention back with a soft squeeze of my hand, and I'm smiling and glowing, and I actually feel better now. Kind of light and just _free_ of a heavy burden I wasn't even aware I was carrying. I thought this would be much more difficult, but I should have had more faith in my friends and actors. We're a family, after all.

I know this doesn't happen most of the time, which is what made me nervous in the first place. I know I'm blessed with having such a loving, accepting, _weird_ family as my company. We're all different in one way or the other.

"I'm glad I can have you in my arms now, most of the night was a fucking nightmare," Jasper whispers in my neck while we continue our dance.

I'm so relaxed in his arms now. This is where I belong, and being apart from him when he was so near me is definitely something I don't have any intention of doing again.

"I'm sorry, love. I didn't like it either, but we don't have to hide anymore… at least from them."

I feel the anxiousness creeping inside me again, and I'm not sure if it is coming from me or from him, but I have the impression that we're both thinking the same. _At least from them_. How will the other people in our lives react? My parents, Jasper's coworkers (which I have the suspicion that they won't be as indifferent or accepting as my own), the people in the streets, in the restaurants, the media… this was just the first step, and I'm suddenly overwhelmed once again about all of this.

People shouldn't care about our lives. Nobody cares about a straight kissing couple in the streets, in the restaurants. Why are we so different to them? Why must we worry about everyone else, in addition to the daily worries and problems of a normal couple?

I feel Jasper tightening his hold around me, maybe trying to comfort my increasing anxiety and anger, maybe trying to comfort his own. All I know now is that suddenly, I don't want to be here anymore. All I need is my Jasper, and his warmth and his comfort and his hot kisses and strong hold. I want to celebrate this small victory, and I want to take courage in his love to face whatever comes to us next. I know we can, I know we will.

"Let's go home," I whisper in his ear, and he pulls back with a soft smile and pulls me to the table with his hand enveloping my own.

We sneak out quickly before someone can stop us, and in no time at all, we're on our way.

***

"Here's to impulsive _theatrics_ and the burning of the damn closet!" I make the thousand toast for the night and I start feeling more than a little tipsy now.

I'm rewarded by Jasper's unabashedly loud laughter and I smile too, chuckling before taking a sip from my glass. I'm glad Jasper was able to sneak out some champagne out of the party, as he said that this was a night for celebration. Of course after such an intense night, I surely needed some alcohol to cope with everything.

"I can't believe I'm out now," I muse out loud, earning a scoff from Jasper that takes my attention back to him.

"Don't look so fucking smug Edward! You just came out to your _theater_ company, it's not like the hardest step to take," he comments a little bitter and I pout at him stupidly.

"You're just bitter because you coming out to your coworkers will definitely not be as smoothly as mine," I comment, making him scowl and take a rather large gulp of his own glass. I immediately curse my lack of filter.

"Hey, I didn't mean it like that, ok?" I ask softly.

"So, did you like dancing with me?" I ask smirking to change the subject, and he immediately cheers up.

"I loved it, Ed." He softly strokes my cheek, before frowning again and slapping me lightly. Well, not _that_ lightly, actually, but I'll blame the alcohol. "And what about that fucking pup Jacob, trying to hit on you?"

"Hey!" I protest. "Well, he's been trying to hit on me even before you tried," I smirk, "I can't blame him, though, I'm gorgeous." I laugh, making him roll his eyes and laugh along with me.

"I'll have to give you that, but you're too fucking cocky sometimes," he mutters, and I launch myself at him, kissing him softly and grabbing fistfuls of his golden hair. "You're gorgeous, too," I mutter into his lips, making us both smile while we keep our sloppy kiss going.

I can't have enough of him, the burning in my skin every time he touches me is always there, tantalizing, teasing, even suffocating sometimes. We stay there on the couch, kissing softly, groping each other, enjoying the taste of each other's mouths, full of champagne and our very own unique flavor.

I am looking at him after a while, both of us pressed together in the small space of the couch, but completely uninterested, or maybe unable, to move anywhere else. He's lying on his back, looking at the ceiling and I'm on my side, looking at him with one of my arms under his neck and my hand softly stroking his golden hair.

How many times have I wanted to open up his mind and get a good look at his thoughts when he's so far away from me, even when he is sitting right by my side?

He sometimes gets this far away look, staring off into the distance, and my head hurts trying to figure him out, trying to understand his need to be away from me, and yet his complete inability to stop touching me like now, when he has his hand curled around mine, tracing soft, warm circles on the back of my hand.

"What are you thinking?" I softly whisper, into his ear, while nuzzling his neck.

He sighs, tuning onto his side to look at me. He untangles our hands to hold me by my hip, tracing his slow circles now under my shirt, making my skin wake up and his tingling sensation to spread warmth from there to my chest and my belly. I scoot closer to him, until I can feel his hot breath over my lips and he leans in to press his lips softly over mine once, before pressing his forehead against mine.

"I was just thinking about today, you know? How accepting and even indifferent they seemed," he whispers, looking up into my eyes and I try to understand all the emotions running through his eyes like an electrical current.

"I liked indifference, it made me feel normal again," he smiles a little, "But they won't all be like that," he frowns.

"I know," I whisper back.

We stay there, softly caressing each other while immersed in our own thoughts. I try hard to figure everything out and not be scared and I whish with all my heart that I wouldn't be so rational, or so scared, or so _me._

For the first time in my life I was impulsive, and I liked it. I liked the adrenaline, the sensation that for once, I did just what felt natural outside of the house.

I've never had to be different with Jazz, or over think everything as I always do with the rest of my life. I love the feeling of freedom I get around him, not thinking twice before reaching out to trace his lips with my thumb, or before pulling him to me when I need him closer, or just say the stupidest thing I can think of and laugh like mad, completely oblivious about the world outside. It felt good to be impulsive this time and finally hold Jasper in my arms where he belongs and don't give a flying fuck if the people around us liked it or not.

"I think it's worth it, though," I whisper after a while.

He lifts his gaze to look at me, and smiles widely.

"Yes," he leans to kiss me softly, "Definitely."

He caresses my locks tenderly for a moment, before pulling me in for a warm, perfect kiss, to which I eagerly respond. I've been waiting for this the whole night, and I couldn't stand another minute without his all consuming passion and love. I need this; I need him, and I sigh against his lips when he sneaks one arm between my body and the mattress to embrace my waist, and the other one envelopes me completely, grabbing fistfuls of my unruly hair to pull me flush to him.

I open my mouth to him, needing the feeling of his tongue against mine, his unique flavor invading my senses and drowning me into oblivion. Our limbs entangle on their own accord, as if our bodies knew that they need each other to survive, to _be_, seeking the warmth, the scent, the flavor and the feel of the other.

His mouth travels to my neck; my hands travel to his buttocks. Our hands and mouths make a complete journey along the other, exploring new exciting places, remembering the known ones, ripping clothes apart from our bodies and eliciting the most delicious sounds from one another. The need to be closer is overwhelming, even when we're as close as we can be without invading the other's body, and I'm torn between my need to feel his sweet warmth around my hard member and my need to feel him deep inside me, taking me, consuming me, claiming me.

He pushes me onto my back, hovering over me, and I love the feeling of his body weight over me. It's my turn to fist my hands into his golden curls, pulling at his hair and earning a throaty moan that goes straight to my lower abdomen. I can feel the tingling sensation of excitement warming all my body from the inside, focusing on my belly and my chest and, of course, my rock hard cock. I whimper a little when Jasper finally grinds his hips into mine, causing both our erections to slide against each other, already slick with our tips leaking pre-cum. It's driving me mad with desire.

I groan when Jasper takes my left nipple into his mouth, sucking softly on it before biting a little and swirling his teasing, wonderful tongue over the tip. I want to feel that tongue all over my cock, and I want to be the one taking him into my mouth, teasing him with my tongue as well, but what I want the most is to just stay right where I am and feel my beautiful Jasper's cock inside me.

"Please, Jazz," I beg, and I don't even give it a thought as every second apart from him is tearing me apart. I need him so much.

He reaches somewhere down the couch, and I laugh when I see he's now holding a small bottle of lube in his hand. I remember him sneaking lube all over the house, claiming that he wanted us to be prepared for all times.

"See, baby? I told you we would use them someday," he whispers with his smiling face, leaning in to kiss me before pouring a generous amount into both of our hands. I begin to prepare his delicious cock, stroking him enticingly with my slick hand while his fingers enter me slowly, stretching me for him. This is one of the things I love the most. It feels so intimate, so right, as if assuring the other in yet another way that we really do want this, that we are as eager as the other to take the next step.

I stretch my neck to look down, enjoying the view of our hands working each other and his beautiful, slick cock so near my entrance. My mouth waters every time I watch him, and it makes me think if someday the time will come when I no longer want this man before me, if some day I'll be too tired to even watch him twice, if someday this constant need I feel inside me will fade away. I can't even imagine that as a possibility. Every time he touches me, I'm on fire. With every look of those sparkling, expressive eyes, I feel myself harden and itch for his touch. I can't imagine not wanting him, _ever_.

I imagine if maybe someday we will be one of those strange elderly couples who kiss and chase each other in slow motion, causing gagging sounds from those around us. I feel Jasper's tender fingers tracing my laugh lines and smiling softly down at me. I fucking love this gorgeous man, so tender and wild, and yet a loner but passionate, and just plain _perfect_. I reach up to pull him by his neck down for another kiss. I can't get enough of his lips on mine, and his hot tongue, and his luscious flavor. I feel his tongue licking at my lips to part them, at the same time I feel him pressing the tip of his hard member at my entrance. I gasp, opening my mouth to him, and he sticks his tongue inside, but caresses me softly, exploring my mouth and letting me explore his in return.

I feel myself stretching around his cock, feeling all kinds of pleasurable sensations spreading along my body. It's been a while since the pain subsided. When he enters me slowly like this, I feel only pleasure and slight discomfort at first. Of course I enjoy the little pain of his most wild, dominating side too, but my body has become accustomed to his size and the hardness of his member, and it welcomes it every time.

I gasp at the intense sensations he causes deep inside me, I am so responsive to everything he does to my body, just as much as he is. I look at his gorgeous face, with his eyes closed and his parted lips, and I run my hand along his chest, circling his nipple with my thumb and making him gasp and increase his pace.

We're soon just panting and groaning, the living room filled with the noises of slapping skin and pants and the heavy scent of our combined sexes lingering in the air. It makes it all the more erotic, all the more real, making us aware that this is really happening, that we're just two lovers worshiping each other's bodies, after all.

I shiver when I feel his warm hand stroking my length, hard beyond all possibilities and making me clench my inner muscles, eliciting a throaty gasp in return. I fucking love these chain reactions, enticed by our responsive bodies, so tuned to each other that it is hard to concentrate on anything as we feel so much. I feel him _everywhere_. I feel him filling me deep inside me; I feel his hot breath over my face; I feel his warm chest, his warm hands exploring every inch of my body, from my toes to my now dampenedd hair. I feel his love lingering all around us and the tightening in my own chest at having him here, with me, inside me. I always wondered if this is how love feels, or just how love _with_ _Jasper_ feels. I never before imagined that such a feeling of completeness and overflowing passion was even possible, but this is life with Jasper. This is life with my love, and now that I know it, I can't imagine life any other way.

"I'm gonna cum," Jasper announces with a breathy whisper, and he increases the pace with his hand, while fucking me harder and deeper, taking my breath away. Every sensation is so fucking intense, that just a second later I find myself seeing stars behind my eyelids while cumming hard all over Jasper's strong, sweaty chest. I feel him stilling inside me, whispering my name over and over, and squeezing my cock to elicit it all, to my very last drop.

I don't know how long we stay there, in our very own orgasm-induced wonderland, until I feel his tired muscles giving out, and he finally drops his body over me. He makes no attempts to move away, and I feel an odd, secure and delicious sensation at having him there over me, so I don't make any attempt to move either.

We stay like this, and I reach down to caress his soft, dampened hair out of his eyes. He kisses my chest lovingly before placing his ear right over my still wildly beating heart, and with a soft sigh he's out in just a few minutes. I watch my beautiful, perfect angel just for a little while. I reach out for the comforter we keep over the back rest of the couch at this time of the year to wrap it around my love's back lovingly, before sleep claims me too, the both of us submitting to slumber, sweaty and sticky and just plain happy.

* * *

Please give me some love; I really need it right now.

Thank you for reading!


	20. Don't let Go

**Undeniable Attraction**

This was certainly difficult to write, fortunately not for the same reasons as the last chapter.

I must make some warnings here: Violence, cursing, and other things. And I hope it's not too confusing.

I really appreciate the help from my beautiful Beta Susan, and I'm still waiting for the corrections from my sweet Beta Tammy. You can wait a little if you want to read the chapter when it's corrected, but I wanted to post it already.

Thanks to all my beautiful reviewers and those who added me to their lists. I really love you guys!

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are property of Stephen Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 20  
**Don't let go.**

**JPOV**

"HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN?!"

I storm into my office utterly frustrated, shocked and just fucking _fuming_ by our incompetence. I know Maria is trailing behind me and she is smart enough to close the door behind her. Not that the whole office won't surely hear my outburst anyway.

I punch the wall behind my desk, and I'm barely aware of the sharp pain coursing through my skin and the bones on my knuckles, but at least that seems to calm me down a bit, distracting my mind from more upsetting things. I brace myself with one hand against the wall and exhale loudly, trying to calm my raw emotions and keep myself in check before I do anything stupider than punching the fucking wall.

Thankfully, Maria is just quietly witnessing the whole scene. She knows me well enough to know that this is just not the moment to start deliberating what went wrong about this morning's operation. The thing is, that I can't fucking wrap my mind around what the fuck went wrong with this morning's operation!

After a few more minutes I'm finally able to move from my spot on the wall and heavily plop in my chair. I run my hands over my face, trying to put myself together for the painful analysis and recalling of this morning's events.

"So," Maria starts.

"So," I stare at her with my eyebrows shot upwards almost into my hairline.

"So, how the fuck did that happen?!" She yells, but I catch the smirk in her voice and I smirk in return, feeling my mood lightening a bit. Inevitable.

"Smartass," I murmur. _You're too fucking good for me, Maria_.

She smirks openly now, seemly amused by my outburst. "So you're eagerly joining Edward's theatrics, huh?"

"Fuck you!" I scowl. I'm not fucking_ theatrical_!

"Whatever! So," she says just a little bit softer "what do you think happened today?"

"I don't know Maria," I sigh tiredly, "Everything was perfect!

"We had the right information, we were there an hour earlier and left two hours after the supposed hour, we were secretive enough about the operation, only involving the ones directly in the case… it was fucking _perfect_!"

"Well, maybe we didn't have the right information."

"But we HAD! Don't you think? I mean, we've been tracking those bastards for too fucking long, and suddenly everything made sense! Their meetings were in the mornings, in fucking broad daylight! That's why every one of our nightly stalking of those buildings was always uneventful!

"When the information reached the station, I _knew_ it was right! It had to be! No… this runs deeper than what is in plain sight…,"

She huffs, "Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting, Whitlock?" She asks raising her voice with each uttered word. She's not particularly happy about it, as I can tell by the sudden disappearance of her smirk and the cold tone of her voice.

"Fuck yes, it's the only possible explanation," I state deadly serious, looking right into her eyes.

We stare at each other for a little moment, before she sighs defeated and lower her gaze.

"This is a dangerous path, Whitlock, and you know it."

"I know, but I believe it."

After a few moments of consideration she asks quietly, "Who do you suspect?"

I smile a little in spite of the delicate situation we're in now. It really warms my heart how Maria trusts me completely, even when my theories might sound crazy or stupid to anyone else, she always trusts my judgment. Well, the fact that I'm right most of the time helps too.

I swallow hard, passing in my mind over the faces of everyone involved in the case, studying everyone from all the possible angles. Of course from the moment the operation failed, it was just one name that came to the front of my mind, but I refuse to jump to conclusions just because the guy fucking creeps me out. I would never forgive myself if I let my emotions get the better of me and make me fail in my job, I won't leave one rock unturned.

But after a few minutes of deliberation, really no one else seems to fit the profile. It should be someone strong, powerful and charismatic enough to have everyone eating right from his hand, really, really intelligent, sneaky… "Aro," I finally say.

She raises her perfect eyebrow at me, and it fucking annoys me. "It's not just because I don't like the guy, it's actually _the reason_ why I don't like the guy in the first place. I've never trust him, there's something that just feels _wrong_ about him…"

She smirks again. "Oh, so this is about that annoying _empathy_ of yours," she mocks.

"Yeah, laugh all you want. You know I'm always right."

She actually leans across the desk to slap me at the side of my head! "Ow!"

"Fucking cocky asshole!"

"So what are we going to do?" She asks as if she hadn't slapped me in my own fucking office two seconds ago.

"You can get the fuck out of here and –"

"I really wouldn't finish that sentence Whitlock," she narrows her eyes and I stubbornly scowl.

"We should let Sam in on this, don't you think?"

"Probably… but no one else, though,"

"Ok, then, I'll talk to him. You can stay here and do… whatever it is you do," she says smirking while getting out the door and I throw her a book a moment too late, crashing on the closed door and landing on the floor.

Bitch.

***

"Hey man!" Peter gets through my opened door with his jacket over his shoulder. "Some of the guys are going to the bar around the corner. Wanna come with us?"

I sigh tiredly for the hundredth time today. "I don't know man, I'm pretty fucking tired and-"

"Come on, Jasper, it will be good for you.

"Look, it was a difficult day for all of us. Maybe a beer will help you loosen yourself a bit, you know?"

Yeah, it actually might help. I'm downright miserable right now, and I really don't need to get home with a mood like this. God knows Edward doesn't need more of my shit!

"Sure, I'll finish here, call Edward and I'll see ya'll there ok?"

He smiles amused but gracefully keeps his mouth shut. I narrow my eyes at him, daring him to make a snarky comment in my current mood.

"Ok, ok Jasper! I'm leaving, see ya in while!"

Why do I have to work with stupid, perceptive… _great_ morons?

It's my third beer of the night, I think, and I can feel that slight buzz starting to dull my senses just a little. I'm fucking bored out of my mind, hearing these assholes go on and on about football, parties and _ass_. I feel like I went back four or five years back and I'm starting College all over again. I don't even know why the fuck I came here. Yeah, Peter is my friend and he's alright, but most of these idiots just work at the same place as me, and I barely know their names. Of course, _I'm_ the stupid one, as Peter left half and hour ago after a heated conversation with Charlotte and I'm still here, drinking eagerly and trying to drown out the conversation around me.

For the first time in months, years even, I don't want to get home.

I can't get Edward's dejected voice over the phone out of my mind. He seemed so eager to have me home, and he thought I was calling to set a dinner date or something I would surely have done, if not for my shitty job and my fucking mood swings. Now I just can't make my body leave the beer over the table and walk the small distance to the exit.

I can't bare another sight of painfully dejected Edward. I can't fucking bare to look into those sad eyes and know that _I'm_ the fucking asshole that put that pain in there. So as the stupid coward I am, I'm trying to drink my ass off along with a herd of singing idiots who I barely know and most definitely don't like, instead of get home with my beautiful man and erase the pain in his eyes with lovingly kisses and caresses, and soft reassurances of love.

I'm a fucking idiot.

After a few more minutes, I guess, I finally have the balls to stand up and decide to get home, face Edward, and make it up to him for having such an asshole as myself for a boyfriend.

I say a rushed good bye to the guys and after refusing and ignoring some pleadings from them to stay for one more shot, I'm finally greeted with the cool air outside and make my way towards my car. I get into a dark corner to pee like the drunken asshole I am, and I lift my gaze to the night sky, wondering how can I call myself a public servant with such a shameful demeanor.

I frown when I feel that crawling sensation over my skin, and I turn around to look for someone. _Fucking alcohol, fucking job and fucking paranoia. _I tuck myself back into my trousers and with a last quick oversight I walk to my car with slightly more hurry. Of course it's because I can't wait to get home and apologize to Edward, _right_.

I hear someone walking behind me, and I look around to see the absolutely deserted street around me. Am I not leaving in one of the most noisy and agitated cities of the world? Where the fuck is everyone? I certainly can hear _someone_ behind me, at least. Not that it's in anyway comforting.

I wonder briefly if I can turn around and tackle the guy _if_ he's indeed stalking me. And how far did I park my fucking car, anyway? I might have sobered up in the last seconds, and I try to sharpen my senses to judge the distance of my stalker, when my blood seems to get suddenly cold. Well, I'm being followed by at least three men, or maybe a party of guys has just came out of the bar and they're walking somewhere just like me. The lack of drunken songs and faltered steps certainly inclines the balance towards the first option.

Fuck. One guy, I can take; _two_, I can at least try; but _three_? In my current state of barely sober awareness?

I inconspicuously fetch my phone from my front pocket and I wonder if I'll be able to call the station before something else happen, when I hear the steps behind me spring into a run and in mere seconds I'm surrounded by three bulky men.

"Well, well, but who do we have here?"

I look at them wildly, but I'm unable to recognize their faces, placed against the streetlamp light as they are. Their voices are definitely not familiar.

"Whitlock, it seems. Jasper Whitlock," another man answers in a drawl, and the cold in my veins seems to thicken at the knowledge that this is not a random assault, these are no common burglars. They came to get _me_.

"You seem to be causing a lot of trouble lately, Whitlock. You were warned before, but paid no attention, did ya?"

The man at the center is getting near, and I take a step back until I feel the presence of the other two behind me.

"You think you're above us, don't ya? You think no one can harm _Jasper Whitlock_," he sneers before the first blinding strike is painfully set on my stomach.

In an instant I'm lying on the ground, trying to cover as much of myself as I can, and pathetically crying out at the insistent blows and kicks over my body. How the fuck did I get here? How could I not react before?

I taste blood in my mouth, and my whole body is shaking in a blinding pain. I've curled myself in a fetal position, trying to protect myself from the merciless strikes. I hear a sickening crack when a kick lands on the hand protecting my torso and I cry out in pain and rage.

"Stop digging Whitlock, you're fucking digging your tomb," a man spit on my face and gives me a final blow to the face, effectively knocking me out.

I don't know where I am, or how did I get here, all I know is I'm fucking cold and my whole body is unbearably aching. I jump startled when I feel a hand in my hair and I see through my blurry eyes to the figure of a man crouched in front of me. I blink trying to discern him from the shadows lurking at the edges of my sight, but with no success at all.

"My boy…" My whole body trembles at the words and the creepy voice that cuts into the night like sandpaper. I know that voice, I know him, I know-

"Such a disappointment," he sadly murmurs shaking his head at me, and I almost cry at the painful memory. _My father_.

"I thought I raised you well, but it seems you only grew to be a faggot and a disappointment," he continues and I strangle a cry, willing the ghost to go away.

"Do you enjoy being someone's bitch, my boy?" He harshly asks tugging painfully at my hair to lift my face. I close my eyes and swallow hard, willing the memory away, willing the ghost away. This cannot be happening, this is not real. _Please go away, please go away, please, please, please_, I repeat over and over until I'm almost sure he's gone.

I gasp at the warm breath over my ear.

"You're not son of mine." And I cry. The most dreadful words I could conjure finally came to my ears and it's too fucking much. Is this some cruel joke of my imagination? Is my mind so fucked up already, enough to conjure my dead father to come and punish me? I know it's too much when the darkness grows, before swallowing me completely.

I'm confused.

I'm fucking confused.

My body seems to have taken over and I find myself suddenly in my car. I keep my broken hand tucked into my left side, while the other maneuvers to slowly make the ride home.

I find a car dangerously close in front of me and I'm barely able to turn the wheel enough to shun it. I blink a few times in shock.

I throw the car door shut and look at the building in front of me, wondering how I made it this far.

I'm suddenly climbing the stairs painfully, bracing myself against the banister and tumbling along the stairs.

I'm barely able to knock on the door of my apartment, leaning against the frame and wincing at the throbbing pain on my hand.

I lift my gaze to look into his deep, green eyes, and curse myself at the pain and shock I find there, knowing that I put it there. Fucking disappointment.

"Jasper? What happened? What the hell is wrong with you?" I hear him crying at me, but I just throw myself into his arms, not being able to explain, not being able to stand straight for a second longer. My body just seems to know that I'm home, that I'm finally safe, warmed in his arms and that if I made it this far, everything is going to be ok.

***

I wake up in a hospital room _yet again_ and I sigh, exasperated with myself and wondering how much fucking time will it be this time.

At least there's no fucking _beep_ drilling into my brain this time.

I feel Edward's soft hair tickling at my forearm when he stirs and I smile a little at the sight of him, sitting at the bedside chair with his head over my hand. I really don't care that my hand is numb now, but I frown when I discover my other hand immobilized into a cast when I try to lift it to caress Edward's soft hair.

I sigh and rest back into the uncomfortable pillow. I recall last night's events in my head, and I start to breathe sharply, feeling my chest filling with rage at every little detail.

I let those fuckers corner me on a street. I let them beat me without even attempting to defend myself. My mind conjured a fucked up hallucination to kick me on the gut when I was already on the floor, and I managed to get this precious man here to be yet again beside a hospital bed, bearing my fucked up life.

Fucking disappointment.

I shiver, recalling my father's words and shut my eyes tightly to keep the traitorous tears at bay. I know he's right, but I can't believe the cold voice ringing through my head. Was he really him or just a brainchild of my fucked up mind? Whatever it was, I can't help the hollow space in my chest, constricting the air out me, _knowing_ for certain that it's true. I'm sure that's what he thinks about me.

I feel a cold finger tracing the wet path of the silent tears running through my close eyelids, and in spite of myself, I lean into his touch and sigh in relief. I open my eyes to look into Edward's worried ones, and I have a sickening feeling of déjà vu.

It enrages me to look into his tired face, to be reflected into his puffy eyes, framed by those purplish shadows under them, and be certain that I am the bastard that put that pain in there.

I turn my face sharply to stop looking at him, disgusted with myself and with this fucked up situation.

"What is it Jazz?" I flinch at the sound of his rough voice, another reminder of his lack of sleep and tearful night, I'm sure.

"Nothing," I barely manage.

"Are you ok?" He asks much more quietly and reaches out tentatively to caress my face with his cold fingers. I pull away, disgusted yet again with my need of him, with my automatic body response of leaning against his touch, and be comforted by the slightest contact.

We're fortunately interrupted by a nurse that gets into the room to check on me, but not before I look into Edward's hurt eyes, absolutely confused and hurt and frightened. I want nothing more than to reach out and embrace him, and comfort him, and kiss away that dread and hurt out of his eyes, so I close my eyes, fist my hands and turn my face away from him.

I learn that Edward got me to the hospital last night, or more than this early morning. They treated the cuts over my face and body, checked me for internal injuries and put my hand on a cast. The doctor insisted on me staying here until I recovered consciousness, just to be sure, so now that I'm awake, we can go home.

_Home_.

That's all I can think about while looking outside the window from the car. Edward is driving faster than he usually does and it should be scary if I wasn't equally anxious to get home… although I really don't know why.

Edward reaches out to take my hand in his and I let him, comforted beyond myself by the small gesture, but still unable to look at him or allow other loving touches. I sigh defeated, and I want nothing more than to get into the apartment and finally break down, before I have the strength to do what I need to do. Another silent tear falls from the corner of my eye and I wonder if they will stop falling anytime soon or I'm just broken beyond repair.

The ever present pain tightening in my chest turns into just a numbing sensation the moment we reach our building.

_Our_.

I chuckle humorlessly, bitterly is more the sentiment and Edward turns to look at me curiously, before I turn my face away from him once more, unable to face those hunted eyes.

I think deep down he knows what's coming, and it scares him enough to empty his eyes and fill them with dread and denial. The weight in my chest tightens unbearably more at the thought of his face in a few more moments, and I start climbing the stairs, tired, defeated, aching and absolutely hopeless. I had forgotten the pain in my whole body until I started to climb up the steps, a quiet cry pass my lips and I hold tightly on the banister.

Edward is by my side in an instant and I flinch away from him, but he only tightens his hold almost painfully around my aching body and I finally lean into him to help me get up the stairs. I vaguely wonder if he's doing it on purpose, to help me as much as to hurt me. Payback is a bitch, but this is a poor exchange for all the pain I'm causing him. I sigh defeated for the thousandth time knowing that _nothing_ will ever be fair enough to pay for his pain.

We finally reach the apartment and I turn my back to him to get into my old room. I need to be alone for a minute, to gather my thoughts and my raw emotions that are all over the place, and take some courage from _anywhere_, enough for me to do what I need to do.

I come out to find Edward sitting on the couch, facing the turned off TV with a vacant expression, and I take a few moments to admire him. His beautiful profile, with his sharp jaw and straight nose in contrast to those soft, pouty lips that I'm dying to feel all over me once more; I watch his pale skin, with a sick, ashen look now that I look closely, and his disheveled, magnificent hair, like a fire halo framing his face. His beauty is nearly breaking me, but I'll have time later to break when I'm finally alone, _utterly alone_. What scares me the most are his vacant eyes, completely different from what I know, and I wonder if I've broken him beyond repair too, if it's too late for my heroic act and it would be better to just stay with him.

I shake my head to get rid of the thought. _You're a fucked up bastard already, Whitlock, at least don't be selfish once in your life_.

Yes, I won't let him be hurt by me or my fucked up life.

I take a deep breath to still my emotions inside me and I hope beyond hope to stay calm until I'm over with this. The last thing I want is to break now and make this even more difficult to him. I walk to him until I'm exactly in front of him and I sit over the coffee table. Our knees touch and I want to laugh at the pathetical comfort I feel at being in close proximity to him, of feeling his body heat and presence comforting when I'm about to break his heart. I'm a fucking bastard.

He finally looks at me, and I'm about to speak when I shut my mouth loudly with wide eyes looking at him. I'm witness of his vacant eyes transforming not into the broken, hopeless ones I was expecting to see, but into liquid fire. I'm amazed by the raw emotion there, anger, rage, ire, before I feel another sharp pain on my jaw and I find myself sprawled over the floor, blinking in surprise.

My whole body is aching yet again, and I cry out loud until I feel Edward's weight over me, straddling me. I try to pull away, wondering who this man before me is, because God knows Edward had never hurt _anything_, and I flinch by mere instinct when his hands reach out to take my wrists. He softens his eyes at my reaction, and I can see the pain again, until he frowns and the rage is back.

He holds my hands at the sides of my head, and all I can do is blink in shock and wait for the next blow. He's gone crazy.

"Stop it!" He yells into my face.

"Stop it, you hear me?!"

I look wildly into his eyes, trying to understand what the hell he is talking about.

"I won't let you, you fucking asshole! You're not going to do this to me!"

I look into his wild eyes, his labored breathing fanning into my face and all I can do is stare and blink stupidly. I see his eyes transforming in pain again, and he leans into me until his forehead is touching mine.

"I won't let you do this to us," he whispers, and I feel a raw sob ripping through my chest and constricting my throat.

He finally lets my wrists go, just in time for me to hold onto his back tightly, cursing my fucking cast that won' let me feel his body heat and his perfect skin. I cry as I never cried before. I cry for my aching body, oddly comforted by Edward's weight but sore nonetheless, I cry for my stupidity, I cry for Edward and his pain, I cry for my own pain at the thought of leaving him, I cry for my father and my fucked up life, I cry for everything.

I stay there, crying my soul out, tightly held by Edward, who still has me pinned to the floor, and I can feel Edward's own sobs coursing through his body and the wet spot on my shoulder. I hold him tighter, tighter than ever, willing our bodies to merge into one, and to never, ever let go.

We're still on the floor sometime later, and my mind wanders far away enough to thank his mother for the soft rug we're on. He's spooning me from behind now, and I'm comforted by his warm, soft breathing in my neck, and his whole body embracing me, curled around me. I trace small circles over the back of his hands that are holding me around my waist and he tightens his hold every now and then, sighing into my shoulder.

"I love you," he whispers and I close my eyes to spill the last tears out of them.

"I love you, Edward, so fucking much…" I whisper in return.

I feel him smiling in my neck, where he places soft, comforting kisses.

"I won't ever let go, Jasper. I won't."

I squeeze his hand and snuggle farther into his embrace, basking in the soft comfort of his body and his love, and hoping that he's as needy of me as I am of him.

"We're together in this," he whispers. "I love you."

* * *

I'm really sorry about it! Believe me when I say that this was difficult to write, but it was necessary, so bear it with me. Suspicions, guesses, questions or general complaints? Send me a review.

Next chapter will be EPOV starting with this whole mess. I'll send a sneak peek to reviewers.

Love you all and thank you for reading!


	21. Be Strong

**Undeniable Attraction**

1000 reviews! I can't believe it!  
THANK YOU to all of you who had taken the time to write me something beautiful, specially those of you who had shared episodes of your own lives with me, I really appreciate it and treasure each one of my reviews.

Here's chapter 21. Thank you so much to my wonderful Betas, Susan and Tammy, for being so helpful and great and beautiful with me. Love you girls!

I hope you enjoy it!

**DISCLAIMER: All ch****aracters are property of Stephanie Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 21

**Be Strong**

**EPOV**

"Oh, ok," I flinch a little at the disappointed tone of my voice, but I just can't get rid of it. I wanted to have a nice dinner with my man and have a nice sex session before going to sleep cuddled into his strong, warm body. Is that too much to ask?

"Don't worry, love, I'll be alright dining by myself, and then I'll just go to bed and wait for you," _while you go out with your stupid coworkers to drink your ass off, _I think bitterly.

"Yeah, sorry Edward, but I really need this, baby. Please understand…"

I hate to hear that pained voice. I do understand Jasper. I understand how this case, just like all the ones before, is draining you; I understand how you are trying to protect me from your bad mood; I understand how you hate to disappoint me… I do understand; I just hate it all.

"Don't worry love. I'll be fine. Have fun, ok?" I try to inflict my voice with as much enthusiasm as I can, but I know I failed miserably with Jasper's defeated sigh at the other end of the line.

"Ok, baby. I- I love you," he whispers before I hear the click of the phone.

I bang my forehead against the wall of the kitchen with the phone still pressed against my cheek. How much I hate this! Why is this so complicated? Why couldn't this, his last case, be just a little bit easier than the last one and be done by now?

I feel like the Holy Grail is just there, mere inches from my grasp, and every time I try to curl my fingers around it, it just gets farther away. I can almost smell the soft, airy scent of freedom, the salty, warm scent of the sea and our first vacation, and every time I feel I can touch it, it disappears. I wonder if we'll ever really be free of it all, free of his awful job, free of his broody mood with every new case, free of his pain and guilt. I wonder if I'll ever even understand it!

I just want to take him far away, somewhere out of this place, away from the real world and his cases, and his work and our fears and ghosts. I just know one place like that, and I smile remembering it. We were free once. We were completely and utterly happy once, like children, innocent, perfect and loving, completely unaware of the shit outside our little, happy world. I'll get him back. I promise I'll get him back.

Just then, the phone startles me when it rings in my hand, and I notice that I'm sitting on the floor, still clutching the phone in one hand and my hair in the other.

"Hello?"

"Edward! Thank God you're there! It was driving me mad when I couldn't reach you! Who were you talking with?"

"A- Alice?" I ask uncertain.

"Of course it's Alice! Who else could it be?"

I actually chuckle at that. Who else indeed? It's like I've known her my whole life, and she was indeed my baby sister. She definitely adapted quickly to the Cullen's.

"Sorry Al, I'm a bit off at the moment. I was talking to Jasper, actually, so if you wanted to talk to him, he's not home," I explain quickly.

I'm startled by the soft gasp I hear at the other side of the line.

"Please, don't tell me Jasper's not home Eddy, please," she begs, and I'm getting scared with the anxiety, if not full panic, in her voice that I can hear from here.

"He's not here, Alice. He went out with some friends of his. Are you all right?"

"Not really Eddy. I have a really bad feeling about Jasper, and now it's driving me crazy remembering how things went the last time I had a bad feeling about him," she rushes her explanation, and I have to take a few seconds to let that sink in. The last time she had a bad feeling about Jasper…

I remember being angry with him for leaving me to check up on Alice, jealous, actually. I remember being in my apartment waiting for him. I smile remembering that that was actually the day I discovered my feelings for him… and then dread engulfs me remembering exactly what happened that day. The shot over the phone, James, Jasper being shot…

"Fuck,"

"Yeah!" she agrees with a hysterical tone on her voice.

"Listen Al, don't worry. He went out with some friends from his work, ok? Remember he's a detective, Al. I think they can take care of him."

"Oh, Ed, I'm not so sure… please. At least call him and try to convince him to just go home. I don't want him to get hurt, Edward," she finishes in a whisper.

"Ok, Ali, don't worry ok? I'll call him. We're going to be fine, ok?"

"Ok… thank you Eddy. I really love you both, you know? I just want you to be happy."

I smile. "I know Al, and we are. Say hello to mom and dad ok?"

"'K."

I exhale loudly. So now what? I do remember what happened the last time with Alice's bad feeling, but I also remember Jasper's exasperated tone when he called me just a few minutes ago too. If I call him now, I'm sure he'll be all broody and even angry with me. I know him, and he needs his space. This time he even asked me for it explicitly. He said he needed it… I don't want to be the controlling boyfriend, but I don't want him to be hurt either.

I growl and place the phone on its base. I walk to the living room and force myself to sit down and watch some TV. I'll give him the time and the space he needs, but I'll call him in an hour and tell him about Alice's call.

You have one hour Jasper. I hope that's enough time for you to cool down and come back to me.

When I finally call him, I can't reach him.

It's driving me mad! What if I made the wrong decision? I should have called him after Alice called, no matter if he were mad or whatever. I should have called him!

I don't know how much time passed. I called Peter, and he told me he left him at the bar. I don't think he deserved all the things I yelled at him, but I did it anyway. I called Maria; I called the station; I called the hospitals and God knows who else. My mind is going nuts with all the possible scenarios my very active imagination is conjuring. I fucking hate it!

I would go out and start looking for him street by street if we just didn't live in one of the most populated cities in the world. As much as I hate it, I know it's better if I stay here and wait for him if he arrives or call or if anyone else tries to contact me to give information. Please God, let him be ok…

I don't know how much time has passed, but the moment I hear the knocks on the door, I'm on the verge of madness. I open the door, and the slight relief I feel when I see him alive and here at the threshold, is abruptly replaced by dread and pain when I see his beautiful, perfect face contorted in pain and completely bruised.

In an instant, I recount two black eyes, two swollen cheekbones, a purplish and crooked nose and swollen lips. I watch in dread the dry blood all over his face and hair, and when he reaches to me with the ghost of a smile over his gorgeous lips, I'm unable to move. I don't react until he stumbles, finally snapping me out of it, and I take a step closer, catching him in my arms and cushioning his fall with my body. I finally let a pained cry when I see his eyes rolling back in his head, and I hold him tighter to me, begging him to stay with me, to be strong and stay with me.

I'm not sure how I managed it, but with the help of our front neighbor Raul, who surely heard my pained cries, I finally get him into the car and accelerate to the hospital, begging him, and all the gods I can conjure, to let him stay with me, not to take him from me all the way to the hospital.

It all seems like a dream, a recurrent _nightmare_ when I'm once again sitting at his hospital bed and holding his hand, waiting for him to wake up and open those beautiful eyes. I close my eyes tightly, praying, begging to see those blue eyes once again. I'm so tired… I'm so fucking tired of crying, I'm tired of pretending that nothing bothers me; I'm tired of his job; I'm tired of his pain; I'm tired of fighting…

I wake up when I feel soft movement around me. I don't even remember when I finally succumbed to sleep. Yesterday the doctor put Jasper's left hand in a cast after arranging his nose –thankfully surgery was not necessary- and ordering some x-rays, he left the nurses to attend Jasper's numerous injuries all over his body. He was badly beaten, for what I could see and what the doctor told me, but thankfully nothing was too bad. It seems that his lack of response yesterday was more due to the alcohol in his system and the need of his body to recover from the beating and the cold it was exposed to during his black out than anything more serious.

I lift my head from the warm, comfortable pillow I was lying on, Jasper's forearm, and I'm met with Jasper's black, closed eyelids and painful frown. I reach out to wipe his tears with my fingertips, and he opens his eyes to finally look at me. He leans into my touch, making me smile for the faintest moment, when I suddenly watch his eyes harden, and he jerks away from me.

No.

No, no, no, this can't be happening.

It _is_ happening, though. I recognize all the signals there, openly in display for my overactive brain to dissect them and study them one by one. I can almost _feel_ his self-disgust, his pain, his fear, his guilt, but I can't fucking understand any of it!

I watch him getting away from me, with every breath, with every averted gaze, with every one-word answer; I can see him getting away. And once again I have that feeling I get in my nightmares. I run and run, reaching with my hand as far as I can, clutching my fingers around thin air when the thing I want gets farther away. I can't reach Jasper. I can't fucking reach him, and I don't even recall when I lost him.

I want to cry; I want to scream, but most of all, I just want to hold my beautiful lover tight to my body and erase that fucking unworthy look in his eyes. I need him to understand that he's killing me, not because of the pain he inflicts in me sometimes, or because of my absolute inability to understand him, but because of the pain _he is in_, because of the guilt he carries in him and constricts his happiness away from him.

I know what he's doing.

I can't believe him. I can't believe he's doing this to me, to _us_. He was the one to turn my whole world upside down. He's the one who was in love with me for over a year. A year! And now he's trying to _dump me_?

I almost feel like laughing, but it might sound a little hysterical if I attempt it right now. I'm sure he has the most bizarre, noble, stupid explanation for his actions, but I just don't feel like hearing any of it with this fresh, constricting, insufferable pain clenching my chest and messing with my logical thinking. I feel like laughing; I feel like pulling at my hair; like breaking something, anything!

I'm sitting on the couch now, trying to sort all this mess out when I feel his presence around me, and he comes into my line of sight, with his sorrowful fucking face, and his sorrowful fucking, _pretty_ eyes.

I feel the ire building inside me, boiling, until I can't feel his presence anymore, or his warmth, or his love, or his knees touching the outside of my thighs.

I'm pretty fucking angry.

In the next second, though, I'm straddling him on the floor. He has a new wound over his jaw, and I want to hurt myself for hurting him, as if that horrible beating wasn't enough. I want to cry and beg for his forgiveness when he flinches at my movements, as if he was expecting more aggression from me, but I need to be strong. _I need to be strong for both of us, Jasper_, I keep chanting to myself over and over in my head, willing myself to stay in place and do what I need to do in order to stop this foolishness.

"Stop it!" I yell at him and at my own emotions, needing them to stop messing with my head and let me do this.

"I won't let you do this to us," I finally whisper, and I know I finally reached out to him when I hear his broken sob shaking our bodies.

We cry, both of us for our own miseries, our own ghosts, our own incapacities, and we hold onto each other as tight as we can. I vaguely think that this is exactly how it's meant to be, though. We are both broken, hurt people in our own measure -maybe Jasper more than myself- but the thing is, we love each other. We need each other to stay afloat, to live, to breathe. I can't imagine a life without him anymore, and this raw, emotional moment, is exactly how it should be, metaphorically speaking. We need to hold onto each other.

I promise him I won't ever let go, because I won't. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Hell, most of my life I've been the rich, educated boy who has everything he could ever ask for, but I never appreciate it. I've always taken everything for granted. I've never felt passion, or love, or devotion for anything in my life except for my company, not in the way Jasper has always lived his life. But now that I've found it, now that I've found a true reason for waking up each morning, for looking forward to finally getting home, fuck, to have sex as if it were my last day on earth, I won't ever let go. I would be stupid if I did.

***

We're waiting for my parents and Alice to arrive. We're sitting on the couch watching TV. Well, Jasper is sitting, I'm more like sprawled along the couch with my head on his lap. I'm almost purring with my eyes closed at the soft massage of his fingers over my scalp.

The only thing I can be grateful for after Jasper's beating and dumping-attempt, is that we finally could talk.

After long minutes, maybe even hours, of holding each other on the floor, the tears and occasional sobs finally subsided, and Jasper's body started to protest at the uncomfortable position, after being badly hurt so recently. So we decided to go to bed and spend the whole afternoon looking at each other, safely tucked into the covers and each other's embrace.

He told me everything; he told me about his father's blurry memories, his need to be what his father wanted of him, his dislike for his job, his guilt at not being a better son, a better detective, a better boyfriend, his love for me and absolute fear for my safety after what happened to him, even his decision to be a better man for me and letting his father go.

The last thing though, evoked yet another round of tears and sobs… enough to let me know, that he's not as prepared as he thinks he is to let his father go.

I will have to talk to Lillian about this subject. He's never talked much about his father, and I never really asked, but I would work better with more information about what kind of man he was, it just doesn't sound right to me that he would really like Jasper to choose his _responsibility_ over his true _happiness_.

What shocked me the most, though, is what he told me about what he recalls as his _hallucination_, right after his attack. It worries me too much for several reasons. If it was indeed a hallucination, I'm more than worried about his mental health. I don't want to even think about it, but what if it's already too late for him? Is he completely broken after so many cases of murders and tortures and proof of the evil in the human soul? But then, if it was not a hallucination, then it worries me almost even more. If it was part of the attack… who could have so much information about him? Who and how could they know the right buttons to push?

I told him my concerns, and they definitely gave him another perspective from where to look at the whole thing. He told me about his suspicions about a guy in Narcotics, and he recalled some threats of his attackers that had been otherwise forgotten. It's all too suspicious to me, it just doesn't click, but I'm really worried about his safety. If they got him once, if they were able to inflict that much pain, not only physical, but emotional as well, I don't want to think about what else they could do if Jasper pisses them off.

Jasper is too precious to me not to actively do something to protect him… I'll have to think about it even more.

"Baby…" he whispers in a sing-song tone, making me smile.

"Your parents are about to arrive," he explains softly, "and then we'll be too busy attending the visitors for the rest of the afternoon, and then you'll be a bundle of nerves thinking about your Opening tomorrow, and-"

"Where are you getting at, love?" I ask smiling, finally opening my eyes and looking into those blue, perfect eyes above me.

"I just thought I could make something nice for you and get your mind away from stuff for a while,"

"And that would be?"

"It'll be better if I show you," he whispers before bending his torso in the most uncomfortable position I could dream of, just to kiss my lips softly and deliciously.

The best thing about our little talk is that we're finally free, at least around each other. I know his fears, he knows mine, and even while I still can't understand a lot of things about him, I know now a lot more about him and what makes him be the way he is. It also made us even closer than we were; no more hiding, no more evading, no more white lies. After our near-break up, we're more committed than ever and more in love too.

I hold onto his exquisitely, soft curls to hold him in place, kissing him back with all the love and passion I can conjure. I enjoy his taste, the warmth of his mouth and the feeling of his tongue, erotically sliding against my own in a slow caress. I will never get enough of his lips, and his tongue and his magical taste. It makes me all giddy and dizzy and intoxicated.

He ventures a hand over my abdomen, making the muscles clench under his warm hand. He softly traces one nipple with his fingertips, making it harden and eliciting a soft, content moan from me.

"We don't have that much time," he whispers against my lips.

_I know_, I answer him by kissing him harder and caressing him too, roaming my hands all over him, as much as I can touch from my place. He holds one of my hands, though, shaking his head at me. "I just wanna make you feel good," he murmurs.

"You'll pay me later," he whispers into my ear before taking it between his lips and sucking on it. As much as I want to touch him back, who am I to complain? I kiss as much of his chest as I can reach when he lowers his lips to my neck.

He smiles at my compliance against my skin, and his deliciously warm hand ventures lower, teasing the skin over the waistband of my jeans with his rough fingertips, making me arch slightly, asking for more. He finally reaches my cock over my jeans, and traces lightly over my hardened member with his knuckles.

"So hard for me," he murmurs, "So hard already, baby…"

_Always,_ I want to say, but all I can do is moan again when he finally spreads his body along mine, with his mouth reaching my navel and softly nibbling on it. He lifts my shirt with one hand, just enough for his warm mouth to finally make contact with the skin of my abdomen, and I hold onto his hair again with one hand, while the other takes his hand over my cock and press harder, relieving my need just a little.

He complies just a few moments, letting me trust into his hand and stroking my cock harder over my jeans, until he lifts his hand to place mine over his blond hair too and his fingers start playing with my fly.

"Please," I repeat every time I feel his knuckles over my erection, teasing, ghostly caressing and retreating in just an instant, and I moan louder when his mouth bites softly over my hipbone, sucking on the skin and increasing my need of his mouth to be _somewhere_ else.

He finally opens my jeans after a few minutes of his lovely, delicious torture, and by now I can feel the wet spot on my jeans, in which my cock has been leaking that pearly liquid of my need. _I'll have to change_, I vaguely note, before my cock springs free of its confinement, making me gasp in delicious relief. I must say I was actually hoping for a little rendezvous like this before my parents arrive, so I was wearing just the basics, jeans and t-shirt.

A strangled moan leaves my mouth when he licks just the head with his hot, wet tongue, and I hold tighter on his hair with one hand while the other roams along his back and shoulder, knowing how much he loves when I caress him. He presses my hips into the couch with both of his hands, making me still my needy movements, while he ever so slowly envelopes my shaft with his hot mouth. I would be writhing below him in pleasure, if not for his hands keeping me in place.

He loves to tease me like this, making everything slow and deliberate, driving me mad in need and pleasure. I feel his lips tightening his grip when he reaches the base of my cock, and he sucks while coming up again, until it's just the head in his mouth, where he swirls his tongue.

I moan and gasp without control. He loves me to lose control. He loves to _make me_ lose control, and he succeeds every single time. I feel his rough, strong fingers softly caressing my sack while he keeps his slow torture over my cock, and I know it won't take too long before I'm spilling into his wet mouth.

He takes the shaft in one hand, and he takes me out completely from his mouth, but every cry of protest dies in my throat when the tip of his tongue traces mercilessly along my slit, and this time I writhe, without him holding me back. It's almost too much, too much need and pleasure. He plays with the head, sucking, swirling his tongue around it, making the most delicious slurping sounds, humming with me inside his mouth until I'm not more than a quivering mass, begging for more and gasping and moaning. He has me over the edge, and I just need _something, anything,_ one little thing to finally fall, and he just loves keeping me there.

I fucking love his torture.

He tightens his hold on my cock, near the base, and ventures his mouth lower to take one of my balls into his mouth. _Oh, fuck!_ He sucks it lightly before doing it again, and again, tracing the skin with his tongue once it's into his mouth. _Oh, God, I'm so close._

He finally comes back and traces my cock with his closed lips once, from base to tip, and finally engulfs me completely, deep-throating me and sucking twice, and that's just what I needed. I feel the power of my orgasm shocking through me in waves, clenching all my muscles until I'm finally spilling my cum into his hot, awaiting mouth, where I feel him swallowing around me, eliciting even more from me.

_God, I'll never tire of this_.

He nibbles my navel while I come down from my heaven, placing soft kisses and still lovingly caressing my softening member. I try to get my breathing back to normal, while caressing his back and beautiful head, until he turns his head to look at me with those twinkling, gorgeous eyes.

_Thank you_, I mouth at him, and he smiles sheepishly from his partially covered face, and I think that's the most beautiful sight I've ever seen.

I finally sit down to kiss him properly, and I can still taste myself in his lips, deliciously mixed with his own intoxicating flavor, until we hear the bell of the main door.

"Fuck," I murmur with our foreheads pressed together.

I'm still breathing hard, with my cock freely on display and ruined jeans, and I don't care one bit.

"C'mon baby, I'll get the door while you change, ok?"

I just shake my head in response, and we finally leave the comfiness of the couch and stand up. I check on him quickly to prevent any nasty accident if he has some evidence of our activities on him, but he's ok.

I'm closing my door when I hear the muffled voices of my parents' and Alice's greetings in the hallway.

It's going to be a long weekend and a very important one, too. Tomorrow is my Opening Night, and if everything goes as I planned, this is my last weekend as a closeted man. I know it's time.

* * *

What do you think? In celebration to our 1000 reviews, I have a treat to my beautiful reviewers. Who wants to read Edward's later payment to Jasper?

Love you guys, have a wonderful week!


	22. Hold Me

**Undeniable Attraction**

Here it is, Chapter 22! We're getting near the end, maybe three more chapters… I'll definitely miss it.

I made a banner for this story, the link is on my profile so go there and take a look!

Thanks to my beautiful Betas, **Susan **and** Tammy** for their wonderful job with my chapter. Thanks to all of you guys that keep reviewing and adding me to your lists! I really appreciate it!

**DISCLAIMER: All ch****aracters are property of Stephanie Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 22  
**Hold Me**

**JPOV**

Looking at my sleeping angel, I can't help myself from running my fingers every so softly through his wild bronze hair. It's such a perfect, beautiful sight. I intently watch every detail of his face; his closed eyes, his perfect brownish eyebrows, his long eyelashes making shadows over his flushed, chiseled cheeks, his straight, regal nose, and my personal favorite, his soft, full, reddish lips slightly parted, his warm breath escaping from between them. I watch his features, wondering again how I can get so lucky to have this precious man here, with me.

I love to watch him sleep. He's so free, so vulnerable, so _real_. Not that he's not when he's awake, but while sleeping, he's just completely exposed to me, to my greedy eyes which drink him in. I wonder what he's dreaming about. What put that soft smile on his lips, and make him make those humming sounds every now and then? I hope it's me. How much I would love to own him in his dreams too! And I say too, because I finally have the certainty that he's mine. Completely, utterly mine.

How much I've doubted before, wondering when the moment would come when he would finally see me for who I really am and would think better of it. How many times before I've doubted his gift, his gift of love and trust and care. How many times I've doubted him!

I'm not been fair to him. From the beginning, I've let my inner demons and doubts and ghosts invade my mind and put a wall between us. I'm not been fair when all he's done from the start is been there for me. He's always supported me, cared for me, loved me with all his heart, and I've always doubted his feelings for me.

Not anymore.

Not after everything he's done for me. Not after what he did after I tried my stupid, self-sacrificing act. I can smile at that now. How could I let myself get so lost in my stupidity and fear and selfishness to even attempt to leave him? I will never know. All I know is that I'll be forever thankful for my lover's strength and wisdom to see through my bullshit and knock some sense in me_. Literally_.

The talk we had later was so… _freeing_. For the first time in my life I could lay everything out there for him to see, for him to know. I know I'm not the most rational, easiest person to understand. I know I have a lot of demons and bullshit inside me, and I've always tried to keep that inside, where no one could see it. I was afraid I would scare him away with all my baggage and that honestly scared the shit out of me. He's the most important person to me, the only one for me. The mere thought of losing him for my shit…

But once again he proved his love and loyalty, and stuck by me, as always. Over and over again he's proven to me his love is true and complete and unchangeable, and over and over again I've doubted him, holding back and hurting him with my distance. I know that now.

I told him everything, and with every word out of my mouth I felt another knot untying from my chest, until I could finally breathe freely. I never even knew I had so much inside me, and that it was affecting me that bad before, until I felt free, actually _free_ for the first time in my life. It isn't that I love him more now, because from the moment I fell in love with him, it was the strongest, most all-consuming feeling I'd ever felt. No, I don't love him more, I'm just able to love him freely, completely now, now that I don't have to hold anything back from him, now that he knows my demons and doubts and fears and the way to sooth them and chase them away.

_My angel._ My guardian angel sent to me in the most incomprehensible, fortunate twist of fate.

Made for me, given to me, like the most precious gift, the most delicate, wonderful treasure given to me to protect and love and cherish. I don't understand it. Even after all the reassurances and words and proofs Edward has given me, I was still waiting for the catch. The moment when the laughing fate would take him away from me and once again mock me with what I could never have. I was still waiting for him to think better of it, because after all, how could someone so perfect want _me?_

I don't even know when I became so insecure. I used to be all cocky and strong in high school. It was always me who protected Edward from the world. Sweet, geeky, fragile, high-school Edward, I remember with a fond smile. When did Edward become _my_ protector, my column?

I'd had some time to think about it since that talk with Edward, and as much as I hate it, I came to the conclusion that it was actually when I started in the police. I don't know exactly the moment, but I guess the cases started to crawl into me. The feelings of unworthiness and guilt grew with every case, until they became a giant, filthy monster that took over me completely.

I remember how I used to look up at Edward, even envying him, Edward, with his perfect job, and his beautiful, perfect family, and his perfect, easy life. I used to look at him, all beautiful and laughing, with his caring, fiercely loyal soul and that glow inside him that just screamed _precious_. I remember looking at him after a long, frustrating day at work, when I was at my lowest point, feeling all stupid and unworthy when we would loose yet another victim, and he would get home all happy and tired with no other care in the world other that selecting the new scenography or contacting another actor or getting away form the press. I remember going to him at his rehearsals, and watching, mesmerized at his passion and love with which he would talk with his actors or correct a scene. I remember being so jealous of that life, and so mad, or sometimes just wanting to be even nearer to him just to see if I could catch some of his own inner glow. How many times I wanted to feel that passion and love for my job and not the constant anger and uneasiness that I always felt with mine.

Maybe that's why it took me so much to actually believe that _he_ could ever want me, let alone _love_ me. How could that precious creature that I always held so high ever want to be with me? Tainted, guilty, unworthy Jasper?

I look back to my high school days and I even envy that kid. I was so carefree, so strong, so _free_. That's actually what drew Edward to me in the first place. I was so different from him. He was all shy, vulnerable, self-effacing, and I would chuckle at him all the time, and make him skip classes and _show him the world outside_. I miss that kid.

Adulthood seemed to alien me in a stranger. I don't even recognize myself anymore.

How did I lose myself?

But I don't want to be that guy anymore, that stranger. I want to be me. I want to find myself again. I _need_ to, for me and for Edward. He deserves to have me completely. He's given me all of him, everything, and how can I give myself back when I don't even know myself?

So yes, this will be my last case, but not for Edward, but for _me_. I don't love that job. It only makes me miserable and bitter and alienates me more everyday. I don't have a doubt that if I keep this going, I will lose myself completely in no time at all, and I can't hurt my Edward like that. It's not fair. Not fair for me, nor for him, and I won't allow it.

So I've started to recognize myself again. I started to write.

I remember writing a lot when I was young. It was something that actually only Edward knows, as I was always carrying a notebook when we were in high school, but being the cocky school bastard I was, I couldn't let anyone know that side of me. I always wrote my feelings and thoughts about my daily life, and it was too close to _poetry bullshit_, enough to be called a queer for it in high school, so I always kept it for myself. It's just that I always seem to feel so strongly, so passionately about _everything_, that I needed to let it all out some way. I wrote. Edward knew I loved it though, even when he never read what I wrote, so he used to give me a new leather notebook every year along with my birthday's present. It stopped the second year I entered the force too, though … I suppose he never saw me writing anymore, so he assumed I didn't need them.

Yeah, I haven't written in a long time. I just couldn't stand writing about the cases and relive them all over again. It was too much.

I've started to write again, and it's certainly easing some of the confusion and pain inside me. It's been helping me to sort all this out and understand where everything is coming from. Edward was so happy that he came back two days ago with a new leather notebook, all present-wrapped, as a gift to me. I couldn't stop smiling, or kissing him, or touching him… He's always been so caring to me.

It had helped me to understand a few things about myself and study others. It's really refreshing to be able to lay out there some of my more confusing thoughts and study and dissect them one by one, disentangling the chaos of thoughts and emotions running inside me. It's also brought some interesting and intriguing questions.

It's even helped me question some of my more deeply rooted beliefs, like my father memories. I wonder if he would really be disgusted with me for being like I am or because of the decisions I've made. I actually started to remember even more about him. I remember him being caring and supportive. He would talk to me about responsibility and patriotism, as I remembered before, but now I remember him talking to me about passion for life and love, too. I remember him being absolutely in love and happy, caring for my mother; the perfect southern gentleman.

"When you find love, son, don't ever let go," he would say to me with my mom gathered in his arms, all smiles and shiny love, "Hold on to it as tight as you can, and you will be the richest man alive."

Somehow, it doesn't sound _that_ homophobic anymore… I even remember him saying _love_, not even girl or woman. I've actually started to wonder if maybe he knew or suspected it back then. It's all really confusing, comparing it to everything I'd believed about him most of my life. I still remember clearly the voice I heard just a few days ago, when I was attacked, but then again, Edward gave me a whole other perspective to think about it too.

What if it was part of the attack?

I can't even begin to understand how someone could have that much knowledge about me. He knew I was gay; he knew I've been investigating someone powerful; he even knew about my father issues, but then again, that doesn't seem even possible. No one, and I mean _no one_ knows about that. I'm barely starting to acknowledge it myself, to work on it. But there's the possibility that I misunderstood everything… after all, they were just a bunch of words thrown at myself in my weakest moment, and maybe I was the one to draw conclusions… it could be.

_"Do you enjoy being someone's bitch, my boy?"_

God! I still can't remember those fucking words without a shudder. _Someone's bitch… _fuck… my boy… _my boy!_ My heart rate is definitely increasing, and I have my eyes wide open with a loud gasp. I watch Edward stir in his sleep, and I move back, ever so slowly, disentangling my body from his… I think I feel dizzy.

_Jasper, my boy!_

_You seem to be causing a lot of trouble Whitlock._

_Why don't you like me detective?_

_You were warned before, but you paid no attention._

_Oh, my boy, you're awfully cocky about your instincts._

_Stop digging Whitlock!_

_Rest well, my boy…_

_My boy…_

_Do you enjoy being someone's bitch, my boy?_

Aro.

I fucking KNOW it's him! All this fucking time he was in front of me. The fucking bastard!

I stand from the bed and get to living room as silently as I can just to keep my sleeping angel in peace.

I can't fucking believe his guts! He's been there all the time, trying to charm me just like everyone else who seem to be eating right from his palm. He tried to warn me before when he asked me why I didn't like him, I mean, _fuck_, he's on the case! He knows everything about our plans, our every move.

That's why our daily ambush didn't work! How could it, when we had some fucking snitch in the inner circle! Fucking incredible!

So how to proceed now? I don't have any real proof but my incoherent hallucinations and memories, and my _instincts_. Well, then that should be the first step.

_Please pick up the phone, pick up the phone, _I chant over and over in my head after dialing Maria for the second time.

"Rodriguez," she finally answers, and I can't help the relieved breath I finally let out.

"What the fuck! I'd been dialing like mad, and you don't answer! That's why we have phones, you know? It could be-"

"Well what do you want then?! I know you didn't call to see if I answer my phone! What has you in such a fucking mood?!"

I take a few calming breaths. These mood swings are going to give me a fucking heart attack someday. "Sorry darling," I apologize first, "listen; remember what I told you about my suspicions in the case?"

"Yeah, about that Aro fucker, right?"

"Exactly. Well, it IS Aro. I know it! I just connected everything this morning, and I can't fucking believe how I missed it before!"

I wait impatiently at the silence that follows.

"Ok…" is her weary answer.

"Look, we need to prove it. We can't accuse him without proof. We already told the boss about this, so we have an antecedent already, but now we need to get solid proof. He's a cop, after all, a fucking Narcotics cop, no less. It needs to be irrefutable."

"Fuck.

"Ok, Whitlock. So how is it going to be?"

"Well, it's still the weekend, and Edward's parents are still here, so we're going to be able to really get to work until Monday. If you have any way to start digging for information, you should. I'll do my part and contact some of my informants, let's see what they got,"

"Ok, I'll see what I can get in the meantime. I'll get his records and inform the boss, ok?

"Jasper?" she asks tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"Has this something to do with your attack a few days ago? I know you reported it as robbery, but… was it?"

"No," I admit with a sigh. "They actually warned me to stop digging. That's how I KNOW I'm on the right track… anyway, if you want to get out of the case, I underst-"

"Don't give me that bullshit Whitlock! Where's the fun in that?" She answers with a smile in her voice, and I chuckle. This is a real cop. She just loves the adrenaline, the thrill of the hunting.

"Jasper, if you are right, this is no game. This is the real thing, you know? It would mean Aro has strong connections to La Cantante, no less. Fuck! Maybe he's even part of Los Volturi.

"You know what that means, right? This is really dangerous territory."

"I know,"

"What I'm trying to say is that I'm sending Vicky away for a little while, just in case this gets ugly. I think you should do the same. I know you would die before letting something bad happen to Edward,"

"God, he's so stubborn!" I exhale loudly.

"I know baby, but it's for his protection, and yours. It wouldn't do if you're distracted all the fucking time thinking about him. Just try, ok?"

"Of course, I will. I'll get him out of here, even if I have to arrest him myself. I won't have him getting hurt because of me."

"Ok. Fuck him silly until Monday ok?" she snickers. "But he needs to go. What's next is going to be fucking ugly as it is."

"Ok darling," I chuckle, "Call me if you get anything."

Well now, how should I bring this up to Edward? I know I can't lie or just keep this from him. We promised to be honest and open with each other, and I won't fail him. I can only hope that he'll be understanding and uncharacteristically not-stubborn… well, I will convince him, even if I have to use his feelings for me against him. I simply won't allow him to stay and put himself in danger because of me. Maybe I can even talk to his parents and get them to take him away with them.

Fuck, this is getting really fucking difficult, and I'm starting to have a fucking headache.

I enter the kitchen to start some coffee, because if there's something I need every morning is coffee… and Edward. Well, Edward and then coffee. And speaking of which, I hear Edward stumbling in the living room, and I really can't keep my smile from creeping through my face. Even when these are difficult times, even when I'm about to send him away, I can't ever keep at bay the things Edward provokes in me; that tingling sensation at the pit of my stomach, the traitorous, flashing smile, the warm feeling enveloping my body, and even the stir of my cock when I'm hit by his scent. It's just natural, as if I was made for him and vice versa, I just can't help it even if I wanted to.

I hum contently when I feel his arms wrapping around my waist, and I lean back into his hard, deliciously naked chest.

"Why did you get up? I was cold," he asks pouting against my cheek, making me smile even more.

I just turn my head to kiss him good morning as an answer, softly, gently, lovingly. God! How much I love this man, how much I miss his arms around me all the time, his scent fussing my senses, his tingling skin when it touches mine… I could live forever contently in his arms. I do not need anything else.

"I just came to brew some coffee. I woke up with a headache."

I know I need to talk to him about stuff, really important stuff, but not today. It's Saturday, so I still have tomorrow to tell him, before his parents go back to Washington tomorrow night. I will spend every fucking second of this weekend loving and cherishing my beautiful man, until I have to say goodbye to him for a little while. Just a little while, I promise. I will never think about leaving him again, it was the stupidest thing I could ever come up with. God knows I can't even spend a whole day away from him… these following days are going to be hell.

"You know coffee will just make your headache worse. Really Jazz, what kind of coffee addict are you?"

I just shrug into his smiling, chuckling body and lean even more into him, cuddling into his warmth. I didn't even notice before, but I was cold too.

"On the other side," he purrs, nuzzling into my hair, "I know the exact headache remedy…"

I turn into his arms to hold him back, and I tuck my face into his neck to kiss him, all smiles and warmth.

"Oh yeah?" I whisper.

"Yeah… if you come with me to the bedroom, I'll show you,"

I sigh with every discovered inch of Edward's skin.

I still can't understand how a god like this could want to be with me, to share the most intimate parts of him with me. I kiss every patch of naked skin, from the angel-like features of his beautiful face, to his feet, I take special attention to his sensitive torso, so chiseled, almost impossibly fit and hard in contrast with his soft skin. I fucking love the way his muscles tighten and relax with every pass of my lips, with every caress, with every lick and blown breath. It's so beautiful to make him writhe and moan and gasp my name almost incoherently. It's so beautiful to make love to him.

I make a path of wet, hot kisses all over his torso and his lower stomach, caressing his hips and surrounding him with my arms, needing to hold him tight to me, to keep him as close as possible and reassure myself that he's indeed here; that these are his hands running along my body; that this is his breath, bathing in hot gasps against my face and hair and neck; that this is his mouth, moaning my name and asking for more in the hottest, most loving way I could ever hear; that these are his lips, kissing every inch of skin available.

I finally reach my prize, standing beautifully and proudly hard, just for me, leaking in his need of my touch, of my mouth and my attention. I don't waste time and give him a long lick from base to tip, cherishing the incredible feeling of his soft, hot skin against my tongue, enjoying his taste as if it were the most delicious desert available to mankind, and it is. I keep going until I reach his navel again, and I lick it too, dipping the tip of my tongue in slow circles, making him whimper.

With my hand I reach to stroke him a few times, softly worshiping his beautiful, perfect body and that special piece of perfect flesh. I love to feel him trembling for my touch, gasping for more but unable to rush my pace. He loves it as much as I do, to take the time to make love, to really explore each other and keep discovering new things about us.

I dip down again to lick the tip of his cock, tasting the hot liquid leaking from him, all him.

"I fucking love your taste," I whisper with my lips still pressed against his cock, and he arches his back beautifully at the teasing vibrations of my voice and my breath.

I open my mouth to take him in. Sucking softly still and lapping every inch of him with my greedy tongue. I take him all in, needing him to be inside me, to swallow him completely if only I could. I moan when I feel his delicious, slender fingers pulling softly at my hair, caressing my scalp and my neck and my shoulders, loving me too with his hands as I'm doing with my tongue and my mouth.

I bob my head a few times, sucking and licking and tightening the grip of my lips until he's just a quivering mass of moans and incoherent mumbles. I love to watch him losing control.

I notice a hand disappearing from my scalp, and a few moments later, he nudges my shoulder with a bottle of clear liquid, still unable to speak coherently. I smile around him, taking it from him and opening it with my hands while keeping the head of his beautiful cock in my hot mouth.

I pour a generous amount of lube in my hands, and begin a slick, wet path over his skin. One hand goes north, to stroke his hard, delicious cock that's out of my mouth, while the other goes south, fumbling with his sack a few times, before circling his puckered entrance with soft, teasing caresses. He can only whimper and moan, louder and louder each time, and I feel myself hard as a rock, leaking into the sheets between his spread legs in my need to be inside him.

I enter him with my fingers, softly, gently, teasing him and preparing him for me and my ravishing need. He just writhes, asking for more fingers, for more tongue, for more sucking and more strokes.

I finally release the hand on his cock to take him in again, all the way until he hits my throat. A grumbling noise escapes his lips, almost like a growl, making my painfully hard cock twitch in anticipation. I reach down to stroke myself with my slick hands, and I even shudder at the first real touch I've had since we started.

The headache is definitely gone.

"Do you want me baby?" I murmur against his lower abdomen, still stroking myself, my fingers deep inside him.

"Hmmgg," it's all that can get out of his gasping mouth, and I smile, closing my eyes and trying to hold back just a little, needing to hear him say it.

"Say it. I need to hear you say it baby."

He gasps a few times, visibly trying to get some control of his actions and natural reactions to me. "I," he gasps, "I need you… my love- my Jasper… I want you so- bad," he hardly manages, and that's really all I needed to hear.

In no time at all, I'm spreading his legs wider and bending them by his knees so that his legs are at both sides of my torso, letting my chest rest all along his, and I place my cock right at his entrance. I lean in to kiss his luscious mouth again, trapping his full, red lips with my own, sucking and caressing them with my tongue. I push inside him, gently, slowly, still distracting him with my ravishing mouth, and when he gasps I take advantage to get my tongue inside and caress his delicious one. I push and push inside him, slowly but without stopping until I'm completely inside him, and I close my eyes to the overwhelming sensation of his tight warmth surrounding me completely.

I feel him breathing heavily, consciously relaxing his tight muscles, and in no time at all, and I'm so fucking thankful for it, he starts moving his hips.

"I'm ok, Jazz, please," he whispers with so much need in his voice that I can't do anything else but comply. I move in and out of him, slowly at first, steady, loving the feeling of his whole body surrounding me in his warmth; the tightness of his inner muscles stroking me in the most delicious way, but also the tightness of his warm embrace; his arms surrounding my shoulders, caressing my neck and hair and back and his legs surrounding my sides in an almost painful grip that makes me feel so safe, and loved and _wanted_.

We both gasp when I hit that delicious spot inside him, and he arches his back with his muscles tightening inside him and around my cock. It's all such a delicious torture. I increase my pace, pulling away from him just enough so that I can rest my body weight over my hands at his sides, and I have free reign over my hips.

"God yes, more!" he gasps, caressing my chest with his palms and pulling at my nipples, making a pleasure bolt run along my body. I comply, because I can't do anything else but pound into him, quickening my pace and getting deeper each time, hitting that delicious spot over and over again and earning a long stream of 'yes, yes' and 'god's with every thrust of my hips.

I can't hold it anymore, with the next spam of his body I cry out in blinding pleasure and for the first time in our lives together, I feel him tightening his grip and releasing his hot spurts over our chests at the same time. I am barely able to crack open my eyes, but is so worth it when I watch him in the throes of passion, with his flushed skin and glowing eyes and parted, soft-smiling lips. It's the most powerful sensation to feel him cumming with me.

I smile softly at him, surely with a goofy, just-fucked grin over my face, and I lean again to kiss him softly and lovingly for a few minutes until my arm muscles finally give out, and I let myself lie onto him. He envelopes me again in his embrace, still keeping me inside him and softly caressing my messy, dampened hair and my neck, and placing soft kisses on my forehead.

God! That was so… incredible.

***

We spend the day with his parents and my mom. Obviously she came yesterday for Edward's opening, and we invited her today to spend the day with us and Edward's family. They don't know it yet, but we are all family now.

I stay the whole day near my mom while walking though the streets of New York and the green paths of Central Park. The need to reach for Edward's hand is overwhelming, so instead I reach for my mom's hand while I talk to her about my life, and she tells me about hers.

Edward keeps giving me these coy glances every few minutes, and I would give anything to just be able to grab him against a tree and kiss him silly. I learned my lesson the day before yesterday though, after that show he put on at dinner with his parents, stroking me under the table and then giving me head in the bedroom with his parents waiting at the dinner table. As much fun as that was, I won't expose myself again, so I keep my distance from him the whole afternoon. I know it's driving him as crazy as it is me, but it's necessary.

"Don't worry mom, he plans to tell them today after dinner," I whisper to her while they are pacing through an outdoor sculpture exposition.

"How do you always seem to know what I'm thinking?" she asks with a smile.

"Not exactly what you're thinking, you're almost humming with concern. The rest are just deductions, like Sherlock Holmes," I state with a grin.

"I just worry about you baby, I can't help it."

"I know mom, but there's no need. Edward would never hurt me. He just needs time, but he finally decided to tell them tonight. He wants you to be there too, if you don't mind. He thinks you could help if they're not supportive," I explain to her with a frown.

I really have no idea how they will react. I've known them half of my life, but it's a difficult topic and it might cause them some trouble. I just hope they don't reject me. They're like family to me too. I couldn't stand to lose them and it would surely break Edward's heart.

I can just hope that between Alice and my mom they can understand this. I smile thinking about Alice's knowing looks and winks all over these past days. I wonder how she noticed.

"I'll be there Jasper, don't worry. And if worse comes to worse, you know I will always support you, both of you. They'll just need some time to assimilate everything."

"I really hope so."

***

"So why don't we take dessert in the living room? I'm sure we will be more comfortable," my mom offers after we finish dinner and my heart starts pounding in my chest. I know this is it.

I look at Edward while everyone is standing up and trying to help clean the table. He looks so pale, so… frightened. His Adam's apple is bobbing with his constant swallows, and I can see from here the labored moves of his chest with his hard breathing. I want to hold him so bad, to calm him and relax him just as I did before when he came out to his company. Fuck, my hands are itching to touch him.

He looks at me with those frightened eyes, and all I can do is smile softly at him and trying to give him an encouraging nod.

_You can do it baby. I know you can._

"Oh, don't bother with it Esme, go sit while I clean up, ok? Alice dear, would you help me to serve the cake?"

Mmmm, just to think about my mom's cheesecake makes me a little bit calmer… and my mouth water.

"Sure Lillian!" And there goes bouncy Alice, giving the both of us an encouraging smile on her way to the kitchen. I'll have to ask her someday how she does it.

We're sitting in the living room, Edward, Alice and I on the larger couch, Carlisle and Esme on the loveseat and my mom hovering over us behind the couch. I actually feel safe with her near us. She's just like those southern mamas, hovering and fiercely protective of her children. I see Alice curling around Edward at the other side of him, and I actually give her a thankful smile for giving him at least the small physical support I can't.

"Well," Edward clears his throat a little after the hoarse voice that came, "I- Mom, dad, I want to tell you something,"

"What is it honey?"

I actually smile. Carlisle and Esme seem completely oblivious to the tension of the rest of us. It's kinda cute.

"Well, I-," he frowns thoughtfully. "Recently, I discovered something about me that I hadn't known before," throat clear again.

I start to panic. _Come on Edward, just say it. It will be easier if you just say it._

"I-," another thick swallow, "I mean I,"

I feel my mom's hand over my shoulder, and a soft supportive squeeze.

I know what I need to do. Taking a deep breath I reach my hand out, slowly, steady, and softly place it over his quivering knee. He snaps his head around to look at me with startled eyes, and I look at him as calmly as I can, giving him a soft squeeze and tracing slow, calming circles with my thumb over his thigh.

He exhales loudly and clears his throat again looking back to his parents, who are now looking at us with confusion and concern, from Edward to my hand, to Alice, to my mom and to me.

"I'm gay," he finally says, and he reaches down to take my hand in his, and I can feel his clammy hand, cold and shaking, and all I can do is squeeze it with all the love and support I can muster.

"I'm gay, and I'm in love with Jasper."

After breaking the spell of Edward's determined eyes and strong, sure voice, I look around to see his parents blinking in shock and confusion.

We stay like that for a few moments, and I feel Edward raising my hand to his face and softly kiss my knuckles with his warm lips. That seems to snap them out from their stupor.

"What do you mean you're gay? How- But you have had girlfriends right?" Esme stutters trying to understand and definitely not liking what it might mean. I grimace a little, giving Edward's hand another squeeze.

"Well, mom, I mean I'm gay and that I'm in love with Jasper," he explains slowly, earning a narrowing look from Carlisle.

"I mean," he corrects, "Well yes, I've had girlfriends before, and I didn't know I was gay until recently, just a few months ago actually, when I discovered I was in love with Jasper," he explains.

"But that's not- that's-, I mean,"

"Are you sure son? Are you sure about all of this? It might be just a confusing period for you. You might just want to experiment a little. Isn't it too harsh to say you're gay when you actually spent all of your life dating girls?"

I can see Carlisle trying to understand, giving his son something to think about, just as Edward always does with me, only his "experimenting" part earned him a glare from Esme. It might have been funny if these were not Edward's parents, and if I were not feeling Edward's slow despair at their seemingly rejection.

"But what about children, what about a family, Edward? You can't have any of that with Jasper," Esme keeps trying to deny what's just in front her.

"Well… I might not be too sure about the gay part," Edward states, and I look at him with wide eyes. You've got to be fucking kidding me!

He squeezes my hand again in reassurance, but I don't feel reassured at all.

"For all I know I could be bisexual, who cares? What I KNOW, without a doubt, is that I love Jasper.

"I still don't know about children mom, but of course I can have a family with Jasper, and I will, because I want nothing more than that," he states looking at me and kissing my hand again, softly. I smile at him, all the shock and fear from his previous statement completely evaporated under his loving, sparkling eyes.

"I can't- I- I don't know what to say…" Esme is still in complete shock, and I actually feel a little sorry for her. I know it's a lot to take suddenly, but she's unknowingly hurting my Edward, and I can't have that.

I look at my mom with pleading eyes, and she immediately places her hands over our shoulders in a supportive, protective stand.

"Well you don't have to, Esme. I know it's a lot to take, but it would be better if you just give it some time, really. You're hurting Edward, and I know you don't want to," at that, Esme's eyes turned to Edward again, and I know the look of guilt and sorrow that passed though them.

"Just give it some time ok?" My mom asks her again.

"Yes Esme, Lillian is right. Don't say anything you'll regret later; I'm sure they understand," Carlisle embraces her softly while speaking to her calmly, and she buries her face into his neck, shaking with silent tears.

"I just- I don't want to hurt him. I want him to be happy, to have a family… children running in the house. He's confused… he can't be-,"

Carlisle gives us and apologetic look while softly rubbing her back soothingly. I embrace my Edward too, because I can feel his hurt and shaking limbs. This was not what I wanted, but we have to be patient with them.

Carlisle and Alice promised to work with Esme. She just gave Edward a quick kiss on the cheek before getting out of the door and waiting for them at the car. I know it hurt Edward a lot, but at least she's not repulsed or completely rejecting him. She just needs time, I'm sure.

After a while it was just us and my mom who stayed to help us clean everything and offer some comforting words to Edward. I offered my old room for her to stay the night as it's already late and I don't feel like leaving Edward alone to drive her home. She graciously accepted and after a few kisses and hugs she disappeared leaving us alone.

With Edward curled in my arms, all I can do is run my fingers through his wild, beautiful hair and caress his back and shoulders while holding him tightly to my chest on the couch. I'm humming softly to him, kissing his forehead and hair and temples every few minutes until he's calm and his silent tears are dry.

"Do you think she'll accept me?" he asks quietly.

"I know she will, Edward," I answer. "She's just in shock. She'll come around, you'll see. She really loves you."

"I know,"

"Are you worried about what she said? About children and family? I know that's what you've always wanted," I whisper.

Maybe this is not the best time to have this conversation, but I just can't get it out of my head. She has some interesting points.

He pulls away from me just a little, enough to look at me and study my face for a while.

"You don't have to worry about it," he whispers softly. "All I want is you. I want a family with you. I want you in my life. That's all I need. We'll see about children and stuff later, for now I just want you to hold me."

And I tighten my arms around him, promising him to love him, and cherish him, and protect him, and always give him what he wants and needs. Even children.

We'll find a way around it.

* * *

So tell me what you think!

And not so good news...

Look guys, I've been checking my schedule for the next month, and I'll be really, and I mean REALLY busy. I know how much you love this story and I really appreciate it, but this is the last part of it, and I really would hate to leave you all with a three-week cliffy because I couldn't write anymore during the break. I know some of you have a busy season too, so I think it will be better if I we leave December free and we come back on January.

I know! I'm sorry, but this month is really impossible for me to get regular chapters, but I promise you to come back with a new shiny chapter on January 3rd, even if I can't contact my Betas (unless you prefer to wait a little more until I can find them ;) .

Anyway, to make it up to you and for you to not forget about my boys, I promise to write some outtakes about the story during the break, I already have about three planned, and I'll start writing my next fic, so you can have it soon. I'll keep replying to reviews too, if you have questions, comments or plots against Aro *snickers*

On better news, I just published my entry for the **Slash BackSlash Contest**! It's a Jacob/Seth (with my Jacob from UA) and it's called **Boy**. Go read it and tell me what you think! I hope you enjoy it!

Thanks for your comprehension, have a great, wonderful, magical break, and thank you all for reading!

-LIZA


	23. See you Soon

**Undeniable Attraction**

Just as promised, I'm back! Here's chapter 23.

I hope you all enjoyed your holidays! I apologize for not being able to reply to last chapter's reviews, but I'm sure you all prefer a new chapter. I really appreciate them all though, I'm really touched by some of the things you said about Edward and Esme's relationship. Thank you!

I made a banner for this story, the link is on my profile, I hope you like it!

Thanks to my beautiful Beta **Tammy**. You're the best BB!

**DISCLAIMER: All ch****aracters are property of Stephanie Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 23  
**See You Soon**

**EPOV**

Well, that was definitely not how I wanted my 'coming out' to work out. I don't really know how I _expected_ things to happen, but that was definitely not the way I wanted them to. I can't erase my mom's look from my brain: shock, disappointment, confusion, hurt, betrayal… I don't even _understand_ half of them. Why would she feel betrayed about my sexuality? It's not as if I'm doing anything _to her_.

The only thing that keeps me from panicking is Jasper's warm body wrapped around me, holding me, breathing deeply, surrounding me, utterly and hopelessly asleep besides me, softly snoring. I tighten my arm around him, looking down at his face resting on my shoulder and smiling softly at my peaceful angel. How much I want to believe his words, his softly spoken reassurances that everything is going to be alright, that my mom will come around, that everything will go back to normal with my family and this strained, awkward feeling around them will go away, eventually.

I breathe in the unique scent of my lover, letting it calm me down and remind me that even if things with my family don't work out as I want them to, I have him, and that's really all that matters to me.

Softly caressing his beautiful curls once more and pressing a soft kiss over his flushed cheek, I disentangle myself slowly and carefully from him and get up. Picking up my yesterday's khakis, I quietly make my way out of the bedroom and close the door behind me.

It's been awhile since the last time I made breakfast, and since Jasper's been taking good care of me and is sleeping peacefully like he hadn't in a very long time, I plan on treating him today.

I frown a little, looking at the clock on the living room. My parents are about to leave for their plane, and I won't be taking them to the airport. I sigh. I know it's better this way. I know I should let them have some space to think about everything and come to terms with my new lifestyle, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I wanted this to be a great weekend. This was my opening weekend, and if this new play is a blast like last year's, then maybe we can get enough money to be a completely independent company, and I'll get REAL control over every aspect of our performances. I like commercial theater, I do, but my heart is not really into it. I want to be more risky, to experiment with new acting techniques, staging design and even with costumes. I want to tell new stories, deep and moving. I want people to identify with us, but we're still not financially ready to take that big of a risk, and if I won't be counting on my parents for a while, I can't just take the jump head first without some kind of insurance. I need to take slow, sure steps.

With a deep breath, I open the front door and bring the newspaper inside, not really looking at it. I leave it on the kitchen bar, not ready to read the play's review, at least not on an empty stomach. So I turn around and start the coffee, thinking about what I want for breakfast. I really love to cook; it relaxes me. _Maybe that's because I don't do it often_, I think with a low chuckle.

I decide on a mushroom, pepper & cheese omelet, my personal favorite. My mind keeps drifting back to all that's happened in the last weeks while chopping the ingredients. The one thing I love the most about cooking and walking is that both give me the pace of mind to just _think_. Jasper might tell me to stop thinking, and sometimes I feel I should, but most of the time I need it. It's just part of who I am.

Humming at the taste of the chunk of omelet I stole from Jasper's plate, I hear Jasper tsking me from the dining room, and I turn around to smile guiltily at him.

"Morning, love," I peck him on the lips while placing the plates over the bar and turning around to get everything else.

"Morning. Hey! I'm glad you cooked. I didn't think I would see you this happy and relaxed after… well, everything," he scowled at the last part, looking at the floor. I can't help but smile a little at him: my precious Jasper and his lack of filter. I don't think I've ever met anyone who blurted out everything that comes to their mind before even analyzing it the way Jasper does. It's amusing, most of the time … not for him, though.

"Don't worry about it, Jazz," I say with a smile. At least I'm thankful that my situation is enough distraction to get his mind away from his own problems.

"I understand that there's really nothing I can do but wait …," I shrug, "and I wanted to do something for you. You were sleeping so peacefully, Jazz. Did you rest well?"

"Yes, actually. I feel completely relaxed. And what a way to wake up baby. It smells delicious. Thank you," he answers, pounding to one of the stools to start eating, making me laugh.

We eat in comfortable silence, just talking about nonsense every now and then with the TV noise In the background. It seems like both of us have a lot On our minds at the moment. I feel like my brain is just about to overflow with everything that's been happening.

"So, did you read the review already?" Jasper asks, nodding at the paper on the other side of the bar.

"No. I … uhm, wanted to eat something first, you know?" I answer not looking at him.

He reaches for my hand and squeezes reassuringly, making me look up at him and his brilliant smile.

"There's nothing to worry about baby. I'm sure they loved it. I did," he says pecking me again on the lips, and again, and again, until I tire of his teasing, small kisses, and I trap his bottom lip with my teeth, making him laugh. He kisses me for real then, leaning over the table to get a good grip of my neck, and I immensely enjoy his coffee taste and the feeling of his tongue softly stroking mine.

"May I read it for you?" he softly asks when I finally release his lips, and I close my eyes, breathing hard and just nodding my head. I'm really nervous about it. It really means a lot to me. This play could be the beginning of my dream, the beginning of my life, well, _professional_ life, as my real _life_ is actually in front of me, breathing softly over my lips.

He finally reaches for the paper, and when he gets to the correct page, he takes my hand.

"Ok, ready?"

"… not really-"

"Ok, let's see… da, da, daa… oh!

_" … But what a pleasant surprise I received yesterday at the small Cullen Theater. When I received the invitation for the opening night, I must say I was anticipating the new play of this young company. _

_Last year's was a complete success, more for the good publicity of young director Edward Cullen than the actual quality of the play, in my opinion, but it was adequate. Well, this year's is at least more interesting; still nothing memorable or extraordinary, just a satisfying play._

_What really caught my attention, though, is their new way of telling a common story. The play is visually rich and interesting. It traps the attention and keeps the audience looking everywhere, trying to capture everything in sight. One of Cullen's Company advantages is, of course, that they own their theater. The staging design is everywhere around you, from the lobby to the main hall. The play surrounds you and immediately sucks you into the story. _

_The Company has good actors. As I said before, not the best play, not the best story, but the potential its actors show on stage and the visual richness showing on every corner of the theater is amazing. It shows the incredible attention to detail of the young director and owner of the company, and I must say, I'm impressed. _

_I had a pleasant surprise yesterday, not really for a great play, but most of all for the potential of a young Company. It makes me anticipate the future surprises that will surely come from them. Great actors, great visuals and a new vision of New York Theater is the amazing potential that this Company has waiting for them in the near future._

_If you want to witness the birth of a great theater Company, I recommend that you to take a walk around 72nd and 3rd and meet this little theater. I'm sure we'll keep hearing about the Cullen's Company. I, for one, am really anticipating their next surprise._

"Well … that was … uhm … _interesting,"_ Jasper finishes with a wary frown.

I chuckle. "Uhm … it was … great, actually … Yes, great!"

"Great," he repeats, unsure.

"Yes. It's not as if I actually expected a good review. It's not really a memorable play, as he said, and I don't think I've ever read something _nice_ about any company but the most traditional and famous ones, sometimes not even about them. But I really appreciate the fact that he didn't eat us like hungry vultures, and he actually said some great things about the Company, if not about the play.

"Yes, we have great actors, and I'm really happy and exited they paid attention to the staging design all around the theater, and that he accepted it. It certainly gives me hope they won't be too shocked when we introduce them to the new Cullen's Company … yeah … it's actually great! Maybe he'll even make people curious enough about the play, and they'll come and see us," I smile.

"Well, if you're happy, I'm happy. I don't really understand a lot about your company and the way reviews and publicity work. I'm just glad you'll be a great success this season," Jasper smiles, reaching and kissing me again.

I sigh, relieved. Maybe things are starting to look up. With the Company being successful, me making what I'm really passionate about, Jasper and I finally being together, and Jasper quitting that awful job, maybe everything will really work out.

"I think this calls for a celebration," Jasper murmurs in my ear, kissing me softly below it and nuzzling my neck.

"Yeah …" it's all I'm able to breathe out.

I close my eyes and let him place soft kisses along my neck and jaw. How much I love having Jasper's exclusive attention. I turn around in my stool to hold his shirtless beauty. I enjoy having him skin to skin, caressing him softly and peppering kisses over every inch I can reach.

I lace my fingers through his golden curls and pull them hard to take his mouth again: luscious, wet and hot. I moan when Jasper reaches around me to pull my hips into him. I surround him with my legs, grinding into him and pulling him harder to me.

"I'll take you out tonight," Jasper says breathless, "a date. We've never been on a date before, baby."

"Uh-huh"

"Would you like that?" he asks while licking my neck up to my ear. "Will you come out on a date with me Edward?" he murmurs.

"I'm officially out, right?" I answer smiling, "Will _you_ come out on a date with _me_?"

"Semantics," he murmurs over my heated skin, making me laugh. "We have a date tonight, then."

I can only answer him with a moan when he cups my erection over my khakis with his warm, strong hand. He starts stroking me softly, with maddening barely-there caress, and when I try to gain more friction, grinding my hips against his hand, he takes it away, making me groan.

I bite his earlobe; pulling it between my lips and making him shudder. I smile in amusement when I bite a little too roughly over his shoulder too, making him yelp in payback for leaving me panting in need.

"Stop teasing me, and make love to me, Jasper," I breathe against his lips.

He starts fumbling with my fly like a desperate child waiting for Christmas, and I laugh, fumbling with his fly in the same manner. We're fools, stupid, sappy fools, and I love it.

I finally take his erection in my hand, and I moan at the feeling of it still hardening in my fist. The incredible feeling of his warm, velvety length hardening in my hand is enough to make me twitch in anticipation and need. I lean in to take one of his dark, perfect nipples into my mouth, licking it around the hard nub at first before enveloping it in my lips and sucking. I relish every twitch, every pulse and every pearly drop of precum from his beautiful cock in my hand.

I cry out loud when I finally feel his hand inside my khakis; his calloused, strong fingers barely reaching the skin of my own member, before surrounding me completely with his strong hand. I love this man's hands, and his lips, and his tongue, and his skin, and … every little, perfect inch of him.

He pumps me in his fist slowly, making me pant and groan and bury my face into his neck to stop my shudders. I still don't believe I can feel so much pleasure. I had thought that our libido and our _need_ for each other would run out eventually after a few months of constant, almost daily ravishing, but it hasn't. It only gets stronger and stronger. Every day I discover a new pleasure spot on his body, or a new beautiful patch of skin that glows different on the sunlight or the moonlight. Everyday I discover a new thought of him, or a new opinion on different subjects or a new point of view, and it all draws me to him even more.

"I love you … all of you," I murmur into his collarbone, unable to keep it to myself.

He pulls away from me, just enough to look at my eyes with his beautiful ones and the look on his face takes my breath away. It's so full of wonder, and lust, and promise, and love, and trust; it's overwhelming. I gasp again when he starts moving his hand around my cock, and I have the overwhelming need to close my eyes and throw my head back in pleasure, but I find myself completely unable to look away from his sparkling eyes. I start my movements too, watching in wonder his dilated pupils and his eyelids about to close but stopped just in time.

I hear his quiet gasps, and I work hard to keep mine quiet too. I'm not sure what this is, but it feels incredible. I feel his hand working on my cock at a steady, erotically slow pace, moving up and down, up and down my now slick length. His hold on me is firm and sure, he knows me just as much as I know him and his body. I pace my thumb over the slit at the head of his cock making him gasp and furrow his brow in pleasure. I tighten the hold around his member at the base of his cock, and I'm rewarded with him twitching in my hand.

I feel so close to him right now. Here, at the kitchen of our home, in a sunny Sunday morning at the city; me still sitting on a stool, him standing up in front of me. We both still have our pants on; Jasper's pooling around his knees and mine just open enough to let my cock free, and all that we're really touching of the other are our legs and our hands over each other's members. And even when it's not the most romantic setting, not the most intimate act we could be sharing, the look on his eyes makes me feel so fucking close to him, so in tune, that some part of me is beginning to get afraid he's going to swallow me whole. I'm about to get completely lost into those beautiful, blue eyes, and I don't really have a care in the world. It would be perfect if I could just live inside him.

He adds some pressure and speeds up his movements, making me focus again in the sensations he's provoking on me. I comply with my own movements, and he takes a deep breath, finally closing his eyes and stepping even closer to me. I lean my forehead flush to his and breathe in the warmth of his breath over my face, let out in his soft, quickening gasps elicited by my hand over his delicious cock.

"I love you, I love you," he whispers like a soft mantra, "I love you … so much,"

I feel the tightening of my muscles and that delicious, electric warmth spreading from my lower abdomen. I'm about to cum, and all I can do is gasp even more and speed up my movements over him.

"Cum, cum Jazz, cum with me … love," I chant between gasps, and I finally let out a loud cry when I feel my deliciously, powerful orgasm hitting me completely. I welcome it, closing my eyes and burying my head in Jasper's damp neck. I smile in my ecstasy when I feel Jasper's pulsating cock spreading his warmth over my fingers; his hot, liquid pleasure overflowing in my hand with my name on his lips.

We hold each other for awhile, coming down from our pleasure high once more to the Earth, and I smile, nuzzling his neck and pulling him farther to me into the stool; I'm sure his knees are about to give out if his orgasm was anything like mine.

"Wow … that was …,"

"I know," I finish for him, smiling and unable to put a name on it.

"Love you," I kiss him again all over his shoulders and neck.

Today is going to be a great day.

( )

"Baby, I need to talk to you about something," Jasper calls me after a deliciously long shower, making me a little nervous.

"Ok," I warily sit down with him on the bed and wait for him to start.

"Well, you know that this is my last case Edward, and I've told you most of the important details about it. You know this is a really difficult one, and I came to some conclusions yesterday that I want to discuss with you. I know it's not fair of me to ask, but I'm going to ask something from you, and I would really appreciate it if you could consider it and not make a big fuss about it, ok?"

"Ok," I answer warily again, but I just don't know what could be so important, and I've never been one to agree with something I don't even know.

"Well, remember my suspicions about someone inside the Department?"

"Yeah,"

"I don't want you to be scared Edward, but I realized that the attack I suffered a few days ago is related to the case and my suspicions. Remember what I told you about some guy in Narcotics that I don't trust?"

I nod.

"Well, I _know_ he's the one that's been giving the information to _Los Volturi_. I still don't know how important he is inside the organization, or even how to prove my suspicions, but, baby," he reaches out to take my hand in his, "this is getting dangerous, and I can't have you here while I gather proof and information against Aro. They already got to me once, and it was a warning baby," he strokes my cheek softly with his free hand, and I close my eyes. I know what he's asking, and I don't want to. It's not fair.

"I don't know what I would do if something happens to you," he whispers.

I sigh.

"I understand how you feel about this Jazz, but you can't really expect me to leave you in a moment like this. I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that you're in danger, that if I leave maybe I won't … I'll never …" I choke out, unable to voice those sentences. _What if you're not here when I come back?_

"Please baby," he whispers, sneaking his hand around my neck and pulling me to him with our foreheads touching once again. I like this gesture; it's starting to be like _our thing_. It's intimate and loving, just having his forehead pressed against mine, our eyes closed, our mixed breaths whispering to each other.

"Please Edward, let me finish this. It's about to end, and then I can be free and be with you. Just the both of us baby, until you get tired of me and kick me out to find a job," he jokes with a soft smile. "Please …,"

I sigh defeated. I can't imagine what a hell being apart from Jasper in a moment like this will be. I'm sure I won't be able to sleep or have a peaceful day going nuts about Jasper's safety, but I also know him. He won't be able to concentrate if he's worried about me, and that could be even more dangerous to him. I would never forgive myself if something bad happens to him because he was distracted with my well being.

"I'll need to talk to the guys and make some arrangements," I whisper.

He smiles with his eyes shut.

"Thank you, thank you baby. I'm really sorry, but it'll be better this way Ed, I promise,"

I pull away from him for a minute, thinking about something.

"But, where will I go Jasper? I thought I could stay with my parents at first, but that's not really an option right now,"

I know that if it was necessary they would take me in, no matter what, but I would really like to give them some space and not impose on them now that our relationship is already strained.

"I was thinking about it Edward, and I thought that maybe we could call Alice and ask for her house again."

"Mexico?" I ask suspicious. "Just how dangerous is this for you to be thinking about getting me out of the country?!"

"It's not like that Edward. I just thought that it would be safer, and I know you really liked it there."

"I really hope that you're not lying to me Jasper Whitlock," I state seriously, "and yes, I liked it, but I'm thinking it was more about the company than anything else," I smile before frowning again, "I'm sure it won't be as pleasurable if I'm just pacing around worried nuts about you."

"I know …. Let's make a deal. If I finish quickly enough, I promise you to meet you there when this is over, and we can take another vacation. How about that?"

I sigh again. I suppose I don't really have too much choice in the matter anyway.

( )

So our date turned out to be a goodbye party after all, as I'm leaving for Mexico this afternoon.

I'm sure Jasper planned our date that way, because he already knew I would be leaving, and even when I wanted to be mad with him because of it, I couldn't really find it in me to waste or last few hours together brooding about something stupid. We went out to dinner, and he even surprised me by taking my hand over the table in the restaurant and ignoring the few stares we received. We spent the night making passionate, desperate love, and now I'm alone with Jasper's half-drunk coffee getting cold over the kitchen bar and dreading my coming trip in contrast to the last one.

I really, really hope everything's going to be alright.

I packed my suitcases early this morning, and I'll leave them by the door to get them later. There's something I have to do first.

Arriving at Lillian's coffee shop, I smile when she comes out to greet me with a big smile and her warm arms open for me. I get out of the car and make my way to her.

"Hello Lillian."

"Good morning, hon. How are you? I must say I wasn't really surprised when you called this morning,"

"You're too perceptive for your own good, Lil."

"Come in. I'll treat you to a cappuccino and a strawberry cheesecake. How does that sound?"

"Just like I said, too perceptive, Lil."

After a few minutes in companionable silence and after my embarrassing moans over her cooking skills, she finally pats my hand with hers.

"So, how are you feeling Edward?"

"I'm ok, I guess. I don't really understand her Lil. I don't know what I expected of them, but I certainly didn't expect my mom to react this way."

"Well, it's different for every person Edward. I had a few years to get used to the idea of Jasper's sexuality. It never came as a shock because all his life he had these crazy theories about people and sexuality. I never agreed with them, but they did make sense when I finally understood the reason for them.

"Esme never had to think about it. For her, your sexuality was never in question. Of course we both noticed how close you and Jasper were, but she passed it off as you both knowing each other for years, and I passed it off as Jasper's free self. I never thought you would return Jasper's feelings one day. Of course I was happy. He's my son Edward, and you two seemed so happy together, but imagine her shock.

"We mothers have all these dreams and hopes for our kids: family, love, success. Imagine all of that crumbling in just an instant, with just a few, completely unexpected words. Her whole, perfectly ordered world is suddenly upside down. She might be wondering how she never noticed. She's probably questioning herself about every little thing she knew about you, because if she couldn't notice something like this, then what else could she have missed?

"She's not disappointed in you hon. She's scared and disappointed with herself for not seeing this sooner. She just doesn't know how to handle something like this."

I frown, thinking about everything she said. It makes sense, but I don't like the idea of my mom being so confused and out of her comfort zone. I know my mom. I know how important it is to her to feel in control over her life and her family. Yes, I was raised in a financially comfortable family, more than comfortable actually, and I don't think my mom had a lot of things to get over. I can imagine how scared she must be now that her own son is out of her control, out of the perfect path she imagined for me.

I know I never considered leaving that perfect path until just a few months ago. I never questioned it. The job, the house, the girl and the family. I was halfway, but Jasper changed everything and gave me so much more.

"So I should give her time,"

"Yes. Don't worry, Edward. She has your father and Alice to help her gain perspective. They won't let her take too long. Besides, she really loves you. She won't be able to hold on this estrangement for too long, either."

I smile at her. "Thanks Lil. I really hope you're right. Maybe I don't see my parents as often as Jasper comes to see you, but I really love them, you know? I miss them …"

"I know Edward. She'll come around. In the meantime, I'm here whenever you need me,"

"Thanks Lillian. Actually, I'm about to make a small trip to Mexico. My plane leaves in a few hours."

"Really? Well, I hope it'll distract you from everything. You need space, just like Esme,"

After talking about other, more pleasant themes, I finally find the opportunity to talk to her about the other reason for my visit.

"Lillian, I wanted to ask you about Jasper's father, if that's ok. I just … Jasper seems to have some issues about him."

She smiles sadly. "You noticed it too? I don't know where he got some of his ideas, that boy. My Joseph was a fine man, a loving, caring father and husband. He had deep values and morals, and that's what he tried to teach Jasper, but it seems like somehow Jasper twisted everything up in his memories. We don't talk about it often, but I've tried to make him see what a wonderful man his father was."

"Do you think he would've been uncomfortable with our relationship? You know, Jasper's sexuality? Jasper's seems to think that by staying with me, he's somehow giving up his father's teachings and love," I say quietly.

She frowns. "But what a stupid thought! My Joseph might've been a traditional man with conservative beliefs, but the only thing he really believed in was his family's happiness. I'm sure he would've accepted and loved Jasper just as he is, no matter what. He just wanted him to be happy.

"I don't think I've ever told Jasper this, though. I never thought it was necessary, but thank you Edward. I think Jasper and I need to have a long talk sometime soon."

"I would really appreciate it Lil. Jasper loves you both so much. I just want him to be happy and free. It doesn't seem fair for him to be torturing himself over some wrong notions he has over his dad."

"You do love him, don't you?" she asks smiling.

"I do Lil. With all my heart,"

"Good. He loves you too, just as fiercely."

"I know."

I'm smiling on the way home. I feel silly sometimes. I don't think I smiled this much before … before Jasper. How much he has changed my life … for good, all for good. I don't want to leave him, but things really seem to be getting better and better. Maybe when we finally get together again he won't be feeling the whole weight of his father's ghost over his shoulders. Yes, I know I'm hoping too much, and it scares me, but I really hope everything works out fine.

Suddenly something explodes at the front of the car, and a lot of smoke comes from under the hood.

"Shit!"

I park at the side of the road, and when I get out of the car, another car pulls up beside me, blocking my path. I lift my gaze to look at the black van blocking me from the street, and I start feeling fear the moment the side door slides open.

A masked man jumps out of the van with his fist in the air. I feel the sharp pain on my jaw and then even sharper pain when the back of my head hits the roof of the car. I'm barely aware of two strong hands grabbing my arms painfully before darkness finally engulfs me.

_Jasper._

* * *

See why I didn't want to leave you all with a three weeks cliffie? I know you hate them and I apologize, but this was necessary. I promise not to maul Edward too much if you review!

Thank you for reading!


	24. Hold On

**Undeniable Attraction**

Thank you all for you reviews and your love for the story! I really appreciate it. Thanks to those who added me to your lists too!

Here's chapter 24, most likely second to last, so I hope you enjoy it!

A big shout-out to my incredibly talented Betas, Tammy and Susan for their incredible job! Especially Tammy's help with the medical stuff and some rephrasing. I wonder how she gets what I want to say sometimes!

**DISCLAIMER: All ch****aracters are property of Stephanie Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

Chapter 24  
**Hold O****n**

**EPOV**

_Where am I?_

I started to regain consciousness a few minutes ago, and I still don't know where the fuck I am, how I got here, or what happened at all. I start to move my limbs, or attempt to move them is more accurate, as all I've been able to move are my feet and hands. I can feel the restraining, painful pressure of _something_ holding my ankles and wrists together, but I can't figure out anything else.

Why am I still in the dark? I'm almost sure I have my eyes opened, but I can't see anything but darkness. As my consciousness keeps returning, the numbness dissipates, and I really wish it wouldn't. I start to recognize my aching body. Aching ankles, aching legs, painful injury on my left knee, aching hips, aching stomach, maybe from hunger if the grumbling is any clue, too painful shoulders, arms and back, maybe because of the position in which my hands are tied behind my back, and my head … fuck, my head hurts like a son-of-a-bitch.

I'm on a hard surface, maybe the floor, and it smells earthy and humid, and I'm cold. So. Fucking. Cold. I'm barely able to keep the shivering at bay. I can't see anything.

Suddenly, a bright light appears from nowhere, and I cry out in pain at the sharp needles digging in my eyes.

"Aw, sorry to disturb you," a cold, raspy voice comes from the light. "You're not supposed to be awake up yet."

_Where I am? Who are you? Why am I here?_ I need to ask; I try to ask with all my might, but I realize that just pathetic, whimpering sounds are coming from me. What is wrong with me?

Before I can dwell too long on it, a violent rush of cold, fucking freezing water falls over me, and all I can do is cry out in pain again, in cold. It feels like a hundred sharp blades are digging into my skin, making me shiver even more violently until I'm too exhausted to do anything more but close my eyes again and let my mind float into the calm, warm numbness.

"Sweet dreams, beautiful prince," I hear the sing-song, mocking voice and a sharp laughter before I'm out once again.

_My Jasper…_

**JPOV**

I yawn for the tenth time, and I just arrived to the station a few minutes ago. I'm really tired, but nothing would've kept me from spending my night the way I did. I smile into my mug, sipping at the hot, reassuring coffee.

After our dinner last night, our first date, we spent the night making love. It's been awhile since the last time we spent the whole night awake, making love like fool, horny rabbits and talking about stupid things in the meantime. I enjoyed it a lot. I just hope I can survive with those memories until we can be together again. The _need_ to be with him all day yesterday and all night long was just overwhelming. I couldn't bear to close my eyes and waste my last night with him in God knows how long _sleeping_; it would've been almost sinful. So no, I'm not regretting my lack of sleep, at all.

I smile wider, chuckling at our last time.

_It was about three in the morning when I woke up again. I guess we just fell asleep after the second time. I lift my head a little to look at my beautiful angel sleeping peacefully in my arms. I relish the warmth of his body flush to mine, his strong back pressed to my chest and his delicious ass pressed snugly into my hips. I can feel myself stirring awake with the small movement of my hips against his body, and I almost laugh at myself and my incredible need for him. _

_I softly nuzzled into his warm neck, trying to decide if I wanted to wake him up or if I preferred to let him keep sleeping. It was almost morbid the way I was exited by the prospect of having him completely unaware and at my mercy. How long would it take him to wake up? Would he be mad that I started to play without him? That I adamantly took advantage of him in his vulnerable state?_

_I couldn't help myself when I finally took my arm from around his waist. I pulled the covers down to his feet, discovering slowly every glorious inch of his naked, pale skin. I felt a shiver running through my spine at the small goose bumps spreading over his otherwise smooth skin. I wasn't overly worried about him being cold. I would warm him soon enough._

_I ran my fingers along his flesh, ever so softly from his deliciously muscled thigh, all the way up to his waist and down to his beautiful chest. I heard his breath catch in his sleep when I caressed his nipple with my fingertips, feeling the little nub hardening at my touch. _

_I reluctantly pulled myself back from his warm body to be able to really look at him; his sleeping form slightly hunched over himself in an almost cute position, and I smiled when he unconsciously moved back a little as if missing my body flushed to his. I reached out for the bedside table with a more wicked smile than before, thinking about all the naughty things I was about to do. _

_Naughty indeed, taking advantage of my poor, unsuspecting, sleeping boyfriend._

_With a healthy amount of lube on my fingers I enveloped him again with my warm body, listening him sigh contently in his sleep. I reached around him and with little effort found my prize. I enveloped his deliciously sweet member in my slick hand, feeling his breath catch again and stir a little. I made my movements soft and steady, so as not to wake him up too quickly. I was certainly enjoying seeing how long it would take me to wake him up._

_He was hard in an instant, and I felt him growing in awe. After our two previous, delicious orgasms, I wondered how he could get this hard so quickly. Then again, I was hard as steel too, just by waking up with my cock nested between his ass cheeks. I pumped him for a little while, and when he was finally as hard as I was, and I could feel his quick breathing in his back pressed against my chest, I pulled back again._

_Softly I nudged his top leg with my knee to make him roll a little over onto his side, so that he was partly on his side and partly on his stomach, leaving his bare, beautiful ass at my complete mercy. I poured more lube on my fingers, and pressing my chest against his body once again, I left his hips free to be able to tease him and prepare him._

_I made the first caress with the slick fingertip of my middle finger along his ass crack. He made this grumbling sound in his sleep, but rolled just a little bit forward, opening up for me. I started slowly, with the softest caresses along his ass crack and around his entrance. Once or twice I stopped at his perineum, eliciting the most delicious moans from him, and I even ventured a little further to his sack, making him thrust his hips into the mattress. After a decent teasing, I finally pushed a little into his entrance, pushing and pulling my finger softly a few times until I got access to that warm heaven. _

_He shifted once again, his breathing labored and now moaning and groaning in earnest. I wondered what his mind would be conjuring in his dreams to explain the sensations I was causing with my actions. I let my finger explore him in earnest, basking in the soft sway of his hips pushing into my finger and then into the mattress with every thrust of my hand. In a few minutes I pushed in a second finger, making him grunt and open up wider to accommodate the intrusion, and in no time at all he was moaning again, pushing into my hand and mumbling incoherencies along with my name._

_Good thing he's dreaming about me._

_After a few minutes of fucking him with my three fingers, my cock was leaking with precum and swelling beyond the imaginable with my need to be inside that hot heaven._

Even remembering it has me shivering and hard again, here in my cold office.

_Throwing my little game out the window, I finally couldn't wait any longer to bury myself inside him. I pulled my fingers out of him, earning a frustrated whimper and a jerk of his ass looking for me. So I positioned myself at his side, and wrapping my arms around him, I pulled him to me on our sides again, with his back to my chest._

_I lifted his top leg with my hand and suffering a little in my need to find his entrance with my dick, I finally felt it and started pushing in._

_He arched his body against me, his breathing coming out in loud gasps as he reached behind him to place his hand on my hip._

"_Oh my fuck, Jazz," he gasped while I kept pushing inside him, letting me know I finally managed to wake him up. Just in time, I smiled into his neck._

"_Sorry to wake you up," I murmured when I was finally all the way inside his delicious, perfect body, completely unable to keep the ecstatic, stupid smile from my voice._

"_I certainly don't mind being awakened like-," a loud moan interrupted his sentence when I pulled out from him, just to push inside again, "-this,"_

_There was certainly no more talking as I moved in and out of him, slowly and then faster, just keeping us both on edge. I sneaked my free arm under his head so that I could envelope him completely, embracing him with my hand pressed against his tightening abdomen. Every once in awhile he would turn his head to the side to press his mouth into mine, swallowing our moans and grunts, and other times, I would bury my face into his neck to press wet, passionate kisses and love bites all over his neck and shoulder._

_I was certainly in heaven._

_After a long time getting to the edge just to be pulled back, I couldn't hold it anymore, and judging by Edward's desperate moans of "Harder, please!" neither could he. I freed his leg from my hand and reached around to his leaking cock, touching him at last. It just took us a few, really hard thrust and pumps of my hand before I felt him shivering and gasping at his orgasm, his cock twitching in my hand and his inner muscles clamping around me, spurring my own. I cried out loud when I finally stilled inside him, and I gave a few more thrusts to ride my delicious, sinful, toe-curling orgasm inside his body._

I snap out of my little wet dream when Maria snaps her fingers in front of my face. What a fucked up way to wake up from my delicious memories!

"What the fuck!"

"I've been talking to you for the past five minutes and you just have this glazed look all over your moron face. What the fuck was that?"

"None of your business," I mumble stupidly, "So what brings you here at this early hour to torture me?" I ask a little more snappish, recovering quickly from the embarrassment of being caught having a wet day-dream.

"Well, do you remember the case we're working on, the one with all your evil suspicions and crazy theories? Well, we're supposed to be spending every single minute trying to solve it, so that I can get my Vicky back sometime soon, and I don't have to daydream about fucking her while in the office like the horny moron sitting in front of me,"

I can feel my skin getting hot with embarrassment, and it's fueled with the certainty that I have now a pathetic pink flush all over my cheeks. Of course she would've caught on. She is obviously is the smartest, most observant one at the office, and of course she would have to be my partner.

"Whatever, Rodriguez. So what're the plans for today?"

She mercifully leaves it at that and finally takes a seat while sipping at her coffee.

"I talked with Sam on Saturday, as you requested, and explained him the situation to him. He's not overly confident, but you know how much he believes in your skills. He said he would give you the benefit of the doubt, and gives us two days to gather the proof we need before alerting Narcotics. We have a meeting in half an hour with him and other team members to make plans and discuss everything."

"Ok. Let's see how this goes."

"So you sent Edward away?"

"Yeah, he's actually leaving today, in a few hours. He wanted to do some things first and leave everything running, you know, with his play and all."

"Of course," she snorts, "You couldn't find anyone more responsible and more of a perfectionist. I'll never understand how he ended up with you," she teases, and even when I _know_ she's teasing, I can't keep myself from thinking exactly the same thing over and over again.

"Well, you know, opposite poles and all that. Anyway, let's get prepared for the meeting. I don't want any detail to slip away."

( )

Sam ended up having a lot more trust in me than I could've imagined, and he gave us four other people to help us in the case. Peter and his partner Chuck, and other two guys joined Maria and me to gather evidence against Aro.

Maria and I decided to check up on the house he registered at the police files; Peter and Chuck went to investigate a small coffee shop registered under his wife's name; the other two, Derek and Luc, were off to the internal files to check anything that could be suspicious.

Our little raid at Aro's luxurious apartment at the East Upper Side, wasn't as successful as I would've liked, as we only found a few interesting pictures, some taxi tickets to the storeroom at the dock, and an unregistered gun, aside from the fact that it was suspicious that Aro could maintain such a place with the mediocre policeman salary and the pittance that his wife's coffee shop brought in.

The other two teams were much more successful.

Derek and Luc found out that one of Aro's brothers was wanted by the State of Washington for fraud and was suspected of drug dealing in three more states. Peter and Chuck though, were the luckiest. Their little check up turned out to be a surprise raid. It turned out that the small coffee shop was just a smoke screen, as they found three major criminals gathered there and about 10 kilos of cocaine; we think it was a distribution center for the dealers in the zone.

Jane, Aro's wife, ended up being an interesting case, too. I can't imagine how an 18 year old ended up being Aro's wife, a man around his 50's, but her persona was tough, arrogant and stupid. She dug he own grave when she refused a deal with the DA, and now we're almost sure that she's, in fact, _La Cantante._

So we gathered proof. We had our whole case almost put together, and now it was all in the hands of the attorneys and the judges. The missing piece now was Aro. He disappeared since Friday, and we've been unable to locate him all day. His apartment looked intact, no clothes evidently missing or other signals that he wouldn't be coming back, so we left a few agents surveying the building and his, along with his other two brothers' information were immediately sent out in an all-points-bulletin to all law enforcement agencies both national and international. We could only wait now.

I check my watch, finally in the quiet of my own office after a fucking busy day chasing through the city, and almost a three hour meeting putting everything together. Edward's plane left two hours ago, and I probably missed his call. I check my voicemail, and oddly, it's empty. I would've supposed he would've at least left a message, as I'm sure he would've known how busy I was going to be today. I hope he's not mad.

My eyelids are dropping closed, finally the lack of sleep is catching up with me. I'm going home.

"Are you staying, Maria?" I ask her at the hallway, closing my door and locking it up.

"Yeah, just a few more minutes. I just want to make sure everything is secured."

"We'll I'm leaving now, I did my job today. I hope we're done with this case soon enough,"

"Sure, see ya tomorrow. I'll let you know if we need you here,"

I'm not particularly thrilled to go to my lonely, cold apartment, but I really need some sleep. I really hope I can join my Edward in that heaven at the end of the week.

I unlock the entrance door and after a few steps in the dark I stumble over something and land gracelessly on the floor.

"What the f-… What the fuck is this?!"

I stand up and turn on the light. I don't know exactly what to make of what I see. It seems that I tripped over some suitcases, Edward's suitcases, as I open them to investigate. Why would Edward leave his suitcases here? I look around for some sort of explanation, a note or something, but there's none. I look around the apartment but there's nothing out of the ordinary.

After the third search of the apartment, my phone vibrates in my pocket, and I answer it immediately.

"Mr. Whitlock?"

"Yeah?" I answer stupidly, starting to sense the cold feeling of fear licking at the base of my spine.

"We found a car this afternoon at the side of the highway. It's a silver Volvo, and we traced the license plate to your address. Is it your car?"

"No, it's my partner's car, is he ok? Was he in an accident or something?"

"There was no one in the car, but it seemed to have a mechanical failure, and we found… some traces of blood. We-"

"Where is it? I'm on my way."

This can't be fucking happening! Everything was fine!

Edward was supposed to be safe and waiting for me in Mexico at the end of the week. I was about to quit that awful job and be a happy, foolishly in love unemployed figuring out what to do with my life while spending my days at the theater man.

Please no, please God, let Edward be ok, be safe.

( )

Blood.

Edward's blood on the roof of the car and over the driver's window. Wheel tracks at the side of the Volvo. An intentional mechanic failure. Those where the only trails on Edward's disappearance. I called the airport a few hours ago and confirmed that Edward didn't board his plane.

_Where could you be, love?_

A whole day passed, and I was about to go mad. How could someone disappear completely in a few hours?

I scoff. I _know_ how someone can disappear completely in a few hours, especially with Aro behind this and the whole Volturi crew to help, but for the love of God, I couldn't figure out where to find him.

The whole squad was now in the case, and I spent the whole night awake and reviewing every place connected with Los Volturi. At the end, we had two possible places left, and we decided to divide the squad into two teams due to the urgency of the situation. We didn't know in what kind of danger Edward could be, and God knows how hard I've been trying not to imagine it.

I need to be cool, unattached Whitlock right now if I want to be any good for him. I can't loose myself in despair if I want to find him soon and alive.

My team and I were currently driving to an old property at Brooklyn: an old three-story house that's been in Aro's family for a few generations and seemed to be uninhabited for about 20 years.

We round the property in silence: two teams on each of the houses at the sides, one team at the back street and the one led by me preparing to enter. With my hand signal two officers kick the door open, and we walk cautiously inside with our guns at the ready. A few start climbing upstairs to secure the other floors, and others divide to secure the current one.

A few seconds later a struggle begins at my left side, and we run into the dusty kitchen. With little effort the officers take into custody the four men there with just a few blows and minor damage to the officers. They seemed to be watching someone or something and my heart starts pounding frantically in hope.

"Where the fuck is he?" I yell at one of them.

I strike a blow to his stomach when I receive no answer, and the other officers tense but make no move to stop me. Good for them.

"I asked you a question, and I expect a fucking answer!"

"Where. The. Fuck. Is. He?" I ask again with a blow to his eye when they refuse to answer once again.

"He-," one of them starts, and I snap my head towards the sound to look into the eyes of a small, thin, frightened looking guy at the right of my punching bag.

"He what?" I ask into his face.

He swallows loudly, looking at the guy at his right from the corner of his eye, and I narrow my eyes at him. I lift my arm for the first blow before he stutters in fear, "He- he's in the- in the b- basement,"

I turn on my heels in a second and make my way to the door below the stairs.

"Take them!" I command loudly, and everyone starts to move around.

I kick the door opened and make my way downstairs, my heart pounding in my ears and the coldness of the fear enveloping me.

_Please, let him be Edward. _

_Please, let him be ok._

_Please, let him be alive._

I narrow my gaze trying to see in the darkness of the basement, only dimly lit by two dusty windows leading to the street. I find the chain to the light at the end of the stairs and I turn it on.

"Can you see him? Can you hear anything?" Maria whispers behind me while I survey everything around us without success.

_Please, let him be alive._

"No, can you?"

"No,"

With my heart pounding at my ears I move around, already a little dizzy with the powerful smell of humid old air and the adrenaline and fear for my Edward.

"Fuck, he's not here Maria," I complain desperately.

"No, he has to be, Jasper. What would the men upstairs be watching over if he's not?"

I know she's right, of course, but I have no clue where he could be until I spot a dusty old bookcase. I run to it with my heart almost pounding out of my chest, and lifting it slightly, I move it a little, spotting a metal door behind it.

"Here," I call, immediately hearing them running at my side to move the bookcase completely out of the way.

I reach out with trembling hands to unlock the rudimentary door, fearing what I might find inside as much as _needing_ to find out.

_Please, let him be alive_.

I unlock the door and push inside.

I blink a few times to adjust my eyes to the complete darkness inside the room.

"Shut up!" I yell to those around me, and they all immediately fall silent.

I can hear a whimpering sound coming from the darkness, and my heart pounds in fear and excitement, hearing my own loud gulp and the frantic pounding of my heart.

"Step out of the entrance," I instruct, needing the light of the basement to come inside this room in order to be able to see a little.

The whimpering increases pitifully, and I gasp when I finally spot a naked, shivering body on the floor. I drop to my knees with a lump in my throat, unable to reconcile the horrible sight before me with the beautiful, perfect angel that was my Edward just a few days ago.

I look in horror at his grey skin, only colored by the dirt of the floor and the bruises marring his flesh. He has caked blood on his face, hair and one of his legs, and his breathing is alarmingly slow and fragile. He keeps his eyes fiercely shut, turning his head from the light and whimpering slightly. I realize the light is hurting him in that moment.

I take him in my arms, enveloping his body, trying to bring warmth to his shivering, deadly cold body.

"I'm here, my love. I'm here Edward; it's me, Jasper," I murmur into his ear.

"Can you hear me, Edward?" I ask when he makes no sign of recognition, but he just keeps whimpering and shivering, and I start to doubt that he's even conscious at all.

He wraps his body around me, crying in pain at the movement, but I think it's only mechanical; his body seeking warmth, but his mind still shut down.

"Please, help me free him, and I need an ambulance and a few warm coats," I call loudly behind me; and they all start to move again.

Two guys come behind him to cut his ropes, and Maria gives me a heavy coat and a few blankets.

"Here."

I take them gratefully, and as softly as I can, I move Edward's arms into the coat, massaging his aching muscles and talking softly to him in reassurance. Maybe he can hear me, after all. His whimpering noises break my heart little by little. With every movement I'm able to see more damaged flesh, and his shivering and the coldness of his skin worries me a lot, along with his barely breathing and lack of consciousness.

"Everything is going to be fine, Edward. I'm here. I'm so sorry, love,"

Suddenly, a window of the basement is shot, breaking in a thousand pieces, followed by a gunfight just outside the house.

"What the fuck is that?!" I yell over the loud noise, feeling Edward tightening his grip around me.

After a radio call, Maria gets to my side.

"It seems it was a trap. They have us surrounded."

* * *

So what do you think? Let me know please!

Thank you for reading!


	25. Leave it all Behind

**Undeniable Attraction**

I can't believe this is it! I want to thank you all for your love and support along the story. It's been a wonderful experience, and of course I'll keep writing, it's become addictive!

Thanks to my beautiful Betas **Susan** and **Tammy **for their wonderful work on the chapter! Thanks to **mauralee88** for the fitting phrase she provided for this chapter. Thanks to all of my reviewers. Love you guys!

**DISCLAIMER: All ch****aracters are property of Stephanie Meyer, I just own my imagination, that is quite vast.**

* * *

"I fear they have awoken a sleeping giant"

( )

Chapter 25  
**Leave it all Behind**

**JPOV**

"It seems it was a trap. They have us surrounded."

"And how the fuck did they surround us?!"

"I-"

"We're the fucking Police, how did that-"

"I DON'T KNOW! I was here with you, remember? Now calm the fuck down and let's get outta here! I'll call for backup!" She turns around fuming, and I try to calm myself, remembering that I'm no good when panicked.

I hold my Edward tighter in my arms, feeling the faint rise of his chest with every feeble breath, and try to think quickly of a way out. I need to get him out of here, no matter what. I can come back later to deal with Aro and the fucking Volturi, but right now my only concern is getting Edward to safety and getting him medical attention. I have no idea how bad the damage to his body is, and I can only hope the damage to his mind is not nearly as bad as his body looks.

"I called for backup and they're coming, although I don't really know how bad the situation is out there. They've got about three times our force because we split in two teams to check out the two possible locations. It doesn't look good,"

I close my eyes just for a moment, trying to rid my mind of the loud noise of gunshots and screams outside the house. Fuck! I know I should be joining them and attacking those bastards. Maybe even Aro is there, and I'm a public servant after all, but I can't find the strength to pull me away from Edward, leaving him here on the cold floor, shivering, while I go out there to play the hero.

I can't.

I feel Maria's warm hand on my shoulder giving me a soft squeeze.

"They can handle it, Jasper," she answers my silent question softer this time, "You stay here with Edward, and some of us will go upstairs to guard you if they come in. The backup will come soon. You just have to hold on a little while longer. "

I just nod.

They help me cradle Edward in my arms, and I move us to the open space of the basement. I feel my stomach churning when Edward tucks his face into my chest, holding tighter to me and still whimpering at the sharp light of the lamp, but I can't stand to be in that small, dark room for another minute, imagining what could've had happened to him in there.

The rest of my team follows Maria upstairs, and I perch us in a corner of the room with Edward still in my arms. I hate the feeling of cowering in a basement while my men are out there risking their lives, but I just can't leave Edward. I realize I really don't have the heart to do this anymore, and I have to wonder if I ever had. Would I have chosen this career of my own free will if my father's expectations didn't pressure me into it? But another violent shake of Edward in my arms reminds me that this is not really the best time to question my life's choices.

I start rocking us softly, stroking my hands over his body, trying to give him some warmth and murmuring stupid things in Edward's ear. I feel the traitorous sting of tears in my eyes while I tell him how I had first discovered my true feelings for him. I tell him how it all started with that tingly feeling in my guts every time I would see him parading shirtless around the apartment, or how my mind would stop working every time he smiled at me that gorgeous, crooked smile of his, or how my breath would hitch every time he touched me somehow. I tell him how I burned with jealousy every time he dated some new brainless Barbie, or how suddenly I found myself seeking his company more frequently. I tell him all kind of stupid things while hearing the loud tumult outside this filthy, abandoned house and wondering if we would make it out of here safely.

I apologize to him too, for being such an asshole sometimes, for my stupid mood swings, and for all the times I've hurt him without even noticing it. I apologize for trying to leave him, and for putting him in danger with my recklessness. I apologize for every bruise marring his perfect skin, and for every drop of blood on his hair, and for every shiver of his sweet body. Will he want to be with me again after this?

I'm sure he'll hate me. I know I hate myself.

A loud bang resonates from upstairs and I tense immediately, gathering Edward as flush to my body as possible. I sharpen my hearing, trying to pinpoint what the noise was. Are they in?

A loud tumult upstairs answers my question, and I know they're inside the house, and probably fighting with my men upstairs. I swear under my breath, looking wildly around for something. I know I can't have Edward with me any longer as much as I want it; it makes us both vulnerable and useless. I see some boxes in the far corner of the room, almost behind the stairs. I know it won't be comfortable, but it's the safest place for my Edward right now.

I carry him through the basement and sit him on the floor, steeling myself to the whimpering sound when I pull away from him. I quickly arrange the boxes in a makeshift bed, and hurry to place Edward there, who curls into a tight ball and starts shivering harder than before.

"I'm sorry love, but it's better this way. I promise not to leave your side once we get out of here, baby," I murmur babbling while taking some of my clothes off to wrap them around him. I don't know how much of my babbling reassures him or me, but my mouth keeps running without my permission, and I'm not even aware of half the things I'm saying.

I place some of the boxes and stuff in the basement around Edward to keep him from view. It's all I can do before placing a last, lingering kiss on his temple and running upstairs to fight for him. I know I would die protecting him if that's what is needed.

I open the door, and look around wildly. With my gun raised in front of me, I try to decide what to do. Some of them are just shooting everywhere, others are just shooting to the ceiling, trying to create more commotion, and others are even fighting body to body. I see Maria punching a guy on the face and turning around to shoot another, and I run to help her. A hard body collides with me from my left side, and I turn around in an instant to catch my falling teammate while shooting his attacker right in the chest.

I look at the fallen body of the unknown man, feeling pity for just a second, and then I remember the pitiful sight of my Edward downstairs, all naked, and bloody, and shivering uncontrollably because of these fucking bastards. A whole new, unknown level of rage rises from my guts, filling me with its powerful feeling until my sight fills with red. I want them dead, all dead for what they've done.

I watch everything in almost an out-of-body experience.

I watch myself shooting right and left, punching faces and kicking groins.

I smash someone on the wall, hearing the crack of a skull and feeling _nothing_.

Another shot, right through the forehead of another nameless man.

I tumble with a body on the floor, and I just kick it out of the way before attacking someone from behind, and smashing another head on the threshold.

Somewhere inside me I know I should be sick with this whole thing; sick with the situation I'm in, sick with the blood and the number of people here, sick with my own actions, but I just can't feel it. I know this is wrong; this is all wrong, everywhere.

I turn around just in time to see Aro making his way through the mass of fighting bodies with two other guys behind him, and all my previous thoughts leave my mind. I smile wildly thinking of vengeance. I'll make him pay for every fucking bruise on Edward's body.

_You should've never crossed my path.._

I watch Maria taking one of the guys down, and I notice Aro is running to the basement. His fucking balls! Is he actually looking for Edward? I run all the faster, pushing some bodies out of my fucking way with no other thoughts but making Aro pay. I finally reach him, and pulling him forcefully by the shoulder, I have the great satisfaction of watching him fall at my feet.

"You looking for someone?" I sneer in his face, spiting the words.

I'm awfully joyful at the wide, completely shocked look on his ugly face, and without even thinking about it, I land my first blow on his nose, smiling at the beautiful sound of an unmistakably 'crack'. I land a second one on his jaw and a third on his cheek. Grabbing a fistful of his hair I smash his head on the floor one; two; three; four… until I feel arms pulling me away.

I watch wildly around me, trying to break free to get back to my private party, but the strong arms of Peter hold me in place.

"Calm down, Jazz," Peter speaks soothingly in my ear, "You're not yourself. This is not you, Jazz. Calm down," he keeps whispering, and I want to break free and yell that this is me, that this is fucking Whitlock when someone hurts what I love, but I just hear grunts coming from me like some wild animal, and I keep trashing in his hold.

I turn down to look at Aro's body barely moving on the floor and moaning pathetically. I look at his bloody, swelling face, and the churning feeling in my stomach returns with a vengeance. I'm not _this_: a wild beast able to hurt and take pleasure in it.

I turn my face around, unable to keep looking at him, and I'm greeted by another horrible sight. A fucking battlefield, filled with corpses and blood and writhing, whimpering bodies barely moving around. I realize the noise of gunshots is over, and I almost miss it as the silence just makes my disgusted conscience all the louder in my head.

I sigh, stopping my struggle and leaning in Peter's body for some kind of comfort that I know I don't deserve. I know now I should've quit earlier. How can I reconcile what I did with myself again? How to heal these scarred eyes, and knuckles, and soul? And how could an unmarred angel would want to be with a wild beast?

Peter holds me tight, surrounding me with his arms, and I realize my whole body is shaking with silent, defeated tears. I'm breaking apart. I know I'm braking apart, and I can't do anything about it.

"I'll go get Edward," I hear Maria saying, and I look up sharply. That's perhaps the only thing that could pull me together for a little while longer. I have to take him out of here. He's my responsibility, and if he doesn't want to be with me again, I'll at least be by his side every minute until he tells me otherwise.

"No," I clear my throat at the roughness of my voice, "I'll go get him. Is the ambulance here?"

I see the slight frown and questioning look on Maria's face, looking behind me at Peter, presumably. I feel Peter nod behind me and Maria relaxes a little. She gives me a soft squeeze on my arm, and I feel Peter relaxing his hold around me, releasing me.

"Come on,"

( )

I'm in a hospital room once again, only this time I'm not the patient. I wouldn't mind it being me if I could just spare Edward his wounds.

It's been four days from that awful day, and I'm sitting beside Edward's bed, holding his hand just as he did with me before and waiting.

Waiting.

I'm so fucking sick of it. I can't imagine how Edward waited for me to wake up when I was shot. I'm completely freaking out. I think the doctors and nurses hate me already for all the times I demanded answers on why doesn't he wake up, and what does that mean. I could never live with myself if some permanent damage lingers after this.

I haven't slept well either. I keep having nightmares and waking up abruptly, shivering and sweating after a couple of hours. My mind keeps going to that day. I clearly remember the moment we got to the hospital, hovering over Edward's stretcher until I was held back by some nurses. I was so frightened that the last time I saw Edward would be his figure disappearing into the closing doors of the Intensive Care Unit.

I remember Peter holding me in the lobby, and I can't remember how or when he got there until I felt him holding me together and whispering soft, meaningless reassurances in my hair.

I had another shock soon after that, when Peter led me to the bathroom to clean myself. I remember it so clearly. I looked at my image on the mirror, and I can't even describe the horror I felt. A beast. I found a wild, merciless beast as my reflection. Somehow, looking at myself covered in blood made it all real. I would've been able to delude my mind, saying it was all a nightmare, but when I saw my reflection covered in blood, and then felt the sticky substance drying in my fingers and my clothes, I just couldn't deny it. It was like a fucking blow to my stomach.

I remember turning around to empty the contents of my stomach in the toilet until I didn't have anything more inside me, and I just kept heaving, throwing up empty air. How I wished I could throw up the emptiness of my heart too.

I remember washing myself under the scalding water of the hospital shower, scrubbing and scrubbing until my whole skin burned, and even then I thought all the red hue was still blood. I knew the blood of my hands would never get off completely, ever.

My nightmares are filled with corpses and the deafening noise of gunshots. I fight and shoot all of them, enemy or ally alike, and I transform in a beast, an awful, disgusting, wild beast and attack everyone on my way, until I get to a dark basement where I find a shivering, naked body on the floor, and I dive in joyfully, tearing it's limbs apart with savage satisfaction until I look into Edward's beautiful face twisted in horror and agony; that's when I wake up screaming mostly.

I keep hoping that Edward will wake up soon and lets me know that he's fine, that everything is fine, and I fear the moment as much as I long for it, knowing that the moment he wakes up, my time beside him will begin a countdown. I never understood why he would love someone like me, damaged and marred, but now I'm broken beyond repair, and how would someone like him love something like me?

I look at his face, still bruised and pale, but slightly healthier than a few days back. How much I hate to see him like this, connected to all this tubes and needles, with the ventilator filling loudly the otherwise silent space. I don't talk to him anymore. What would I tell him? About what happened that day? About my nightmares? I remember again and again how it all started, my love for him, my impulsive kiss, that incredible trip to Mexico, our fights, our stolen kisses, our cuddling at night, our bright breakfasts. It all feels like another lifetime, a different universe now closed behind. How could we go back there, even if he wanted to? I feel my recurrent, mourning tears spilling over my cheeks. It hurts to think about the past, especially when it was so fucking beautiful and perfect, and now is completely lost.

A soft moan startles me, and I stand up immediately, hovering over Edward. He starts to stir slightly, and he squeezes my hand weakly, and I squeeze back. I feel the hope and joy filling my chest, and it all feels so foreign suddenly, it confuses me. I watch in fascination his eyes fluttering open slowly, sleepily, and I have the stupidest thought about how much more intelligent he is than me at not opening them quickly and letting the light burn his eyes. I have to chuckle at the ridiculous thought, and the soft tugging of my smile feels alien to me too.

He finally opens his eyes completely and blinking slowly, he finally focuses his sight on me. I can't help the happiness I feel at looking those beautiful, green eyes again after so long. _He's awake, he's awake_, I chant in my head, my heart filling with warmth every time.

"Hey," I murmur stupidly, but I'm rewarded with a relieved and happy smile lighting his whole face up, and making me respond in kind. I don't fucking care if he really doesn't want me anymore. He's safe, and awake, and he'll be happy, no matter what.

I can't help myself but to lean in a kiss his forehead softly, and then his temples, and his cheeks and his eyes, and I smile wider when he gives a weak chuckle.

"I knew you would come back," I murmur into his ear, and I notice I'm crying when my tears spill into his face and pillow, and I can't care about it in the least.

He places a hand on my neck and pulls me to his face, until I rest my forehead to his, _our thing_, I remember him saying once.

"I'll always come back to you, my Jasper. Always," he said to me some days later, when he was finally out of Intensive Care. I kissed him softly on the lips and tucked my face in his neck. I knew everything was fine then.

( )

**Six months later…**

**EPOV**

I smile looking at the sleeping form of my Jasper. He's curled up in the seat beside me with his head resting on my chest while I'm awkwardly pressed against the window. I don't really care, my Jasper keeps me warm, and I bask in his soft breathing and beautiful form; he looks like a child.

I was so looking forward to this trip, I'm happy we're finally on our way there. I keep imagining Jasper's face when I give him my surprise.

It's been a rough time for the both of us.

After the incident, we had the tiresome and hard task of picking up the pieces and pulling them together, or more accurately, _us_ together. So many things changed that day.

Jasper finally quit his job about a week later, after the case was officially closed and the leaders of _Los Volturi_ tucked away in jail. But we still had a long way to walk. We both started therapy almost right away, each of us working hard through our problems, and Jasper was left with the difficult, frustrating task of deciding what he wanted to do with his life now.

Jasper had the most to work on, starting with his problems before and then the ones after the incident, but it's been not a walk in the park for me either. After recovering physically from the hypothermia and the beginnings of frostbite on my toes, and being discharged from the hospital after making sure that everything was fine with my healing wounds, I noticed some things in me that were not normal.

I started to feel really paranoid when in open spaces, and I would feel extremely anxious every time Jasper would as much as leave my side. I started to get clingy and needed to be with company at all times, and I developed an unhealthy aversion to darkness. The nightmares were the worst though. I would be constantly awakened by them, sometimes by my screams and sometimes by Jasper's and his own nightmares. We were a mess.

The only thing pulling us together was _us_; the fact that we were still together and that we needed each other so much. I realize now that it was not really healthy, the way we were back then, but it worked for us at the moment and kept the little sanity we had left. Jasper started his therapy immediately after I was discharged; his boss put him in contact with a shrink who specialized in traumas and who was accustomed to working with police officers. After a couple of weeks, Jasper arranged my meetings with him too, so that I could work on the trauma of my abduction.

The past couple of months have been full of some interesting, intense, and hard work. We sometimes snap at each other, and we still need to be close most of the time, but we're slowly and steadily getting better. I'm better. I worked out my fear of open spaces and darkness within a few months and both, Jasper and I, are working slowly on our need to be with each other, turning to our friends and family to make a healthier relationship. My parents came immediately after they heard what happened, and even when they were really angry at Jasper, especially my mom, for him not telling them about it, I couldn't really blame him. I'm sure the last thing on his mind was calling anyone to explain the situation. I remember how hard it was to focus on anything else but Jasper while he was at the hospital after being shot. Needless to say, my mom had completely forgotten her problems with my sexuality, or at least she had never mentioned anything about it since then, not that she would have any other choice but accept us, with the way I needed to be touching Jasper every moment of the day, if she wanted to be near.

A soft moan and movement from Jasper brings my attention back to him. I frown a little when he moans again, and I know it's in distress. He jerks in my arms, and I immediately lean down to whisper into his ear softly, reassuring him that he's with me, and he's just dreaming, that he can wake up whenever he wants and that he's safe; that _I_ am safe with him. He told me about his nightmares, and I told him about mine. We needed to know those kinds of things about each other if we wanted to be able to help. After a few minutes he sighs softly and calms down again, nuzzling my chest and snuggling to me.

The nightmares keep coming sometimes, but they're getting more spaced and fuzzy every time. We're able to keep them at bay for the most part.

Our romantic life hadn't diminished in the slightest, and I have to thank God for that. As soon as I was discharged, we locked ourselves at home and made love like bunnies until we were too tired to be awake. We needed each other so much, a tangible reassurance that we were indeed there, together and safe and still madly in love with each other. Since then we're usually very sexual, being around the house for the most part. We used it as an escape from our own minds at the beginning, and a perfect way to reconcile after a particularly nasty fight. We're now working on it too, to make it healthier and keep it at bay enough to be able to work and go out with other people.

Hard work all of it, but now I finally feel that everything is coming around to its right place. We're finally able to make that trip, and I plan on making the best of it.

We get outside of the small airport, and I'm hit with that oppressing, salty air that warms my heart and body. I take a deep breath, letting the warm air fill my lungs. Obviously, I prefer the warmth over the cold since the incident. I feel Jasper taking my hand from beside me, and I turn around to look at him. I can't help the goofy grin taking over my face when I'm greeted with his wide, beautiful smile. Yes, everything is coming together for us.

We take a taxi, and once again traverse that small, scenic road to that magical place. I'm almost humming with excitement, earning an amused, questioning look from Jasper.

"I just can't wait to get there," I answer truthfully, not giving him the reason _why_ I want to get there so much, but he doesn't seem to notice.

I watch him for a moment, looking out the window. He was so quiet the first weeks after the incident. I remember I had to pick a fight with him to make him snap out of it. It wasn't pleasant. When he finally broke down right in front of my eyes after yelling hell at me, sobbing and screaming his hate for himself, but it was definitely more helpful than his annoying habit of keeping everything to himself. He's getting better too, I know it. Watching him today with that soft, peaceful smile on his face while looking out the window, and breathing deeply to fill his body with the warm air of the beach, confirms that this was a great idea and that he'll love my surprise. I can't wait.

We arrive at the small, white entrance of Alice's house… well, not really, and get our suitcases. This time I open the door, as I'm the one organizing this trip for my Jasper, and we go inside. I love this place, of course I do, with all its wild, colorful vegetation and clean skies and the relaxing sounds of the waves, but all I have eyes for is my Jasper. I watch in awe his sparkling, blue eyes widening a little, taking it all in. I watch that content expression on his face that I hadn't seen in months, and when he turns around with his arms opened just for me, I feel complete again, for the first time in so long.

I throw myself at him, sighing happily when his strong arms surround me tightly by the waist, and I feel his whole, beautiful body flush to mine in the hot weather. Alice told me once this was a place to heal wounds of the soul, and I believe it. I believe it now that my Jasper is finally becoming himself again, and that I already feel lighter and full.

"Happy anniversary, love," I murmur into his soft, warm lips, before diving in joyfully, and kissing him passionately, as just happiness and love can make you.

"Happy anniversary, Edward.

"I can't believe we're here again, I love it. Thanks for making me come," he chuckles, and I laugh silently too.

I had to talk him into this for about a month, because Jasper was being stubborn and didn't want to come back. He told me much later that he didn't want to laint his beautiful memories of this place with his depression and nightmares, but I convinced him that it would be good for us. It is our paradise, after all, and we can go back anytime we want.

"Well, now I can finally give you your gift," I whisper, feeling the excitement running through my body and my heart beating forcefully in my chest.

He looks at me curiously and a little embarrassed.

"But I- I didn't-"

"It doesn't matter. I wanted to give you this for a long time, and now I finally can, so don't ruin this for me," I scold playfully, making him smile again. I'm happily going to get used to that again.

"So, close your eyes. Come on! Now turn around…" I make a show of covering his eyes with my hands and make him walk around the patio to confuse him a little, until we get back to the place we started.

"Now open your eyes," I whisper into his ear from behind, and look in front of us to see what he's seeing.

I'm met with the beautiful view of the bay; white cloudy sky, blue sea, startling green vegetation and gigantic colorful flowers all around us. He smiles but looks at me confusedly.

"The trip?" he asks tentatively.

"Part of it, but not really," I smile wider.

After a few confusing moments I can't wait any longer, holding him from behind, with my arms around his waist I turn him around again to look at the beautiful house.

"The house," I whisper.

Jasper turns his head so fast I fear for his neck, and looks at me as if I grew a second head.

"What?!"

"The house. I bought it from Alice, only under the condition that she could borrow it any time she likes. Of course I agreed to it immediately,"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes," I chuckle, "I've wanted to buy a house here since our first trip, but we had so many beautiful memories in this house that I made a proposal to Alice because it wouldn't hurt to try, and she accepted.

"Welcome home, my love,"

He finally turns around, and I'm met with a fierce kiss, Jasper's hands roaming all over my body until he pulls back just a little to breathe deeply a few times. He looks sheepishly at me smiling, and I smile back, softly stroking his soft cheek with my thumb, and slowly leaning in to kiss his eyes, and then his nose, until we meet again in a soft, loving kiss, and our bodies intertwine again.

We've been working on making love again. Our lovemaking suddenly transformed into just primal fucking to forget our problems, and we lost our intimacy and care for each other in that department until we realized what we'd been doing. We're working now to connect intimately before the physical part, and hit the brakes before it gets out of control. Maybe soon we'll be able to meet the happy balance between lovemaking and fucking, as we thoroughly enjoy both of them, but in the meantime, we need to work on this… not that we mind terribly.

I smile again, taking his hand in mine and walking to the main house directly to the bedroom. It's just the way I remembered it. Huge, with its huge bed and its faithful couch and its beautiful balcony with floor-to-ceiling windows lighting everywhere. I leave him beside the bed, and turn around to open the huge windows, letting the warm air and relaxing sound of the waves and birds outside enter the room.

I walk slowly back to him, smiling softly at him and enjoying the sudden darkness in Jasper's eyes shining with love and lust. I treasure his constant need of me. Slowly I unbutton my shirt while still walking, one by one until the two ends are open at my sides, and I let the soft fabric drop at my feet.

I finally reach my Jasper sitting on the bed and I drop to my knees in front of him, between his thighs, and reach out to entwine my fingers into his wild, soft hair to pull him to me and trap his luscious lips within mine. This is heaven; my heaven is Jasper, my home. We kiss slowly, passionately, reveling in our taste and warmth and the delicious feeling of our lips together, until Jasper lets me in, and I attack his mouth with my tongue. Soft, hot, wet; my perfect sanctuary, where I explore thoroughly and caress him, devouring his mouth until I can't breathe, and I need to pull back for air.

Even then I keep kissing his face and jaw, as if I couldn't imagine anything better to do with my mouth but having it attached to this beautiful man, and I can't. I unbutton his shirt, too, with fumbling fingers while I keep kissing him, and he allows his warm, big hands to roam along my back and sides and neck; softly, lovingly, worshiping my body the same way I'm worshiping his.

I finally take his shirt off his shoulders and down his arms, and when it's off, I take his left hand softly in mine and lift it to my face, where I kiss his knuckles slowly, one by one, and then his fingertips and then his palm, all the time with Jasper watching me avidly, until he takes me from my nape again and pulls me to him into yet another passionate kiss.

"I love you so much," he murmurs into the skin of my neck, diving in to kiss and bite softly, making my whole skin tingle with excitement and warmth and arousal. He stands up, taking me with him and after a few kisses and caresses, he finally reaches for my fly to get my pants out of the way, and I respond in kind. In the next second we're finally naked, with our clothes lying everywhere on the floor and the warm air of the coast already adorning our skin with perspiration.

I gently lower him into the bed, and he pulls me with him by the hands, until we're in the middle, on our sides, still caressing and kissing the skin offered to us and looking intensely at each other. This is our place; this is our heaven; this is our home. We love each other so much, and I repeat it over and over into his skin, knowing how much Jasper needs to hear it to feel reassured, and I tell him with my voice and my hands and my mouth and my whole body entwining with his, surrounding him, until he has no doubts left, and he's free to love me equally.

I finally reach down to that perfect piece of humming flesh, and I take him into my hand, making him shiver in pleasure and moan loudly in my mouth. I stroke him slowly, surely, just the way I know he likes, and I respond in kind, shivering and moaning when he reaches for me.

We stroke each other languidly, no hurry, no pressure, just keeping each other hard and needy while exploring the rest of our bodies with our free hands and mouths and every free surface of skin. I release him after a few minutes, holding my arms around his waist to pull him hard into me and feel the delicious feeling of his cock rubbing with mine. I moan again, louder, feeling myself go wild and free, and I relish Jasper's strong hold on me, and the proof of his passion in the slick liquid sliding over our members.

"I want to taste you," he whispers in my ear, making me groan, and I want it too, as much as I want to taste him.

I arrange my body in a 69, still on our sides, so that we both are able to claim our prize without denying the other. I take a hold of his cock with my hand and languidly let my tongue sneak out and trace the hot pattern of his swelling head. I hum at the taste, liking my lips. This is all Jasper. I moan when I feel him responding in kind, and I realize this is one of my favorite games. He will follow my lead.

I lick him again, this time all along his beautifully hard member and shiver at Jasper's response on my own. I venture further and lick his balls, velvety soft and clean, and I moan loudly at the vibrations of Jasper's own moan against my sack.

"I told you it was a good idea," I cheekily say, but I'm immediately shut up by a hot mouth engulfing one of my balls.

I convinced Jasper to have our nether regions shaved this morning in the shower. We shaved each other nervously and slowly without any incidents (thank God!), and now we're enjoying the delicious result. It feels amazing.

Back to the task at hand, I slap Jasper's cheek for breaking the rules of our game, and he gives a little thrust of his hips in my face. I love it. I finally take his swelling head inside my mouth and suck, running my tongue all around and particularly along his slit. We're now moaning and groaning in earnest at the sensations, all traces of the game forgotten in favor of a good, delicious and thorough blow job. I lick and suck, bobbing my head, and trying to concentrate on making him feel good with his mouth attached to my dick in the most deliciously possible way. I fumble his balls in my hand, while I relax my throat to take all of him into my mouth, and I'm rewarded by his shivers and groans around my cock.

I won't last much longer, and in wanting to push him over the edge with me, I slick two fingers with my saliva and his precum and reach further to that perfect heaven between his ass cheeks. I round his entrance with my index finger, caressing all around and pushing in slowly while I keep sucking his beautiful cock. This time he copies my movements again, and my eyes roll to the back of my head at the sheer pleasure of the sensation.

We finally enter each other with out slick fingers, first one and then two, until our movements become erratic, and we're sucking breathlessly, still pulling our fingers in and out of our hot bodies. I feel it first, my stomach coiling and my hips jerking, until I feel myself releasing into the hot cavern of Jasper's delicious mouth. An instant later I feel his channel tightening its grip around my fingers and he jerks his hips, too, until my mouth is filled with his liquid essence, and I greedily swallow it all.

I slowly take my fingers out of him, releasing his softening member from my mouth and panting as if I ran a fucking marathon. I feel Jasper reaching for my hand and I comply, pulling myself up and turning again so that I can snuggle into his chest and enjoy the afterglow of that incredible orgasm.

**JPOV**

"My beautiful lover, my love, my Edward," I murmur between kisses, showering him in them along his soft hair and his temples and his forehead. I couldn't imagine being like this, with my Edward in my arms, in this beautiful place and without a shadow of doubt in my heart just a few months ago. I didn't think it possible. It all came apart after that fateful day, I thought it destroyed us both and that I, at least, would never feel like this again, so content, and full, and _happy_.

Yes, just plain, perfectly happy.

But my Edward is stubborn and he wouldn't let us fall apart. I don't know what I would've done without him, but now I don't have the need to even think about it. He's with me, and he will be forever. I know it now; I believe it.

I caress his perfect, beautiful body again and again, memorizing every single contour of his muscles again, passing that ticklish spot again and chuckling at the twist of his ribs, humming contently to his hands roaming my own body. I lean in and kiss him softly, pouring all my love and passion and need for him in that kiss, because I need him to know that I love him just as fiercely as he loves me. It's like suddenly being awakened from a long, heavy sleep. I can't remember too much of the past months, only that they were difficult, but being here is like coming back home, like waking up into the sunshine after a dark, fearful nightmare. And it was.

He transforms the kiss into a passionate, hungry one, and I just comply. Something inside me sighs relieved, knowing that he wants me and needs me as much as I need him. I hunger for him, and when he pushes me to roll onto my back, I hold him to me to get him on top. I roam my hands along is body until I have two perfect handfuls of Edward's ass cheeks, round, hard and perfect in my hands. I massage them thoroughly, eliciting a moan from him and feeling his delicious member hardening again against my hip.

"Hungry?" I ask him in his mouth.

"Always," he answers, and I can't find it in me to roll my eyes at the stupid lines we just delivered, as they are completely true.

I reach down to stroke him again, feeling him hardening completely in my hand and moaning again. I fucking love that feeling. He reaches out for the lube and sits straight over me, straddling my waist and playing a little with his fingers on my nipples. I open my legs for him to prepare me, but he just smiles and shakes his head, answering my silent question when he pours a generous amount on his fingers, and he reaches back to take my hard cock into his slick hand and starts stoking me slowly.

I throw my head back, closing my eyes for just moment, already imagining my cock buried into that hot heaven that is Edward. I'm panting and sweating, and I watch a sneaky drop of sweat running down from Edward's neck along his beautiful chest, and I sit over my elbows to lick it away with my tongue. We both groan at that.

I take a moment to ground myself again. Reaching for the lube, I pour some on my fingers and take them back to that deliciously hot place inside Edward, making him moan. He leans over me, releasing my cock and spreading himself open for me. I prepare him gently, softly, fucking him with my fingers with just enough force to keep him hard and panting over my shoulder.

"Please, please," he mumbles incoherently, and I know he's prepared enough for me. Pulling out my fingers, he scoots back to place himself just over my cock and slowly, looking directly into my eyes with those lustful, green eyes, he lowers his body down on me. This is just what I needed to make this a perfect moment. Everything that was, is in the past now. I don't care about it, and I have no intention to get back to it. This is real, all I need: Edward; his body, his mind, his heart and soul connected to me in this perfect moment. He is mine.

I hardly breathe, giving him time to adjust to my body filling him, and I'm delighted when just after a few deep breaths he is ready for me. He moves over his knees, lifting his body slowly and then impaling himself on my cock forcefully, making me gasp every time. We keep a steady rhythm, driving us crazy but unwilling to rush this, and let it be over soon. I reach out to caress his chest, pulling on his nipples and loving the sight of his head thrown back in pleasure because of me.

"You're an angel," I whisper, imagining a pair of perfect, feathery wings growing out of his beautiful back, and spreading magnificently around him in the soft light coming from the windows.

I steady his hips over me, and lifting my hips, I take my turn to fuck him in earnest. I'm mesmerized by the sight of my cock going in and out of his body repeatedly, combined with his loud moans and cries above me, and I reach out for his hard, leaking cock, tugging on it gently and stroking him firmly to bring him to the edge with me.

He stops me with his hands though, one on my wrist and one over my abdomen, stopping my movements.

"No- not, yet," he gasps breathlessly, and I smile because I don't want this to end so soon either.

I sit slowly, keeping him above me and still buried inside him. The new position makes me feel closer to him, as I'm now able to look into his gorgeous face and kiss his luscious lips. I hold him tight to me, and in a swift movement I tuck my legs below me, so that I'm now kneeling on the middle of the huge, messy mattress, with Edward straddling my thighs.

We groan loudly the next time I move my hips out, and then inside him again. The new angle bringing new, delicious sensations to our bodies, and making Edward tighter, if that's possible.

"You ready, baby?" I ask into his mouth, and he nods enthusiastically, making us both laugh a little at our sweaty, needy faces.

"Ok," I warn him, and in the next minute, I'm fucking him mercilessly with the leverage of my opened legs, Edward clasping his legs around me as if his life depended on it, jerking his hips in rhythm with my thrusts. Our cries are loud and arousing, and the smell in the air, salt and warmth combined with the scent of our sweat and arousal is heady, fogging my senses. This is just surreal; being here, connected with my loving Edward, loving him finally freely and being able to make him cry this loud in pleasure is warming my insides with that familiar, delicious sensation of my orgasm approaching.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Edward keeps repeating below my ear, and he keeps sucking and biting onto that spot with every trust of my hips.

I can't help myself but to keep burying my cock into his hot body over and over again, enjoying the tightness and warmth of him. This is bliss.

"I'm close, baby," I warn him and he buries his face in my neck, biting softly in the jointure of my neck and shoulder, and pushing me further into ecstasy. I cry out loud when I finally feel myself filing Edward's hot insides with my passion, and my love for him, because only he can make me feel this strongly. I realize I'm squeezing his hips painfully to me, maybe a little too tightly, but for the love of God that I can't make myself release my hold on him. He doesn't seem to notice it either when he tightens his legs' hold on my waist and digs his short nails on my back, biting hard on my shoulder and muffling his screams with my skin. My dick gives another twitch in pleasure when I feel his hot cum spilling over our stomachs, feeling his own cock pulsate with release. There's nothing like this.

We finally land forcefully on the mattress, spread and entangled in a mess of sweat, cum and saliva, and I never in my life felt so clean. I feel as if I finally left a heavy load somewhere on the road, and just now I realize they were things I didn't need. I feel light and filled and happy and… humming with excitement and love.

I reach for Edward's head resting over my chest and softly caress his soft, dampened locks of strange-colored hair. I remember with a smile how much I used to make fun of it when we were kids, making him mad. Still breathing hardly, I realize here's where everything started, in this bed, in this house, in this heaven, and that if I really want to, we can start all over again.

And I want to. I want so badly to leave all my ghosts behind.

I tighten my hold around Edward, relishing his naked body flush to mine. We start all over again, right in this moment. With Edward by my side, there's nothing I cannot overcome. We start now. Together, happily resting after the most incredible orgasm; sweaty and entangled and thoroughly satisfied.

_Happy_.

* * *

I hope you enjoyed my story. I really want to thank you all for reading and sharing this ride with me. I never imagined it would be like this, and I'm so happy with the way it all came out!

Thank you for reading!

-LIZA


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